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Wife WILL NOT perform oral sex on me, has PHOBIA

11K views 45 replies 23 participants last post by  JWilliams 
#1 ·
Hi,

First post here. My wife WILL NOT perform oral sex on me. In three years of marriage she has given me

head *maybe* three times all of them she just opens her mouth in bed and wants me to stick it in her

mouth she does't even suck its all teeth and last less than a minute and I give up because its

horriable. On our first date she sucked me dry and would give me head first year of dating after that

is it non existant. I feel that she set me up for marriage she trapped me. I’ve asked her about it

several times and she always tells me its "gross". I have always told her that I would thoroughly wash

my unit first (shower) and I would NEVER cum in her mouth. (I don’t even want to, I perfer cumming on

her ass or belly)


It has become extremely frustrating, I'm unhappy that my loving beautiful wife is so irrational and

phobic regarding this aspect of our sex life. Are there any guys out there who have successfully

overcome an oral sex phobia with their SO? Therapy is probably not an option because as far as she is

concerned there is no problem to be addressed. I dont want to be unfaithful, I have had women tell me

they will do anything my wife won't do in an attempt to get some action but I haven't even considered

it.

BTW, she is not interested recieving any oral sex and won't even let me try. She has not been sexually abused before she met me. Her objections seem to be entirely on aesthetic grounds.

TIA
 
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#10 ·
What is the status of the rest of your sex life in general?

How does your current sex life with your wife compare to your earlier one? Are you having sex as often? Is it as varied? Does she seem as enthusiastic now as she was then?

The oral thing may just be a symptom of a bigger problem that you aren't seeing.

Generally, when a woman is into her man, she is willing to push the boundaries. When she isn't, the boundaries get pulled in.
 
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#13 ·
I am sort of in the same boat. Wife doesn't is afraid to do it anymore. A few times while we were dating, then a few times after we were married she would finish and swallow.

The next day and a half she would have a sore throat. Now she is afraid to do it because of this. However, it doesn't happen if she doesn't swallow.

She also says it the taste, wearing a flavored condom wasn't very pleasurable. It felt so odd and unnatural.
 
#22 ·
I don't understand why she can't give and not swallow? You can reassure her that you never cum in he mouth.

Can you use thin condoms instead of flavored one's? You can have fun with different flavors. Even if it feels unnatural use the condom as a starting point.

You never know, she may decide to try with out it once she gets used to it with a thin condom. If you don't start somewhere it will never happen. At lest there is a chance.
 
#17 ·
If she won't give you the things she allowed you to think she would, find someone who will. And tell her you're going to find someone who will.
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#19 · (Edited)
My wife was exactly like that! Unfortunately I wouldn't recommend what fixed it in our relationship. She had an affair and I found out she basically sucked the color off the OM's crayon. That's about the only good thing to come (pun intended) out of that whole situation, if you can call it good. But the jig was up. I mean "tell me you can't do it now!".:confused: The point being: I always thought it was a lot of selfish BS and this proved it. Now all a sudden she has no issues with It. Go figure.:mad:
 
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#20 ·
It could be bait and switch. It could be that something happened once like she hot her gag reflex, you passed gas, there was an odor.
Does she have any OCD tendencies in other areas?
I feel for you, I'm in the same boat and we ended up in MC over it. Basically he had a bad experience once and has OCD and now he is freaked out.
I have had to come to a place of trying to deal with it out of love instead of selfishness. It's incredibly difficult because I love getting oral and he used to love giving it.
I think you need to have a conversation about this outside the bedroom and be kind and calm. Find out as much as you can about what changed.
If you have to, go to a sex therapist to figure out if this is selfishness or a true aversion.
Of its truly selfishness I'm guessing she will do it rather than pay to talk to someone about it.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#44 ·
. It could be that something happened once like she hot her gag reflex, you passed gas, there was an odor.
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Yeah, I agree. My first girlfriend liked to do 69. Lets just say that her other hole had a little brown sauce on it. I still remember the smell, and it has been like 20 years from now. I am afraid that I am scarred for life and will never do a 69.
 
#23 ·
I agree that it most likely not a phobia but stems from an unfavorable experience. I also think your W is not aware of how much you desire this. I would suggest you approach it in a very sexy way instead of just asking for it. I would try whispering something erotic in her ear. Something that will turn her on just thinking about it.
 
#26 · (Edited)
DTO it is obvious from my 2 post that I don't want him to toss it off. That's what you want me to say so you have a target to attack.

I know it is not popular to bring any other factors into the discussions about oral sex except the bait and switch stuff.

I just dont see that as helpful. Perhaps you can enlighten me. If you guess the motives behind a persons behavior, you are more likely to get it wrong.

We don't know why she changed, she won't tell him. Let's assume she not evil and offer him suggestion that may work.

It sounds like he still loves her and i am certain that he would not want strangers to disrepect her by thinking the worst of her.

At lest i hope a he has not fallen out of love over oral sex but, you never know.

Several women posted that they did not like to give bj early in their relationship but latter changed. I too did refused to do it when I first got married.

Since i changed in my marriage, I think I am in a better position than you to offer some positive advice. You don't have to agree but at lest find something I actually posted to disagree with, if you can.
 
#27 ·
Several women posted that they did not like to give bj early in their relationship. I too did refused to do it when I first got married.

Since i changed in my marriage, I think I am in a better position than you to offer some positive advice.
You're not in a better position to post about it because it's not the same situation as yours. In this thread the poster specifically stated she did give oral early in the relationship and then stopped giving it later in the relationship.

That's why the bait and switch theory has so much merit.

It's all about sucking him in and then.. well, not sucking him.

So unfair.
 
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#29 ·
now with children sex is the lady thing on her mind her sex drive has dropped significantly in the last 2 years. She says she has no drive or desire does what she can (spread
Em) so i won't cheat on her.
So its not just BJs its ALL sex.

Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage.

Some day when you cheat on her or (preferably) leave her she'll be like "I can't understand why he did that I was EVERYTHING he wanted me to be!".

Yeah ok
 
#37 · (Edited)
Born you have known her for 3+ years and this is the first time she said this?

Why did she marry a man so incomparable with her? Why did she decieve you? What did she expect would happen when she got married?

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Don't drink. Consider your situation and what you want to do. Let her know and prepare yourself emotionally for the changes you will likely have to make.
 
#38 ·
just do what i did wife gave bj's all time to me till about a year ago then they dried up, asked her why she really couldnt give answer. so after a year i said what the heck, she said it was gross really i said fine dont try im done i understand (she did do oral as foreplay)

as soon as i said i was done she then went out of her way to do it (refused for the first month ended in sex) till once it just happened and now once every 2 weeks
 
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