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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited by Moderator)
Well where to start! 3 days after separation I finally got out of her that she cheated on me one weekend was not together.

It was an older guy on her team! I took it as shock and he is old and she is 13 years younger. I left the house as I was in shock.

The day I left is when she started dating him openly. It’s been almost a month now. We been married for 10 years n together almost 12.

We have 3 kids and I thought a wonderful life. It was like a switch. She blamed me for being unhappy for a while now and blamed me for getting drunk one night as the final draw. But she cheated 5 days earlier.

I tried everything to tell her about this guy. We live in a small town. Everyone talks. His girlfriend reached out to me about him. Said this will be the third time he has cheated on her. I tried to tell my wife this guy is a scumbag.

But seems to be grasping hard to him with everything I say. She had not told her parents what she did just that I was a bad husband. After a week they decided to talk to me. I explained everything and what she was doing.

They was on my side then they went to go talk to her. They flipped back on me in two minutes. Don’t know what was said but was in shock again as her parents were backing me for her infidelity.

Now wife said this is beyond repair and I’m trying to ruin her good name. And this was selfish for telling them the truth. I said eel if you didn’t have nothing to hide you would of told them you been cheating and seeing this guy.

Well I have no other life lines and need to accept she wants a divorce. Hard to think it’s over! Just like that she threw away 11 years for this guy!

He still lives at home at 46 with mom n dad. Has grandkids older than our youngest. And has 3 kids from three different women! I love her but don’t know how to stop thinking about them.

She totally spends all her free time now with him. I even heard he won’t even introduce her to his kids.
 

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I'm sorry to hear this man.

1. It always boggles my mind how too many women will justify cheating on their husbands 'for not being a good enough man'--even rewriting marital history if they have to--but then the guy they cheated on you with is the town scumbag. Cripes. I wouldn't try to make sense of her foggy lies and justifications. For example, your being drunk that one time was the last straw is bull, look at all the far-worse sins of her new Mr Wonderful she is overlooking. She'll overlook all his other flaws such as he being a deadbeat parent at 46 but she'll hold it against you that time in 2009 when you forgot to take out the garbage.

2. Her parents will take her side, even if she is in the wrong. Trying to get them to see the light is a fools' errand.

I don't think there is anything you can do but move towards divorce. You need to think about protecting yourself and protecting your kids. The Pick-Me Dance, or good grief trying to 'reason' with her, are all doomed strategies.

And keep posting here. We got your back man.
 

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Likely been going on longer than she admits. She has 'fired' you--her choice and NOT your fault. You may want to check for STDs.

BTW: I don't think she has a 'good name.' Just what is it about her that you love? What have you done that you did not tell us about?
 

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Well where to start! 3 days after separation I finally got out of her that she cheated on me one weekend was not together. It was an older guy on her team! I took it as shock and he is old and she is 13 years younger. I left the house as I was in shock. The day I left is when she started dating him openly. It’s been almost a month now. We been married for 10 years n together almost 12. We have 3 kids and I thought a wonderful life. It was like a switch. She blamed me for being unhappy for a while now and blamed me for getting drunk one night as the final draw. But she cheated 5 days earlier. I tried everything to tell her about this guy. We live in a small town. Everyone talks. His girlfriend reached out to me about him. Said this will be the third time he has cheated on her. I tried to tell my wife this guy is a scumbag. But seems to be grasping hard to him with everything I say. She had not told her parents what she did just that I was a bad husband. After a week they decided to talk to me. I explained everything and what she was doing. They was on my side then they went to go talk to her. They flipped back on me in two minutes. Don’t know what was said but was in shock again as her parents were backing me for her infidelity. Now wife said this is beyond repair and I’m trying to ruin her good name. And this was selfish for telling them the truth. I said eel if you didn’t have nothing to hide you would of told them you been cheating and seeing this guy. Well I have no other life lines and need to accept she wants a divorce. Hard to think it’s over! Just like that she threw away 11 years for this guy! He still lives at home at 46 with mom n dad. Has grandkids older than our youngest. And has 3 kids from three different women! I love her but don’t know how to stop thinking about them. She totally spends all her free time now with him. I even heard he won’t even introduce her to his kids.
The affair was going on much longer than you know, it wasn't a one night thing that "just happened".

You've gotten the standard fare unhappy speech and she following the typical cheater book. Don't waste your breath trying to tell her about him, she's got it in her head he's Mr perfect and the more you try the more she will overlook all his bad qualities and it makes you look weak gasping st straws to hold onto her.

Her family is gonna side with her, that's a hopeless angle in the long term. As much as you don't want to you should file for divorce. She's got her head stuck in the clouds right now, your best chance for a good deal is now,,leave her in lala land cause once the affair falls apart getting a deal is much much harder. The om is having fun, he's not a long term player in this mess and once she wants more of a relationship he will most likely bail.
 

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Likely been going on longer than she admits. She has 'fired' you--her choice and NOT your fault. You may want to check for STDs.

BTW: I don't think she has a 'good name.' Just what is it about her that you love? What have you done that you did not tell us about?
I agree that it has been going on much longer than 5 days--more like months.

But here is where I disagree with you: Her running off with the town scumbag has nothing to do with what the OP did or didn't do. Cripes. I mean, look at all the sins she is overlooking in OM. [I do see that you wrote that this isn't OP's fault but then why would you even ask 'what the OP did'? Why do you see it as relevant here. OP wasn't perfect--who is--but she ran off with someone with far more serious flaws than OP's.]

WW blaming OP for 'ruining her good name' [instead of blaming herself for cheating] by deigning to actually tel the truth of why his marriage ended--she ran off w another man, seems pretty standard.

As far as what OP 'sees' in his WW, Let's look at this from the OP's side: The way this typically goes for someone in his position, he thought he had a good marriage up until months ago where she started acting distant, cold, ect. Then the bomb is dropped on him and the woman he fell in love with is gone. Or rather has become someone OP doesn't recognize. Basically OP just got his heart broken.
 

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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited by Moderator)
The thing she blames on me is that I’m a alcoholic, emotionally abusive, and have anger issues.

I know I’m not an alcoholic, we have arguments in our marriage. I get mad sometimes but who doesn’t.

One thing I can remember from a few years back she stated she wanted her life back, the one she had before kids.

This has haunted me since then. Wow we have had such a hard time with the last two kids pregnancies.

I guess I can’t believe she just decided she didn’t want this family one day. I days I have the kids she is spending every day with him.

She don’t even take the kids anywhere. I love been doing that. Kids sports she forgot about.

I’ve did that last few times. Only thing she thinks about is her new relationship. The guy does drug n sells on the side to support his habit! No money because child support takes it all.

His last girlfriend say he don’t pay for anything. So she is paying for everything now and they go out of town so they don’t be seen.

But I’m told he will get sick of her quick as she will be too clingy. All I want to see from her is that she made a bad choice and is regretful. In her state of mind she won’t acknowledge that.

She work on her problems. I’ve read some articles that she is going through a midlife crisis.

That she needs to figure that out. I can’t say anything to her because it all backfired so far. I tried to save this and hard for me to accept she is gone! She choose him over this family!
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited by Moderator)
Another thing! She has traded this life with me and our family for really nothing!

The guy is a gold digger. He saw what we had as a family! I told her when we divorce it is all going, sell the house, boat, toys!

All you will have left for him is your van and a smaller house! All we got left in the divorce is debt to divide!

Then what is he going to do! I don’t think I’m going to allow him to live with you smoking those drugs while my kids are there! The other sad thing is he still texts his ex saying he loves and misses her! That he wants her back!

Ivcan’t for the day it all goes south! By that time I hope to feel better and realize I don’t that crap in my life. Right now it hurts so bad. To her it’s like nothing happened and she is free! Like she is divorced already!

My friends say she will just move on to the next scum bag. Be prepared for that. Right now she has no common sense and dignity. Just hoing around!

As far as before then she been playing in same team for a 4 months now. They probably develop a emotional relationship first as this is what that guy does. Swoon women as he think she has money!
 

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Fabio, I'm really sorry you are here. From your description of her, your WW sounds like a skank you really didn't recognize at the time you married her. Anyway, do your 180 and no pick me stuff. You will never really get over her betrayal, but you can learn to adjust to it. And sometime soon you'll be free to find a woman who will love you as you deserve.
 

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She cheats while you move out?

File immediately!!!!! Move back into your home and let her move out.

Right now you are accepting her actions. Why? She is currently rubbing your nose in it. Not taking immediate action gets you nothing.

Full exposure!!!!!! Everyone!!! Now!!!!

Go no contact except for kids or business. Text or email only. Do not answer any phone calls from her directly. Let them go to voicemail and respond by text only kids or business related issues. Ignore anything else. Pick up or drop offs of kids should only be a 3 minute exercise with zero engagement.

Better wake up and get started quickly
 

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It is hard for me to process this! She is living life never skipped a beat! She tells me that she is happy now!

I’m thinking well yea because I take the kids every time you want to go out! She thinks this new relationship is what was missing from her life.

This scumbag can’t even live on his own. He try’s to move in with these women with houses. I’ve been told he won’t raise your kids.

He don’t even really see his grand kids! I just wish she would wake up and process what she has done.

I really need help understanding the harm she has caused to me and the kids. They continue to ask when I’m coming home. Her parents just turned on me after telling them what she was really doing.

I just want to wake up from this nightmare! I dream about them all the time. I get anxiety thinking of life without my family. I think why she threw it all away for her selfish reasons!
 

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Get it together. Your kids are your first priority. See a lawyer ASAP and pick a path. A co-worker wife did the same thing to him. He let her go and took the kids and made a life with them and eventually remarried. Your wife isn't coming back, and you should not want someone back with such weak character.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Yea I am trying. As of right now it is so new to me. My kids asking why mom is not coming with us. Why do we sleep at grandmas and not at home.

I am just stuck on the fact one day she decided she was done! She stated it was over for sometime and she decided that was the last draw. I think of it as she is putting he blame on me to make her exit easier!

After the parents tried to talk with her she came at me with how could you do this to me! You are selfish for trying to get everyone against me! I could never forgive you for this as trying to paint me as the bad guy. After 3 weeks your parents needed to know the truth! If you so proud of what your doing you would of told them. So that’s where we left that.

Now with kids, I have them this weekend as she is out with friends. Everyone says she will choose the bar life over her family. Eventually you will have them more and more then 100. She is hooked on the bar life and going out. Spends no time with these kids. Very sad.

One thing I forgot to mention she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago. It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. Now she craves the attention and I just need to tell myself she will do it again! This was stated when she told me she wanted a separation. I just need to wake up and get this over with.
 

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Fabio

1. Never do the pick-me dance, never beg, never let her see you cry. This only makes the OM seem strong compared to you.

2. File for now and have her served. This can be halted before the end if you wish, but do it now.

3. Get checked for STD's. Druggies have diseases.

4. Be strong, be courageous, be decisive. Let your kids see how they act to someone committing evil like this.

5. Be ready for her to come crawling back. Do not give in. Move on. Her life will become ****. Yours will be beyond her.

6. Good luck Fabio. Doing this to you is evil. Leave her behind.
 

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If it's any consolation, Fabio, her relationship will just fall apart after a while. The guy already has a girlfriend and it's just a matter of time before he cheats again. What you should do is encourage her to spend time with him while you take care of the kids 90% of the time. Document all the time you're spending with the kids and use it to get custody of them and a better divorce settlement. After her midlife crisis is over and she comes crawling back, you can determine if there's anything of her that you still want.
 

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One thing I forgot to mention she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago. It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. Now she craves the attention and I just need to tell myself she will do it again! This was stated when she told me she wanted a separation. I just need to wake up and get this over with.
This happens way more often than you'd expect. You see it here regularly.
 

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Fabio -- listen to @skerzoid.
There are a few other things
-- get your finances separated NOW.
Take 1/2 your money out of any joint acccounts into accounts ONLY you access. Close any joint credit cards.
--Get with a lawyer ASAP otherwise she can run up bills and ruin YOUR credit.
PLEASE get with a lawyer asap. YOu need to know your rights, your child custody, and your financial future.

DOCUMENT all the times you have the kids and that she leaves.
DOCUMENT everything she is doing. Keep a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) on you at ALL times when she is near you or talking to you.

EXPOSE this to all your friends/family/etc.. Don't worry about her parents -- they of course will believe/support HER not you. Make sure you explain to your children in an age-appropriate manner what is going on and why you and their Mom won't be together anymore.

Also, if this guy is dealing drugs you DO NOT want him around your kids. Get a PI to investigate him and get any results like this to the cops.

Keep looking after your kids and YOU (eat right, don't drink, exercise...).
Very sorry you are going through this, but you WILL make it and be better off. Your wife isn't who you thought she was and now she is showing you her true self.
 

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Yea I am trying. As of right now it is so new to me. My kids asking why mom is not coming with us. Why do we sleep at grandmas and not at home.

I am just stuck on the fact one day she decided she was done! She stated it was over for sometime and she decided that was the last draw. I think of it as she is putting he blame on me to make her exit easier!

After the parents tried to talk with her she came at me with how could you do this to me! You are selfish for trying to get everyone against me! I could never forgive you for this as trying to paint me as the bad guy. After 3 weeks your parents needed to know the truth! If you so proud of what your doing you would of told them. So that’s where we left that.

Now with kids, I have them this weekend as she is out with friends. Everyone says she will choose the bar life over her family. Eventually you will have them more and more then 100. She is hooked on the bar life and going out. Spends no time with these kids. Very sad.

One thing I forgot to mention she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago. It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. Now she craves the attention and I just need to tell myself she will do it again! This was stated when she told me she wanted a separation. I just need to wake up and get this over with.
You've got to quit listening to what she is saying, most of it is just self justifying babble to make herself feel better.

You should move back into your home as your making this too easy for her to live the party life and from a legal standpoint depending on what state you live in it could be considered that you've abandoned the homestead from a divorce standpoint. You need to talk to a lawyer and you need to protect yourself.

Yes you need to wake up and take action. None of the is what you wanted and it's horrible to go thru but the faster you take action the better off emotionally and financially you will be. She most likely won't file for divorce especially as long as your playing her game and your setting yourself up to be in the worst position here. File for divorce, protect yourself and kids, let her enjoy the party/affair life. Om will dump her eventually and then another will show up. She feeds off the attention and highs from guys hitting on her.

She's going to blame you and make you the bad guy, it happens all the time.
 
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