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after this whole whirlwind of bad juju is over, take some time to unwind. join a health club, go on long hikes, get in shape, really do a lot of physical things and work to get this all out of your mind. all of this will pass, and you will pop out the other side a stronger person! good luck!
 

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Stories like this are just so sad. I actually get a visceral reaction when I read these things. It is mind-boggling how terrible some humans can be. How could the POSOM's penis be so good that it makes a wife fall in love with it so deeply and quickly that she will flip the bird at her long-term husband, kids and family? And how could a husband be so blind that they don't see this coming? Does love really make us that stupid?
 

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Discussion Starter · #83 ·
Stories like this are just so sad. I actually get a visceral reaction when I read these things. It is mind-boggling how terrible some humans can be. How could the POSOM's penis be so good that it makes a wife fall in love with it so deeply and quickly that she will flip the bird at her long-term husband, kids and family? And how could a husband be so blind that they don't see this coming? Does love really make us that stupid?
Agree with the first part but as for being “blind”, it can very easily not be seen. She is taking master’s classes and presumably that’s where this started. Sure I could have been the possessive person, texting every minute to see where she is and acting like an insecure person. Instead I put my trust in her. I don’t think that makes me blind. The trust was misplaced in this case, but I’d rather have trust in a marriage and risk it not working out versus being paranoid every minute and having something happen anyway.
 

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The ILYBINILWY is the whole reason. Despite your nice daily life, the thrill is gone for her. Women more than men seem to need that passion of a romantic love, and honestly, it's hard to have that with someone you've been with for years, even if they're doing everything right. I can see why it's so hurtful. Many women but not all crave that excitement of a new love, and then burn through that and leave if they don't get stuck with kids or financial reasons. Certainly men get restless too, looking over the fence. But men sexually are much more flexible in the sexual sense. They can enjoy sex with or without love or passion, for the most part. So can some women, certainly, but I would say for the large part, they want to have more emotions going to really enjoy themselves, whether that is true love, just lust, or just the mystery and hope that the next will be "the perfect one" that doesn't exist.

I would say be glad you didn't have kids and can just walk away.

The other thing is I don't know how young you were when you got together, but people who couple up young and stay that way several years very commonly get to regretting they didn't explore more. True, you've certainly both done a lot of traveling and had fun, but I guess "explore" is subjective. She's restless and needs something. She literally may never find "it." No doubt the man won't last forever, and he's likely to make you look pretty good in comparison. He is, after all, taking up with a married woman, apparently. Not a good start.

Start living your life. Get an attorney. Stop trying to please her because desperation isn't attractive, even when it's totally well meaning.
 

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Agree with the first part but as for being “blind”, it can very easily not be seen. She is taking master’s classes and presumably that’s where this started. Sure I could have been the possessive person, texting every minute to see where she is and acting like an insecure person. Instead I put my trust in her. I don’t think that makes me blind. The trust was misplaced in this case, but I’d rather have trust in a marriage and risk it not working out versus being paranoid every minute and having something happen anyway.
I wasn't directing the blind question directly at just you. I meant it in more general or philosophical terms. I think we are all blinded by love to some degree. We can't believe this person we share our deepest emotional connection with could ever intentionally do something to hurt us. I think that blinds us to what is going on. If we were more objective about the situation we could probably see what is coming much sooner and possibly change course. It is just very sad that one person can be do callous to another they supposedly love and we can't even see it until it is too late.
 

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The ILYBINILWY is the whole reason. Despite your nice daily life, the thrill is gone for her. Women more than men seem to need that passion of a romantic love, and honestly, it's hard to have that with someone you've been with for years, even if they're doing everything right. I can see why it's so hurtful. Many women but not all crave that excitement of a new love, and then burn through that and leave if they don't get stuck with kids or financial reasons. Certainly men get restless too, looking over the fence. But men sexually are much more flexible in the sexual sense. They can enjoy sex with or without love or passion, for the most part. So can some women, certainly, but I would say for the large part, they want to have more emotions going to really enjoy themselves, whether that is true love, just lust, or just the mystery and hope that the next will be "the perfect one" that doesn't exist.

I would say be glad you didn't have kids and can just walk away.

The other thing is I don't know how young you were when you got together, but people who couple up young and stay that way several years very commonly get to regretting they didn't explore more. True, you've certainly both done a lot of traveling and had fun, but I guess "explore" is subjective. She's restless and needs something. She literally may never find "it." No doubt the man won't last forever, and he's likely to make you look pretty good in comparison. He is, after all, taking up with a married woman, apparently. Not a good start.

Start living your life. Get an attorney. Stop trying to please her because desperation isn't attractive, even when it's totally well meaning.
This is not most women. Some women yes. It seems to hit women that are spoiled who’s parents gave them everything. Also those that were party animals and crave the excitement again. The same can be said about guys that cheat. Parents that never taught integrity or morals to them.

Then the question becomes, did she ever really love OP. The first guy to come along whispering sweet nothings got her pants off.
 

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How you doing? Hows things progressing. Remeber that she's the one who did this NOT you. You walk away with 9 years of wonderful memories you didn't taint, and you can look at the love of your life [not this version] and say I love you and mean it wholeheartedly. She gave you a gift in a way. You can walk away clean knowing who you are.

She want a man who will cheat with her while she's married and he wants someone else's woman.... hmmmm they deserve one another. Look at this from the outside. If your co worker was dating another married co worker and it didnt work out, and she suddenly came on to you. Would you kiss the mouth that's been on a unclean pecker? I wouldn't lol

Do the 180. Read nmmng. Get ic. Grow from this and let it help you pick a better someone who has the same values you do.


Its telling when someone says "this no longer makes me happy" it should be I'm not happy and I need to work on myself because something's wrong with me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #89 ·
How you doing? Hows things progressing. Remeber that she's the one who did this NOT you. You walk away with 9 years of wonderful memories you didn't taint, and you can look at the love of your life [not this version] and say I love you and mean it wholeheartedly. She gave you a gift in a way. You can walk away clean knowing who you are.

She want a man who will cheat with her while she's married and he wants someone else's woman.... hmmmm they deserve one another. Look at this from the outside. If your co worker was dating another married co worker and it didnt work out, and she suddenly came on to you. Would you kiss the mouth that's been on a unclean pecker? I wouldn't lol

Do the 180. Read nmmng. Get ic. Grow from this and let it help you pick a better someone who has the same values you do.


Its telling when someone says "this no longer makes me happy" it should be I'm not happy and I need to work on myself because something's wrong with me.
Well there is a lot to update. I did expose to family and friends. The friends did not care unfortunately (shows their character). Her father did call me and thoroughly reassured me that from his viewpoint I did everything he could have asked to provide a great life for his daughter. He was not supportive of her decisions. It was good to hear him say some very positive things to me just for the knowledge that externally, people did see that she gave up a really good thing.

I’ve also come to find out a lot about the OM. Divorced twice before, goes after women with money, real piece of work. The further I dug, the more Jerry Springer-ish it got, which again makes it easier to just move on. There are still good days and bad days, but the bad days aren’t about her really, they are fear of starting over at 40 and thinking that i’m too old to start from scratch.

I’ve definitely started 180, will most likely start ic as well. Not sure what nmmng is but I’ll try to find it in the acronyms,

This community has given me some good advice to help get on with my life. Here’s hoping I can get back to it pretty quick.
 

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Well there is a lot to update. I did expose to family and friends. The friends did not care unfortunately (shows their character). Her father did call me and thoroughly reassured me that from his viewpoint I did everything he could have asked to provide a great life for his daughter. He was not supportive of her decisions. It was good to hear him say some very positive things to me just for the knowledge that externally, people did see that she gave up a really good thing.

I’ve also come to find out a lot about the OM. Divorced twice before, goes after women with money, real piece of work. The further I dug, the more Jerry Springer-ish it got, which again makes it easier to just move on. There are still good days and bad days, but the bad days aren’t about her really, they are fear of starting over at 40 and thinking that i’m too old to start from scratch.

I’ve definitely started 180, will most likely start ic as well. Not sure what nmmng is but I’ll try to find it in the acronyms,

This community has given me some good advice to help get on with my life. Here’s hoping I can get back to it pretty quick.
No more mr nice guy is a book. Buy and read did me wonders. dont engage. Do your own thing. Smile. Your the prize, shes stupid enough to fall for the player. Shrug

Keep a var [ voice activated recorder] on you. Shes trying to entice you into an argument? Just shrug and laugh I've got not time for this shister and work out. She comes up to talk .. reply with if its not about the divorce or separation you just don't got time for someone like her. You don't. Lifes too short.
Dont seek her out.
Do your own thing.
Go out at night, find a group of guys to hang with.
When the d is over. Keep traveling all over. Meet new people post about it on fb. Take pictures with hot women lol

Just move forward. Dont worry about her.

Good update. Get the divorce rolling. Don't play at her level. Dont dirty yourself.
 

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Well there is a lot to update. I did expose to family and friends. The friends did not care unfortunately (shows their character). Her father did call me and thoroughly reassured me that from his viewpoint I did everything he could have asked to provide a great life for his daughter. He was not supportive of her decisions. It was good to hear him say some very positive things to me just for the knowledge that externally, people did see that she gave up a really good thing.

I’ve also come to find out a lot about the OM. Divorced twice before, goes after women with money, real piece of work. The further I dug, the more Jerry Springer-ish it got, which again makes it easier to just move on. There are still good days and bad days, but the bad days aren’t about her really, they are fear of starting over at 40 and thinking that i’m too old to start from scratch.

I’ve definitely started 180, will most likely start ic as well. Not sure what nmmng is but I’ll try to find it in the acronyms,

This community has given me some good advice to help get on with my life. Here’s hoping I can get back to it pretty quick.
I hope you got that VAR. You will be having to interact with her at various points while the divorce is being finalized and you have to go through details of splitting property, etc. Good think, though, you have no kids, so after the ink is dry on the divorce, assuming no alimony, you can have zero contact with her for the rest of your days.
 

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Well there is a lot to update. I did expose to family and friends. The friends did not care unfortunately (shows their character). Her father did call me and thoroughly reassured me that from his viewpoint I did everything he could have asked to provide a great life for his daughter. He was not supportive of her decisions. It was good to hear him say some very positive things to me just for the knowledge that externally, people did see that she gave up a really good thing.

I’ve also come to find out a lot about the OM. Divorced twice before, goes after women with money, real piece of work. The further I dug, the more Jerry Springer-ish it got, which again makes it easier to just move on. There are still good days and bad days, but the bad days aren’t about her really, they are fear of starting over at 40 and thinking that i’m too old to start from scratch.

I’ve definitely started 180, will most likely start ic as well. Not sure what nmmng is but I’ll try to find it in the acronyms,

This community has given me some good advice to help get on with my life. Here’s hoping I can get back to it pretty quick.
If the supposed friends didn’t care about her cheating on you they are not your friend. Definition of friend = loyal, honest, trustworthy. You’d be smart to drop them.

“No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover is a free pdf download. It’s short and has helped many in your situation. Read it and apply. It’ll come in handy for new relationships.

Bud, life starts at 40. Your fear is totally unfounded. Just fix your picker. You will be amazed at how in demand a decent guy at that age is. So get out of the victim chair. Now!!!!
 

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The OM may be a scumbag but that’s who she picked over you. This is who she is. Get and stay well clear of her. You have no future there.

Nice job on exposure. It’s not your job to help hide her damn affair.
 

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Ditto what others have said....get a lawyer and look out for yourself. A divorce is like war so be prepared. No more Mr Nice Guy. And when your wife gets kicked to the curb by new guy, don't be there with open arms. Once a cheat, always a cheat. You deserve better and will find it in time.
 

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Agree with the first part but as for being “blind”, it can very easily not be seen. She is taking master’s classes and presumably that’s where this started. Sure I could have been the possessive person, texting every minute to see where she is and acting like an insecure person. Instead I put my trust in her. I don’t think that makes me blind. The trust was misplaced in this case, but I’d rather have trust in a marriage and risk it not working out versus being paranoid every minute and having something happen anyway.
You weren't blind. You didn't sign up to be watching your wife like a hawk every moment of every day of your marriage. Marriage is about trust, and she proved to be untrustworthy and selfish. You sound like a decent man who married a woman with zero personal boundaries and respect for no one, including herself. I guarantee their pretty little relationship will fizzle out badly. She may one day feel some regret for throwing away a good marriage, but her pride will never let her admit it to you, so treat her as if she died.
 
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