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Today, I kicked a coffee table and it hit a cupboard thereby breaking the glass. Previously, I'd be violent toward her when enraged, but I haven't struck her in over a year.

Regardless, she still finds it pretty scary even when not directed at her and it makes her hate me.
She has every reason to hate you. You are a violent, abusive person.

What you describe here is classic domestic violent. You "only" beat her a few times. So after that you don't have to beat her anymore as that has taught her what will happen if she dares to not do what you want. Now all you have to do is kick and break things. The message is something like "right now I'm just breaking stuff, but next time I just might decide to beat the crap out of you."

She needs to call the police on you every time you start kicking, bashing, breaking things or if you are ever violent against her.
 

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I'm not sick, I'm a very strong and intelligent man. I really don't like the label at all. Also, I am me. I don't want to change who I am. But, I also don't want my wife to suffer any more. Anyway, so now off to do some reading and soul searching.
Are you happy?

Is your behaviour working for you? Are you proud of it?

Don't think of it in terms like 'sick.' Think of it in terms like 'skillful,' 'beneficial,' or 'harmful.' You are creating harm in others - and yourself. You can choose to stop being this way if you want to.

I hope you make that choice, and I hope you put your ego aside successfully - because it will likely require you to do so.

Losing your temper is not strength. It is weakness. It is also a luxury you can no longer afford to pay for - or ask others to pay for.

 

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Sir, all due respect. You have performed what I refer to in my practice as unforgivable sin. Raising a hand, even if it was a year ago, cripes, ten years ago, is completely unacceptable. You should have undergone analysis and therapy. I am surprised that you have not as yet accrued charges from this behavior. Sorry, I routinely refuse business from men and women who have brutalized a mate. If you cannot keep your hands to yourself, then of course your spouse will not stay in love with you for that long. If your wife was my daughter, you would have a restraining order against you that would make your head spin. NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO RAISE A HAND. You want back? Well at this time I would say your chances are slim and none and slim just left. Get yourself into therapy and do not have word one with your wife until such time as you have completed a course in anger management.
 

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Not much to say to you about the marriage and your relationship with your wife that hasn't already been said by others. Get control of your anger and start there. And for God's sake, don't just ignore it or it will only get worse and you'll find yourself in jail.

I find it interesting that you now mention that you've been diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). You sort of just tossed that off out of hand, but your psychologist gave you some valuable information that you would be wise to look into. Folks with BPD are notoriously difficult to live with and are especially hard on their significant others. They have a tendency to have multiple failed relationships.

The basic jist of it though is that they have difficulty regulating their emotions, anger especially. I would suggest therapy, a lot of therapy. Don't hide your issues from your therapist. Look into DBT. Get to work.

BPD therapy and behavioral modification can take years.
 

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Discussion Starter #85
So, not all rainbows and happy ever afters. I found that my business partner from before has been going around trying to set up a deal to sell off our customers to a competitor. I told him to turn over the company chop to me immediately and he refused. I told him I was representing my wife while she was away and, by law, the chop must be with whom she says.

Long story short; I tell my wife about his behaviour and she says we should relinquish the company and not fight. WTF? Anyway, I ask her what the h*ll is wrong with her. Is she really so foolish a woman as to give up everything we have worked years to build? We started arguing and, now, she says she is planning to give over the shares to him and be done with the business, done with this city, and done with me! She apparently is happy back home and I'm a giant a**. Well, at-least according to her. Needless to say, I feel a dagger has been pushed through my chest. There is a pressure I cannot put into words pushing out from within my heart. I feel I cannot breathe. At this point, I have no recourse but war. I will have to create a new company and fight for these customers. I've spoken with a lawyer and it seems it may be possible for me to have it in my name. Also, I have lined up other investors to fill in any financial holes.

The man has mortgaged his house for his shares and, if I am to do what I feel I must, it will destroy him. However, my wife is the legal representative and she could also have severe consequences from a bankruptcy. I feel so betrayed by this. What is she thinking? She has chosen her horse, let her suffer with that choice. But I just want her to be a good woman and follow me. Still, I cannot accept this. I want to take everything from this man till he is destitute. I will destroy everything and when I am standing like a phoenix on the ashes of all I have destroyed, I will look down and laugh at these idiots. How could he do this to me? How could she do this to me? Okay, then war it is. I control the customers and the staff. They will lose to me, not me to them.
 

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So, not all rainbows and happy ever afters. I found that my business partner from before has been going around trying to set up a deal to sell off our customers to a competitor. I told him to turn over the company chop to me immediately and he refused. I told him I was representing my wife while she was away and, by law, the chop must be with whom she says.

Long story short; I tell my wife about his behaviour and she says we should relinquish the company and not fight. WTF? Anyway, I ask her what the h*ll is wrong with her. Is she really so foolish a woman as to give up everything we have worked years to build? We started arguing and, now, she says she is planning to give over the shares to him and be done with the business, done with this city, and done with me! She apparently is happy back home and I'm a giant a**. Well, at-least according to her. Needless to say, I feel a dagger has been pushed through my chest. There is a pressure I cannot put into words pushing out from within my heart. I feel I cannot breathe. At this point, I have no recourse but war. I will have to create a new company and fight for these customers. I've spoken with a lawyer and it seems it may be possible for me to have it in my name. Also, I have lined up other investors to fill in any financial holes.

The man has mortgaged his house for his shares and, if I am to do what I feel I must, it will destroy him. However, my wife is the legal representative and she could also have severe consequences from a bankruptcy. I feel so betrayed by this. What is she thinking? She has chosen her horse, let her suffer with that choice. But I just want her to be a good woman and follow me. Still, I cannot accept this. I want to take everything from this man till he is destitute. I will destroy everything and when I am standing like a phoenix on the ashes of all I have destroyed, I will look down and laugh at these idiots. How could he do this to me? How could she do this to me? Okay, then war it is. I control the customers and the staff. They will lose to me, not me to them.
When you get time, if you get time, you really need some therapy... Probably too young to understand that, I wish you could....
 

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So, while I do agree OP needs anger management counseling, I think he is justified in feeling that he has been betrayed by his business partner AND his wife both. Doing this to him over his company -- especially going behind his back to sell off customers and his wife selling HER shares to the partner so that HE loses control of the company, I AGREE with him. He has no other choice but pursue a new company, and if that affects his partner and wife, well so be it. They are adults and chose their path, he gets to choose his.
 

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So, while I do agree OP needs anger management counseling, I think he is justified in feeling that he has been betrayed by his business partner AND his wife both. Doing this to him over his company -- especially going behind his back to sell off customers and his wife selling HER shares to the partner so that HE loses control of the company, I AGREE with him. He has no other choice but pursue a new company, and if that affects his partner and wife, well so be it. They are adults and chose their path, he gets to choose his.
But, you get that it is not that he has to do what he has to do, it is his thought process.

I mean he, and good for him, started the thread by admitting a that he had been physically abusive, and the he had big anger problems. So yeah, maybe she does want to hurt him any way that she can now.

I am not saying that any of it is right, it just is. In some ways we read what we sow, and I know a lot of us are hoping we don't actually get what we deserve , because that would be horrible.

But his anger, for whatever reason will be his undoing. He is just too young to see that right now...
 

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I do agree -- as I said, I really DO think he need counseling -- anger for sure, and IC for his own sake. I think IC could help him see the root of his issues so he can improve HIS life for HIMSELF. Without that, I don't see a good LTR in his future.

STILL -- he is getting screwed by his partner and his wife, so while you may view this as karma for him, I have no issues with him fighting back and doing what he needs to do for his own lively hood.
 

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I do agree -- as I said, I really DO think he need counseling -- anger for sure, and IC for his own sake. I think IC could help him see the root of his issues so he can improve HIS life for HIMSELF. Without that, I don't see a good LTR in his future.

STILL -- he is getting screwed by his partner and his wife, so while you may view this as karma for him, I have no issues with him fighting back and doing what he needs to do for his own lively hood.
Were he viewing things objectively, I would agree. It's clear he is not. For all we know, these people are trying to protect themselves from him.

I find this bit very troubling:

She has chosen her horse, let her suffer with that choice. But I just want her to be a good woman and follow me. Still, I cannot accept this. I want to take everything from this man till he is destitute. I will destroy everything and when I am standing like a phoenix on the ashes of all I have destroyed, I will look down and laugh at these idiots.
 

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Discussion Starter #94
So, I have had some time to cool down. I spoke with my grandmother for some time about all of this and have had a bit of a shift in perspective. Honestly, I value my relationship with my wife more than this business. I can always start over and build my way back up. However, I definitely do not want to lose this woman that I love, and further mother to my children. So, I am thinking that I need to call her when she wakes up and apologize for having not realized how scared she was by the possible consequences of a war. She had a point, I was so caught in the mindset of conflict I was throwing her under the bus. I was being very solipsistic. If she is keen, we can leave this all behind and try to make our future, together, anew. So this guy out manoeuvred me. Whatever, I know this industry and suspect he will lose everything soon enough regardless. At this point, I can only take this as a lesson learnt. Do I feel betrayed by him? 100%. Do I feel betrayed by my wife? Yes, I do, but it is something I think I can get over and will not put myself into such a weak position next time.
 

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Discussion Starter #95
So, I had left a message last night and my wife woke up and called me back. I told her my current feelings on the matter and that I valued our relationship, her, and our children, much more than hurting this man. I explained that while I still am seething with anger at this guy, we can give up everything and leave this place if that is what she wants. I feel a bit weak about this but maybe that is good for her. Maybe it empowers her some. Maybe that could be good. I don't know. In some way, I feel a blindfold has been removed from my eyes.

Anyway, she cried some and was pretty happy. I guess it's possible it showed her that I value her. Personally, I would think the fact that I am stuck in this country is more than proof enough that I value her. But, okay, it seems she needed a refreshment gesture.

So, hopefully this will be my last post. If everything goes smoothly from here, maybe I will post one last update after we have moved, gotten back onto our feet, and it will be something like "Good news, no updates". I mean, that's all I want. I just want a peaceful life. The name of my company is "PeaceKrafters", my name, in this language, means peacemaker. Even my user name "Frithy" means peaceful. It's strange how it always alludes me. I'm rambling. Anyway, it seems a new future awaits me. Take care, everyone.
 

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So, while I do agree OP needs anger management counseling, I think he is justified in feeling that he has been betrayed by his business partner AND his wife both. Doing this to him over his company -- especially going behind his back to sell off customers and his wife selling HER shares to the partner so that HE loses control of the company, I AGREE with him. He has no other choice but pursue a new company, and if that affects his partner and wife, well so be it. They are adults and chose their path, he gets to choose his.
I agree with this.

@Frithy,
So, I have had some time to cool down. I spoke with my grandmother for some time about all of this and have had a bit of a shift in perspective. Honestly, I value my relationship with my wife more than this business. I can always start over and build my way back up. However, I definitely do not want to lose this woman that I love, and further mother to my children. So, I am thinking that I need to call her when she wakes up and apologize for having not realized how scared she was by the possible consequences of a war. She had a point, I was so caught in the mindset of conflict I was throwing her under the bus. I was being very solipsistic. If she is keen, we can leave this all behind and try to make our future, together, anew. So this guy out manoeuvred me. Whatever, I know this industry and suspect he will lose everything soon enough regardless. At this point, I can only take this as a lesson learnt. Do I feel betrayed by him? 100%. Do I feel betrayed by my wife? Yes, I do, but it is something I think I can get over and will not put myself into such a weak position next time.
I'm glad you have had a change of mind on how to handle this. You are right that you can rebuild the business on your own terms.

Don't put another minute of effort into the guy who out maneuvered you. It sounds like he was running scared for his own financial well being and reacted. You are better off without him. Do you still have the customer list? Is the business mostly over the internet? If so, you can still use that list. Offer them something to entice them to use your business.
 

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So you visit brothels (but only for a “massage”) and you are violent towards your wife but you can’t figure out why she wants to leave you?

I hope she comes to her full senses and gets far, far away from you along with her kids.
 

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Discussion Starter #98 (Edited)
So you visit brothels (but only for a “massage”) and you are violent towards your wife but you can’t figure out why she wants to leave you?

I hope she comes to her full senses and gets far, far away from you along with her kids.
@"Faithful Wife"

I'm going to tell you, I don't find you to be a pleasant person. You were posting in the other thread trying to rile me and when I didn't take your bait, you came and found me here to do more of the same. I believe you to not like men in general and to wish to cause trouble for me. Be gone, I have no time for you. I have gone into your profile and clicked to ignore you.
 

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I'm going to tell you, I don't find you to be a pleasant person. You were posting in the other thread trying to rile me and when I didn't take your bait, you came and found me here to do more of the same. You are a misandrist and wish to cause trouble for me. Be gone, I have no time for you. I have gone into your profile and clicked to ignore you.
This is an open forum. That means that people can post as long as they follow the rules.

Name calling is not acceptable.
 

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@"Faithful Wife"

I'm going to tell you, I don't find you to be a pleasant person. You were posting in the other thread trying to rile me and when I didn't take your bait, you came and found me here to do more of the same. I believe you to not like men in general and to wish to cause trouble for me. Be gone, I have no time for you. I have gone into your profile and clicked to ignore you.
No problem if you want to ignore me. Makes sense. You don’t want your world view challenged so it’s easier to consider me a “man hater” than to consider that maybe I have a point.

I love men. But I only love men who don’t go to brothels if they are married and who don’t hit their wives. Is there a term for a woman who has no respect for men who have double standards, who hit their wives and who go to brothels? Whatever that word is, that’s me.

Meanwhile I have the upmost respect, love and desire (when appropriate) for men who adore their wives or women in general, men who are never ever violent toward any woman, and men who are faithful.
 
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