If you are reading this, I appreciate it and thank you in advance for you feedback and help.
My wife and I have been together for 6 years. 5 years dating and over 1 year married(no kids). Between us we have always agreed on important issues such as kids, career, family, friends. We also have become best friends over years sharing each others interest and doing mostly everything together. She also got along well with my family(Mom and brother as well as big extended close knit family of cousins)
Our relationship cruised along without a hiccup until a year and half ago when we purchased our first house, and there was conflict with mom and her because of their differing views on money and trust. From there the relationship deteriorated rapidly. When it came to our wedding day, my mother caused a lot of issues because of her actions to withhold my dad from the ceremony because of their past, she was also inconsiderate in her actions with my wife's family. The issues between my wife and my mother continued after with my mom denying any wrong doing and telling my wife she is over sensitive and blames her personality. This continued to escalate during our marriage and came to boiling point this past June, and we decided that my wife will not see my mom or need to speak with her until she was over the hurt and pain. Although we were better for a while, she continued to say this was only a temporary fix, and was always pained by the past and thinking about the future where she would have to see her again and perhaps worse problems when we have children.
On my part, I was not able to stand up for my wife enough in their first encounter with the house, and with the wedding. She has said that she did not feel protected and safe around me anymore because I did not defend her. After we were married though, I did stand up to my mom when she was out of line, and protected my wife. This still seemed too late though as she continues to bring up how I was not there before.
Over the past year of marriage, we would have periods of happiness and then fights over the past events and issues that has happened. She could never let go of the events that ruined our wedding. Most of all she cannot accept the fact she does not have the relationship with her mother in-law that she has always wanted. She thinks in her mind that her mother in-law is just as important as her husband.
The bubble burst last week, as she said she was unhappy, and her hatred for my mother has caused to be crazy and depressed person. She does not think she is a good fit in my family, and although she loves me and does not think she will find a better husband, she needs to find that in-law family that she wants.
She has moved out for a week now, and I am so confused by her actions. She came up with the boundaries of the separation being that she will not have any sexual relations with anyone and I would need to do the same. Her family tells me she crys to sleep at night, and is going out with her friends trying to block out the pain. She reaches out to me by phone and text telling me she is hurting, but she wants to be strong because it was her decision. Finally today, I found out that she contacted my brother and asked him if I was doing ok, and that she probably has made up her mind for a divorce.
We still have not moved forward with any office documents of separation or divorce, but from my conversation with her today, it could be coming soon. I feel helpless as she tells me she still loves me, but she cannot be happy with my family. I do not want a divorce and would do everything I can to keep us together, but I feel like she has given up.
I appreciate any advice and feedback.
My wife and I have been together for 6 years. 5 years dating and over 1 year married(no kids). Between us we have always agreed on important issues such as kids, career, family, friends. We also have become best friends over years sharing each others interest and doing mostly everything together. She also got along well with my family(Mom and brother as well as big extended close knit family of cousins)
Our relationship cruised along without a hiccup until a year and half ago when we purchased our first house, and there was conflict with mom and her because of their differing views on money and trust. From there the relationship deteriorated rapidly. When it came to our wedding day, my mother caused a lot of issues because of her actions to withhold my dad from the ceremony because of their past, she was also inconsiderate in her actions with my wife's family. The issues between my wife and my mother continued after with my mom denying any wrong doing and telling my wife she is over sensitive and blames her personality. This continued to escalate during our marriage and came to boiling point this past June, and we decided that my wife will not see my mom or need to speak with her until she was over the hurt and pain. Although we were better for a while, she continued to say this was only a temporary fix, and was always pained by the past and thinking about the future where she would have to see her again and perhaps worse problems when we have children.
On my part, I was not able to stand up for my wife enough in their first encounter with the house, and with the wedding. She has said that she did not feel protected and safe around me anymore because I did not defend her. After we were married though, I did stand up to my mom when she was out of line, and protected my wife. This still seemed too late though as she continues to bring up how I was not there before.
Over the past year of marriage, we would have periods of happiness and then fights over the past events and issues that has happened. She could never let go of the events that ruined our wedding. Most of all she cannot accept the fact she does not have the relationship with her mother in-law that she has always wanted. She thinks in her mind that her mother in-law is just as important as her husband.
The bubble burst last week, as she said she was unhappy, and her hatred for my mother has caused to be crazy and depressed person. She does not think she is a good fit in my family, and although she loves me and does not think she will find a better husband, she needs to find that in-law family that she wants.
She has moved out for a week now, and I am so confused by her actions. She came up with the boundaries of the separation being that she will not have any sexual relations with anyone and I would need to do the same. Her family tells me she crys to sleep at night, and is going out with her friends trying to block out the pain. She reaches out to me by phone and text telling me she is hurting, but she wants to be strong because it was her decision. Finally today, I found out that she contacted my brother and asked him if I was doing ok, and that she probably has made up her mind for a divorce.
We still have not moved forward with any office documents of separation or divorce, but from my conversation with her today, it could be coming soon. I feel helpless as she tells me she still loves me, but she cannot be happy with my family. I do not want a divorce and would do everything I can to keep us together, but I feel like she has given up.
I appreciate any advice and feedback.
