[kristoffer]

My wife and I have been together for 18 yrs; however I have not been there for her the past 8 yrs. Yes I have been around but not on a emotional or sexual level. 5 mths ago Tamra asked for a 12 mth separation, during that time I have had a lot of time to think about what I have done wrong. These 5mths have been the hardest in my life and I am having trouble coping with the separation. I know I need to give Tamra her space but I just keep thinking that if I let her go I will never get her back, but in the mean time me being not able to give Tamra her space is pushing her further away. Ever y time we talk I end up in a sobbing mess, my emotions just run out of control. Help what can I do?

 

[lostinspaces]

First, welcome to the boards, I'm sorry you are here. You will find many friends here who are going through similar situations and, if you look, you will find threads where people have either reconciled or moved on to become happier/healthier people.

In your situation, it sounds like the 180 would be a good place to start. Search it on the boards and follow the steps. It's all about making you a healthier person who can again be loved ... By your spouse or someone new.

 

[BigMac]

Welcome on the D bus ! Sorry you landed here

You can't stop her and you know if you try means you can lose her forever . I'll say let her do what she wants but cut her money !
I want separation means " I found someone and wanna explore the things and not been watched " .

Cut the money and 180. Business only ... the bad news is , after a month or so you may join me ( and others ) on the Plan B team and that sucks big time .

Stay strong mate and remember - Woman doesn't like wussies !

 

[Hermes]

Sorry you are here my friend. In time, you will find that this may be a blessing in disguise. Right now, you need to shift focus onto yourself. Stop thinking about her. You can not chan ge what she is doing. She may have an OM, she may not. It makes no difference. You need to get back to where YOU were when you started dating. Why did she love you then? Was it because you cried all the time? NO! It was because you were confident. You knew what you wanted and you knew who you were. Get that man back. Dont sit around and hope she will just come back. DO SOMETHING. Would you be attracted to someone that just cried all the time and was a mess? Get some hobbies, go to the gym, go out. Fake it until you make. Be happy around her.

Go buy these books:

1.Divorce Remedy
2. Divorce Busting
3. No more mr nice guy
4. Married Man Sex Primer
5. 5 Love Languages
6. Hope for the Separated
7. His Needs, Her Needs
8. Marriage Fitness
9. Co-dependence no more.

Good luck, my friend.

 

[Toffer]

Many here and other places will tell you that working on issues in your relationship while you are seperated is much more difficult than if you're still together under one roof.

A seperation provides an unfettered opportunity for one or both to dabble in other relationships that are usually more satisfying than their current one since these relationships outside of the marriage do not have the same stresses and issues.

Can you suggest to her an in-house seperation and marriage counseling?

Sorry to say but if she doesn't agree she's either completely done with you or already has someone else in the wings

 

[kristoffer]

Thanks for all the advice guys it is much appreciated:smthumbup: