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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi guys,

I just had a conversation with my wife. She would like to take another job that might require her to travel and go to conventions in cities like Las Vegas for a few days. Of course I would not be invited.

I told her that I would not be cool with her travelling alone for days without me.

She told me that this way she feels I am chaining her to me and that she would like to go on vacation with other girls without me.

Husbands, what's your take on this? I told her I would not be cool with that. We are married and we should go on vacation together. Furthermore there is absolutely no need for her to get another job, she has a good position and makes good money where she's working now.

Am I over-reacting or should I be genuinely concerned?
 

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Did you see in the news about that woman who left behind her husband and two kids to go on a photo tour of Turkey? They found her body in a ditch near a wall.

Your wife's attitude and behavior has all the red flags of Walkaway Wife Syndrome.

Others will come along to explain what that is. I don't have the energy.
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The very first rule in my marraige was "no seperate vacations".
Especially no "girls only" vacations.

As a man who spent his youth living and working on a resort island I can tell you from experience there's a reason why they don't want their husbands around and it isn't innocent.
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My wife and I use POJA. Policy Of Joint Agreement.

It is normal in my career to do some travelling. Typically it is not to anywhere like Las Vegas.

All this said in my marriage if my wife was against me doing this travelling we would work it out. I would have to find a job without such travel but there are no free lunches in life so taling a different job might be for less money but might also involve longer working hours.

So I am suggesting that you and your wife weigh the pluses and minuses with this.

Has there been any infidelity in the marriage?

What does she do for a living?

Why are you concerned about this travel?

What other job chocies does she have?

I checked to see what other threads you have and it sounds like you have other marital issues. She has a drinking problem? Your sex life is less than great.

My wife travels alone to visit relatives mostly. A couple times she did go to visit very close female friends. My wife is NOT a party girl and in general we do not take spearate vactions.

I am not for GNO vactions. So no I would not be cool with the vactions to go party with ... anyone like that without me. But I confess the situation has never come up.
 

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Neither my wife nor I would take a job where there was substantial travel. I don't consider it being chained to her nor doe she consider it being chained to me. We consider it being in love and wanting to be around one another.

The whole separate vacation thing... no way.
 

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Are you sure that her trips will be to Las Vegas? Or did you just come up with that?

I travel a few times a year for my job. I have for years. If your wife is going to cheat, she will do it in your home town. She does not need to travel to do this.

Why does she want to take this new job? What does she think is better about it than the one she has now. Not what your toughts are but her thoughts.

On the topic of her going on vacation with her woman friends. To me it would depend on the vacation and where they are going. I've done this as well. But I don't hang out with any one, male or femal, who cheats on their spouses. I'd be the one calling up the husband of any of my friends who cheated.
 

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Are you serious?
You would divorce her over that?
How high up is she in her career?

I regularly travel alone on vacation and for business. BUT, I am not a social person nor am I a partyer. You would never find me in any bar anywhere. I don't even drink.

I'm at the top of my career. Telling me to not travel or you'd divorce me would get the same response someone like Richard Branson or Trump would give if their spouses told them they weren't allowed to travel for business.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hi everyone,

I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.

The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.

There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.

I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.
 

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Hi everyone,

I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.

The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.

There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.

I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.
You said she is thinking about a new job.

You know if my wife did not want me taking a role that was something like this which involved a lot of parties I owuld not pursue it.

I know that lifestyle and I suggest she avoid it if she has a drinking problem.

Keep in mind I out my marriage about any job. Others have other priorities.
 

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My wife and I use POJA. Policy Of Joint Agreement.
This is what my husband and I do. We don't do separate vacations and ONCE I took a traveling job but he agreed to it with stipulations. The agreement was I'd only do it for 2 years. See I wanted to travel at least once in my life and it would further my career.

And when the two years was up he said it's time so I quit. By then I'd gotten my fill of traveling so I was happy to give it up (I traveled 60% of the time).

To this day I'm grateful to have those memories. I however never drank and never partied. I worked, did some sightseeing, went out to dinner and unless I was working late was back at the hotel ALONE by 7-8pm.

I'm wondering WHY your wife wants to a) switch jobs and b) travel?
 

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Hi everyone,

I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.

The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.

There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.

I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.
Ok, this job does sound a little off. MLM? I would not work for one of those types of companies unless is was the only job available.

Does this job give her a big income increase?
 

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(Sorry I'm posting in the Men's forum!) I actually work a job that a couple times a year means I have to travel to conventions without my husband. He had an issue with it too, but it was over my safety traveling alone in big cities rather than me going crazy on the social scene ( I'm not much of a socialite). We had a big fight about it as well, though we compromised. I had to go to these conventions for work, but I worked hard to make my husband feel more at ease about my whereabouts (making sure I wasn't running around dark alleys, etc :p ). He still isn't totally okay when I have to travel, but much better about it. I just make sure to give him as much information as possible.

For your situation, I understand both sides. You are rightfully concerned about a very social wife in Vegas. She doesn't like having her freedom trod upon, and doesn't like that you don't trust her. Both of you are right.

Would you feel better about this if she were to keep you often abreast of her whereabouts/what she's up to? And I don't mean in a crazy "tell me every second of your life" way (and make sure she understands that). I mean a respectful open communication between husband and wife during her travels?

And you should respect her freedom, and trust that your wife loves you. If she's a cheater, then she'd be a cheater anywhere, but I'm guessing you have nothing to worry about there anyways :)
 

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The very first rule in my marraige was "no seperate vacations".
Especially no "girls only" vacations.

As a man who spent his youth living and working on a resort island I can tell you from experience there's a reason why they don't want their husbands around and it isn't innocent.
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But this isn't a vacation, it is work.

I've been to L.V. 7 times for work. It is a common place for conventions.

I did take my wife along for one of them.
 

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Hi everyone,

I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.

The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.

There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.

I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.
What type of work is she doing right now?

MLM seems like one of those shady jobs.

What did you mean by deal breaker then?

Is she willing to work on her drinking issues?

Since you said it was MLM for cosmetics, it just seems like a waste of time and money.
 
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