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Hello I am new here obviously... Little back story. I have been married 2 years come Nov 1st, been together 3 years, we are both Military, and sadly been stationed apart for 2 months now as she just joined, I am Army she is Navy, I am out in December hence why she joined... Now onto the problem's

She is in FL for training, and has this "friend" from boot camp they don't have the same job, but are within 2 miles of each other , I was checking our phone records and she just got her phone on 9/21/12 when she finished boot camp. She has texted this "friend" over 300 times in the matter of two days and an hour long phone call... while me and our kids have gotten maybe 5 minutes here and there.... then I have gotten about 50 texts from her... I brought this all up in a very tactful way... which of course blew up into a huge fight...

She told me I needed to trust her and how he is just a friend and he has a finacee and all this other stuff, Then came the worst part to me, for those who know military ranking, she started calling me SGT (Lastname)... I never would ask her to call me that... I am her damn husband not her boss... it really hurt that she took it to that level. My last text to her was "Sorry give me a month then you guys can be friends and text all you want, just please give me and kids your time first vs being the last ones you text"

"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


I am hurting right now and don't know what to do :(
 

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A lot of people on here are going to tell you that this is the beginning of an EA ( emotional affair) due to the number of texts and phone calls to this man. Have you read the contents of those texts? Also she blame shifted telling you you don't trust her. She needs to act in a trustful manner in order for that to happen. 300 texts in two days is distrustful and disrespectful of your relationship. Does the other man fiances know that your wife has been texting her future husband? Set some boundaries with your wife, never mind the "we like to be the first ones you text etc," how about "stop communication with this man altogether" and kill two birds with one stone." - Whats this about assault ? Are there no other women on the base?
 

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Wow, she's having an affair and getting all defensive about it. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but THANK YOU for your service to our country.

Keep an eye on the texts and phone calls. Do not say anything else to her about it, until you see her in person. Her texts to you will continue to hurt her, if you keep saying/texting things like that to her.

Just keep yourself busy with work and the kids to keep your mind and time occupied....until she comes home. This cannot be solved long distance.

JMO
 

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Lets take a step back and assume it is not an affair. She just verbally kicked you in the balls when you were trying to tell her your feelings. I have never blown off my husband wishes when it came to friendships with other men. If he was uncomfortable then the friendship was over. But then again I do not contact my male friends as much as your wife is contacting this man.

I say next time she calls let her talk with the kids. Answer questions very breifly and call her by her title last name. Please wait for her to text or call you....do not call or text first. This is a perfect way to let her know you are pissed off.
 

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"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"
Wow. Your wife is an immature woman.

300 texts in two days? Probably something going on. Your gut is probably right.

Now... either she gets it or she doesn't. It's not appropriate for her to be talking to another man and spenidn more time wit him tan you. Yes, teh distance sucks but she should respect your marriage.

I would be calm when you talk to her--don't start a fight. If she starts fighting, tell her simply, "Yes, I do think it's odd you're texting a man that much. It isn't that I don't trust you, I just want to protect our marriage because I love you. How would you feel if I was texting another woman that much?"

You already know she would not like it. And with good reason.

Be calm.



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Wow. Your wife is an immature woman.

300 texts in two days? Probably something going on. Your gut is probably right.

Now... either she gets it or she doesn't. It's not appropriate for her to be talking to another man and spenidn more time wit him tan you. Yes, teh distance sucks but she should respect your marriage.

I would be calm when you talk to her--don't start a fight. If she starts fighting, tell her simply, "Yes, I do think it's odd you're texting a man that much. It isn't that I don't trust you, I just want to protect our marriage because I love you. How would you feel if I was texting another woman that much?"

You already know she would not like it. And with good reason.

Be calm.
This....and I stress "be calm"

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Hello I am new here obviously... Little back story. I have been married 2 years come Nov 1st, been together 3 years, we are both Military, and sadly been stationed apart for 2 months now as she just joined, I am Army she is Navy, I am out in December hence why she joined... Now onto the problem's

She is in FL for training, and has this "friend" from boot camp they don't have the same job, but are within 2 miles of each other , I was checking our phone records and she just got her phone on 9/21/12 when she finished boot camp. She has texted this "friend" over 300 times in the matter of two days and an hour long phone call... while me and our kids have gotten maybe 5 minutes here and there.... then I have gotten about 50 texts from her... I brought this all up in a very tactful way... which of course blew up into a huge fight...

She told me I needed to trust her and how he is just a friend and he has a finacee and all this other stuff, Then came the worst part to me, for those who know military ranking, she started calling me SGT (Lastname)... I never would ask her to call me that... I am her damn husband not her boss... it really hurt that she took it to that level. My last text to her was "Sorry give me a month then you guys can be friends and text all you want, just please give me and kids your time first vs being the last ones you text"

"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


I am hurting right now and don't know what to do :(
Why would you want your wife to join the military when you are getting out? Yes it would be even more crazy if you stayed in, but my point is that you should know better.

There is no way I would recommend a wife to join the military. That is just asking for issues. All feminist agendas aside. This is for a single woman. It is different for a man. Yes there is plenty of unfaithfulness as it is. But a woman is under constant siege surrounded by men working long hours under extrteme conditions and spearated for long periods. EAs start in these type of environments.

I was in the Navy for eight years. I am all for folks serving their country. They used to tell me that my wife was not issued to me in my sea bag. It is tough enough to deal with a husband who gets deployed and the wife to be abandoned alone at home. How tough is it for a husband to be the one home alone under these circumstances?

BAD idea dude. You are in for a world of hurt. You now have issues right out of the gate.

"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"

There is going to be constant drama sir.

There are kids? AYFKM. This is insane.

Good luck.
 

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I agree with the others. Your wife is in the midst of an affair. I'm so sorry. I was a BS in my first marriage, but he is a serial cheater and they are a different breed of cheaters for sure.
 

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Grab a hold of your cajones and squeeze. Your wife texting another dude like that is not OK. Don't let her give you a month, make it stop.

Get reading buddy.

Start with "No more mr. nice guy"

Also, drama has already started and she's still not deployed. Your future is bleak my friend, if she's already cheating (which she is, she's in an EA if not more), what hope is there when she's deployed for months on end, surrounded by horny men who are there to comfort her when you aren't? Be prepared for some tough times ahead.
 

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Hello I am new here obviously... Little back story. I have been married 2 years come Nov 1st, been together 3 years, we are both Military, and sadly been stationed apart for 2 months now as she just joined, I am Army she is Navy, I am out in December hence why she joined... Now onto the problem's

She is in FL for training, and has this "friend" from boot camp they don't have the same job, but are within 2 miles of each other , I was checking our phone records and she just got her phone on 9/21/12 when she finished boot camp. She has texted this "friend" over 300 times in the matter of two days and an hour long phone call... while me and our kids have gotten maybe 5 minutes here and there.... then I have gotten about 50 texts from her... I brought this all up in a very tactful way... which of course blew up into a huge fight...

She told me I needed to trust her and how he is just a friend and he has a finacee and all this other stuff, Then came the worst part to me, for those who know military ranking, she started calling me SGT (Lastname)... I never would ask her to call me that... I am her damn husband not her boss... it really hurt that she took it to that level. My last text to her was "Sorry give me a month then you guys can be friends and text all you want, just please give me and kids your time first vs being the last ones you text"

"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


I am hurting right now and don't know what to do :(

That is terribly immature. How old is she ? Get into marriage counseling. She will need a neutral 3rd party to tell her that she is wrong.


This is just not a friendship. Be prepared. If the obvious proof was not the 300 texts and hour long phone call, it is her reaction to you questioning about them.

And now, she is using guilt to manipulate you.
 

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Get into marriage counseling. She will need a neutral 3rd party to tell her that she is wrong.
Be careful, plenty of MCs royally suck at dealing with infidelity.

I've seen the "You have to back off and trust her" speech one too many times on these boards (and in my personal experience).

You don't need an MC to tell you that this is wrong and that you need to stick up for yourself. She is acting selfishly, trying to blame you for her poor boundaries and inappropriate relationship. You are accepting that when you act like she is doing you a favor by not talking to this man.
 

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Your wife said: "Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"

My response would be: "Good, I'm glad we reached an agreement"

Armyinf, my fried, absolutely no good will come of this friendship between your wife and this guy. I'm willing to bet my next paycheck that they will be swapping body fluids if you allow this to go on. Grow a thick skin, get tough and stand firm with her. If you know anyone where she is stationed, ask them to keep an eye out and alert you to what she is up to. Also, consider speaking with the OMyourself.

Personally, I think you are going to have a hell of a few months, even if you do put your foot down on this one.
 

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I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. She absolutely is having some type of affair, it may not have been physical yet but it is going there. You are in the military you know exactly what happens. My SO is in the Army and whenever he is gone we both feel uneasy because of what we see surrounding us, you just never know. Because of that we are completely transparent with each other regarding, friends, phones, emails, FB, etc. You have the proof that she cannot be trusted. I honestly don't see how you can ever feel comfortable as long as she is enlisted.

She has a lot of nerve trying to guilt you with that assault BS. She is trying to use the fact that she is a woman to get what she wants with you and she will use that against other men when she is away from you. Put your foot down on her hard now or it will just get worse. Tell her she needs to knock off texting this guy and send you all of the screen shots of their conversations or you are done.

Since you mentioned rank, seriously, stop acting like a private and act like a SGT!
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..

She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.

Far as the assault crap I am making her write me a paper on Rape in the military due Thursday,


Also to answer why she joined the Navy... since she was a little girl she wanted to be a Sailor... and since I had my MEDBoard back in july and just am awaiting my discharge on November 31st due to my 2nd deployment, far as deployment life, while we have been together almost 3 years, I've been deployed 21 months of that time between two deployments and weeks in the field so we know about being away and the temptations to cheat... no physical cheating has gone on, to date,

Also I admit I called the dudes command and informed them of the situation so he is getting counseled on it and a few classes on adultery in the military....
 

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Discussion Starter #16 (Edited)
Also Don't confuse that wall of text as weakness I just don't like to fight with her a bunch I fight all day at work home should be my relaxation time, I am still hurt she felt the need to hid everything and be immature, but that can be healed over time...
 

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I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..

She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.

Far as the assault crap I am making her write me a paper on Rape in the military due Thursday,


Also to answer why she joined the Navy... since she was a little girl she wanted to be a Sailor... and since I had my MEDBoard back in july and just am awaiting my discharge on November 31st due to my 2nd deployment, far as deployment life, while we have been together almost 3 years, I've been deployed 21 months of that time between two deployments and weeks in the field so we know about being away and the temptations to cheat... no physical cheating has gone on, to date,

Also I admit I called the dudes command and informed them of the situation so he is getting counseled on it and a few classes on adultery in the military....
Good for you for taking a stand and fighting for your marriage! :yay:
 

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Good for you! Good luck in the future, hopefully you two can find what works for you to keep and earn each others trust.
 

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I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..

She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.

Far as the assault crap I am making her write me a paper on Rape in the military due Thursday,


Also to answer why she joined the Navy... since she was a little girl she wanted to be a Sailor... and since I had my MEDBoard back in july and just am awaiting my discharge on November 31st due to my 2nd deployment, far as deployment life, while we have been together almost 3 years, I've been deployed 21 months of that time between two deployments and weeks in the field so we know about being away and the temptations to cheat... no physical cheating has gone on, to date,

Also I admit I called the dudes command and informed them of the situation so he is getting counseled on it and a few classes on adultery in the military....
Being a sailor is awesome. Even more so when one is single. Being married, having children and going off to sea. Not so much. Add to this being a wife and mother away from family surrounded by men in this type of environment. Not smart. We all make choices in life.

I wanted to be a pirate when I was little ...

It is tough enough when one gets married after having been in the military for a while. I have seen the military change people drastically. You will aslo hear some but not all sailors claim they joined the Navy to ride the waves. Not trying to be offensive. But I am trying to be blunt with the environment. It is very easy for a married man to stay faithful as a sailor. They are not under constant siege. Yeah, yeah character. All I have to say to those who have never been in these circumstances, you have no idea.

So what is her rate?
 
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