Lol! Good idea, but that would go against my morals - I will not let this situation turn me vindictive, immoral or see me enter into an unfair mindset. Seriously though, I will not compromise my morals, like she has hers. Although it may not feel like it, as I feel pathetic at the moment, I am the one holding my head up high and haven't compromised my integrity or what I stand for. I will remain fair and equitable, but will not allow myself to sink into blame or persecution (which is such an easy path to take). On the other hand, she has compromised her integrity, proven her dishonesty and shown that she is not willing to discuss issues so that they can be addressed and therefore, destroyed any credibility she had, as far as I am concerned. Really, if you think about it, she hasn't got anything about her really. If your word and actions are not what you say they are to others, then you are seen as untrustworthy, dishonest and unreliable, even though people may still stand by and support you still, I do wonder what they really think, or what story she has painted them. But surely they will be able to see that she has left me for another, if that really is the case, and as such must question her morals?You have assets. Sell her jewelry and clothes to get some immediate cash. She's abandoned them and you haven't filed for divorce yet so they are your property. I don't know if that would hold up in court; but, you can beg for forgiveness later.
What I say I keep to. How I say I will be, I am and I do keep to. If I agree to something, I will keep to that agreement (including marriage) - as long as love shall last we said - mine is still there, hers isn't. If I promise something, I will keep that promise. If I say I will look after somebody and love them, I will keep to what I say. If I state that I will highlight and address issues, I wil do that and I did. When I tell her I love her, I am being truthful, always and if I didn't mean it I wouldn't say it. I have pride that I hold this stance and hopefully people will see that I have a degree of integrity at some level.
So.....going on from that.....
Her jewellery is just cheap from a general store. The expensive stuff (and she only has a few bits) is the stuff that I have brought her in the past - platinum/diamond, etc - she always wears. That's a point, she can sell her engagement and wedding ring - that'll be a fair few grand!
Likewise her clothes are not expensive.
I am following up some avenues at the moment to pay legal fees and to be more flexible in this situation. I have life insurance and I wonder if they cover legal fees of this nature. Also, I am considering cashing in my pensions, which I was going to do prior to all this in order to invest in a few different areas for "our" future. I think I shall set up a different bank account. Then I can cancel state support and not have to wait around. Then, as part of the divorce agreement, I can agree for her to leave my pensions alone and I won't claim on her pension or Spousal Maintenance. This gets her out of my life quicker, as I think prolonging it will keep me in this God-awful state which I cannot bear a moment longer. It also puts me back in control - somewhere I haven't been for a very long time. I am on the phone at the moment to another call, but I shall make these enquiries this afternoon as soon as I can, then I shall have more information.
The only thing is, is that I won't be able to draw on my pension come retirement, so I will need some sources of income to replenish and help grow, but I will have a couple of years before the money runs out (more if I'm careful), to somehow build this up or come up with a plan to commandeer a piece of land and build a cob house! Always been my dream! Creating an income is the difficult bit due to my neurological condition which means I cannot be a reliable employee and cannot do the work required of me, but I'm sure that I can sort something out. That is a worry for when this is sorted.
Between the irrational thought and panic, it would appear that my brain can still function to some degree.
I think I see a way forward out of this and a quick Divorce. It's a shame that it has come this as I am a true believer of talking about and addressing issues, but she in insistent on not wanting to do this and the way she has once again "vanished" has left a really awkward situation that I am trying to pick the pieces up from yet again. She has provided the income since I have been ill - 7 years (but not pathetically ill, you understand) and she has also been the one that has administered everything - bills, bank accounts (including mine), pensions, insurances, etc, etc, etc. We have had holiday's and supplemented her income at stages throughout this as I sued a dentist a while back and we have used this also. So it's not that I haven't been contributing to some degree.
The more I think about it, the more I come to the reasoning that I cannot (will not?) put up with this type of behaviour and if truth be told, it is very likely that she was seeing somebody else the first time this happened some 10years ago - if that is the case then our whole relationship has been built on a lie since then. Like I said earlier - lack of credibility, honesty & morals - no respect for me or our relationship either.
Sorry about the waffle, but you response trigger something in me. Push has come to shove.....I think.