my wife grew up in an abusive house with her twin sister. The mom was the primary abuser (psychologically and physically), But the mom's long time boyfriend (they call him dad) was also part of it. my wife and her sister tried to get help but it was a small town and their parents knew all the cops because "dad" volunteered as a citizen on patrol (cop), so they never got help. now we are married (just had our first anniversary) and have a 4 and 1/2 month old son, my wife has diabetes, low thyroid (hypothyroidism), and stays home to watch our son while i work and go to college full time while doing most of the cleaning and cooking at home. she has been having trouble with her thoughts, weight (because of the thyroid, diabetes, and just having had a baby, even though she works out 4 to 5 days a week) and me. yes I have caused many problems. I am a pansy that cant even stand up for my self, have in the past on repeated occasions taken my parents side because i didn't want to rock the boat, asked her to marry me then to keep it a secret for two years (until i was a year from graduation), not really say anything to a friend that kept touching her inappropriately, told her that her sister was raped a few years ago, told her that i looked at other womens tatas and badankadonks after denying it for our entire relationship (now i have trained myself to look at the ground and when i have to look up blur out people or look elsewhere), there are more minor things but i think i have hit the most major points. she has had trouble most of our relationship thinking about what her parents did to her and her sister. they were strangled, beaten for everything (even not turning off the light quick enough, with fists and even a belt as young as 5), and when they would try to hide on the top bunk, their mom would tear it down with them still on it to get at them. last night my wife had a nightmare remembering tons of the abuse and tried waking me up but i didn't enough to remember what she was saying to me. when i actually woke up it was to being called an ass hole... well here is my dilemma, all my wife can seem to think about is the abuse, if her sister is safe (she was living at home again recently and was strangled again by the mom, has been jumping between boyfriends and their houses, while partying. oh and she crashed because she was drunk, spending a couple of weeks in jail), and thinking that i am checking out women while i am at work and school. what can i do to help her? all of it is causing a strain on our relationship, this morning she told me that if i wanted to go to class to just leave my house key on the table and not come back. please help, i love my wife so much and don't want to loose her.