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This might be a regular thing I am not sure, but I feel like since me and my wife got married the BJs have been non existent, we have been married for 7 years and she hasnt given me one in about 6 years.

The strange thing is when we were dating and even when we moved in together she used to tell me how much she enjoyed doing it and she always had one limit that i wouldnt cum in her mouth and i have made sure that never happened (as hard as it was, no pun intended lol).

I have spoke to her and asked her multiple times about why she doesnt do it anymore and put it nicely to her that i just missed it not only because i loved it but also that i loved how much she enjoyed doing it, we have spoke about it at least once a year since she stopped and she would never get a straight answer was always that she didnt realise she had stopped and she doesnt know why she doesnt anymore. Apart from the few conversations I have never forced it on her or brought it up more and more. So I am at a loss at this point I have tried to make sure I am always clean and trimmed to see if that was the reason and have gotten a bit sad about it thinking maybe I am not sexual attractive anymore and I am not sure of what to do.

Our sex life in general has went downhill the past few years but she seems to blame me for a lot of it saying that i need to initiate it more but we both work and at night before we get to bed she always says how tired she is or how sore she is or falls asleep minutes after we get in bed and doesnt understand why i wont try and start something or wake her up more by starting something, I just feel selfish to even think about doing that if that makes sense

Apologies for the little rant just looking to see if anyone is in the same boat or has any advice
 

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It’s Very common.
It’s all about control, and controlling.
She gets mad if you ask for it because she thinks that way she wants it, but loses respect for you if you put up with it. 😔
One of those conundrums.
 
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This might be a regular thing I am not sure, but I feel like since me and my wife got married the BJs have been non existent, we have been married for 7 years and she hasnt given me one in about 6 years.

The strange thing is when we were dating and even when we moved in together she used to tell me how much she enjoyed doing it and she always had one limit that i wouldnt cum in her mouth and i have made sure that never happened (as hard as it was, no pun intended lol).

I have spoke to her and asked her multiple times about why she doesnt do it anymore and put it nicely to her that i just missed it not only because i loved it but also that i loved how much she enjoyed doing it, we have spoke about it at least once a year since she stopped and she would never get a straight answer was always that she didnt realise she had stopped and she doesnt know why she doesnt anymore. Apart from the few conversations I have never forced it on her or brought it up more and more. So I am at a loss at this point I have tried to make sure I am always clean and trimmed to see if that was the reason and have gotten a bit sad about it thinking maybe I am not sexual attractive anymore and I am not sure of what to do.

Our sex life in general has went downhill the past few years but she seems to blame me for a lot of it saying that i need to initiate it more but we both work and at night before we get to bed she always says how tired she is or how sore she is or falls asleep minutes after we get in bed and doesnt understand why i wont try and start something or wake her up more by starting something, I just feel selfish to even think about doing that if that makes sense

Apologies for the little rant just looking to see if anyone is in the same boat or has any advice
It appears you might have got the old bait and switch.

Have your schedules changed since after you got married?

Are you both still in roughly the same physical condition?

Do you have any children?

Have your other interactions outside I bedroom changed?

Just checking on a few details.

Regardless, I wouldn't be satisfied with the drop off in sex and if oral sex was part of the menu when you chose to marry her, it seems a little shifty that it was taken off after putting a ring on her finger.
 

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If she wanted to do it, for either her sake or yours, she'd be doing it.

So, she doesn't want to.

This goes beyond sex as people do things they want to do and like to do and they don't do things they don't want to do or like to do.

Leaving bj's aside now and just talking about sex, people who want to have sex, have sex. They look for times, places and reasons to have sex.

People who don't want to have sex, don't have sex. They look for excuses and reasons not to have sex.

It's the same with bj's too OP.
 

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There is an old joke.
Q. Why do most brides smile on the way down the aisle.
A. They know they given their last blow job!

It looks like this is the case for you. The other answer is she stopped because she gets nothing out of it. Are you still performing oral on her? What would her reaction be if you completely stopped giving her oral?

I am not suggesting that you stop, just think about how would she react. I see two possibilities and the first is she may not care, which would directly connect to the decline in your over all sex life, she just doesn't care about it, it's not important to her. The other possible reaction is she gets annoyed and asks why you no longer do oral. This is a reaction you can work with.

Bottom line is, people tend to take care of things that are important to them.
 

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How is your hygiene?
How is your physique?
How is your conduct in the marriage outside of the bedroom?
Kids?

I'm not telling you that cleaning up the infield so it's nice and fresh, getting a killer beach bod, or being a good husband will bring back blowjobs from your wife.
Start from the place of evaluating what YOU are doing, rather than what she isn't doing.
 

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What are the reasons she says you are responsible for the overall decline in sex life?

Everything in a functional marriage is negotiable... instead of coming at her with 'why aren't you doing this'..... setup a deal.... if I do x, I'd like you to do y... it is obviously not great that she stopped, but just coming down on her directly probably won't make her want to do it.
 

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Sounds to me like she might be a bit bored with routine in the bedroom. Talk to her to see if she is craving something different like bdsm, sexy talk, different positions, different locations, etc. Ask her about and encourage fantasy play. But do not make her feel silly for anything she has to say.

Take her to an adult toy store and the two of you pick out something for each one of you. Also try lingerie, scented lotions, candles, flavored lubes.bed restraints, etc. You have to keep swapping things up in the bedroom to keep it interesting. If sex is basically the same routine moves each time, a spouse will get bored

If she likes it rough, see if she has old clothes. Handcuff her, blindfold her, rip open the old shirt and use an ice cube to lightly brush sensitive areas and then lightly blow to intensify the feeling. KY products also have lubes that generate a waming sensation that really gets her area sensitive. Kiss the inside of her thighs right up to the naughty area and stop. This will drive her crazy wanting more

I could go on 😁. But while she is tied to the bed, use a flogger to just lightly caress her body from head to toe while rubbing with your hand as well. If she is into adult movies, find out her preference and the two of you watch together. Just the watching together will get her hormones going...... If you really listen to her and swap up things, it will get her mind going during the day. You can send her little flirtatious texts saying things like I can't wait until you come home so I can make you feel as good as you are sexy.

Another thing you can do is take her clothes shopping. Go to a store she likes and really get involved in giving your honest opinion and finding something you think she will look stunning in. Sit in a chair in the dressing room area and show that you are really interested in being there..... I do this with my wife and find that when she sees that I am genuinely excited, and she feels confident in clothing. Well that spills over into the bedroom.
 

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Oddly enough my wife was the opposite. Before we married and several years into marriage she always said she didn't like it and would never do it. Bummer, but it was how she felt. I can't even put my finger on the point in time things changed, but at some point she started doing it and seems to love it. I suppose it could swing back the other way at some point, so I'll just enjoy it while I can.

People's preferences change, they just do. It could be a bait and switch situation, or just a change is desires.

I honestly wouldn't focus on that though. You said your overall sex life isn't spectacular. That is what I would focus on first. I know for my wife oral sex usually happens when passion and desire is very high. If your "regular" sex life is lackluster, passion and desire are probably lacking too. If you can get her interested in more and better sex in general you will probably have a better shot at getting oral sex back in the mix.
 

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It appears you might have got the old bait and switch.

Have your schedules changed since after you got married?

Are you both still in roughly the same physical condition?

Do you have any children?

Have your other interactions outside I bedroom changed?

Just checking on a few details.

Regardless, I wouldn't be satisfied with the drop off in sex and if oral sex was part of the menu when you chose to marry her, it seems a little shifty that it was taken off after putting a ring on her finger.
Well, do you know why the bride is usually smiling brightly on her wedding day? She realizes she no longer has to give a Bj.
 

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How is your hygiene?
How is your physique?
How is your conduct in the marriage outside of the bedroom?
Kids?

I'm not telling you that cleaning up the infield so it's nice and fresh, getting a killer beach bod, or being a good husband will bring back blowjobs from your wife.
Start from the place of evaluating what YOU are doing, rather than what she isn't doing.
Well his username is "yesthatbig"...maybe that has something to do with it?
 

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How is your hygiene?
How is your physique?
How is your conduct in the marriage outside of the bedroom?
Kids?

I'm not telling you that cleaning up the infield so it's nice and fresh, getting a killer beach bod, or being a good husband will bring back blowjobs from your wife.
Start from the place of evaluating what YOU are doing, rather than what she isn't doing.
There’s no doubt that there’s some truth to this. In OP’s case, they’re working Night Shift. I’m sure that also does a number on the libido.
 

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It is really pretty simple.
BJ's for her were a means to an end.
She got the end she wanted, so to hell with the means.
If OP really wants bring about a satisfactory resolution (for him), he needs to be willing to lay it on the line.
If he does this, he will not only quickly find out where he stands, but how much his wife values the relationship.
If this is so important to him, he needs to draw the line in the sand.
Right now, it comes down to her resolve to maintain her desired status quo vs. what the relationship is worth to her.
He needs to challenge her, and leverage the agency that he has in the relationship.
If she values it, she will either step up, or work out a mutually acceptable outcome.
If neither of the above happen, then he knows what his worth is in the relationship, then it is incumbent upon him to respond appropriately.
 

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It is really pretty simple.
BJ's for her were a means to an end.
She got the end she wanted, so to hell with the means.
If OP really wants bring about a satisfactory resolution (for him), he needs to be willing to lay it on the line.
If he does this, he will not only quickly find out where he stands, but how much his wife values the relationship.
If this is so important to him, he needs to draw the line in the sand.
Right now, it comes down to her resolve to maintain her desired status quo vs. what the relationship is worth to her.
He needs to challenge her, and leverage the agency that he has in the relationship.
If she values it, she will either step up, or work out a mutually acceptable outcome.
If neither of the above happen, then he knows what his worth is in the relationship, then it is incumbent upon him to respond appropriately.
My bet is this is a one hit wonder.
 
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