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My wife scores high on Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. I try to do whatever I can to meet these needs for her but honestly sometimes I feel brain-dead because these are two of my bottom needs.

I try to help her out with household stuff, obviously--dishes, vacuuming, etc and I'm always telling her I love her and how much she means to me and the family, but I don't feel i'm doing it right.

Looking for responses from people with these needs specifically, and anyone else who has a good understanding. What can I do for her to let her know I care?
 

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i have the same challenge as these are my wife's main love languages also.

Have you asked her for feedback on what she likes you to do?

How long have you been seeking to fill these needs? If it is fairly recent, she may be thinking it will be a flash in the pan. Perseverence is important here as in so much else.

I think words of affirmation is quite dependent on the individual. I try to work out what my wife is thinking/feeling (not always easy as she is female and I am not) so as to try to 'say the right thing'. i do not always get it right.

Good luck and I hope you get some female responses.
 

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Acts of Service is at my bottom, but one of my best friends has this at her top... her previous marriage was the most stressful thing I ever seen over his doing things around the house, they fought over the garbage being taken out every single day.... basically he was lazy (really) and her resentment climbed to the sky... He was high on Physical Touch & this was at her bottom... they didn't last..

Sounds like YOU are trying to help your wife here... does this seem to brighten her mood...keep her happy?

I am 3rd with the Words of Affirmation....this is closely related to "Admiration" one might say...vocalizing it ...speaking praising in a variety of ways, little compliments... love notes.. .send an email with a love song in it expressing how you feel....(my husband is not a writer, but he'll do this on occasion and I love it)....it's showing you were thinking about her... or if you hear a special song on the radio- thinking of her...TELL HER when you get home, if she is right there - dance with her... . grab her hand, acknowledge you FEEL as the words in that song.

** I have the ultimate idea... if you have a variety of photographs of you & she over the years (or you could scan more)...Memories are very moving....Get a copy of Windows Movie Maker (our older computers came with this, I think it's free on the net)...

This program allows you to load all these pictures in there, then add Music (a special love song?)...and it makes the movie for you! When you share this with her... it will BLOW her away, heck she'll probably cry with appreciation... I did this for me & the husband and BLEW myself away ! .. then because of my heightened thankfulness for him, I blew him away... I made one of these for a friend & husband (scanning all her wedding photos) when she played it back for him, he got all mushy and it Upped something in their marriage for a time.. which they needed a Boost.

Windows Live Movie Maker Free

Words of Affirmations Ideas

Here is a couple on that list >>

- Email or print a picture of you and your spouse. Tell them why you like that picture so much. The memories you created, the fun you had, how hot they look, etc, etc

- Send out a private Facebook message to some of their closest friends and ask them to leave a random comment on your spouses wall telling/reminding them why they enjoy having them as a friend.

- Praise about your spouse to others while they are around.

-While laying in bed at night tell them you are so grateful to have gotten to have another day with them.
Words of Affirmation Examples and top tips for this Love Language

IMPORTANT: ONLY say what is heartfelt and genuine. Therefore adapt, omit and add to the following examples as required and be sure to offer words of affirmation every day.

As well as a list of examples, there is also advice for those who cannot readily think of anything great to say about their partner! Also see below for a variety of ways to convey words of affirmation, how to accept words of affirmation and compliments gracefully (very important) and what readers of the 5 Love Languages have to say about the book - why and how it helps.

Words of Affirmation Examples - for men or women

I love being addicted to you
You did a difficult job really well
I look forward to waking up with you every day for the rest of my life
I love being in love with you
Thank you for looking after me
Thank you for always being there for me
I love the unique way you giggle
I can’t get enough of you
I don’t know what I’d do without you
You are simply gorgeous
Thinking of you makes me smile
It makes me happy when I remember the time when we went to... / when we did ....
You have the cutest nose, ears, eyebrows ... whatever
You mean the world to me
I love the way you pay attention to detail when ...................
You’re doing great – don’t give up
You’re effort and persistence is astounding
I’m so glad you chose me
I really appreciate how I can always rely on you to ...................
I admire the way you ...............................
You look great
You smell delicious
Thank you for listening
Your support means so much
You’re a great Mother/Father/Step Mom etc.
Thank you for going the extra mile
No one does it quite like you – you’re the best
I’m here for you
You have a talent for ......
I love you, need you, want you
I feel blessed to have you in my life
 

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My husband also scores high on acts of service...and it's pretty low for me, so here are the things he does for me that are sweet and appreciated, but I see them as basic manners and not love.

1. Always stops what he's doing to help bring in groceries, no matter what.
2. Always opens doors.
3. Brings me coffee in bed if I am still sleeping when it's ready. Sometimes he leaves it on my night stand and sometimes he wakes me up.
4. Calls on his way home, "on my way do I need to stop for anything?" When the kids were little he did that every night. But now that I can leave without them, he rarely does it. Not a big deal though.

Those are simple thoughtful gestures.

He also takes care of emissions inspections on all the cars, as well as oil change and insurance and everything.

He always takes the trash out of the house and out to the curb.

I'll post more as I think of them.
 

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My husband also scores high on acts of service...and it's pretty low for me, so here are the things he does for me that are sweet and appreciated, but I see them as basic manners and not love.
I feel the same way..... none of that spells love to me, it's just being responsible / kind / basically a Roommate would do the same...

My GF and me.... we've talked about our differences a few times... where as her ex taking out the garbage spelled LOVE to her, I found that asinine ... my thoughts (back then) were....why the heck don't you just take it out... and avoid this drama... but that was not how her brain was geared...

And for me... enjoying lots of TIME with my husband, cuddling .... she can only take that so much from a man -then she feels smothered...and would want to shoo him away.....time & touch being on her bottom ...

Crazy how vastly different we are. How to get this to work in a committed relationship when both are at opposite extremes...will always take some concerted effort putting what flows naturally down to some degree, changing courses & pushing ourselves to please in what works for them more so, whether we can wrap our brain around it or not.
 

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I apologize in advance, I am using my voice to text on phone so this might be a little funny in format.

I think words of admiration is relatively easy to do. find something that she is good at and compliment her on it. For example, if she does the cooking and is really good at it, pause in mid-meal, smile, and tell her thatit is really good and you are enjoying the meal. Make eye contact as you say this. Then continue on with your conversation.oh my god if she is an artist, pointed out how her color choices bring the piece to life or how much you admire for talent.the key it did not sound forced. With practice, you can work this into the natural flow of conversation. The idea is that she will feel appreciated or admired.

acts of service is all about small gestures of love. The coffee idea at bedside mentioned above is a good one. If you know she likes a clean car, didn't wash her car for her without being asked. wait for her when she exits the shower with a towel, her robe, and then brush for hair. Pick up her dry cleaning.it doesn't have to be complex. My wife is an AOS person. When we are watching a movie, and her drink starts to get a little low, I will get up and refresh it without even asking her. She likes that. I bet if you think, you already know the little things your wife really likes you to do. so do them. :)

good luck!!
 
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There are some good ideas above. For Words of Affirmation - I would add pulling her close and while looking deep into her eyes telling her you love her. It means so much more to do it that way occasionally than the usual way. Or bring her a single rose (not a dozen) and telling her the same, a kiss on the cheek and that look in your eyes that say you adore her.
 

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Did the two of you do the official quiz to find out your love languages?

Can you have a look at her answers?
They would tell you a lot about what she wants/needs.
 
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