I don't know where to start really, just joining here and talking about it is painful.
We are both in our late twenties.
We have been married six years, we have a daughter who is 14 months old.
In august during an argument she said she didn't want to be with me and that I had missed the signs and it was too late. On reflection I can see things I have done and ways I have acted that would make her feel bad but was just oblivious at the time. Nobody is perfect obviously and she rarely allows me to voice my own concerns without arguing or trying to deflect the blame. I know I have been very grumpy and had a short tempter and been snappy which over months and months has made her feel unloved and unhappy.
She suffers from hormonal problems and can have massive mood swings so I'm used to her saying things like this in the midst of an emotional outburst when I've done nothing wrong but it usually blows over, this time it is different.
I'm still not sure the things she bought up were enough to justify her decision and she never wrote to me or tried to talk to me on our own away from the kid etc.
Anyway for some reason things stabilized again for a while, she says guilt but I don't know if that's true or she has mixed feelings. For a few months she acted like nothing had happened and I said we would have to discuss the issues and work things out or it would just rear it's head again but that never happened and some of the time felt good and normal but a lot of the time it was hard to feel natural and spontaneous because as far as I was concerned this huge issue was hovering there unaddressed. A few weeks ago she said she wanted to leave again, then after about a week it was back to acting normal again and we had sex and talked about buying a sofa etc and the whole time I still though "this is crazy we need to TALK" but then about a week ago she said again it was over during an argument and started talking about "i'm worried how you will cope on your own" and arrangements with the child etc, all very cold and emotionless.
She has certainly got it set in her mind she is making the right decision. Is there a third party? Possibly although I don't think there is and I have found no evidence.
Back in the year she arranged to go on holiday to Tunisia with her family and some extended family and I declined because I am very uncomfortable in warm climates and there were people I wasn't very familiar with and I wasn't sure we could afford it but not wanting the baby to miss out I suggested she go with the baby and I stay here. Obviously I realise that was a big mistake now and might well have contributed to things, they left yesterday and I already miss them both.
When they come back I expect things to get serious in regards to separation.
I love her so much and my love increased tenfold after the baby came along, I love her and I love our baby and there's this sort of feeling I have for them together that I can't explain, it's like the two of them are my life.
She doesn't want to try counselling, I've tried getting us to talk etc but she isn't interested. I said she should live with her mother a while to get space as her mother only lives round the corner literally two houses away but she doesn't seem interested in that either.
Now or then we talk and some emotion comes out, she will start talking about something that has hurt her or she wants to be changed but then she will catch herself and pull the shutters back down.
She used to be very loving and affectionate and now it kills me to not be able to tell her how much I love her but I feel that saying such things will only do damage at the moment. As much as it kills me I feel like she should be on her own before it could ever get better if it ever does because things have gone far enough that there is a tension between us that prevents any natural behavior.
I'm sure you hear it all the time but i'm so scared, she means the world to me, I can't bear the thought of not having her. I can't stand the idea of us not being together as a family. I feel so stupid to know a little bit more thought 6 months ago would have helped and now my heart is screaming and I could tell her how I feel for hours yet it doesn't make a difference at all.
I wish she would try harder, I feel like we missed a the part in between giving off signs and the brick wall I'm getting now.
We are both in our late twenties.
We have been married six years, we have a daughter who is 14 months old.
In august during an argument she said she didn't want to be with me and that I had missed the signs and it was too late. On reflection I can see things I have done and ways I have acted that would make her feel bad but was just oblivious at the time. Nobody is perfect obviously and she rarely allows me to voice my own concerns without arguing or trying to deflect the blame. I know I have been very grumpy and had a short tempter and been snappy which over months and months has made her feel unloved and unhappy.
She suffers from hormonal problems and can have massive mood swings so I'm used to her saying things like this in the midst of an emotional outburst when I've done nothing wrong but it usually blows over, this time it is different.
I'm still not sure the things she bought up were enough to justify her decision and she never wrote to me or tried to talk to me on our own away from the kid etc.
Anyway for some reason things stabilized again for a while, she says guilt but I don't know if that's true or she has mixed feelings. For a few months she acted like nothing had happened and I said we would have to discuss the issues and work things out or it would just rear it's head again but that never happened and some of the time felt good and normal but a lot of the time it was hard to feel natural and spontaneous because as far as I was concerned this huge issue was hovering there unaddressed. A few weeks ago she said she wanted to leave again, then after about a week it was back to acting normal again and we had sex and talked about buying a sofa etc and the whole time I still though "this is crazy we need to TALK" but then about a week ago she said again it was over during an argument and started talking about "i'm worried how you will cope on your own" and arrangements with the child etc, all very cold and emotionless.
She has certainly got it set in her mind she is making the right decision. Is there a third party? Possibly although I don't think there is and I have found no evidence.
Back in the year she arranged to go on holiday to Tunisia with her family and some extended family and I declined because I am very uncomfortable in warm climates and there were people I wasn't very familiar with and I wasn't sure we could afford it but not wanting the baby to miss out I suggested she go with the baby and I stay here. Obviously I realise that was a big mistake now and might well have contributed to things, they left yesterday and I already miss them both.
When they come back I expect things to get serious in regards to separation.
I love her so much and my love increased tenfold after the baby came along, I love her and I love our baby and there's this sort of feeling I have for them together that I can't explain, it's like the two of them are my life.
She doesn't want to try counselling, I've tried getting us to talk etc but she isn't interested. I said she should live with her mother a while to get space as her mother only lives round the corner literally two houses away but she doesn't seem interested in that either.
Now or then we talk and some emotion comes out, she will start talking about something that has hurt her or she wants to be changed but then she will catch herself and pull the shutters back down.
She used to be very loving and affectionate and now it kills me to not be able to tell her how much I love her but I feel that saying such things will only do damage at the moment. As much as it kills me I feel like she should be on her own before it could ever get better if it ever does because things have gone far enough that there is a tension between us that prevents any natural behavior.
I'm sure you hear it all the time but i'm so scared, she means the world to me, I can't bear the thought of not having her. I can't stand the idea of us not being together as a family. I feel so stupid to know a little bit more thought 6 months ago would have helped and now my heart is screaming and I could tell her how I feel for hours yet it doesn't make a difference at all.
I wish she would try harder, I feel like we missed a the part in between giving off signs and the brick wall I'm getting now.
