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My wife asked for a separation on Monday night. I have been working extra hours at a second job because we have been saving money to by a home, the past couple of weeks she has been hanging out with the neighbor whom we are friends with while I'm at work so she isn't "bored". Well now she wants to separate because she and the neighbor have developed feelings for each other and instead of wanting to try to work on our marriage and get to the bottom of our problems, she has decided she would rather end nearly 6 years of marriage to try out a relationship for this guy that shes developed feelings for after hanging out alone a few times. She tells me now that she's been unhappy for a long time, that it feels like we are just best friends and roommate, she never said anything about this before, until this relationship with him started. I told her I didn't want a separation and I wanted to work on our marriage and maybe try a marriage counselor but she says she doesn't want to try, that our marriage is not savable. The other problem is we have a 18 month old son. She wants me to continue to stay in the house and for us to continue to live as a family because she loves our family. I think she just wants me to be here to help pay the bills and watch the baby while she's off with her new love interest. I really want to save our marriage because I love her a lot and I love our family and the life we have built together but I don't know where to start or if I should even bother trying. I'm miserable and confused. A few days ago I was happy, now I'm falling apart, I cant sleep, cant eat, and my chest hasnt stopped hurting since she told me, it is taking me everything I have to keep it together when at work. Any advice?:confused:
 

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what makes it worse is this is an apartment building and he literally is the door next to ours. We are/were all friends in the building (four apartments in building). So not only is it the extra betrayal of a friend doing this but its just the embarrassment of the other people in the building finding out soon.:mad:
 

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Interpret that as she is sleeping with the neighbor and likes it. She want's to separate so she can enjoy it without having to beat you home.

I agree with Tom. File papers now. Even if you want to try and work on it file. The D process is a long one and if there is a chance for the two of you to work, you will find more than one opportunity along the way.
 

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So not only is it the extra betrayal of a friend doing this but its just the embarrassment of the other people in the building finding out soon.:mad:
All the more reason to toss her **** and into the hall. Don't bring it to his apartment. Make them carry it. Give the neighbors lots of time to gawk at them doing a walk of shame to his place. When they ask you about it, let them know you were working your ass off to buy a home and she repaid you by sleeping with the neighbor and that you don't need that **** so he can pay for her skanky ass.
 

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All the more reason to toss her **** and into the hall. Don't bring it to his apartment. Make them carry it. Give the neighbors lots of time to gawk at them doing a walk of shame to his place. When they ask you about it, let them know you were working your ass off to buy a home and she repaid you by sleeping with the neighbor and that you don't need that **** so he can pay for her skanky ass.
Expose this to family and friends and that's a good idea to let neighbors you are close with. They are both scum and she has a baby at home disgusting!
 

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How long have you been married for? I agree with filing. Sometimes that's all it takes to get them to realize what they had and maybe she will want to fix things. Is this neighbor married or does he have a girlfriend? Maybe the dudes woman needs to find out too.
 

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Yeah I think part of me knows she just wants the separation to sleep with the neighbor without the guilt of an affair.
Yes, that's what separation means. Notice she doesn't say she wants a divorce. That's because she's not completely, totally sure she wants to be with the neighbor permanently. But she does want a trial period with you as the backup plan if the neighbor boyfriend doesn't quite work out.

Edit: I forgot to say, but you need to file right now. She's in a deluded fog and needs to face the reality that you're not going to be the backup plan. Be the guy that won't share your wife with another man. At the very least, your wife will respect that. Your attitude and mindset should be that you're better than being a plan B.
 

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It would have been 6 years in October, though we've known each other since we were kids, she was my sister's best friend since middle school. The neighbor has no girlfriend or wife, but I should have known I counldn't trust him as he was cheating on his previous girlfriend with a married women at work!
 

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It would have been 6 years in October, though we've known each other since we were kids, she was my sister's best friend since middle school. The neighbor has no girlfriend or wife, but I should have known I counldn't trust him as he was cheating on his previous girlfriend with a married women at work!
More than likely this fling will not last either because one will cheat on the other it's a relationship based on lies. Start exposing you have nothing to be ashamed of.
 

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Why would you want a woman that is willing to throw you away so easily? Obviously she doesn't take you seriously as she thinks you would allow her to live at home while having a relationship with your neighbor. Unbelievable. She's got some big balls.
 

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And by ALL means do not try to talk your way out of this.

Do not talk. Act.
The sooner you start doing these things the sooner you'll begin to feel better - physically and emotionally. You will also increase your odds at getting what you want - whatever that may be.
 

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Tom is all over this with spot on advice.

Pack her sh*t. Let her move next door.

He can take care of her.

Have her served immediately.

I understand you want to separate but
I want a divorce.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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She says she doesn't want to try and that your marriage is not saveable? Ok then, then tell her she can go sleep over at her neighbor's from now on because your filing for a D.

Tell her to move out.

Your wife sounds extremely immature.
 

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More advice: Even though you're understandably devastated and shaken by this, you have to get yourself together and be a solid, firm, unshakable guy that will not tolerate another man involved with your marriage.

Right now your wife is comparing you and him. He's new and exciting (because he's new, not because there's anything special about him) Being with you is not the same as the new guy, like when you just start to date someone. So she's deluded to thinking he's great because she gets the first date brain chemicals flowing.

The last thing you want to do is become a groveling, begging, pleading, needy guy which isn't attractive to women. It's just the way they're hardwired. They dig confidence and guys that appear to be able to attract other chicks. That's why you have to have the demeanor of no tolerance. Be calm, yet firm. Think of Clint Eastwood in those old westerns or Sean Connery or Daniel Craig as 007. They never got rattled or shaken.(or stirred-pardon the pun) They were always decisive and strong. And I don't even have to mention how much the girls love those kind of guys. Good luck!
 

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It would have been 6 years in October, though we've known each other since we were kids, she was my sister's best friend since middle school. The neighbor has no girlfriend or wife, but I should have known I counldn't trust him as he was cheating on his previous girlfriend with a married women at work!
She will find out this guy is just a player.
 
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