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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I'm Joe. I just got married to my lovely wife for 5 months.

A little background on the both of us: Me and my wife are in our mid 20's. I met her on a dating site. I visited her couple of times within the 3yrs that we dated before we decided to get married. Roughly, 4-5 times a year from my part. She visited me about 1-2 a year. To sum it up, we met with each other at least 5-7 times each year and each meetings consisted of at least a week. I usually go see her for 2-3 weeks. Aside from the expensive travel meet-ups, most of the time we called and talked on the phone, we facetime or webcam with the new gadget of today's technology. I made sure the first person I talked to after waking up was her and the last person I talked to before going to bed was her, since it was a long distance relationship.

No one had hope for our relationship. They thought online dating was a hoax or maybe something that never works out. I personally did not really care and went with my heart because I've been in about 3 relationships already. Her family were against me, maybe her whole relatives were against me but we got passed that stage. She loved me and we took the big step and she relocated to where I live.

I laid out the grounds, that she cannot say anything about me smoking, drinking, going to starbucks or getting rid of my car. I smoke 1-2pack a week. Seldom in the car. Never in the house. I usually smoke at Starbucks. I drink every other week or once a month with the guys and watching football while they bet on the games (I don't though). I seldom buy beer, only when I drink with the brothers. I go to starbucks everyday and she's fine with it because coffee heals my soul and its a good laxative to help me with my bowel-movement in aiding me with hemorrhoid. I guess I did a pretty good job in laying those down and she don't have a problem with it.

However, the problem begins when I start going to casino......:scratchhead: I don't see a problem in that. Maybe, I'm missing something here but I get free rides, free meals, and free monies (usually $100-200 each time) to play! It's a win win situation and I love playing poker. If I win, I split. If my buddy wins, he split and I'm not loosing a dime! She thinks gambling is a sin! :confused:

The church do bingo and raffles and I know some pastor do lottery-tickets and such and I believe it's not a sin. The bible does not clearly state anything regarding that. Only thing the bible talks about is the love for money and I only go to casino every other week so I mostly go because I like poker and winning a little extra cash while i have entertainment, it is like killing 2 birds with 1 stone. It's not like I'm cheating on her or I'm not paying the bills. I pay all the bills and the gasoline and the food. I am her sole provider!! She want's something, I could get it. She wants to go anywhere I take her but she request I don't go there....

It got to the level that I decided to I leave all my credit cards and debit at home even showing all my bill statement and savings. I take nothing but my driver's license and a player's card to go and I only go casino maybe twice a month since it's a far drive and I don't even drive!! I told her many times, love is loving, not controlling. When is loving or caring becomes controlling? I go empty handed and sometime bringing home some money. In this economy, it's hard making money and I'm down to whatever that makes money. I scrap, I sell on ebay, I sell on glyde, I sell on craiglist, I do whatever it takes to make money to save. So far, we've been saving good and she just got a job. I wake up everyday before the sun rises to drive her to work and picks her up everyday in my v8 and I don't mind the gas guzzling and the distance in the super heavy traffic. I give her some money if she decided to eat somewhere instead of the prepared lunch and or emergency. Money is not the issue!

She just don't want me to go casino....she went with me couple times but since she got a job she don't go anymore. She told me not to go for money or gamble "we have enough money, there's no need for casino." I told her I go for poker, and money is extra for paying for bills months ahead or whatever dresses she wish to get. It's just extra. It's not like I"m going to parties popping bottles wasting hundreds for entertainment. :confused: I'm not alcoholic and I don't smoke 3 packs a day. I been doing this for at least 7 years, and 4 years before I know her. My pace and habit stays the same but casino is something new....I should have laid this out before we got married....:(

Sometime, she puts up a puppy face and sometime I decided not to go :/ but I would love to know what is her problem with casino? It's like I'm going to war and getting ready to die for her.... We sat down and talked and always ended up in arguments...and she even threatened to divorce!! "I don't want to marry someone that gambles, later you're going to sell the house, the car, the tv, etc..."

We had this talked for awhile now, maybe 2-3 months. She hates me going to casino. It's like I'm going to hell or something...I'm the Christian one here. She's the one that got converted to Christianity and now she believes shes a saint and I'm the devil.....:confused: when did this happened?

I'm just there because I love playing poker, its a hobby and whatever blesses me while playing is something I would appreciate but wouldn't die for.

What I forgot to tell her was about me going to casino once in awhile for fun playing poker. A big mistake on my part but it's ok, I'm writing this in need of help...I could give up poker but what could drive her not to feel like it's a sin or something....It's one entertainment I love most. I don't go clubs, bars, or strip clubs or do any drugs. What's the problem? Am I blind or something?
 

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Gambling, like many other things, can be addictive. I'm not a gambler and it isn't something I would like in my relationship, because I've seen too many people's lives destroyed by it. Perhaps this is the problem your W has with it.
 

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I'm not in the greatest relationship place to be giving advice, but I can see this from the other side. With my husband I have had to say you can have alcohol or you can have our marriage but you can't have both. He has all the power right now to decide.

So would you rather have your gambling or have your wife. If you love playing poker more than your marriage, then end the marriage and play away. If you loe your wife more that the deck of cards and she is not going to compromise, then say goodbye to the tables.
 

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Yeah, to me it sounds like you have addictions. Coffee, cigarettes, and gambling are all addictive. If you absolutely cannot go without gambling and you'd rather be single and gamble than be married, then you're addicted and probably need help. It doesn't matter if you win or lose every time, an addiction is an addiction (and despite what you say, casinos aren't designed for you to win every time you go).

However if it is merely just a hobby, then surely you can compromise with your wife and cut back on your casino trips or eliminate them altogether. Your wife sounds seriously against it, and if I was seriously against any of my husband's hobbies, he wouldn't hesitate dropping them. And if my husband kicked up a stink about my hobbies or caffeine use, I'd do the same too. It's not worth damaging a marriage over a frivolous past-time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks guys for your replies. Well, my wife has a lot of sickness. 1 is Ross, 2 is dollar store, 3 is wal-mart, 4 is the mall, 5 is diamonds and jewelry, 6 is purses!! Those are her hobbies which I rather coined "illness." She has like 4 purses already and still needs more...I told her I don't control her or place her in a situation where she would have to pick between those and me. If she loves it and its part of her life, she can enjoy it as long as she don't take it to the extreme. I take her whenever her illness arises and I usually give her a budget before we head in the store. She wants more purse, she have to let me go to casino lol and I only go maybe once every other week. That's the deal that I've been making with her lately and it's been working ok....for the most part. Prior to heading out, I usually come home from work with a rose and nice bottle of perfume, or maybe sometime a new purse and she would be happy and says "come home early hun and good luck." Sometime I leave empty handed and comes back with $800 and I split half with her and she can do whatever with it but sometime I head home with $20 and she thinks its time consuming and it's bad for my health. I guess she cares about me a lot, especially my health but I reassured her that I take enough rest before I head out to work after dropping her off the next day. I usually go for 4-5hrs since poker is a game of mostly patience.

It's like I have to win coming home or get her something before I go to please her but I don't want to materialize her into things for me to enjoy my hobby and that's also an expensive habit. Part of me going to casino because my friend is VIP there and we always get $300 of free food from steak to lobsters to anything and I usually bring home extra food for her to pack the next day. It's a good hobby, I spend no money and a chance for extra cash, I go roughly twice a month, or sometime none in a month, it's just once in awhile I have to catch up with my buddy on his life and mine and its a good way to maintain our friendship and have fun and make some money at the same time. He's also married and he don't drink or smoke and he also encourages me not to since he quit 8 years ago. I smoke lightly and I drink lightly and so I believe it's nothing too serious that she would go crazy enough to threaten our relationship with it.

Most of the time when I'm home she's on facebook stalking random people down or reading weird news while i'm selling stuff online or doing my online classes. I mean I'm with her 4/5 of the entire day, is it too selfish of me to ask 1/5 of that time for my hobby? I pay all my bills before I go, I don't use my money or hers. My problem is, why does she act like the world is dying when I go and I give her that 4 hrs of space and when I'm not going she acts like she's off in her own world despite my presence there? What differences does it make without me being there for a bit? she can call me, she can facetime me to see where im heading, it's not like im cheating on her or getting drunk somewhere making a scene :/ i consider it's like a side job ya know. Any gambler in the house that has this problem? I could give up the hobby but I'll probably lessen my friendship with my buddy and probably won't have extra cash. She knows I love her dearly but I just don't get why she hate it so bad that she would impose her view on me....:scratchhead: and again I go once in awhile, it's not like I go everyday like starbucks :p
 

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If you can't stop then it's a problem. As you allready said she has no problem with your other addictions, then why not care about your wife enough to not gamble?

BTW I have 10 plus purses but if my fiancé had a real issue with it then I wouldn't buy another. However he wouldn't make an issue out of it in spite because I didn't want him doing something.
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The issue with gambling is that it's addictive. That's the main reason it's seen as a sin by some.

It almost sounds like the two of you have a compromise that's working. So why not negotiate that?

One thing that I wonder about is that you said that when you are at home with her she's off in her own world. How many hours a week to the two of you spend in quality time together, doing date-like things? I wonder if part of the problem is that she's feeling a lack of connection to you.

Generally a couple needs about 15 hours a week together, interacting with each other. Do you two get that much time together?
 

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250k X 2 times in college funds
750k in insurance policies
150k childhood home
200k X2 wedding doweries
350k a year job
A family of 4
21 yr marriage
An opportunity to watch his 11 grandkids grow up

All started with 40 bucks at a casino and escalated into a gambling addiction for my estranged father. He pissed away everything while saying exactly what you are right now.

Perhaps she fears it may escalate... even if you think it won't, sometimes we can't see the situation for what it is because we are too deeply involved in what it is we want.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's not worth damaging a marriage over a frivolous past-time.
That sounds true. If she seriously against it, I guess I have to really put away poker :( that in turn would shake our friendship (my casino buddy).

I started around high school playing house poker. I won couple of jackpots 1st place and my buddy, a big time gambler, recommended me going. Offering free luxury meals, free ride, and couple hundred bucks to either play or keep whatsoever. The idea is for me play. I'm really his companion. It seems more reasonable to play there instead of winning my friends money at house poker and plus I don't get free money at house poker.... I have nothing to lose really. I don't bring any money, literally I leave them at home every time I go even my cards. My wife holds em. No one is lucky enough to have that chance as I do and to me it's a waste to lose that and my friend is a really cool guy. All I'm asking is 4-5hrs every 2weeks to head out. 4-5hrs is nothing compared to the time I invested in her in 2weeks, which equates to nothing.

I usually spend the whole day with my wife. I take her to work. I bring her breakfast and lunch and after work, i take her to eat dinner or sometime I make her something. She works 8 hrs a day. I spend the rest of the day with her. We take showers together, we do a lot of stuff together...We're like love bugs... To calculate that, it would mean I spend 16hrs a day with her (including sleep time :sleeping:). Make that for 2 weeks and its 224hrs we spent together....is 4hrs of that time really too much to ask? and I'm not posing any risk in our financial status?

I only work 4hrs a day...I been working at my job for 10years and so I could have a lot of slack. The reason I drive her to work is because shes from a small city and shes afraid of driving. She's one of those sweet naive type of country girl and I don't mind spending around $100 on gas a week with my v8 but that poker money could give me some help....

I told her, if she wants to head out to luxury restaurants, she gotta let me play poker or else I don't really have the money to afford that with my current job right now and I'm on my way to medical school. She wants a prius? she gotta let me play poker
:rofl:

I'm a seller for 3 online sites.
I work part time.
I scrap metals/ recycle.
I go to school part time pursuing PT
I drive her full time.
I take care of her full time, physically and emotionally.
Can I have 4hrs of poker?
I want to know if you guys think that's too much or casino is just BAD in general and I should end there....after I have laid out all the benefits and NO RISK involved? It's not like I use our money or wasting time or fooling around with some girls, I consider it another of my side jobs to make more money plus as a man, we all need a little bit of social life too ya know, and part of me going is to socialize with my buddy. He's twice my age, I hang out with the big boys.

I just don't get the typical stereotype of losing your life on casino.
 
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