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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife and I have been together for 14 years and married for 3. Things haven't always been great and I stopped really seeing her or being intimate. We started talking about opening our marriage so she could fulfill her sexual needs so she started online chatting. I was having a hard time with it and second guessing it. Then 2 weeks ago I check her phone and she is telling some other woman that even if I don't want her to continue talking to her she still will and she can't wait to meet her. I lose it because this was just supposed to be a fwb situation and she is basically saying she wants to date this person. She then tells me she wants to separate and see where things go with this new person. She was a stay at home mom so moving out I'd not viable for her. So we are living together in separate rooms and still spending time together. She says she doesn't want to hurt me but she also doesn't want to get back together. I feel angry and blindsided and broken hearted.
 

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So the marriage as you describe it sucks, you’re not even intimate with her and “opened the marriage”. Why not just let her go?
Did you really expect that she would have sex with other women and not become emotionally attached? This is what people do. It shouldn’t be unexpected.
Just divorce and tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. What other option do you have, and why would you even want her to stay? I don’t understand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
So we talked about opening the marriage and she started talking to someone and was thinking a friend with benefits situation but she caught feelings I guess. I don't want to let her go because I love her. I didn't value her like I should have. I took for granted that she would always be there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She never slept with anyone else. I am not a very sexual person. Past drama and anxiety meds but mostly we just bickered all the time and I got in my head too much.
 

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Wish I had more advice to offer. Chasing or trying to nice someone back that has interest in another doesn’t work. I’m sorry.
 

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So the short of it is that you were not meeting her needs and she is moving on to get her needs met elsewhere and now you're upset about it. Maybe you should have taken your wedding vows more seriously.
 

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So we talked about opening the marriage and she started talking to someone and was thinking a friend with benefits situation but she caught feelings I guess. I don't want to let her go because I love her. I didn't value her like I should have. I took for granted that she would always be there.
I'm sorry you are i this situation. It sounds like you decided to open your marriage for your wide, and that's a move that shows that you love her but carries its own risks. I think the best at this point is to start to detach from her; you cannot make her stay with you if she wants to leave. The only thing you can do now that would help you at this point is to start to emotionally detach from her. I know, easier said than done, but when you cannot change people's mind, you work on changing your own to get out of this situation. Sounds like it's too late to restart things with her; her mind is with someone else.
Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
So the short of it is that you were not meeting her needs and she is moving on to get her needs met elsewhere and now you're upset about it. Maybe you should have taken your wedding vows more seriously.
Wow, harsh. I took my wedding vows seriously. Sometimes you just lose track of each other, marriage isn't always perfect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'm sorry you are i this situation. It sounds like you decided to open your marriage for your wide, and that's a move that shows that you love her but carries its own risks. I think the best at this point is to start to detach from her; you cannot make her stay with you if she wants to leave. The only thing you can do now that would help you at this point is to start to emotionally detach from her. I know, easier said than done, but when you cannot change people's mind, you work on changing your own to get out of this situation. Sounds like it's too late to restart things with her; her mind is with someone else.
Good luck!
Thanks for the advice. I am trying to work on myself regardless of what that means for us.
 

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So we talked about opening the marriage and she started talking to someone and was thinking a friend with benefits situation but she caught feelings I guess. I don't want to let her go because I love her. I didn't value her like I should have. I took for granted that she would always be there.
She’s already gone.
 

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she is using you. You can’t see it.
She doesn’t really care that she’s hurting you, if she did she wouldn’t. She cares about herself. Why would you sabotage yourself by hanging in to this woman? She probably doesn’t even want to still adopt the child. Then she’d be responsible for the child. That would interfere with her “new love” she hasn’t even met yet.
Everyone is trying to make you see the obvious. But what we have here is “failure tO communicate”.
Good luck.
 
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