Wife with Schizophrenia

8985 Views 37 Replies 16 Participants Last post by Tears In Heaven, Jul 13, 2015

Namdeer

Discussion Starter · Sep 3, 2013

I've been married to my wife for 21 years and about 6 years ago we learned that she suffered from schizophrenia. She never suffered previously, or if she did we never realized it, we've been together since 1985, and have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys. The illness came on rather quickly, and has affected our lives ever since. Over the six years that she's been suffering, she has been on several different medications, and only one that has shown positive results. She was on the only medication that worked for two and half years, and things during that time were tolerable. About a year and a half ago, she as well as her psyciatrist, decided to wheen her off that medication because of possible long term neurilogical damage that could develop. Since changing her medication she has continued to get worst. My hope from through all of this was that there would be some magic pill that would make this illness go away, and my goal has always been to do whatever I needed to do to keep my family together. She has been unstable for about a year now, and our lives have been a living hell. I don't ever seeing her getting back to being the woman I married, and I see her behavior now having an affect on our son's. I feel my only choice now is to take my boys and leave, because I feel my wife, and their mother left about 6 years ago. We are all she really has, and I understand her illness is not her fault. But I know I have to do something before I lose my sanity as well.

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Namdeer

Discussion Starter · #21 · Sep 9, 2013

EleGirl said:
She must be getting SSDI. That’s dependent on the social security she paid into. SSI is not related to normal social security. The max monthly Federal Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payment is $710 for 2013. IF she is getting SSDI, she might be able to get SSI as well.

It’s a shame that her family does not seem to feel a responsibility to help with her. I guess it’s easy to just let you do it all. Sure relationships suffer when both parties do not participate enough. But this is a very different situation.

It’s good that you are going to therapy. Are you active in any church? If so they might have some help. Sometimes they have people who can take over for a while to give you a break.

Maybe she is receiving SSDI, her total benefit for herself, and the benefit receives for the boys is around $2300 per month. Maybe, if things for us don't get any better, I look into seeing if she can get SSI as well.

Unfortunately, I think her family feels that there's nothing they can do, so they choose to stay away. Those who know, realize that it's an extremely difficult situation, unfortunatley it's always easier to turn a blind eye to the situation. Most people will say "if there's anything I can do to help", but I guess actions speak louder than words.

We attend a Catholic church, and our boys go to a Jesuit school. I'm a cradle Catholic, and she is a convert. Up until her illness we both were somewhat active in the church. Alot of her delusions, and fixed false beliefs now seem to be centered around religion, which has somewhat soured me on religion, and has me questioning my faith. I know now I shoud be moving towards God for guidence and hope, but unfortuatley I've found myself pushing away.

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anonfrank

· #22 · Sep 15, 2013

Namdeer, I read your original post and it sounds a lot like my situation. In fact, it sounds very similar to my situation. I feel your pain. My advice to you is to ask the psychiatrist to use a medication in the same class as the haloperidol, something like Trilafon, etc., as like my wife it looks like the newer meds are ineffective.

My wife was originally on Trilafon and it worked wonders, but like your wife, was allowed to taper off. This led to problems and she was tried on multiple meds, including risperidone, Abilify, Geodon, Zyprexa, and Depakote (my wife is bipolar type II with psychosis, though I think she's just straight up schizophrenic).

She ended up back on the Trilafon...the new meds are less likely to cause side effects, but they simply did not work for her. She is now on Depakote again in addition after a recent change in her behavior.

In my case, the wife, though resentful of taking medication and currently mad at me because I talked to her psychiatrist, is at least willing to take her meds, otherwise, I would be long gone.

Have you enlisted the help of your wife's family to get her to a psychiatrist? My wife has no insight into her condition but listens to her parents (and sometimes me) when we tell her to go to the doctor. If your wife doesn't have that level of support, and if she is unwilling to seek help, then it's time to go, and don't look back.

HTH a little, I know your pain, I want the woman I married back, too.

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Namdeer

Discussion Starter · #23 · Sep 15, 2013

anonfrank said:
Namdeer, I read your original post and it sounds a lot like my situation. In fact, it sounds very similar to my situation. I feel your pain. My advice to you is to ask the psychiatrist to use a medication in the same class as the haloperidol, something like Trilafon, etc., as like my wife it looks like the newer meds are ineffective.

My wife was originally on Trilafon and it worked wonders, but like your wife, was allowed to taper off. This led to problems and she was tried on multiple meds, including risperidone, Abilify, Geodon, Zyprexa, and Depakote (my wife is bipolar type II with psychosis, though I think she's just straight up schizophrenic).

She ended up back on the Trilafon...the new meds are less likely to cause side effects, but they simply did not work for her. She is now on Depakote again in addition after a recent change in her behavior.

In my case, the wife, though resentful of taking medication and currently mad at me because I talked to her psychiatrist, is at least willing to take her meds, otherwise, I would be long gone.

Have you enlisted the help of your wife's family to get her to a psychiatrist? My wife has no insight into her condition but listens to her parents (and sometimes me) when we tell her to go to the doctor. If your wife doesn't have that level of support, and if she is unwilling to seek help, then it's time to go, and don't look back.

HTH a little, I know your pain, I want the woman I married back, too.

Anonfrank - I'm sorry that you have to suffer with her illness thae same as I do, I know you have the same feeling of helplessness in dealing with her treatment. My wife generally makes all her appointments, however, I don't know if the doctor truly understands what she's going through. I'll be sure to attend her next appointment and mention the meds that you suggested. I know now he's trying the "newest" meds and I know they are ineffective.

my wife really has no support system other than myself, and its gotten to the point where she no longer even really trust me. I don't know how things are going to turn out in the end. I never got into marriage believing that things would ever end up this way, but I'm sure you know the emptiness that you feel when you look at the shell of the woman that you fell in love with. But I guess I get a little comfort in knowing that I'm not alone. Thanks for your words of encouragement.~Don

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anonfrank

· #24 · Feb 28, 2015

Still around, namdeer? Interested in how your situation turned out.

Namdeer

Discussion Starter · #25 · Mar 3, 2015

Thanks for asking for the update ..... I guess I can't say that things turned out how I hoped they would. As I mentioned in my last post, I planned on going to her next appointment to discuss her future treatment. She didn't want me to go to the appointment, we actually drove in separate cars, and at the appointment she refused to allow me to even see the doctor. I believe this was the beginning of the end. After that day I felt if she would not even allow me to help her, what is my motivation to evening try. I guess the final straw happened shortly after that. I was working a midnight shift at my job, and received a call from her around 3:00 AM. She asked me to talk to our oldest son, he was sleeping in the car in garage. She got him on the phone and I asked him what was going on; he told me she had been screaming all night and he needed to get some sleep because they had exams at school the next day. Shortly after that incident I filed for the divorce. The divorce itself was pretty uneventful. I think in a lot of ways her attorney just wanted this thing to be over. I received full physical and legal custody of our two sons. We separated our assets. I pay her $1300 per month alimony for the next 5 1/2 years, and she will receive approximately $100k after we/she sells our family home. In some ways I feel like I've abandoned her, but I still try to do anything I can to help her. This definitely isn't the best situation for any of us, but I feel it was the right decision to allow my boys and myself to maintain our sanity, and to try to live a "normal" life. We talk often, and I believe my boys understand that this was a difficult decision for me, but I think they feel it was the best decision for them.

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Reactions: 3

Pooh Bear

· #26 · Mar 3, 2015

Namdeer said:
I've been married to my wife for 21 years and about 6 years ago we learned that she suffered from schizophrenia. She never suffered previously, or if she did we never realized it, we've been together since 1985, and have been blessed with 2 wonderful boys. The illness came on rather quickly, and has affected our lives ever since. Over the six years that she's been suffering, she has been on several different medications, and only one that has shown positive results. She was on the only medication that worked for two and half years, and things during that time were tolerable. About a year and a half ago, she as well as her psyciatrist, decided to wheen her off that medication because of possible long term neurilogical damage that could develop. Since changing her medication she has continued to get worst. My hope from through all of this was that there would be some magic pill that would make this illness go away, and my goal has always been to do whatever I needed to do to keep my family together. She has been unstable for about a year now, and our lives have been a living hell. I don't ever seeing her getting back to being the woman I married, and I see her behavior now having an affect on our son's. I feel my only choice now is to take my boys and leave, because I feel my wife, and their mother left about 6 years ago. We are all she really has, and I understand her illness is not her fault. But I know I have to do something before I lose my sanity as well.

Wow. I'm sorry for you both. That is a really difficult disease.

Namdeer

Discussion Starter · #27 · Mar 3, 2015

It was a difficult decision to leave, and it's something I struggle with everyday. She was someone I fell in love with the night I met her. We spent almost 30 years together and pretty much grew up together, and the thing that is hardest for me to deal with is she is only a shell of the person I knew and fell in love with. I'm constantly telling my boys that they never really got to know who their real mom is. Before she became ill she loved those two boys with all her heart, and was an amazing mother, but unfortunately the only memories they have now are of what she has become.

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GTdad

· #28 · Mar 3, 2015

That's a heartbreaking story, Namdeer. I think you did the best you could with the cards you were dealt, but I feel badly for all of you.

How are your boys doing? I don't recall as I type this whether they've been in counseling.

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honcho

· #29 · Mar 3, 2015

Namdeer said:
It was a difficult decision to leave, and it's something I struggle with everyday. She was someone I fell in love with the night I met her. We spent almost 30 years together and pretty much grew up together, and the thing that is hardest for me to deal with is she is only a shell of the person I knew and fell in love with. I'm constantly telling my boys that they never really got to know who their real mom is. Before she became ill she loved those two boys with all her heart, and was an amazing mother, but unfortunately the only memories they have now are of what she has become.

I say that quite a bit to people who have met my stbx after her problems overwhelmed her. They never got to see who she really was.

You did what was best for you and your children. I do hope someday she can overcome her issues and repair the relationship with her children.

Reactions: 2

Archangel2

· #30 · Mar 6, 2015

Namdeer said:
It was a difficult decision to leave, and it's something I struggle with everyday. She was someone I fell in love with the night I met her. We spent almost 30 years together and pretty much grew up together, and the thing that is hardest for me to deal with is she is only a shell of the person I knew and fell in love with. I'm constantly telling my boys that they never really got to know who their real mom is. Before she became ill she loved those two boys with all her heart, and was an amazing mother, but unfortunately the only memories they have now are of what she has become.

Namdeer - I am so very sorry for the heartbreak which you and your family are going through. I have a member of my family who had late life onset of psychosis and bi-polar mania. She is currently stabilized on Abilify.

In my research about different medications, I had come upon references to the successful use of ect to counteract drug insensitivity. Since the divorce, has your wife expressed any desire to get back together, including the willingness to cooperate in her treatment? If so, maybe you can look into this treatment regimen. While not a silver bullet, the literature points out that there is greater sensitivity to medications in many patients.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

EleGirl

· #31 · Mar 6, 2015

Namdeer,

Thanks for coming back and updating us. I'm so sorry that thing turned out as they have. Yet I'm glad that you and your sons are in a much better home environment now.

I do also feel for your exw. She surely did not ask or deserve for her sanity to be taken from her.

Because we talked about it before.... my nephew is not doing any better. He's homeless. His parents and his grandmother (my sister) continue to work very hard to get him help. He cannot live with anyone in the family because of his illness.. it's too disruptive and as you know, drags a everyone else down to the point of being non-functional as well.

There are no long term facilities for a patient with schizophrenia to go. Once in a while he goes into a mental health facility for a couple of days, then they hand him a prescription and put him on the street. He does not have the money or wherewithal to get it filled. Or he gets picked up by the police for something silly. They too know now that he is mentally ill. So after a few days they just put him out on the street again.

The mental health system in our country is broken. I don't know what it will take for people to take this problem seriously.

I hope that your wife at least has a safe place to live, medical care and some people to check in on her at times.

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Cobalt

· #32 · Mar 9, 2015

Namdeer said:
I agree that she should probably get a second doctors opinion for her longterm treatment, however, it's extremely difficult to reason with her regarding treatment when most times she doesn't believe she's sick, that "someone is doing this to her." She has tried no less than 6 or 7 different anti-psychotics, and the only one that has been effective has been Haldol. She no longer wants to take Haldol because of the possibility of Tardive Dyskinesia. The doctor went along with her not wanting to take Hadol, and prescribed another med fearing if he didn't she wouldn't take anything at all. I really don't see the difference if the medication she's taking now is ineffective. Chances are since she's stopped taking the Haldol, if she was to start taking it again it would take a lot longer, at a lot higher dosage to get her stable again, if she were able to get stable at all. Since she's stopped taking Haldol, chances are it will become ineffective as well. The problem is you are not able to reason with her because of her delusions and her fixed false beliefs. I always felt that when she's stable our life is tolerable, when she's not it's terrible, and believe me for the last year things have been pretty bad.

Haldol is a 50 year old drug. I would find a new psychiatrist. Also, schizophrenia is a disease where you =are on medication for life. You don't wean off.

Are you sure she is not schizoaffective?

Cobalt

· #33 · Mar 9, 2015

EleGirl said:
Namdeer,

Thanks for coming back and updating us. I'm so sorry that thing turned out as they have. Yet I'm glad that you and your sons are in a much better home environment now.

I do also feel for your exw. She surely did not ask or deserve for her sanity to be taken from her.

Because we talked about it before.... my nephew is not doing any better. He's homeless. His parents and his grandmother (my sister) continue to work very hard to get him help. He cannot live with anyone in the family because of his illness.. it's too disruptive and as you know, drags a everyone else down to the point of being non-functional as well.

There are no long term facilities for a patient with schizophrenia to go. Once in a while he goes into a mental health facility for a couple of days, then they hand him a prescription and put him on the street. He does not have the money or wherewithal to get it filled. Or he gets picked up by the police for something silly. They too know now that he is mentally ill. So after a few days they just put him out on the street again.

The mental health system in our country is broken. I don't know what it will take for people to take this problem seriously.

I hope that your wife at least has a safe place to live, medical care and some people to check in on her at times.

Ask his doctor to put him on a long acting injection, lime Invega sustenna or Abilify Maintena. They are once a month injections. Less chance for relapse and getting picked up for nuisance crimes when he goes off his meds. Those drugs are heavily subsidized in the US. They are free on Medicaid plans. He just has to sign up for benefits. If he is not on medicaid or Low income subsidy part D then it's expensive.

I work in a hospital and see this all the time. PM me if you want.

anonfrank

· #34 · Mar 11, 2015

Sorry I missed your replies, Namdeer. I completely understand your choice. We are still making a go of it but I honestly think the end is near. It is so hard to stay, and so hard to leave. My son needs more stability in his mom than he is getting. If we went this route, I'd just have her move in with her Mom while she gets her mind back together, and I'd keep physical custody of our son.

I feel like I'd be abandoning her if I left, though. On the other hand, I don't want to live another 40 years like this. I'd rather be alone.

Thanks for sharing the end of your story.

anonfrank

· #35 · Mar 17, 2015

Namdeer said:
It was a difficult decision to leave, and it's something I struggle with everyday. She was someone I fell in love with the night I met her. We spent almost 30 years together and pretty much grew up together, and the thing that is hardest for me to deal with is she is only a shell of the person I knew and fell in love with. I'm constantly telling my boys that they never really got to know who their real mom is. Before she became ill she loved those two boys with all her heart, and was an amazing mother, but unfortunately the only memories they have now are of what she has become.

Just ruminating tonight. This post really hits home. I am mourning the death of the wonderful person I married. She died in 2005, after 11 years of marriage. I keep a picture of her as the wallpaper of my smartphone as I reminder of the beautiful, wonderful, lively woman and life partner I lost. I recently told my son what a wonderful person she was, and that she was so positive, that we could have lived under a bridge and she would have been smiling and happy.

The person I'm with right now, the alien who killed my dear wife, stole my dear wife's body and lives in it now, I don't love or even like. I wish it'd go away, and do it now. Prayer hasn't helped, kindness hasn't helped, meds haven't helped, and meanness hasn't helped.

I am without hope today.

*sob*

Archangel2

· #36 · Mar 29, 2015

Archangel2 said:
Namdeer - I am so very sorry for the heartbreak which you and your family are going through. I have a member of my family who had late life onset of psychosis and bi-polar mania. She is currently stabilized on Abilify.

In my research about different medications, I had come upon references to the successful use of ect to counteract drug insensitivity. Since the divorce, has your wife expressed any desire to get back together, including the willingness to cooperate in her treatment? If so, maybe you can look into this treatment regimen. While not a silver bullet, the literature points out that there is greater sensitivity to medications in many patients.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

Namdeer - Just wanted to see how you are doing. I have sent you a PM with a reference to one of the studies I noted above,

You and your family are in my prayers.

Archangel2

· #37 · May 7, 2015

Namdeer - I realize you have not logged in for a long time, but I hope you are still lurking. Has your wife been given a complete physical exam, including blood work? There is considerable evidence that there is a link between B-12 levels and the symptoms of schizophrenia. In addition, there is evidence of a link between abnormal thyroid hormone levels and psychosis. I am not saying that either of these conditions, if present in your wife, can provide a miracle cure if reversed, but at least they can improve the efficacy of her meds. I hope you consider this information, plus the information I posted about ECT. In fact, may I recommend you google "B-12 levels and schizophrenia" and "low thyroid hormone levels and psychosis"

I really hope that these leads can give you a break you so sorely deserve. You and your family are in my prayers.

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Tears In Heaven

· #38 · Jul 13, 2015

Re: (Tears In Heaven) Wife with Schizophrenia

I been married to my Wife for 13 years and Have a 10 year old Daughter. A month after giving Birth she was in a Car Accident coming Home from work. A year Later She was starting to Act Different towards me But Love's Our Daughter very much. Since 2006 -present we don't sleep and make Love anymore. My Wife only want Our Daughter to sleep next to Her and I sleep in the living room. I feel like I'm living with a Room mate and wish to have someone to Love & Hold. We were so Happy & Best Friend's before Her Accident. I Pray the Lord's Prayer very morning. I'm staying with Her for my Daughter to have Both Parent's. If We leave Her Mom. My Wife doesn't have anyone ( Her Two Brother's don't want Her Around Them) 2009 My wife lost her Father (she was the only Daughter) She got worse. Her New Medicine since 2013 has Her sleep a lot. I Pray That Jesus Christ Return Soon so I may have the Wife & Best Friend I met in 2002 Jan 26, (on my Birthday) and My Daughter & Us will be Happy Together Again has a Family. (I Listen to a Song By Eric Clapton: Tears In Heaven) May God Bless All those Who Love & Live with a Love One with a Mental Illness. 1 Cor 13:4 to 8 (New King James Bible)

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