Wife wants to go, I'm distraught!

I would prefer to just talk on the forum but thanks. It's horrible isn't it? It's so hard to see them so cold. Like a different person who just looks like your wife.

I wonder if it's worth mentioning that her parents separated once before she was born and the again for good in her teens. I don't know if that has any meaning. She can be a very angry person and is usually in a foul mood with or not speaking to at least one family member, sometimes it lasts a long time but often blows over very quickly. This seems different. Sometimes I wonder if she is stressed or depressed and it isn't really so much our marriage that is the problem but I don't want to give myself false hope. A lot has changed in our lives with the baby and she has a stressful job working awkward hours then she has a horse to take care of and trying to remain social and making sure the baby visits all the family etc. I wonder ifnshe is burned out and needs to blame something so that it makes sense but I'm not making assumptions. It seems obvious now that we will seperate even if there's a hope of reconciliation.

Whichever path you take, you should ask yourself something: Do you honestly beleive that you can "change" someone's mind?
or..."Do you think you can change someone's heart?"
What is change to you? You will say you are prepared to "change" but are you truly ready for what "change" may have in store for you?
Life is tough, people make decisions and others live with them or they make decisions of their own.
Relationships change all the time, if you are un-bending in the stream the current will snap you.
There is no right or wrong here, only your personal situation matters. Be true to yourself first. Clean your house.(metaphor)
Do you best.
If things change, be ready for them as best you can..it just happens.
Only God knows his plan for us. Don't despair, be happy for health and family, that which you have..hold close. Put aside your attachements long enough and you will clearly see your worth.

I'm really having a bad evening.

We met on the internet, she lived in Wales and I lived in England. She began to visit me every week nearly even though it was expensive.

When we decided we needed more I moved to Wales because I wasn't too fond of my job and it was exciting, I've never regretted it or looked back.

But now it scared me because I will be so alone. I don't drive either so getting back to see family and more importantly taking the child to see family is going to be tough.

She is on holiday and I am alone in the house, her stuff is everywhere and I keep thinking that soon it won't be and it kills me. I love her so much, so deeply and she used to feel the same and now that she doesn't it's killing me.

I thought if our relationship was going to fail it would have been early on because we were young and the whole moving thing was so romantic and idyllic, I can't believe how far we have come for this to happen now.

I'm in such a bad place at the moment, she means everything to me. I try to console myself that I will still have my daughter and that's amazing but I want the three of us to be together, it just feels wrong any other way. She's the only one with complete empathy for how I feel about our baby, the only one who understands when I get all emotional over silly little things she has done because it makes her heart throb as well.

Well she has moved into her mothers temporarily. I was upset at the time but I had honestly thought some separation was for the best and after she left and I calmed down I felt a sense of calm, perhaps because things had come to a head and the anticipation was gone.

Her mother literally lives around the corner, a 60 second walk so it's good in a way because I get to see my girl a lot but there's the problem of compromising any potential benefits of the separation, she has already suggest I come around too much but seemed to think it was an attempt to be around her when it's more to do with seeing my child and her parents at the moment, her presence makes me feel awkward ( I was a bit annoyed that she thought so highly of herself!)

I'm trying to be quite calm about it, I know begging and gifts and letters etc are counter-productive at the moment and are only of any use if and when the other person decides they want to try and fix things, until then such gestures can push someone further by making them feel harassed etc.

I'm not sure I'm doing the complete 180 but I am trying to keep myself occupied and shatter her illusion that I am curled up in a corner somewhere waiting for her to come back because I'm certain she thinks that.

I think it's best she realises she can't take anything for granted and think she has the upper hand and total control of the situation, I think it would help if she realises how different things would be without me.

If we do work it out things need to be a lot more balanced, admittedly she has hormonal problems (she has pcos) but she manages to keep herself in check around strangers so she is capable of containing herself so the random screaming matches and dramatics need to stop, she has cried wolf so many times I don't think she realises the effect that has on someone.

A lot of times she will have a hormonal outburst but then feel fine the next day because there was nothing genuinely wrong but in the process she has made me genuinely upset so even though her dramatics were for show she has made real damage to me, she has recovered to normality but has left me with genuine scars that take longer to heal so while she might feel fine hours after saying she hates me or whatever I can feel bad for a week, she doesn't seem to have any understanding of that at all, because she knows it wasn't genuine she thinks it hasn't had any deep effect on me either.

And it is true, I normally keep quiet to keep the peace because it's just not worth the hassle, she has no respect for rationality, she can't accept that things upset me too so when I say I am upset about something she always invents something she is upset about worse, she wont back down or admit being wrong, she will say something absolutely ridiculous or just scream or make threats etc (no wonder I had gotten grumpy and irritable over the years!)

I dare say she can be immature.

This whole dynamic needs to change if things are to ever work.

I've spent so long not even bothering to voice my grievances that she genuinely doesn't seem to believe I've ever been upset about things in our marriage.

It's weird because other times she can be incredibly thoughtful and will fret over things that that don't bother me at all, it can be maddening because she will do inconsiderate things like say she will be an hour and then take three when shopping or seeing her horse etc (she has been like this her whole life, can't stop yapping to friends etc) and cannot understand why that is inconsiderate but then she will literally panic over something trivial.

So anyways, I'm trying to be around her less but not be overly cold or warm, I will talk to her willingly about serious stuff but I'm not going to sit there while she talks about work etc because as far as I'm concerned she gave up that kind of thing when she walked out, I'm not letting her walk out but then still have various benefits of marriage, she wont respect me or miss me that way.

I do have one question, she is going to a halloween party tonight, I said jokingly that maybe she wanted to show me her costume afterwards (nudge nudge wink wink) and while I'm not making assumptions let's just say her demeanour changed. I then said I wouldn't lock the door just in case and she made out she didn't hear me and asked me to repeat myself then she said "it's a good job I didn't answer then" with a sort of subtle grin.

I'm not saying there was anything definite there but she was obviously thinking about it and didn't give me any kind of "that would be inappropriate" response

I feel like if I said something similar again later before she goes just like "I'll see you later maybe" something maybe possibly would happen but am I right in thinking this would not be a good thing to do?

Obviously sexual frustration gets the better of everyone and I guess potentially it could help but my common sense says it would just make things more awkward and complicated.

Again I'm not saying it would definitely happen but her demeanour at that point changed temporarily and I guess it's one of life's great temptations. I don't want to approach anything like that if it's counter productive though...

Well I've managed to refrain from pretty much any displays of neediness or attempts to discuss things at all really.

Part of me thinks it's for the best but on the other hand I worry that maybe I should try and say something in case she thinks I've given up or no longer care at all.

I still care a lot but at the same time I'm not thinking about it too much so I can get on with things, I'm sort of worrying that if I'm not thinking about it too much she wont be either and wont miss me etc.

I guess what I'm saying is if I don't miss her THAT much even if it's only because I'm trying to ignore it what if she is doing the same thing and it just pushes us further apart?

I just don't know if I should continue the indifferent act or try and initiate conversations.

The problem is if I say something like hey I still care and want it to work but I'm just trying to live my every day life then it feels like all the power goes to her again and the balance swings in her favour.