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Thanks for the suggestions.

One of the most classic misinterpretations of Migraine Associated Vertigo or Vestibular Migraine, is that a headache has to be present. It doesn't. People have never suffered with migraine and yet they are diagnosed with Vestibular Migraine without ever having a headache. It's the vertigo and dizziness side of things that is the issue here, not a headache. Apparently it's the nature of the migraine - no pain, just vertigo.

I haven't tried the CEPHALY machine, but if it is aimed as reducing pain, there is none. My symptoms doesn't fit with Occipital Neuralgia. Daily exercises for dizziness have not helped. I have also had deep muscular injections years ago before all this, for upper back pain after a martial arts injury, but that was 27 years prior to this happening.

All input helps, believe me I have gotten loads of ideas and things from other people mentioning stuff.

An example of how it works is like now. I have just heard from the wife that she is starting divorce proceedings and that she is going to file for "Unreasonable behaviour" against me. She has also admitted adultery. I feel awful now and that alone has increased my vertigo no-end ... still no headache though!
If you can record her saying that she committed adultery (NOT sure you can do that in the UK) you may have grounds to CHANGE the filing to adultery (or if she put that in text, you have the proof!)

Sucks about the Vestibular Migraine. They SUCK.
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 · (Edited)
If you can record her saying that she committed adultery (NOT sure you can do that in the UK) you may have grounds to CHANGE the filing to adultery (or if she put that in text, you have the proof!)

Sucks about the Vestibular Migraine. They SUCK.
She has emailed me admitting Adultery, so I have it in writing. I can change the filing but I will need to pay the court costs as I then become the petitioner, as far as I'm aware. The good thing is, I have just done some research and it would appear that I am exempt from paying the court fee because of my lack of income. So it may be an option. I'd have to do it myself though, rather than go through a solicitor, which is a bit of a pain.

VM - Yes they do suck. You are completely on-point with that one...
 

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Discussion Starter · #63 ·
I've been thinking that it would probably be more pertinent for me to request that divorce proceedings be delayed for a short while. It's been only 2 weeks and it's gone from her leaving out of the blue, to shacking up with somebody else and applying for a divorce! Two weeks. I still haven't come to terms with that emotionally yet, let alone everything else I'm having to sort out.

In the meantime I'm having to try to come to terms with things, claim benefits, cope with my health condition which is exacerbated by stress (and she knows it) and sort out benefits.

I think that the ONLY option here is for me to cash in my pension, I can see no other way to gain access to money. Then I have to cancel my benefits and live on my pension money - 2-3 years tops. So I have a little time to see if I can create some for of income stream. If I can do this, then the pension money doesn't get eaten away, but it won't be growing either.

Is there merit is requesting a slow down on the divorce? Surely she's not in that much hurry to get married again?
 

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Discussion Starter · #64 ·
PLEASE do not cash in your pension or savings for retirement.

Those monies are for retirement, not for TODAY.

What if you live to be 80 and have already spent away your savings?

Bad, bad thing to do.
Ok, so I have found out after a long phone call, that there is an option open to me called a 'Flexible' option. I can take 25% as a tax free lump sum and then leave the rest in there to grow.

So that satisfies my requirements nicely and will give me some flexibility to move and fund divorce proceedings.

I shall email the stbxWife and ask her to hold off of filing for a short while while I get organized.
 

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I've been thinking that it would probably be more pertinent for me to request that divorce proceedings be delayed for a short while. It's been only 2 weeks and it's gone from her leaving out of the blue, to shacking up with somebody else and applying for a divorce! Two weeks. I still haven't come to terms with that emotionally yet, let alone everything else I'm having to sort out.

In the meantime I'm having to try to come to terms with things, claim benefits, cope with my health condition which is exacerbated by stress (and she knows it) and sort out benefits.

I think that the ONLY option here is for me to cash in my pension, I can see no other way to gain access to money. Then I have to cancel my benefits and live on my pension money - 2-3 years tops. So I have a little time to see if I can create some for of income stream. If I can do this, then the pension money doesn't get eaten away, but it won't be growing either.

Is there merit is requesting a slow down on the divorce? Surely she's not in that much hurry to get married again?
Sorry buddy, but she’s not gonna slow down and YES, they get that much in a hurry to get married again.

you are seemingly shell shocked and unwilling to accept the obvious. Attorney. The only person that can help you.
 

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Don’t try to. No, you never will. See an attorney, take care of yourself. Accept your faults in the relationship, move on, do NOT accept blame where you aren’t at fault.
It happens. Don’t think it’s all on you, or that your life is over. You’ll see this as a gift one day, most likely.
 

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Discussion Starter · #68 ·
Don’t try to. No, you never will. See an attorney, take care of yourself. Accept your faults in the relationship, move on, do NOT accept blame where you aren’t at fault.
It is hard not to blame yourself. I suppose it's the way that she 'disappeared' makes it seem like she is blaming you by leaving. Whereas it's just that she wants a different life with a different person, perhaps?

It happens. Don’t think it’s all on you, or that your life is over.
Are you a mind reader? :) This is exactly what I've been thinking.

You’ll see this as a gift one day, most likely.
I'll welcome that day if it ever arrives.
 

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Doesn't she have to support you right now? Like, a main breadwinner man can't just leave a household and leave his wife with no access to money. That's in the US. I can't imagine there isn't a similar thing in the UK. I'd see an attorney ASAP to ask about that. Or get a free legal aid consult somewhere. There must be some organization that can help abandoned spouses who were cut off from funds.
 

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Discussion Starter · #72 ·
Doesn't she have to support you right now? Like, a main breadwinner man can't just leave a household and leave his wife with no access to money. That's in the US. I can't imagine there isn't a similar thing in the UK. I'd see an attorney ASAP to ask about that. Or get a free legal aid consult somewhere. There must be some organization that can help abandoned spouses who were cut off from funds.
Yes there is, it's called Spousal Maintenance, but that's part of the divorce and I'm not sure if that can be paid immediately. I was talking to a lawyer yesterday who passed comment about this maintenance being a be flaky and that I "might well be lucky".

She raided my money in the joint savings account without me knowing and put 1,500GBP in there and she said she kept the same amount. (that money was for my dental claim and for work that I may need for my teeth). However she drew out an extra 990 that she kept. She has also stated that she will pay the rent + bills until the end of August. So I have to use the 1,500 for everything. Then I'll be homeless. She has cancelled the organic food order without notice and I am no longer able to go to the much needed osteopath for my back. I haven't got the funds to have my required 3-monthly hygienist appointment and I haven't got any funds for a lawyer. Legal Aid was discontinued here in 2013 for Divorce and it's now very much a DIY affair for those with little or no funds.

A lawyer I paid 150GBP to for an hour consultation, told me that she was confident that I could claim legal costs from the wife. However, when I later requested in an email whether this is still an option if I were to instruct them and how it would work, they responded that it is likely the courts would see that she is doing her bit paying the rent and bills, so they probably wouldn't get her to pay my costs. Then they said they would charge me £190+tax for responding to my email.

So I'm in a bit of a rock and a hard place really. I am waiting for a call back from a legal company who provide info over a phone call for free, but they haven't called yet and I had an outstanding call back waiting from a legal firm who I contacted yesterday in regard to legal aid, as an article on their website says it's not quite true. No call back and I cannot seem to contact them today and can't leave voice messages as mailboxes are full.
 

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You’ve got to find a way to get a job, change your own life for the better, get out, and forget your STBXW. You’re pain shopping now and although I understand it, it isn’t helpful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #75 ·
You’ve got to find a way to get a job, change your own life for the better, get out, and forget your STBXW. You’re pain shopping now and although I understand it, it isn’t helpful.
Yes, I am doing that but it all takes time and it's a bit slow as I'm dealing with the system. I can't work as an employee due to Vestibular Migraine & associated pituitary tumour, but I agree I need to somehow create an income and I have been thinking seriously about that.

I wish I had the magic potion to FORGET about her though. I have just sat through a panic attack an hour or so back. It's silly. Never heard of "Pain Shopping", but I see it as educating myself. I was actually looking for the law on being abandoned by a spouse and what can be done immediately. I found a company in London that offers fixed fee Abandoned Spouses | Duncan Lewis | Duncan Lewis, then I researched the term. So I wasn't hunting for pain, I don't think.
 

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A bit off topic, but have you been muscle tested to see what foods you may be allergic to? My daughter was having those migraines almost every day. I took her to a chiro that specialized in Kinesiology and found out she was allergic to ham and high fructose and preservatives. She hasn't has a migraine in 10 years.
 

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Discussion Starter · #77 ·
A bit off topic, but have you been muscle tested to see what foods you may be allergic to? My daughter was having those migraines almost every day. I took her to a chiro that specialized in Kinesiology and found out she was allergic to ham and high fructose and preservatives. She hasn't has a migraine in 10 years.
No I haven't. However, mine isn't migraine either, it's Vestibular Migraine. The migraine hasn't got to be present, it's weird. Interesting though. I went plant-based for 2 years to take all processed foods and toxins out of my diet. Nothing different. So, I did a 7 day water fast. Nothing changed. I would have thought that I would have seen some difference. I shall keep that in mind though, it sounds like it may be worth exploring some more after all this crubbish is sorted! Cheers.
 

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My buddy prescribed me some Zoloft and I took it for a couple of months and it helped a lot with the anxiety. The anxiety, helplessness, fear, etc associated with this stuff can’t be overestimated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #79 ·
My buddy prescribed me some Zoloft and I took it for a couple of months and it helped a lot with the anxiety. The anxiety, helplessness, fear, etc associated with this stuff can’t be overestimated.
I was on antidepressants years back, prior to this happening the first time. They almost ruined my life. I was on citalopram (SSRI) here in the UK, because of work anxiety. Then I lost my job and the anxiety was no longer there. The Dr said to stay on them and I did. Turned me into a zombie. So depressed it wasn't funny. Came off them and everything started to become clearer, then the wife left for 9 months & felt everything! Not been back on them since and feeling it again now, or course. It's a shame there's not a natural solution.
 

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As someone suggested earlier in the thread, sell everything and use the money to protect yourself and move forward. You have her possessions, joint possessions, etc. you need to take control of everything you can take control of, and protect your interests.

Refusing to sell her/joint possessions - to help get yourself out of this existential disaster that your betrayer wife dumped on you - it’s not admirable, it’s not principled, it’s just weak and timid.
You still don’t seem to understand that you are at war - which she declared on you with a vile sneak attack.
She has already crushed you emotionally, she will not hesitate to crush you in any / every other way if it benefits her to do so. She is your enemy now. She chose this path and I assure you she won’t hesitate to act accordingly. She already has.

You need to start fighting aggressively and decisively and ruthlessly, with everything you have at your disposal - right now. If you don’t, you will be completely destroyed by this.
 
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