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My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out. My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us. This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.
 

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I would watch this crush if I were you. Sounds to me like your wife and her friend may have already escalated this so called crush. IMO, bringing a 3rd or 4th person into your marriage could be the end for you. I could never understand why anyone would bring more people into the marriage, of course they claim it is just sex.

Do you honestly think they just want to make out. Before you konw it they will be going down on eachother. If I were you I would consider this a HUGE RED FLAG!! Just my opinion of course.
 

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I don't think watching and not participating (or at least masturbating) would be very fun for me.

The thing that interests me is why you would say "This would obviously never happen." Why wouldn't it? You're wife and her are interested in the idea enough to bring it up to you (and the other husband I assume). But the way they're bringing up (i.e. they get to make out while you and the other hubby stand by and watch) seems weird to me.

I generally try to not be the one to shout "Affair!" But to me it sounds like they've made out a couple times already and are looking to legitimize it (first it's you watching behind closed doors, then it's in public because "what's the big deal, we're only making out? Nothing dirty about that," to you and the other hubby have to find roommates and your sharing custody with your ex-wife and her new wife.
 

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Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.
 

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Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.
This is not at all surprising. Time to take action OP, she is cheating on you.
 

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Speaking as someone who has a semi-open LTR... You're venturing into dangerous waters, and you better make damned sure you can swim.

Personally, I wouldn't do this with a couple that you're close friends with. The chances of it blowing up in your face is too great. I doubt you'll get much support in here on your post...

C
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Your wife is saying she'd prefer just you, her and the girlfriend. The girlfriend probably told her hubby the same thing. Don't be surprised if you find out that your wife has already had a 3sum with the girlfriend and the girlfriend's husband. You might be the only one who's left out.

FYI these "friends" are no friends of your marriage. If you let these people continue to sniff around, they will have your wife (assuming they haven't already).
 

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I explained if she wanted to explore her sexuality that in time I may be ok with a threesome with someone there are no attachments with and no contact after.
 

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My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out. My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us. This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.
This is a type of soft swap.

But your wife wanting another sexually is bad enough.

You need to stop their affair. Your wife needs to go NC with the couple.

Wait. I can hear a train whistle.
 

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Never do this! It will change your marriage forever. I could point you to threads here (if I could find them again) they never end well.

But you have a bigger problem, you wife is already unfaithful in her heart to you . Your marriage is in trouble!
 
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This will not end well either way now

Your wife is already involved in an affair whether you want to believe it or not

Did you know she was bisexual when you married her?
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Interesting. So, is this something you are not interested in, or something that alarms you? Does this cause you to rethink your boundaries or those you place on your wife? I think the fact that she brought it up to you is important to explore what she wants, why she wants it and what she hopes to get from it. Also, how do you put this jeannie back in the bottle if it doesn't turn out well?

What subsequent conversations have you had with your wife?
 
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Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.
Not all people feel that two women kissing is cheating. Obviously, you do feel this way and now that you've made that clear your wife can respect that boundary.

Actually, regarding two women... The Orthodox Jews and some fundamentalist Christians don't see lesbianism as wrong in any respect. Seeing as how women lovers aren't in the bible and all. I even saw one web site written by a fundamentalist Christian who talked about inviting his wife's lesbian lover into the bedroom and how it wouldn't be adultery so long as the husband only touched his wife, and the "lesbian lover" only touched the husband at the same time and place the wife touched him. Way to get your freak on Mr. Minister!

I have two very dear close life long friends and we joke around about being lesbians together once we all move into a retirement community, but actually inviting one of them into my bedroom with my H... I think this would not be wise or a good thing for him. Our friendship is too strong and he'd be marginalized. However, if he asked for something like this...maybe...
 

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My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. No real fights everything is great. We have two beautiful girls together. In the past year and a half we have become extremely good friends with another married couple. My wife and the woman have developed a crush on each other. My wife and her think it would be fun if they made out while us the husbands had sex with them. They asy nothing other than making out.
But all four of you are in the room at the time? What does the OM say about this plan? Have you spoken to him about it?

My wife says she has no interest in the husband and it would be better if it were the 3 of us.
This may be what OW told OM and they may have already had a 3 some with your wife. It could be they're just bringing you on board with the soft swap to defuse the potential problems. It happens a lot, amazingly.

This obviously would never happen. Just interested in opinions.
It may have already happened, just with OM and OW and your W.

Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less.
See what I mean? And the probably "kissed" before they brought it up with you, you just haven't learned that yet.

Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it.
BS. Time to go 007 on your wife and this couple. Be very cool about everything from here on out Ask OM if they mentioned it to him and get his thoughts. My guess is he knows all about it and has already watched or show, maybe nailed your wife. He'll act like it's all news to him, otherwise why didn't he sound you out?

My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.
Tell her you thank her for putting the marriage and your concerns first. Then be all cool and happy and never mention it. Meanwhile, you need to start monitoring with a couple of VARs, GPS, etc. How do they keep in touch? What phone does your wife have?

I explained if she wanted to explore her sexuality that in time I may be ok with a threesome with someone there are no attachments with and no contact after.
She will take this as an almost Okay, which her rationalization hamster will say is good enough. Be cool and monitor the heck out of them. Call OM.

what is a soft swap?
Usually it means everybody is naked, kissing, fondling, oral, toys. No vaginal or anal penetration by the various penes.
 

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Thanks, I agree and they have kissed after I expressed my disinterest in the matter. Behind my back no less. Claim they didn't know how serious I was about it. My wife says I am taking this to seriously. She will never do it again now that she knows how serious I am about it.
This isn't clear enough, but raises red flags regardless.

The "behind my back" part trips the alarm bells, and the minimization (you are taking this too seriously) plus playing dumb (I had no idea how seriously you were opposed)... that points to someone very eager to rationalize behavior they know is wrong.
 
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