Hi, the past week or so has been a roller coaster of emotions. We have been married for almost 15 years and have 3 children and have/had a pretty healthy relationship. There are the usual ups and downs but overall good stable emotionally and physically.
Going back to my first year of marriage I had caught my wife, who wasn't working at the time and going to school, flirting with an ex-coworker via email/chat. This had been going on for a few months before I was able to find evidence and confront her, which she was visibly upset and apologetic. She didn't have any real excuse and although I was pissed for a few days we did reconcile.
Now back to present time. Since 2007 my wife has not worked and was a full-time sahm, due to being pregnant with our third child. She did resent the fact at the time of quitting her good paying job, but we couldn't see any other way to afford childcare.
This past December she had gotten a job working 5 nights a week, which really put a strain on our relationship. I did encourage her to apply for the job because it she would be doing something she is passionate about. And originally the job would have been part-time 3-4 days a week during the early afternoon. But this changed to 5 nights the second week and thereafter.
Although I was a but stressed out due my full time job and other responsibilities, it was working..barely. Once January 2012 started things started getting a little strange. Normally she would wear the slightest make-up before going to work, but I noticed several times she really applied the makeup, almost when we have the rare date night.
I then happened to see some emails from a male coworker about setting up a possible lunch meeting for collaboration which is fine, but she did not say one word to me about this. Also, I then checked our phone records and in the span of two weeks, she had 200 txt messages to a strange phone number.
I also noticed in web browsing history around the same time she was searching his name on the internet, to get home address and phone number.
I then did some searching and found that it was the male coworkers', and the text messages were in the evenings, late & early, and on weekends. Before I confronted her this I was able to check her phone messages and only found a few days worth of messaging, but it was very friendly and the male was using a lot of playful wording, sexual in nature. My wife's responses, that were still on the phone, did not reply in same manner but there there was still a very friendly banter.
I was never able to get any exact information on what was said and what in manner, which is strange because she can remember one thing I said a year ago crystal clear.
At this point I was wonder WTF, now what?? Well I confronted her in not the calmest manner and asked who's phone number this was etc. She replied that it was a coworkers and I asked to see her phone, which she agreed. I copied the text messages and over the next few days we had a falling out, and I was trying to get answers.
Basically these were the issues that she stated:
1) The coworker was not a friend...umm ok
2) He did make some advances/flirtations towards her and she eventually just told him to stop (she never told me)
3) Although he did make some sexual banter she was a big girl and could handle it,, and she never replied in kind
4) She did enjoy getting the attention and it made her feel good
5) She wants to have friends
I had texted the coworker and asked him to stop texting my wife, and now I believe all contact is either in email or face to face.
After several days of conversations and anger/resent, she kept saying she loves me and the family and would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. I do believe her but I am thinking that she was enjoying the flirtations and did realize that this was turning bad and decided to stop, thank god! But I still have this nagging feeling that she and him are still friends, which normally I would not care but given the circumstance, I do.
Any thoughts?
.
Going back to my first year of marriage I had caught my wife, who wasn't working at the time and going to school, flirting with an ex-coworker via email/chat. This had been going on for a few months before I was able to find evidence and confront her, which she was visibly upset and apologetic. She didn't have any real excuse and although I was pissed for a few days we did reconcile.
Now back to present time. Since 2007 my wife has not worked and was a full-time sahm, due to being pregnant with our third child. She did resent the fact at the time of quitting her good paying job, but we couldn't see any other way to afford childcare.
This past December she had gotten a job working 5 nights a week, which really put a strain on our relationship. I did encourage her to apply for the job because it she would be doing something she is passionate about. And originally the job would have been part-time 3-4 days a week during the early afternoon. But this changed to 5 nights the second week and thereafter.
Although I was a but stressed out due my full time job and other responsibilities, it was working..barely. Once January 2012 started things started getting a little strange. Normally she would wear the slightest make-up before going to work, but I noticed several times she really applied the makeup, almost when we have the rare date night.
I then happened to see some emails from a male coworker about setting up a possible lunch meeting for collaboration which is fine, but she did not say one word to me about this. Also, I then checked our phone records and in the span of two weeks, she had 200 txt messages to a strange phone number.
I also noticed in web browsing history around the same time she was searching his name on the internet, to get home address and phone number.
I then did some searching and found that it was the male coworkers', and the text messages were in the evenings, late & early, and on weekends. Before I confronted her this I was able to check her phone messages and only found a few days worth of messaging, but it was very friendly and the male was using a lot of playful wording, sexual in nature. My wife's responses, that were still on the phone, did not reply in same manner but there there was still a very friendly banter.
I was never able to get any exact information on what was said and what in manner, which is strange because she can remember one thing I said a year ago crystal clear.
At this point I was wonder WTF, now what?? Well I confronted her in not the calmest manner and asked who's phone number this was etc. She replied that it was a coworkers and I asked to see her phone, which she agreed. I copied the text messages and over the next few days we had a falling out, and I was trying to get answers.
Basically these were the issues that she stated:
1) The coworker was not a friend...umm ok
2) He did make some advances/flirtations towards her and she eventually just told him to stop (she never told me)
3) Although he did make some sexual banter she was a big girl and could handle it,, and she never replied in kind
4) She did enjoy getting the attention and it made her feel good
5) She wants to have friends
I had texted the coworker and asked him to stop texting my wife, and now I believe all contact is either in email or face to face.
After several days of conversations and anger/resent, she kept saying she loves me and the family and would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. I do believe her but I am thinking that she was enjoying the flirtations and did realize that this was turning bad and decided to stop, thank god! But I still have this nagging feeling that she and him are still friends, which normally I would not care but given the circumstance, I do.
Any thoughts?
.
