Well she has moved into her mothers temporarily. I was upset at the time but I had honestly thought some separation was for the best and after she left and I calmed down I felt a sense of calm, perhaps because things had come to a head and the anticipation was gone.
Her mother literally lives around the corner, a 60 second walk so it's good in a way because I get to see my girl a lot but there's the problem of compromising any potential benefits of the separation, she has already suggest I come around too much but seemed to think it was an attempt to be around her when it's more to do with seeing my child and her parents at the moment, her presence makes me feel awkward ( I was a bit annoyed that she thought so highly of herself!)
I'm trying to be quite calm about it, I know begging and gifts and letters etc are counter-productive at the moment and are only of any use if and when the other person decides they want to try and fix things, until then such gestures can push someone further by making them feel harassed etc.
I'm not sure I'm doing the complete 180 but I am trying to keep myself occupied and shatter her illusion that I am curled up in a corner somewhere waiting for her to come back because I'm certain she thinks that.
I think it's best she realises she can't take anything for granted and think she has the upper hand and total control of the situation, I think it would help if she realises how different things would be without me.
If we do work it out things need to be a lot more balanced, admittedly she has hormonal problems (she has pcos) but she manages to keep herself in check around strangers so she is capable of containing herself so the random screaming matches and dramatics need to stop, she has cried wolf so many times I don't think she realises the effect that has on someone.
A lot of times she will have a hormonal outburst but then feel fine the next day because there was nothing genuinely wrong but in the process she has made me genuinely upset so even though her dramatics were for show she has made real damage to me, she has recovered to normality but has left me with genuine scars that take longer to heal so while she might feel fine hours after saying she hates me or whatever I can feel bad for a week, she doesn't seem to have any understanding of that at all, because she knows it wasn't genuine she thinks it hasn't had any deep effect on me either.
And it is true, I normally keep quiet to keep the peace because it's just not worth the hassle, she has no respect for rationality, she can't accept that things upset me too so when I say I am upset about something she always invents something she is upset about worse, she wont back down or admit being wrong, she will say something absolutely ridiculous or just scream or make threats etc (no wonder I had gotten grumpy and irritable over the years!)
I dare say she can be immature.
This whole dynamic needs to change if things are to ever work.
I've spent so long not even bothering to voice my grievances that she genuinely doesn't seem to believe I've ever been upset about things in our marriage.
It's weird because other times she can be incredibly thoughtful and will fret over things that that don't bother me at all, it can be maddening because she will do inconsiderate things like say she will be an hour and then take three when shopping or seeing her horse etc (she has been like this her whole life, can't stop yapping to friends etc) and cannot understand why that is inconsiderate but then she will literally panic over something trivial.
So anyways, I'm trying to be around her less but not be overly cold or warm, I will talk to her willingly about serious stuff but I'm not going to sit there while she talks about work etc because as far as I'm concerned she gave up that kind of thing when she walked out, I'm not letting her walk out but then still have various benefits of marriage, she wont respect me or miss me that way.
I do have one question, she is going to a halloween party tonight, I said jokingly that maybe she wanted to show me her costume afterwards (nudge nudge wink wink) and while I'm not making assumptions let's just say her demeanour changed. I then said I wouldn't lock the door just in case and she made out she didn't hear me and asked me to repeat myself then she said "it's a good job I didn't answer then" with a sort of subtle grin.
I'm not saying there was anything definite there but she was obviously thinking about it and didn't give me any kind of "that would be inappropriate" response
I feel like if I said something similar again later before she goes just like "I'll see you later maybe" something maybe possibly would happen but am I right in thinking this would not be a good thing to do?
Obviously sexual frustration gets the better of everyone and I guess potentially it could help but my common sense says it would just make things more awkward and complicated.
Again I'm not saying it would definitely happen but her demeanour at that point changed temporarily and I guess it's one of life's great temptations. I don't want to approach anything like that if it's counter productive though...