[EleGirl]

I can empathize with you. You are in a terrible situation.

I took care of a nephew of mine who has diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He was 22 at the time. There comes a time when the care giver has to save themselves. It sounds like you are at this point. Not just for yourself but for your children.

One thing that will make this easier is if you can get her on SSI and SSD, if she is not already. With her diagnosis and inability to function it should be easy. It took about 6 months to get my nephew on SSI from the time I submitted his paperwork.

Then someone would need to be appointed as the person who is responsible for managing her money.

We were able to get my nephew into an institution for a few months because his delusions included his need, as a God, to kill everyone who has ever crossed him.

Our laws are terrible when it comes to mental illness. They do not allow the loved ones to really help a person like you wife and my nephew. We did go to court to have my nephew put in an institution for a few months. But it was not enough.

 

[EleGirl]

Elegrl - Thanks for the post, I'm sorry as well that you too had to help take care of someone who suffers from this illness, you can understand the challenges I face.

She was able to receive SSI, it was a 2 1/2 year process, but she is receiving it. I am the person who is responsible for managing her finances.

She has never really shows any violent tendancies, but with her delusions and fixed false beliefs, I always have that fear in the back of my mind.

Thanks again for your words of support.

My understanding is that schizophrenics are usually more of danger to themselves then to someone else. My nephew is an unusual case. But his threats of violence did help us get him into a facility for a while.

While SSI is not a lot of income, I would think it can help you feel a bet more at ease if you feel that you have to separate from her. That’s why I thought it was important. I think I forgot to mention that in my previous post.

I get the impression from what you have said that your wife does not have any family of her own. Is that right?

Have you looked round for any kind of support system in your area for anyone who can start to help you? What you are doing is very hard to do on your own.

 

[EleGirl]

That's my understanding as well, in my heart I would never want to beileve the woman I married would ever harm me or our children, but now she doesn't seem like the woman I married, and her behavior at times is irrational, so I guess anything could be possible.

She does receive a "decent" amount from SSI, probably more that most because she had worked about 22 years prior to her illness. She would also receive alimony, and a fair amount from our joint assets if we do divorce.

She must be getting SSDI. That’s dependent on the social security she paid into. SSI is not related to normal social security. The max monthly Federal Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payment is $710 for 2013. IF she is getting SSDI, she might be able to get SSI as well.

She does have both parents alive, and an older brother, however, her relationships with her family was "strained", and since her illness they have pretty much abandoned her. I know family is family, but I also realize that all relationships take work, and if both parties aren't able to put the work into the relationship, things usually fall apart.

For the past few years, I wanted to talk to a therapist, maybe I was too proud to do so. When I talked to the attorney, she suggested I talk to a therapist, as well as my boys. I've talked to a therapist once, and have an appointment in a couple of weeks for the boys.

This situation is extremely difficult, people always tell me that they don't know how I can do it, and to be honest, at times I don't know how I can continue to do it myself. They claim that God only gives you what he feels you can handle, all I can say is no more God, I've had enough !

It’s a shame that her family does not seem to feel a responsibility to help with her. I guess it’s easy to just let you do it all. Sure relationships suffer when both parties do not participate enough. But this is a very different situation.

It’s good that you are going to therapy. Are you active in any church? If so they might have some help. Sometimes they have people who can take over for a while to give you a break.

 

[EleGirl]

Namdeer,

Thanks for coming back and updating us. I'm so sorry that thing turned out as they have. Yet I'm glad that you and your sons are in a much better home environment now.

I do also feel for your exw. She surely did not ask or deserve for her sanity to be taken from her.

Because we talked about it before.... my nephew is not doing any better. He's homeless. His parents and his grandmother (my sister) continue to work very hard to get him help. He cannot live with anyone in the family because of his illness.. it's too disruptive and as you know, drags a everyone else down to the point of being non-functional as well.

There are no long term facilities for a patient with schizophrenia to go. Once in a while he goes into a mental health facility for a couple of days, then they hand him a prescription and put him on the street. He does not have the money or wherewithal to get it filled. Or he gets picked up by the police for something silly. They too know now that he is mentally ill. So after a few days they just put him out on the street again.

The mental health system in our country is broken. I don't know what it will take for people to take this problem seriously.

I hope that your wife at least has a safe place to live, medical care and some people to check in on her at times.