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Hi I have done a lot of research already my wife has bad feelings towards me I know whining crying and bagging does not work.
I spend entire weekend crying like a baby after our last talk because I really love her and I want her back! right now but she told me she wants to move out anyway and she said maybe one day we can start from beginning as friends again? today I have made extra research that prove me not to panic and totally accept that she wants to move out simply just let her go drop my weapon (show her white flag) she will wait until Christmas and move right around new year just to show our daughter good holiday time? its so sad but thru
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Question if she really decides to leave its ok to tell her something like this "if you leave me and our home its only one way road you choose and I will hire lawyer" do you think this may change her mind and stopped her from moving because I think if she move the chances of our reunion will be weak...
 

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Threatening anything at this time will only make matters worse. You are thinking the world is coming to an end right now, I understand as I am going through something similar. Just try to hold your head high and put on a good face in front of her and your daughter.
If you want someone to love you back, you have to love them first. Do not tell her how much you love her, and do not grovel. It will only make things worse. Do little stuff for her and continue to be there for her if she needs you. As long as there is contact between you, there is a chance. However, you need to quickly find out how and why you drove her away and end the actions that caused it immediately.
 

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You to do the 180 which is described here in detail and is done for yourself but maks you more attractive to her and everyone else frankly including yourself.

I suspect she is having an affair and you are in the way. Right now she wants to explore it. If that is not the case, you should have seen things coming along time ago and shouldnt be so surprised.

Offer some more background here so you get more insightful feedback
 

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My friend do the 180. Twice in my life I was a mess like you. The last time was last year at the beginning of June 2010. After the discovery of an EA I was devastated and did all the common things a guy does, plead, beg, cry, etc. We got through it and it was hell. My wife showed remorse etc. Fast forward just under a year and now and all the signs are back. I will be posting my story when I am done replying to you in "Coping with infidelity" if you care to see my story. If I had to do it all over again I would have kept my emotions in check and just did the 180. It took alot of research, individual counseling, etc, to figure things out for me. I acted like a wussy and often times that is how we men respond (and it is normal). You need to get strong and take care of yourself and let her fall where she may. You are devastated and I am sorry to see you go through this. It is hard to get a proper grip on this, but my friend, for your well being, back up, do the 180 and try to get a grip on your emotions (as impossible as that may seem right now).
 

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Question if she really decides to leave its ok to tell her something like this "if you leave me and our home its only one way road you choose and I will hire lawyer" do you think this may change her mind and stopped her from moving because I think if she move the chances of our reunion will be weak...
No, from her point of view this will look like a desperate attempt to manipulate her into staying. She has to want to come back on her own without your influence if there's a chance to R.

It's going to take time for her to miss you, a couple of months easily. During that time you need to focus on yourself, do things you normally wouldn't do if she was still around and DO NOT contact her. The less she knows about what you are doing (and what she is doing) the better.

She will come snooping around eventually when she see that you are not chasing her. Keep your distance if she does until she is practicality begging you to talk to her. She has to want to R worse than you for it to work, otherwise you run the risk of scaring her off by being needy.
 

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I agree on the 180, for some reason alot of us women make the stupid choice to go after what does not want us, so act like it dont bother u, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and handle ur bussiness, she may or may not want to stay but either way, u need to keep your self respect cuz in the end u have to be able to respect yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Hi I have done a lot of research already my wife has bad feelings towards me I know whining crying and bagging does not work.
I spend entire weekend crying like a baby after our last talk because I really love her and I want her back! right now but she told me she wants to move out anyway and she said maybe one day we can start from beginning as friends again? today I have made extra research that prove me not to panic and totally accept that she wants to move out simply just let her go drop my weapon (show her white flag) she will wait until Christmas and move right around new year just to show our daughter good holiday time? its so sad but thru
-
Question if she really decides to leave its ok to tell her something like this "if you leave me and our home its only one way road you choose and I will hire lawyer" do you think this may change her mind and stopped her from moving because I think if she move the chances of our reunion will be weak...
 

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Thanks for all your support you are great and i'm so happy that someone is helping me! your suggestions are so valuable!
right now still did not change much in our situation even after I told her with my confidence to move out and I feel comfortable with her decision moving out and I just want you to be happy I will do anything for you and support you but the truth is doesn't work she is still cold and not changed.
180 you mention i think is good to try but how I can do it if im stock with our daughter all afternoons and nights. I have to work till 3 or 4 pm only having my own company makes me flexible on work schedule. When she works 9-4 and after leaves for internships 6-4am only day she's off is saturday i would love to try 180 just dont know how
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
hey one think I was able to figure out is that she's definitely have strong support from someone i may know or not, neither male of her female best friend her best friend 2 years ago cant get pregnant or stay pregnant to have child she had miscarriage or something? she was desperate and one time she ask my wife to somehow get pregnant clinically and give baby for her so my wife denied I was shocked how she even came up with this idea? and their friendship was bad for a longer while but back then our relationship was good now they are two best friends again they spend hours on the phone talking and texting and if I told my wife that i dont like her being in lovely relationship with her super girlfriend she throw fit and after all that everything was going bad she started to connecting all pass our bad moments my mistakes bad words all together etc. and that possibly build her up and being in love with her bad feelings. Now I think someone must be working on her to leave me, but not necessarily she is in any relationship and I can only hope that she not but if I find she is cheating I'm done with her then I want to be the one to leave her and divorce how can I trust her now or later anyway?, this morning I start to gently screeched her neck and said wake up we have to take our 6 year old to school she respond don't touch me! then she screamed at our doughtier that she is slow instead help her dressed so she can be on time in school, later I ask for a kiss when go to work she replied just leave now,(no kiss of course) that boost my anger now im so upset! If somehow I find she's cheating I will never be able to trust her again our marriage is sexless anyways, and all this today gives me a good reason to turn 180 im done doing a nice thinks for her because that turns her even more careless!
what do you think? :)
 

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You should snoop like crazy. Put VAR in the house and in her car. Also, check her cell phone and the past records for strange calls. Her behavior seems awfuly close to that of someone in affair. Even if it is not an affair with an opposite gender, you still must find out who is manipulating her to break up the family.
 

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:scratchhead:Tonight I checked her phone logs... I know that is not nice but somehow I have to do my research, and she knows I have an access to this after I called customer service to change myself to be primary account holder because for some reason she was the one as primary even if the all the bill are on me? but anyways so when they change we both received confirmation via text... tonight on the log I found lots of numbers she exchange calls and texting, the longest conversations are her best friend and text massages, witch is ok i mean I don't care everyone needs friends, I found another number that right away that bring my attention another so popular number that she talk and text I mean constant a day and night massages incoming and outgoing I called this number to check with anonymous number voicemail turned on with as....e sounded male voice... I know she is where he is now because he is the guy where she does her night internships everyday I had nothing to loose like text her with question? "who do you text all the time are you in relationship with him?" Her answer was, "I text with my friends and im not in relationship with anyone and if you keep accusing me I will stop answering your questions i told you im doing this for me and I wanna be alone" is that mean she is with someone? its hard to believe her but i'm confused now?
anyways its a mess im so tired of this! good think is i'm going on vacation with my friends in a week from now but i don't know whats next..... Also I came out with a Christmas gift for her its a photo album with pictures of us together as a family i will have this assembled by local scrapbook place anyone advise on this idea in this horrible time?
 

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Obviously, if she is indeed in an affair, she won't admit to it. Besides, she already set her mind up to leave you anyway. Find out if the guy is married. If so, contact his W or GF to share all the info.

Do not confront her accusing of A anymore. She won't tell you squat. You must find out the solid evidence on your own. Use keylogger and VARs. You can also place GPS tracker in her car. So, she does work with him, heh? Is there someone else at the place who may be aware of their interaction that you can contact discreetly?

I know a case on infidelity forum where the BH placed a small VAR in WW's purse and got the indisputable evidence. Try everything.
 
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