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Discussion Starter · #201 ·
There's still something to work with. I may stop back with questions, but for now, I have some work to do with the recommended reading and stuff. That's going to keep me busy for a while.

She didn't like tasting herself when we kissed after oral. I was aware of this. We are going to try it again. I'm going to read up on techniques and try to find a solution to the taste thing.

She's started menopause and her hormones are part of the problem.
 

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Trust me when I tell you that not using a vibrator does not equate to leaves more for me. It can just be a tension reliever whereas having sex with a person could be unnecessarily involved for her at that particular time or something. I mean you're having a problem with something that literally everybody does pretty much.
 
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That is one of my concerns. This has already been a tough topic to discuss. It would seem to be a potential topic. If we talk about our sex life any she says she's just not interested anyone, why the vibrator use? My fear is she'd shut things down completely. I love her, I don't want to push her farther away.
So why not just ask her?
Say " I know that you masturbate, but don't seem to want to have sexual interactions with me. Is there a problem?" You don't have to talk about the vibrator.

I think you SHOULD remind her that your love language is physical touch and without that YOU don't feel close or emotionally bonded to her.
 

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We read the Love Languages book several years ago when the kids were younger. Not surprisingly, I am physical touch, she is acts of service. She told me then that sex just wasn't a priority for her. She felt she needed to focus on the kids.
You know the point of that book is to find out what the OTHER likes so that you can show them via THEIR love language. She knows that YOU are physical touch, then she should KNOW that THAT is the way YOU get love from her.
For HER, you need to do acts of service.
 

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As far as holding back attention and affection, there's not much to cut back on. She likes to spend the evening by herself working on her hobbies and watching shows. She doesn't really act like she craves attention.

I used to write her love notes fairly often and things like that. She actually told me the love notes started to be too much, so, I don't do that much anymore.
So BASICALLY, she wants you as a roomate to pay the bills and help around the house? She has NO romantic or loving impulses towards you?
 

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I don't want to sound pessimistic and all negative, but (negating myself with the "but") men like the OP never get to resolve anything, due to their lack of experience, knowledge, assertiveness, etc., and wife already being for a long while conditioned to her "way" of things. These men just end up going with the flow of things, so as to not make too many waves and somehow accepting the status quo. Hope that in this case I'm wrong but I doubt it. OP needs to reflect on this and see if he is one of those that are able to break the pattern.
 

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