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Discussion Starter #61
I think about her and the kids every day. That's a fact. No matter how much we have ever fought, I have never abandoned them from my heart. This is insane.
 

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Discussion Starter #62
So, now she calls me and says that she does miss me but was just trying to be mean when I called. Then, she tells me about her trip and is laughing, trying to get along, and says she thought about it and doesn't want me to feel bad. I'm very confused. She asked if I felt better but I didn't know what I felt and still don't. I'm trying to ask my heart what I feel, but there is just confusion. I hope this fighting is over. I feel like a character in a movie that's been hoodwinked and has no idea what is happening around him.
 

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So, now she calls me and says that she does miss me but was just trying to be mean when I called. Then, she tells me about her trip and is laughing, trying to get along, and says she thought about it and doesn't want me to feel bad. I'm very confused. She asked if I felt better but I didn't know what I felt and still don't. I'm trying to ask my heart what I feel, but there is just confusion. I hope this fighting is over. I feel like a character in a movie that's been hoodwinked and has no idea what is happening around him.
Now is the time for you to be very stable no matter what she does.
 

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Discussion Starter #64 (Edited)
Yes, I agree. I hope that I can show her how important she is to me.

Post Edited:
My apologies. I was quite inebriated when this was posted. I have edited it to fix the grammar, spelling, and to make it a little less embarrassing.
 

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Discussion Starter #66 (Edited)
A friend of mine invited me out and I had a bit to drink. Right now, I can only think about how much I miss my wife and sons.
 

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Alcohol will not solve your problems. Sleep it off and find the resolve to make it right with your W.
 

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Discussion Starter #69 (Edited)
Again, I was posting something about citizenship like above. My apologies for the embarrassing behavior last night.
Post Edited:
 

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Today, I kicked a coffee table and it hit a cupboard thereby breaking the glass. Previously, I'd be violent toward her when enraged, but I haven't struck her in over a year.

Regardless, she still finds it pretty scary even when not directed at her and it makes her hate me.
I did not read past this.

If I were your wife I would separate until you complete anger management and take full responsibility. Saying "I am emotional, how can I deny it?" would not be sufficient.
 

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Mother abandoned me as an infant, sister was murdered by mom's boyfriend, mum went to prison, half-brother had serious emotional problems and would attack me randomly, had coke-bottle glasses, speech impediment so strong they thought I was mentally retarded until third grade, moved often, no friends, et cetera.

My past is behind me and I do not have any negative feelings about it. My nature is my own and is current and evolving. Do not try to box me in with these things as fitting some model that explains away my existence and feelings. Do I consider myself misunderstood by society? Yes, I do and I resent that. Does it have anything to do with my childhood? No, not at all except that the pattern had emerged even then.
As much as you'd like it, and as confident as you sound about it, your past is not all the way behind you. You are being deeply effected by the things that you went through whether you like it or not. That is how the human existence works. You are no different. I would say you had more problems growing up than the average man, and you seem to have more problems with your anger than the average man. You might think these things are coincidence, but I assure you...they are not. Your angry tendencies, perceived and somewhat proven proclivity towards violence and the appearance of you seemingly numbing with alcohol as you type your newest updates tell me you have a LOT of work to do regarding your past, present and future.
 

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Today, we had an argument about our small business and I became heated toward her. She had been planning on going to visit her family later this month, but then went out and immediately bought the tickets for her and the kids. She said nothing was wrong, but her attitude told me otherwise. After pressing the issue, I found that she is planning on leaving me and not coming back. She said I am too violent, she used to think I could change and doesn't now, and that she feels trapped when we fight because she doesn't have any friends or family here.

My stance was that I'm a very emotional person, have been for the past eleven years we've been together, and had been since before she had ever even known me. When my feelings stir, how can I deny them? I told her that I don't want her to leave, but she is in charge of her own fate and who am I to stop her? Also, I told her that she had probably just been reading some things online or what-not and it had given her some crazy ideals of Disney romance and love.

So, her ticket is for tomorrow morning. What do you all think will come of this? Will she reach out to me on the train there? Will her feelings for me force her to call me after a few weeks? Or, possible, will this be the end? We have two kids together, so I doubt she'd just disappear. But, maybe, she really will not come back home.
You have a home. Your wife, however, does not have a home. Your wife has a place where she has lived in fear of being beaten, again, and again by someone who can't or who won't control their rages.

She is living in constant fear of the next time you get in a mood you will hit her, again. Or perhaps hit the children.

You are not a very emotional person, you are a violent person who beats his wife. Yes, yes, you have refrained from beating her for a whole year. That's very commendable of you, I'm sure.

Her "crazy ideals" are about wanting a man as her husband who doesn't fly off the handle and start beating her again. That's not crazy. That's the minimum anyone should be able to expect form their spouse!

When your feelings stir what you do is you use your anger management class techniques to make sure you don't get into a rage with your wife and frighten her or hurt her again. Anger management classes. Have you had any? If not, you should.

You might have ruined your marriage and damaged your family because you are somehow under the impression that you are entitled to do whatever you like.

Newsflash! Nobody is ever that entitled.

It's possible that with suitable therapy for you and your wife and children (no child deserves a parent, male or female, who employs violence as a way of controlling their other parent) that you could save your marriage. As a bare minimum therapy could save you even if your marriage and family is beyond saving.

And kidnapping your children would be an exceptionally bad idea.
 

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Why would she miss you? When last we joined your journey. She can't disagree with you or you get mad. If you get mad then you get violent. She told you she was leaving you and you think that this conversation was going to be ohhhh I miss you so much?

You said you didn't want her to be on egg shells. Well she is expressing to you that she feel like you don't like her or her choices. And instead of that triggering a conversation about how you have been thinking about your actions and you are remorseful and you want to work together to build a better relationship. You automatically think she is having an affair? And instead of wanting your family back which 5 days ago that's all you wanted, now you think oh I should go off on my own. How is that going to work out for the company you were so invested in a few days ago that you drove your wife out of the house with anger?

I sincerely and not trying to be funny here... I think you may have some sort of issue with emotional triggers and empathy for others.

Sure she could be cheating but reread this thread she has plenty of reason to be cold. She also has plenty of reason to want to have an actual conversation and maybe even here you recognize violence like breaking the coffee table isn't acceptable and you will work on anger management or something. Her talking to you at all in my opinion speaks volumes that she may consider returning.

But you can't find your empathy. As long as you head thinks it, it must be right. No one else in the world can be right if they don't agree with you. This needs professional help.
 

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Today, we had an argument about our small business and I became heated toward her. She had been planning on going to visit her family later this month, but then went out and immediately bought the tickets for her and the kids. She said nothing was wrong, but her attitude told me otherwise. After pressing the issue, I found that she is planning on leaving me and not coming back. She said I am too violent, she used to think I could change and doesn't now, and that she feels trapped when we fight because she doesn't have any friends or family here.

My stance was that I'm a very emotional person, have been for the past eleven years we've been together, and had been since before she had ever even known me. When my feelings stir, how can I deny them? I told her that I don't want her to leave, but she is in charge of her own fate and who am I to stop her? Also, I told her that she had probably just been reading some things online or what-not and it had given her some crazy ideals of Disney romance and love.

So, her ticket is for tomorrow morning. What do you all think will come of this? Will she reach out to me on the train there? Will her feelings for me force her to call me after a few weeks? Or, possible, will this be the end? We have two kids together, so I doubt she'd just disappear. But, maybe, she really will not come back home.
Let her leave.

If you have personal behavioral issues work on those.

Make sure you get the kids half the time.....get a lawyer if you need to.
She can stay gone as long as she wants....forever if she chooses.
She doesn't have the authority to decide she gets to relocate the kids and for them to not see you at least half of the time.

Any idea of her thoughts on whether she plans to just keep the kids and decide if and when you get to see them?
 

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Discussion Starter #77
Yesterday, here, I made quite the fool of myself. I'm truly sorry for my behaviour. I remember using some foul language toward some of you as well. To whomever I was less than pleasant to, I know that this was wrong of me. I do appreciate all of the input and advice that has been shared over the past week. You are good people and are taking time out of your lives to help myself and others. Again, my actions were wrong and I apologize.
 

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Your last few posts reveal the kind of person you are. Your wife was right to leave. Let her go and do NOT attempt to kidnap your children.
No, I meant I would go pick them up from her. The children would want to come live with me if forced to choose. Also, I think my wife would rather I take them if we were to truly separate. She loves them very much, but I think it'd be too hard for her to be a single mother.

You have a home. Your wife, however, does not have a home. Your wife has a place where she has lived in fear of being beaten, again, and again by someone who can't or who won't control their rages.

She is living in constant fear of the next time you get in a mood you will hit her, again. Or perhaps hit the children.

You are not a very emotional person, you are a violent person who beats his wife. Yes, yes, you have refrained from beating her for a whole year. That's very commendable of you, I'm sure.

Her "crazy ideals" are about wanting a man as her husband who doesn't fly off the handle and start beating her again. That's not crazy. That's the minimum anyone should be able to expect form their spouse!

When your feelings stir what you do is you use your anger management class techniques to make sure you don't get into a rage with your wife and frighten her or hurt her again. Anger management classes. Have you had any? If not, you should.

You might have ruined your marriage and damaged your family because you are somehow under the impression that you are entitled to do whatever you like.

Newsflash! Nobody is ever that entitled.

It's possible that with suitable therapy for you and your wife and children (no child deserves a parent, male or female, who employs violence as a way of controlling their other parent) that you could save your marriage. As a bare minimum therapy could save you even if your marriage and family is beyond saving.

And kidnapping your children would be an exceptionally bad idea.
It's a terrible thing to think of. I will never hit her again. Seeing what all I've written and reading all of the comments have definitely swayed me on this issue. I was wrong to put her into such a terrible situation. She has no friends, her family lives far away, and her husband, the one person she had to be there and protect her, was actually her biggest threat. There is a lot of guilt inside of me over this. Last night, while drunken, I sent a video to her. I don't remember what all I said and I deleted it from my phone while drunkenly trying to unsend it, however it was basically me sobbing and apologizing. While those were and are my sentiments, I'm quite embarrassed with how I expressed them. It was pathetic. She was trying to call me a few times this morning but I didn't answer because I don't know what to say about that thing. I feel like such a loser.

Why would she miss you? When last we joined your journey. She can't disagree with you or you get mad. If you get mad then you get violent. She told you she was leaving you and you think that this conversation was going to be ohhhh I miss you so much?

You said you didn't want her to be on egg shells. Well she is expressing to you that she feel like you don't like her or her choices. And instead of that triggering a conversation about how you have been thinking about your actions and you are remorseful and you want to work together to build a better relationship. You automatically think she is having an affair? And instead of wanting your family back which 5 days ago that's all you wanted, now you think oh I should go off on my own. How is that going to work out for the company you were so invested in a few days ago that you drove your wife out of the house with anger?

I sincerely and not trying to be funny here... I think you may have some sort of issue with emotional triggers and empathy for others.

Sure she could be cheating but reread this thread she has plenty of reason to be cold. She also has plenty of reason to want to have an actual conversation and maybe even here you recognize violence like breaking the coffee table isn't acceptable and you will work on anger management or something. Her talking to you at all in my opinion speaks volumes that she may consider returning.

But you can't find your empathy. As long as you head thinks it, it must be right. No one else in the world can be right if they don't agree with you. This needs professional help.
I had thought she was angry. If she had said she hated me and such, I'd have felt much better about it than her saying there was no feeling in her for me at all. While I'm sure I sounded quite bitter in my posts, and I was, I had actually been very cordial with her on the phone. Even when I asked if she was seeing someone, I asked it calmly and as an enquiry; not in an aggressive way. With the evidence I had, it seemed to make sense. How is it possible that all of her feelings for me could just vanish because of a fight? So, believing that she truly felt nothing, I could only imagine she must have found someone.

Let her leave.

If you have personal behavioral issues work on those.

Make sure you get the kids half the time.....get a lawyer if you need to.
She can stay gone as long as she wants....forever if she chooses.
She doesn't have the authority to decide she gets to relocate the kids and for them to not see you at least half of the time.

Any idea of her thoughts on whether she plans to just keep the kids and decide if and when you get to see them?
She called me yesterday and told me she loves me still and will come back. So, it seems everything will return to good.
 

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Discussion Starter #79 (Edited)
I think I am starting to have an epiphany about myself. Here is a story from my youth:

When I was nineteen, I was seeing a girl. She had told me she was a virgin and such and I cared deeply for her. However, one day I was having lunch with a boy from out of town and, when I mentioned her name, he told me that she had performed oral sex on him years back. When confronted with this thought, I became very suspicious and began to reach out to all of her friends to investigate. I finally found that she had been very promiscuous before knowing me. In anger, I left her and began sleeping with her best friend who was also one of my good friends. At first, I just wanted to use her but then I really fell in love with the girl. One night, the ex came drunkenly knocking on my bedroom window late into the night. We walked on the beach and talked a lot. She apologized and told me she was just scared that I wouldn't love her had she been honest about her past. We slept on the beach and then the next morning we made love. Now, I was very confused. Things became complex as I had love in my heart for both of them and didn't want to let either down. Eventually, I decided to join the army to run away. It was a very emotional goodbye and all three of us were crying and such. Also, their friendship was back together and all three of us were friends again. Also, I was sleeping with both of them. But, I had already joined the army so I had to go.

While training in the army, there was a natural disaster back home and I called to see how they were. Apparently, they were not so well. So, I ran away from the army and went back to them. We were all together for several days and nights, but I was worried that there would be legal issues with having run away from my commitment with the military. So, I told them to wait for me and I would go resolve the situation before returning. Now, when I returned they didn't want to let me go. They were impressed by my escape as it was apparently a pretty difficult thing to do and none had been able to for decades. Also, I was top in my group in pretty much everything from physical strength to intelligence tests and also in the various obstacle courses and such. So, I became very angry and began swearing everyone out and such. Eventually, they sent me to a phycologist to see if I was fit to serve. Now, I had always believed that this was just an excuse to allow me to leave such that I had to be proven to be somehow unfit to void the commitment and they were just going through these motions as a formality. Here is the interesting bit, the psychologist diagnosed me as Borderline Personality Disorder and I was allowed to leave. At the time, I thought the diagnosis meant nothing and was just a random label they put on to let me get out. Well, I just opened the Wikipedia article on this and wow. Really, wow. The feeling is like visiting a mystic and them getting something right that seemed impossible to have known. So, I'm going to explore this some. However, I am also conflicted. I'm not sick, I'm a very strong and intelligent man. I really don't like the label at all. Also, I am me. I don't want to change who I am. But, I also don't want my wife to suffer any more. Anyway, so now off to do some reading and soul searching.
 
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