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She has been soooo kind and generous for so many years ! Enough and enough.

Bless the lord, you had her supporting for so many years ! Please let her go now !!
 

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Discussion Starter · #83 ·
She has been soooo kind and generous for so many years ! Enough and enough.

Bless the lord, you had her supporting for so many years ! Please let her go now !!
Yes she has been supporting for many years and I too have been supporting of her. It hasn't been a one-way street. Let her go? Yes, she has admitted Adultery - I can't go back from that, so I will have to let her go.
 

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Discussion Starter · #84 ·
As someone suggested earlier in the thread, sell everything and use the money to protect yourself and move forward. You have her possessions, joint possessions, etc. you need to take control of everything you can take control of, and protect your interests.
Yes we have some possessions, but they're not worth that much as we've had them years. I aim at making a list of the things that I need then I will look to sell the remainder.

Refusing to sell her/joint possessions - to help get yourself out of this existential disaster that your betrayer wife dumped on you - it’s not admirable, it’s not principled, it’s just weak and timid.
I have to be careful here, as we live in a very small town. Listing things online to sell, she will see them. We really haven't got a lot, it's just the stuff we use to live. I have a lot of other things that I will be selling. A friend of mine is basically saying a similar thing.

You still don’t seem to understand that you are at war - which she declared on you with a vile sneak attack.
She has already crushed you emotionally, she will not hesitate to crush you in any / every other way if it benefits her to do so. She is your enemy now. She chose this path and I assure you she won’t hesitate to act accordingly. She already has.
I think I'm getting it. I just don't get how somebody can change and act like this so quickly. So cold, callous and vindictive - all out of the blue. Pushing for divorce within 2 weeks too. My choice would be to get out of this house and situation ASAP. If I could borrow some money to do that, then I would. But I have to wait a few weeks. Enough time to get the house sorted and things sold I suppose.

You need to start fighting aggressively and decisively and ruthlessly, with everything you have at your disposal - right now. If you don’t, you will be completely destroyed by this.
But in order to do this I would need a lawyer and in order to have a lawyer I would need access to money to employ one. I do get it though and I certainly won't be letting her walk all over me. However, she has all the cards, works for the legal firm and has unlimited supply of legal help and knowledge - all for free! Contrast that to what I have - nothing.
 

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I have to be careful here, as we live in a very small town. Listing things online to sell, she will see them. We really haven't got a lot, it's just the stuff we use to live. I have a lot of other things that I will be selling. A friend of mine is basically saying a similar thing.
Why? Who cares if she sees them at this point. She’s not playing nice, don’t pretend that you are. And don’t.

She works for a law firm and you don’t have much in the way of possessions? Sounds a bit odd. Has she no jewelry, collectibles, expensive purses, extra electronics, computers, expensive house items, etc?

I think I'm getting it. I just don't get how somebody can change and act like this so quickly. So cold, callous and vindictive - all out of the blue.
Doesn’t matter, stop wasting your time and mental energy on this. It’s not helpful, you need to stay focused on what you need to do now. There will be time to ponder that later.
 

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Discussion Starter · #86 ·
Why? Who cares if she sees them at this point. She’s not playing nice, don’t pretend that you are. And don’t.
Good Point!

She works for a law firm and you don’t have much in the way of possessions? Sounds a bit odd. Has she no jewelry, collectibles, expensive purses, extra electronics, computers, expensive house items, etc?
No we don't. We've always lived cheaply as possible. I have never wanted too much, clothes, etc, since I didn't want to be a burden on finances while I have been unable to work. She's always had cheap jewellery from the supermarket or market stalls, cheap dresses and handbags. She has a MacBook air and has taken that with her and I brought her her phone for her birthday. All our house items are cheap and we have had most of them 19 years. So nothing of note, no. Many would see it as junk.

I do wonder, if she has been having an affair for a while, if it wasn't part of the plan to save loads of money in order to implement the plan / buy a house / rent something / get a different car, etc. Therefore she has maybe been pretending not to have a lot of money left over each month. Probably been a long-drawnout plan over a few years or many months, as she obviously isn't in the need for her clothes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #87 ·
What a crap day! I've been in nothing but a panic all morning. Keep thinking about this situation and how I can't find a way out of it, no matter how hard I try. The only 2 people that I can talk to aren't contactable today (probably pee'd off with listening to my rubbish life problems) and I feel so isolated and not sure what to do. Yep, 55 years old, acting like a little lost child. How embarrassing. I am amazed though at the intricacies of her plan and how she has basically left the house with everythig still here to give the impression she was coming back. It's obvious now - she has been building a new house and a new wardrobe over months, if not years . It's cold, callous and calculated and not a nice way to treat anybody.
 

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What a crap day! I've been in nothing but a panic all morning. Keep thinking about this situation and how I can't find a way out of it, no matter how hard I try.
This might be a stupid idea, but have you considered just asking your wife for the money for the lawyer? “Wife, please deposit $X,XXX in my account for my solicitor so we don’t experience any delays with the divorce petition.” Phrasing it that way makes it a benefit to her. Worth a shot anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter · #89 ·
This might be a stupid idea, but have you considered just asking your wife for the money for the lawyer? “Wife, please deposit $X,XXX in my account for my solicitor so we don’t experience any delays with the divorce petition.” Phrasing it that way makes it a benefit to her. Worth a shot anyway.
Well, funny you should say that.....

I paid £150 ($212) for an hour consultation with a lawyer a week or so ago. There were various points that were discussed. I brought up whether it was plausible to get my wife to pay my legal costs due to 1) Her being a Senior Associate (almost Partner) of the legal firm she works for and gets all of her advice and work done for free, and 2) She has withdrawn monetary support from the relationship where she has been solely providing that for 7 years, seeing as I had to give up work as an IT Contractor due to ill-health.

I had not instructed them at this stage.

I sent an email a week later giving them information that they needed to know and asked them that before I instructed them, are they certain that they would be able to recover costs from my wife and how the logistic of that would work. They eventually responded, after I chased, as few days later by saying that it is not likely that they would be able to recover costs as my wife has offered to pay for the house rent and bills for 3 months, so the courts would see this as reasonable.

However, seeing as she has been the sole income earner for that period of time, then she is obliged to supply certain financial support to me, however she is not doing so. So things like the running of the house, my regular osteopath & hygienist treatments, etc have all stopped because she has gone. This comes under Spousal Maintenance (Alimony), but in order to sort this out, I need to employ a lawyer first and they ALL need money up-front. Literally I have just spoken to another one who says exactly the same thing!

This situation is impossible and it's driving me insane!
 

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But she STOLE YOUR MONEY -- did you mention that to the lawyer? Her paying for 3 months rent doesn't change the fact that she has taken all of the money and left you destitute.
 

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Discussion Starter · #91 ·
But she STOLE YOUR MONEY -- did you mention that to the lawyer? Her paying for 3 months rent doesn't change the fact that she has taken all of the money and left you destitute.
I've been thinking about that today and I need to access the shared account (that has £50 left in it). In January 2020 I put 16k in there. Yes, we used a few thousand to get a few bits and supplement here income over the 18 months we have been here, but the entire lot his gone. I've been thinking about this all day. There should have been around 10k in there. She is the only one who has been able to log into that account, as I never got my login details and I never really needed them. I reckon she hid them. I have them now but don't dare to log on. Her current account is the 'approved account' to transfer money from the savings account.

I think I've been played for a long time. And there was me thinking that I was helping contribute. Pure evil I think, although I can't prove anything and I'm just guessing at the moment.
 

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You realize you have kinda set yourself up for your wife leaving you. May not be your fault, but you don’t have a job, you’re depressed, you cannot take care of yourself and you even need your wife to take care of your health issues. That’s a lot to sign on for.

you were an IT person? You’re typing here. What kind of physical labor does IT entail?

I tealuze your health problems may be out of your control, but your wife has been married to what she probably perceives as a parent child type thing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #93 ·
You realize you have kinda set yourself up for your wife leaving you. May not be your fault, but you don’t have a job, you’re depressed, you cannot take care of yourself and you even need your wife to take care of your health issues. That’s a lot to sign on for.
Well maybe. But until I had that extremelly violent vertigo attack that completely changed my/our lives, I was an IT Contractor earning a fair bit, so it's not like I'm a lazy git or anything.

"you're depressed" - Sorry, but no I am not depressed in the slightest and I've never said that I was. I can take care of myself, just not financially, although I would have been able to if the shared account wasn't depleted. How is my wife taking care of my health issues? She's {was} there for me, but there's not a lot else to do.

I fully get your angle though and I must agree. It's just that absolutely none of this is my fault.

you were an IT person? You’re typing here. What kind of physical labor does IT entail?
Yes I was. My contracts were largelly servers stuff and support. However, I cannot spend too much time infront of a screen these days, maybe 20 mins tops in one go and then I need a break for an hour or so and do something else. Otherwise my neck goes stiff and my upper back, and because I need to wear reading glasses, it makes my head feel weird as soon as I put them on. Both of these things can start of a vertigo attack if I'm not careful.

Typing on a PC at home has the same issues, apart from I can just type something then get up and go do something else after 5 minutes. As we speak, my upper back is killing me after sitting here for 10 mins. I can't hold down a traditional job like that. Also, I wake up dizzy most days and feel rubbish until mid-afternoon. Half the time I can't think straight. Therefore I wouldn't be reliable going to work. I'd only be there a day or two a week.

Sorry, no excuses, just the truth. This is horrible

I tealuze your health problems may be out of your control, but your wife has been married to what she probably perceives as a parent child type thing.
Yeah, I'll agree with that, even though neither of us acted in such a way, I suppose I can see how she would perceive that to be the case. Nothing more to add.

HOWEVER. I did have a conversation with the doctor today about my condition and discussed the treatment that the neurologist had suggested in 2017. I tried them all, apart from the last one as I was told by a previous doctor that it was an anti-depressant and those had almost ruined my life before - suicidal thoughts, depression, extreme sadness. Came off them and all ok for years. We discussed this last medication that I haven't tried yet and it IS NOT an anti-depressant but another epilepsy medication. So that'll be worth a go. I want to get all this stuff out of the way first though, incase the side-effects were like the last one - a paranoidal nightmare!
 

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I really hate this for you. You seem like an intelligent man and you are able to see others perspective...... I really just don’t know what to say to help you. These attorneys you see are just totally unhelpful and seem interested only in their fees. They haven’t helped you at all. Your wife is gone. She’s not going to help you unless forced by law. She likely has that all sewed up via her legal contacts and status also. I just don’t know what to say.
 

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Discussion Starter · #95 ·
I really hate this for you. You seem like an intelligent man and you are able to see others perspective...... I really just don’t know what to say to help you. These attorneys you see are just totally unhelpful and seem interested only in their fees. They haven’t helped you at all. Your wife is gone. She’s not going to help you unless forced by law. She likely has that all sewed up via her legal contacts and status also. I just don’t know what to say.
Thank you for your sentiment, it is difficult and there probably is nothing that can be said.

I spoke to another lawyer this afternoon to gauge options, he literally wouldn't even talk with me on the telephone unless I gave him £120 for advice. I told him that I was not asking for advice, but trying to explain the situation so that he can tell me what options his company may have for me. He said that if I didn't have money to pay them up-front, then they couldn't help me and hung up.

Now this is a local company and they just may have pee'd of the last person they wanted too! Obnoxious.

I just need a break and to be able to get a lawyer that will take payment a little way down the road and after my pension payment comes out. It seems so simple, but so hard to find - like rocking horse sh*t. I do have options though and will probably opt for a paralegal in the first stages, I should have enough money for 3-4 hours of work if they are efficient.
 

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@Smilieman have you been in touch with the Citizens Advice Bureau? They will let you know all benefits you are entitled to like universal credit, pip, housing benefit etc. They will help you fill in forms so less stressful and they will probably be able to give you advice on the divorce, and help with forms etc. Also credit union is good for a loan and no interest to pay back. If you are receiving universal credit, then credit union will take a small amount out to pay back each week/month. You don't notice it because it's small amounts. Once loan payed back you can get another one. Look up credit union in your area. I'm in the UK so feel free to message me and I will give advice the best I can. I've just had to apply for universal credit myself and they have been very helpful. They told me to apply for pip. Sorry you are going through this. Take a few days to destress then contact the citizens advice. Don't go paying any solicitors yet. See what the cab advise.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk
 

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Discussion Starter · #97 ·
@Smilieman have you been in touch with the Citizens Advice Bureau? They will let you know all benefits you are entitled to like universal credit, pip, housing benefit etc. They will help you fill in forms so less stressful and they will probably be able to give you advice on the divorce, and help with forms etc. Also credit union is good for a loan and no interest to pay back. If you are receiving universal credit, then credit union will take a small amount out to pay back each week/month. You don't notice it because it's small amounts. Once loan payed back you can get another one. Look up credit union in your area. I'm in the UK so feel free to message me and I will give advice the best I can. I've just had to apply for universal credit myself and they have been very helpful. They told me to apply for pip. Sorry you are going through this. Take a few days to destress then contact the citizens advice. Don't go paying any solicitors yet. See what the cab advise.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk
Thanks for the info & the sentiment. I'm also sorry this has taken place, but I suppose you can't (nor would you want to) control other people. I just wish that they had a tad bit of respect for the person who's life they are ruining, well, trying to.

I contacted the CAB right at the start of all this and they have been absolutely brilliant. A guy spent 3 hours on the phone helping me apply for UC and PIP - just got the PIP form to complete this week, but I've had to request medical notes & specialist reports to accompany it. UC is sorted out and due to be paid in first week of July "If I'm eligible" which it looks like I am, so that will be ok.

Didn't know about Credit Union, so will look at that, although I think I have found a solution to pay for some of my legal costs to start with. I have to investigate a bit more and work things out, but it'll give me a start. I would rather not get a loan and have to pay that out of my UC each month if I don't need to.

The CAB didn't talk so much or give options for housing, apart from that the local council could sort that out but they would only house me in this area. Now, that's not an option for me as this area is dominated by my wife's firm and she gets around all of the branches, and ventures out to clients homes. So, I could bump into her anywhere. Seeing as it's country a lot round here, all the larger towns and villages are the place to go by everyone. So I risk bumping into her with her new other half. I'm not kidding when I say that will do me in more than I am already. So I want to move to a different part of the country. The option is that you could move to somewhere you have family, so I could always go and stay near my step-brother, if he wanted me in his domain. I'm still looking at options.

I have a free legal phone call arranged by the CAB, but this isn't until another week and a half. Unfortunately the wife's lawyer will be sending out a letter to me at some point - probably next week as the wife wants to get divorced at a super-rapid rate for some unknown reason. Maybe a condition of her new relationship, or she's pregnant and wants to be married before it's born, who knows! Only been gone less than 2 weeks before she started talking about that. I find that very strange.

I do find this a bit coercive, given that she knows I haven't got any money (as she took it all) and that she knows I'll be an emotional mess and she putting the pressure on. What have I ever done to deserve this type of treatment?

Thanks for the offer to contact directly, I may do that if I get stuck. Please do the same if I can assist also. Haven't done PIP yet, but I shall be working on that next week. Apparently I have been told by an advisor woman, to not put anything about your good days in there. Focus on the bad days and make them sing! That's what she said - good luck!
 

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Unfortunately the wife's lawyer will be sending out a letter to me at some point - probably next week as the wife wants to get divorced at a super-rapid rate for some unknown reason.
Tell her tough sh*t -- when she gives back your money, then you can talk. Until then, you are signing NOTHING.
 

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Discussion Starter · #99 ·
Tell her tough sh*t -- when she gives back your money, then you can talk. Until then, you are signing NOTHING.
Crikey I wish I had an attitude like that! Perhaps I've become a bit of a walkover in my old-age? Yes, very good point. I need to get logged on to this account this weekend as I've had the stuff come through the post now. I'm dreading it really, to find out how 16k has gone in a year and a half and i've never been able to log on to the account. It's getting obvious that she discarded my login information when it arrived, as the bank tells me that they always send it in the post. My wife tried to suggest that maybe I had deleted the email! Gotcha!

I shall make it my mission to have a look this weekend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #100 ·
It's another bad day today. I wonder how long I can be like this. In a panic, feeling desperately isolated and alone. I feel weak now, like I've had my heart and guts pulled out from inside me. All I can think of is how she is probably happy in her new life and happy that she is now rid of me, once and for all. This is Karma for me as I was part of her leaving her previous boyfriend to be with me. I know it is and now I know how he must have felt 19 years ago when she left him and he came home from work and saw she was gone. I know then, that she didn't think twice about it. It would appear it is what she does. Although that time she took all of her belongings, this time she has left them all behind to discard her old life completely.

Sorry, I'm just find it tough the past few days. Thanks for listening... :)
 
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