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Hello there, I would like a little advice please.

My wife and I have been married for 5 years now. We have an 18 month old son and she is 4 months pregnant with our second child.

We have a very healthy love life, and the only issues we have had up till now have been the domestic duties - which she never seems to be able to grasp.
I work full time and work away very regularly, I am not the kind of man that expects to come home sit down and be fed while she runs around waiting on me. However I do expect for the house to have been kept clean, as clean as it can be running around after an 18 month old anyway. But all she does is sit and watch tv, playing on her phone. She is an amazing mum when it comes to communicating, playing and caring for the little guy, she just can't keep him clean and dry all the time.
I have tried to support her and get her to understand the importance of keeping the basic hygiene of a house up to scratch particularly with the little one running around. But it wasnt getting anywhere so last week I suggested we looked into counselling to discuss this.
My family and pressuring me to do something about it, we never have people around and we can never entertain due to the state of the place. My wife's family do not talk to her about it, they just come round and go to the shops or restaraunt as quick as they can - I feel that they should be telling her. I, on the other hand, have just become the nagging husband who never has anything positive to say to her anymore (her words).

So anyway, last week a couple of days after I sent her the info for the counselling, to which she never responded I stumbled across some private chat she has been having in her Twitter account. I had no suspicions at all, I was simply using our old iPad of which she was the last one to have used Twitter with.

I was shocked to find that she was courting a stranger with direct messages using explicit language and requesting domination. There were gaps in the chat where it appeared she had also been sending picture messages upon his request. What worried me further is that it was clear that my wife was the aggressor in the conversation as she was posting 3 or 4 lengthy passages in relation to his short three word responses.

After lifting myself up from the floor I thought it best to just confront her, and so I did. I should add that we had a good sex life that explored almost all the options that two persons could explor, and she was very aware of my attraction to her as she was always sending me pictures as well.

Her explanation is that I am not home enough and she need attention, she needed to feel beautiful. I had intercourse with her almost every night and always told her she was beautiful, but she states that I have to say that as I am her husband and that she needs to hear it from someone else? I am not sure how to deal with this?

She has tried to explain but says she does not know how, she still want to be with me. She has agreed to go to counselling.

I feel like I have had my heart pulled out, and I trusted my wife so much, I never even considered this as possible. She is incredibly attractive and has a great figure - I felt very lucky to be seen with her. She now has her second baby bump and is blaming the change in her figure as the catalyst for her need for attention and tells me it was just her own digital fantasty and that it would have never been physical.

She has agreed to go to counselling which I think I owe it to my son and the bump for us to try as well.
What I am finding hard is whether I will be able to trust her? I also don't want to label her as unfaithful if it truly would never have been physical and if she thinks she was just playing stupid games.

Does a woman sending requested naked pictures of herself automatically means she would have committed to a physical relationship?
Or am I possibly overthinking it due to the way she was perusing him?

I don't want to make this worse by harming her with my 'what ifs?' either, I'm still, in love with her and my gut instinct is to protect her from harm!
 

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No, this is a serious threat to your marriage. Do not minimize it yourself, nor allow her to brush off your very legitimate concerns.

You have several issues to deal with. The infidelity, yes infidelity, even if there is nothing worse than chats and pics, that is still far across the line, and needs to be dealt with. You need to be clear about what you will not accept, and deliver consequences.

Second, it would seem that you are becoming less than partners in your marriage. She needs to take her fair share of the responsibility, and you yours, but not more. It will slowly erode your marriage if you let the balance of power get too skewed.
 

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What I am finding hard is whether I will be able to trust her? I also don't want to label her as unfaithful if it truly would never have been physical and if she thinks she was just playing stupid games.

Does a woman sending requested naked pictures of herself automatically means she would have committed to a physical relationship?
Or am I possibly overthinking it due to the way she was perusing him?

I don't want to make this worse by harming her with my 'what ifs?' either, I'm still, in love with her and my gut instinct is to protect her from harm!
You are totally taking the wrong stand here.

Yes it is infidelity!

What if's are not important here, the facts are. And they demand you to take action now.

Your soft vision on this can be cause of real trouble. Demand her to clean the house, stop contacting other men, and serve divorce papers.

Only if she shows true remorse, reconcile. Do this for your children. Man up for yourself
 
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as a wife who does send pics to men online and has online sex i can understand what your wife is doing.. its not that she doesnt love you or that you dont make her feel desirable, she needs reassurance that other men find her attractive. she wants to be desired by lots of men, different from her husband.. doing this without your knowledge gives an extra added thrill, kinda like an affair without the hassle of actually meeting up in person...if your open to it, it can actually be an exciting and interesting part of your sex life... but if you consider it a form of cheating, then you both need some help
 

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Your wife needs to learn the definition of mge---and all that goes with it

If she does not understand that you have to be away to earn a living---that has to be dealt with

If she needs validation from other men---that is a major problem that needs to be dealt with

If she is a SAHM---and won't do the duties that go with that ---then that has to be dealt with

It is your wife that needs counseling---and it isn't MC---it is a heavy dose of IC---she needs

She also needs to grow up, and show some maturity----no one twisted her arm and forced her into this mge----if she is gonna stay in the mge---then she follows the wife/mother script, if she can't, then you need to cut her loose!!!!!!!
 

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I hope you pointed out the bs of the stupid reasoning she used.

If she was able to get what she needed from online guys, why couldn't she have gotten that from you online when you are apart?

See, it's bs.

What she is doing is cheating. She is giving sexual stimulation and pleasure to this other guy via the Internet. Her sending a naked pic to another guy is bad enough, but she went onto construct and write out explicit sex fantasies etc for him. And no doubt she was getting sexual excitement and release from what he sent back,

That's cheating pure and simple.

And what did this guy need to offer to do to get her to put all the time and energy into him? Nothing. Meanwhile you are busting your but bring super dad and working full time.

You need to dig into Internet history and her twitter history deeper. See how long this has been going on, how many men there are, and if there has been any real life meetups.

Don't just believe that it was just what you've found so far. Certainly don't believe her, she will want to hide it and deny.

Check her phone records too to see if she's been calling or texting these guys

Going forward, she needs to give you all her passwords and you need to start tracking what she's up to big time. Drop a keylogger onto the PC to catch secret email accounts she's using.
 

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FYI. This guy she's sending pics to... He's not a stranger. Not even close, and this rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than you think.

as a wife who does send pics to men online and has online sex i can understand what your wife is doing.. its not that she doesnt love you or that you dont make her feel desirable, she needs reassurance that other men find her attractive. she wants to be desired by lots of men, different from her husband.. doing this without your knowledge gives an extra added thrill, kinda like an affair without the hassle of actually meeting up in person...if your open to it, it can actually be an exciting and interesting part of your sex life... but if you consider it a form of cheating, then you both need some help
They need help? lol.

There is nothing normal, acceptable or reasonable about what his wife is doing.

Something is broken or badly damaged, In his wife, his marriage and in you. It is not exciting and interesting. It's dysfunctional and It will escalate.

Glossing over it, or allowing any justification for this behavior is the worst mistake he could make.
 

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as a wife who does send pics to men online and has online sex i can understand what your wife is doing.. its not that she doesnt love you or that you dont make her feel desirable, she needs reassurance that other men find her attractive. she wants to be desired by lots of men, different from her husband.. doing this without your knowledge gives an extra added thrill, kinda like an affair without the hassle of actually meeting up in person...if your open to it, it can actually be an exciting and interesting part of your sex life... but if you consider it a form of cheating, then you both need some help
:scratchhead:
 

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Her explanation is that I am not home enough and she need attention, she needed to feel beautiful. I had intercourse with her almost every night and always told her she was beautiful, but she states that I have to say that as I am her husband and that she needs to hear it from someone else? I am not sure how to deal with this?
Translation: I'm a black hole of attention, only one man won't do the work.

Serious, intensive individual therapy.

On top of this the lazyness, the lack of caring of her own son, her need to space, her likely BDSM sexual tastes...

It's only the tip of iceberg. If you can't manage to pull phone records, search the PC well... you will find out way more. What are the chances this was the only time? She - almost - admited she's doing it for ages. Tell her to come clean, all her sexual history (before and after you). I smell serial cheating, even if only online. Polygraph is another option. Even paternity of children is now questionable.

I'm very sorry.
 

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I have time and again on this site about a guy finding chats and concerned about over reacting and by the end of the post they are writing about all the meeting that took place and how they regret not taking action sooner.

Sir protect you marriage now, do not wait, you are not over reacting cuz i can tell you for a fact that your wifes current behavior will leed her down a very bad path.

Its is fact that her behavior will snowball into a PA.....the proof is all on this site, just start reading all of the threads in this forum. Hell scroll down and you will find 5 right off the bat.
 

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Oh, sweet.... argh! :mad: Is it that damnable POS who sets pregnant women up to have sex with him? :eek:

Oh, I just had a really bad shiver down my spine!

Stop this man, dude! Stop him! I think we might have heard of him here, before!

Everyone else remember the dreadful story?
 

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What are both going to do when her naked pics start showing on BDSM or pregnant slvts boards for all to see?

That's not the BIG problem though, just one of the ancillary ramifications.
 

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Cheating. Unless you are into a hot wifing lifestyle then put a stop to this. I would also consider getting checked for STDs and yes even make sure your kids are yours.
 
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