This might be a regular thing I am not sure, but I feel like since me and my wife got married the BJs have been non existent, we have been married for 7 years and she hasnt given me one in about 6 years.
The strange thing is when we were dating and even when we moved in together she used to tell me how much she enjoyed doing it and she always had one limit that i wouldnt cum in her mouth and i have made sure that never happened (as hard as it was, no pun intended lol).
I have spoke to her and asked her multiple times about why she doesnt do it anymore and put it nicely to her that i just missed it not only because i loved it but also that i loved how much she enjoyed doing it, we have spoke about it at least once a year since she stopped and she would never get a straight answer was always that she didnt realise she had stopped and she doesnt know why she doesnt anymore. Apart from the few conversations I have never forced it on her or brought it up more and more. So I am at a loss at this point I have tried to make sure I am always clean and trimmed to see if that was the reason and have gotten a bit sad about it thinking maybe I am not sexual attractive anymore and I am not sure of what to do.
Our sex life in general has went downhill the past few years but she seems to blame me for a lot of it saying that i need to initiate it more but we both work and at night before we get to bed she always says how tired she is or how sore she is or falls asleep minutes after we get in bed and doesnt understand why i wont try and start something or wake her up more by starting something, I just feel selfish to even think about doing that if that makes sense
Apologies for the little rant just looking to see if anyone is in the same boat or has any advice
Only can gain some self-confidenceYou can get some of it back but you need to do a lot of work on yourself and you need a partner that will respond.
Most people can’t or won’t do the personal improvement and I suspect that most partners also won’t respond to it.
Then again, what do you have to lose by trying?
100% correct. One of the largest issues I’ve seen among the countless “no sex” stories is the OP doesn’t recognize that they are a very large part of the problem. To them they have no work to do because it’s “her fault”. The ones that do decide to do the work are YEARS too late and she is done with attraction.you need to do a lot of work on yourself
Most people can’t or won’t
Agree. It's relevant that she makes excuses about why no BJs are given. Why not just tell the OP "I just don't like doing them and don't intend to" or something similarly direct?It is really pretty simple.
BJ's for her were a means to an end.
She got the end she wanted, so to hell with the means.
If OP really wants bring about a satisfactory resolution (for him), he needs to be willing to lay it on the line.
If he does this, he will not only quickly find out where he stands, but how much his wife values the relationship.
If this is so important to him, he needs to draw the line in the sand.
Right now, it comes down to her resolve to maintain her desired status quo vs. what the relationship is worth to her.
He needs to challenge her, and leverage the agency that he has in the relationship.
If she values it, she will either step up, or work out a mutually acceptable outcome.
If neither of the above happen, then he knows what his worth is in the relationship, then it is incumbent upon him to respond appropriately.
Mine has actually told me that exact direct line.Agree. It's relevant that she makes excuses about why no BJs are given. Why not just tell the OP "I just don't like doing them and don't intend to" or something similarly direct?
It's because she wants to keep the peace and not get any backlash from the OP. Maybe the solution is for the OP to stop ignoring the issue and initiate a frank discussion. Or perhaps start blowing off her needs so that she'll be motivated to at least have a discussion.
So she misrepresented herself to you until you were married. That would be a hard thing for me to accept long term.My wife refuses to give me a BJ citing that it’s disgusting and makes her sick to even think about. She hasn’t given me one since right after our wedding over 20 years ago.
So all the books in the world and all the "working on yourself", going to gym etc does no good if the partner has no interest. Which she has told you straight up she has no interest. I have lost track, but hasn't the activity cratered in every respect between the two of you?Another good book to read is The Dead Bedroom Fix. I started working on myself earlier this year and started by going to the gym at least 2-3 days a week. I’ve gained weight but I attribute that to muscle gain and also starting TRT.
My wife refuses to give me a BJ citing that it’s disgusting and makes her sick to even think about. She hasn’t given me one since right after our wedding over 20 years ago.
Are you already there at "tomorrow"?Today the bj’s, tomorrow sex entirely I predict.
So in terms of achieving the desired result, it in general isn't going to work ( with that partner ) except for the occasional exceptions. It is like once the well has run dry, a person can replace the pump with a more powerful one, change piping, it wont make any difference in the water flow. It will stay at zero.I suspect that most partners also won’t respond to it.
For a couple in love, nothing is “off of the table”. The raw sexual attraction takes over.Women who are in love with their husband and sexually attracted to him, will perform BJs. They just do.
Sad truth is once a woman loses attraction it doesn't come back. OPs best course of action is to better himself and leave.The core problem here is that your wife is not sexually attracted to you, doesn’t desire you and probably isn’t “in love” with you.
Women who are in love with their husband and sexually attracted to him, will perform BJs. They just do.
So what do you do about that?
You can’t make your wife want to **** you (or give you BJ’s), what you can do is make yourself more ****able.
Do that and see what happens. She’ll either come around and you’ll be happy, or you’ll develop yourself to the point that you realize you have better options available.