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Papers filed first thing this morning. Divorce application and application for maintenance. it begins. Not sure how I feel about that at the moment, sad yes, but more disappointed with my wife and the way in which she has chosen to act. I haven't known her to be even remotely like this in the 21 years I've known her. Either she has changed instantaneously, or somebody has some type of influence over her and has been helping co-ordinate everything. Just a guess of course.....
It is so sad to hear that someone would walk away from 21 years with what seem like not even a second thought. I don't envy your position, but I do hope the best for you. I'm confident in the long run you will come out of this okay.
 

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Discussion Starter · #322 ·
It is so sad to hear that someone would walk away from 21 years with what seem like not even a second thought. I don't envy your position, but I do hope the best for you. I'm confident in the long run you will come out of this okay.
I truly hope so. I'm uncovering so much more each and every day as this is so unbelievable. I think I am going to write a book.
 

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If she has been supporting you both for 7 years, why would you care if she got regular money out of your account?

Im still not getting why all the account issues.
If you haven’t worked in 7 years, but you had money, why shouldn’t some of your dough go to supporting you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #324 ·
If she has been supporting you both for 7 years, why would you care if she got regular money out of your account?

Im still not getting why all the account issues.
If you haven’t worked in 7 years, but you had money, why shouldn’t some of your dough go to supporting you?
Well that would be all well and good if I agreed to that and I knew where it was. But I didn't. Perhaps it's just me then, but emptying 13,500 out of a joint savings account without the other persons agreement or knowledge, plus 4,000 out of another, is ok?
 

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Well that would be all well and good if I agreed to that and I knew where it was. But I didn't. Perhaps it's just me then, but emptying 13,500 out of a joint savings account without the other persons agreement or knowledge, plus 4,000 out of another, is ok?
Not at all, nothing is ok without your agreement, even if still married. Just saying....
You did also mention. That you didn’t so Any kind of financial stuff whatsoever. You left it all to her. So part of this money fiasco is on you for not being involved in anything. Her stealing from you is a different story.
 

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As time goes by I uncover more and more.

Looking closer at these statements today and she has been taking regular payments out each month of a few hundred. Dates go back to May 2019 - Marck 2020 (circa 3,000gbp), but in-store sttement only shows 6 months. I have the full statements ordered and should be here in a couple of months. This has been going on a long time - at least 2 years...
As I told you, she was having an affair and planning every thing for a long time, but you never saw it!
 

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Discussion Starter · #328 ·
Not at all, nothing is ok without your agreement, even if still married. Just saying....
You did also mention. That you didn’t so Any kind of financial stuff whatsoever. You left it all to her. So part of this money fiasco is on you for not being involved in anything. Her stealing from you is a different story.
So here's the thing. It wasn't that I didn't do any kind of financial stuff. The day to day stuff, such as bills etc, came out of her account as she had the salary. I did not have access to her bank account, nor would I want that. Why would I need to be involved in her paying the direct debits from her bank account?

As far as I was concerned, our savings were in the savings account. Why would I need to keep checking hey were still there? I had no reasons to.

When I was really badly iill for around 2.5 years after this vertigo condition first hit, it was as much as I could do to get through the day. A couple of years before we moved here, I was on the medication that the Neurologist prescribed and it wiped me out for around 9 months. Again, it was as much as I could do to get through the day. Because of this my wife opened the post, which included my pension statements and I was in the middle of my dental claim which she was helping me with. I wasn't in a state to do much then, just potter around the house, making bread, cooking an evening meal and cleaning a room a day was as much as I could do for that time.

It was only in the last 2.5 years that we opened the savings account to put the remaining money from our house sale in. We did this together and I saw the money paid in and printed in the passbook (it was an old fashioned account). The last thing I knew was that the savings were in the account. As far as my claim money goes, I transferred the money her her account and she told me that she had transferred my claim money to the other savings account that she opened. Why would I need to keep checking these accounts? The money goes in and stays there. There was nothing for me to do.

Unbeknownst to me, she was drawing money out for years.

I trusted my wife and that was to my detriment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #329 ·
As I told you, she was having an affair and planning every thing for a long time, but you never saw it!
You were right. There was nothing to see though and it is such a horrible thought that she has been doing all this for years.
 

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looks like she has legal advice , and is doing what we here would tell her to do if she came here with her story ,

if she came here she might talk about a husband that she did not love and that she moved out of the house the first thing posters would tell her is to go after the money .

some times things seem to come out of the blue , like one person had the wool pulled over their eyes ,

just what was life like before this started

now that you have started to dig when do you think you lost her ,
 

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Discussion Starter · #331 ·
looks like she has legal advice , and is doing what we here would tell her to do if she came here with her story ,

if she came here she might talk about a husband that she did not love and that she moved out of the house the first thing posters would tell her is to go after the money
She went after the money first, before she left and after. Why would people tell others to do this? Why are people so damn greedy these days?

If she did not love me, then she should have stay away. She has manipulated me, plain and simple.

some times things seem to come out of the blue , like one person had the wool pulled over their eyes ,

just what was life like before this started

now that you have started to dig when do you think you lost her
It seemed to come out of the blue as that's when she showed her hand. Thant's the only bit I saw.

Life was good prior to this. We've always laughed and joked around, gone places. held hands all the time. Sex wasn't that regular - now I know why.

When did I lose her? Who knows it's hard to say. Probably when I was trialling medication for my condition and it wiped me out about 4 years back. I still don't know how she has been seeing somebody. It wouldn't surprise me if she has been having an affair with the same person that she left me for the first time 10 years back. I'll never know. She never goes out on her own evenings or weekends. She started at the company that she works at now in December 2018, not that long ago and bearing in mind she's been drawing money out of the savings monthly since before May 2019.....that new job thing perhaps? But still, she never used to go anywhere. We were always together at weekends and evenings, the only place she went was work, so it has to have been lunchtimes.
 

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She went after the money first, before she left and after. Why would people tell others to do this? Why are people so damn greedy these days?

If she did not love me, then she should have stay away. She has manipulated me, plain and simple.


It seemed to come out of the blue as that's when she showed her hand. Thant's the only bit I saw.

Life was good prior to this. We've always laughed and joked around, gone places. held hands all the time. Sex wasn't that regular - now I know why.

When did I lose her? Who knows it's hard to say. Probably when I was trialling medication for my condition and it wiped me out about 4 years back. I still don't know how she has been seeing somebody. It wouldn't surprise me if she has been having an affair with the same person that she left me for the first time 10 years back. I'll never know. She never goes out on her own evenings or weekends. She started at the company that she works at now in December 2018, not that long ago and bearing in mind she's been drawing money out of the savings monthly since before May 2019.....that new job thing perhaps? But still, she never used to go anywhere. We were always together at weekends and evenings, the only place she went was work, so it has to have been lunchtimes.
it is easy now to look back and say why did you not ask why was she drawing out money from a savings account , but often we just let that type thing to one person , and when they are playing their own game we dont see ,
the saddest part of all this is the way she played along for so long , years it is one thing to leave it is another to be two faced for so long ,
 

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Discussion Starter · #334 ·
the saddest part of all this is the way she played along for so long , years it is one thing to leave it is another to be two faced for so long
This is what I'm finding. And the most destroying part is that she even had us try for a baby about 3.5 few years back, taking note of her cycles and everything. Chances are she was on birth control and having an affair which is why she didn't get pregnant. We haven't used any protection since right up until a couple of weeks before she left. She has never got pregnant. So she was playing me then also and she knew I really wanted a kid. So cold.
 

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She probably mentioned her unhappiness to someone, then mentioned the savings to that someone. Who then coached her to move the money to a place of safe keeping. Maybe even their bank account? "He'll never think of looking here, will he?"

Report the matter to the bank and also to your solicitor.
 

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Discussion Starter · #338 ·
She probably mentioned her unhappiness to someone, then mentioned the savings to that someone. Who then coached her to move the money to a place of safe keeping. Maybe even their bank account? "He'll never think of looking here, will he?"

Report the matter to the bank and also to your solicitor.
Already done. Statements on their way for a audit trail. May need to employ a forensic accountant if it gets too complicated.

Interesting thing is she came home in June last year and said "I fancy getting some Monero". So we worked out how to and she took 1,000 out of my savings with my blessing. I got bitcoin and glad I did as I cashed in to pay lawyer - even though it the lowest it been for months!.

So I suspect that she has transferred a fair bit to Monero. The audit trail from her bank account will still show the exchange she used though, then I can calculate how much she got + profits and claim some if that.

I think she thinks she's been clever. But now she knows that I know, since she got a copy of the court filing yesterday, and she knows that I get to the bottom of stuff.

It surely is tugging at my heart strings that's for sure. What ever happened to her mind? I think she is being 'guided' as she didn't redirect post either (that can be traced by PI's). She changed then all individually and all her post stopped with two weeks.

Sent from my SM-J500FN using Tapatalk
 

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if she is has been using the savings to live it has been a clever move , as that way she can save more of her wages and stay legal ,
if she moved the money from bank to bank it will show even if she moved it from bank to bank to as someone said to his bank that too will show
but if she lodged her wages to the Monero account ( i take it this is a hedging fund account ) she can hold on to it and if money from savings was in cash you a in bad luck
 
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