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I wrote about a month back about overhearing my wife talking about one of her clients that she sees once a month. She is a hairstylist. I found out that she was "crazy about him" and "soo attracted" to him. This guys is in her 60's and she is 42. We had a rough few weeks dealing with it. She told me that she was over it but lo and behold I saw facebook messages to another client of her's yesterday talking about her continuing attraction. Note she explicitly says that it is fantasy and she would not want to actually act on this. But this sh*t is hard for me to read and deal with. I know for a fact that there is no communication between her and the OM so take that as a fact. But nonetheless she lied and told me she was over it but it is continuing. In her messages with her friend she is trying to figure out why this is happening. I don't know what to do at this point. She hasn't actually cheated or even communicated with the guy but this is hard to deal with. Any advice would be appreciated.
 

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Bollywood, what does he have that you don't? Is she not as attractive to you any more? How's you sex life been? Do you need to up your sex rank? Read this book, see why her eyes are looking else where. Married Man Sex Life.
 

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Sex 2-3 times a week. She seems into it but maybe she is thinking of this guy. She says she is going through something like a midlife crisis. Any women want to comment?
 

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So let me get this straight, In addition to getting up every morning at 5am for work and getting home at 8pm after working like a dog, which by the way allows my wife to go to the gym every day and sun her tushy, I now have to transform into Steve McQueen (I am dating myself) when I come through the door. I am being sarcastic. RDJ I am beginning to see how this game needs to be played.

On the Rocks she has remained fit since I have met her so no sudden surge in her rank.

I am thinking that sex 3 times a week should keep a lid on this crap. That is my game plan as well as exhibiting a bit more alpha in the home.
You were given this advice. Did you do the suggested reading?What have you done since last month? As for the EA, apparently she's not taking you seriously.
 

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My wife had a MLC. Drove me crazy for months. You know what she did? She got a job. End of MLC.

Don't let that bs get over on you. She's not taking you seriously. She knows it bothers you and continues. What consequences have you given for this EA?
 

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anchorwatch I increased sex to 2-3 times a week were as before it was maybe once a week. I told her initially that I don't want to be in a relationship where by wife is obsessing about someone else. She said she got the point but kept stressing that she would never do anything about it. I allowed her to continue to give this guys haircuts as I did not want to put her in the embarassing situation of telling this guy she can't cut him anymore. She has been cutting his hair for 20 years but has only felt this attraction recently. I boosted alpha but I guess not enough.
 

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anchorwatch I increased sex to 2-3 times a week were as before it was maybe once a week. I told her initially that I don't want to be in a relationship where by wife is obsessing about someone else. She said she got the point but kept stressing that she would never do anything about it. I allowed her to continue to give this guys haircuts as I did not want to put her in the embarassing situation of telling this guy she can't cut him anymore. She has been cutting his hair for 20 years but has only felt this attraction recently. I boosted alpha but I guess not enough.
Alpha's don't care about a little embarrasment if it means keeping another male away from their female. In fact we go alot further. Yes boost it more...alot more. No more haircuts!
 

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You read MMSL, then you know what's happening. He's replacing you in her mind. Set her down and tell her is stops now. It's disrespectful to you. She can't be allowed to have contact with him anymore because she can't control herself. Then continue the MAP and up your sex rank.
 

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anchorwatch I increased sex to 2-3 times a week were as before it was maybe once a week. I told her initially that I don't want to be in a relationship where by wife is obsessing about someone else. She said she got the point but kept stressing that she would never do anything about it. I allowed her to continue to give this guys haircuts as I did not want to put her in the embarassing situation of telling this guy she can't cut him anymore. She has been cutting his hair for 20 years but has only felt this attraction recently. I boosted alpha but I guess not enough.
Cutting his hair for 20 years?

Twenty years!!!

They’ll be in an emotional affair, sharing things about their lives, by default!

She’s had an immense amount of opportunity with the guy and it comes out just now that she has a crush on him, is somehow infatuated with him?

I wouldn’t believe a word my wife said about him, how she feels about him or her history with him.


Find out when he has his next appointment and be there! Don't tell your wife, just be there. Walk in on them and watch them together, how they respond, their body language, let him know you are around.
 

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Thanks guys for this great advice. Does anybody think this rises to the level of me leaving the house for a few days or is that over exaggerating or a sign of weakness? Afeh that is a very good idea about being present but it would be difficult as my wife only works on saturdays and on saturday I watch our daughter who is an infant. I would have to bring her with me and she would become a distraction. I need to up alpha so thought maybe leaving for a day or two but not sure. I am having trouble with demanding she cut off the haircuts as I never wanted to be in a marriage where I dictated one's behavior and then she will probably hold it against me. I am on my way home now from work and feel like I am going to explode on her when I get home.
 

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Bolly, don't you see that you're making reasons not to confront her and those are your beta traits. It's your excuses for confrontation that is dragging this out. Be the leader of this marriage and take control and solve this.

Here's another read for you. No More Mr. Nice Guy Take the quiz, see where you stand.
 
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Thanks guys for this great advice. Does anybody think this rises to the level of me leaving the house for a few days or is that over exaggerating or a sign of weakness? Afeh that is a very good idea about being present but it would be difficult as my wife only works on saturdays and on saturday I watch our daughter who is an infant. I would have to bring her with me and she would become a distraction. I need to up alpha so thought maybe leaving for a day or two but not sure. I am having trouble with demanding she cut off the haircuts as I never wanted to be in a marriage where I dictated one's behavior and then she will probably hold it against me. I am on my way home now from work and feel like I am going to explode on her when I get home.
So what if she holds it against you? The alternative is unacceptable. Show her that it is unacceptable. So you are not willing to stop the haircuts and you are not willing to bring your daughter because she would be a distraction. Do you realize what that sounds like?? A distraction to whom? Do you care if she gives him a bad haircut!? This is your marriage, what we are advising you to do should not be difficult at all. Your are in a fight for your wife's attention whether you like it or not. Either leave her or fight.
 

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Bollywoodboy,

I threw my wife out of the house for having all these obsessions over movie stars..I got sick of that ****. Made her stay in a hotel for 2 days and throw away the DVD's. That barely rises to the level of an EA since there was not an actual other person for her to talk with...but still.....the problem was that THEY were in her mind...not me (although she did use that to up sex with me)...it really upset me and I went through it AS IF my wife had an EA...I had all the feelings etc.

So even if she is not actually making contact...I can REALLY understand why you are pissed and if she is still cutting his hair you need to put a stop to that right away.

The fact that you know about it and she is open about it to me is a sign of disrespect to you.

You need to lose your temper on this one....cut this off now...and she may regain some respect and even more attraction for you.

The whole thing may be some kind of test for you anyway.

Dont bother asking her why she does this...she does not know...its primal....however it is HER FAULT in that her higher brain should know better and cut this off.

Since she wont do it...be the man and YOU do it.

Demand it.
 

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Bollywoodboy,

I threw my wife out of the house for having all these obsessions over movie stars..I got sick of that ****. Made her stay in a hotel for 2 days and throw away the DVD's. That barely rises to the level of an EA since there was not an actual other person for her to talk with...but still.....the problem was that THEY were in her mind...not me (although she did use that to up sex with me)...it really upset me and I went through it AS IF my wife had an EA...I had all the feelings etc.

So even if she is not actually making contact...I can REALLY understand why you are pissed and if she is still cutting his hair you need to put a stop to that right away.

The fact that you know about it and she is open about it to me is a sign of disrespect to you.

You need to lose your temper on this one....cut this off now...and she may regain some respect and even more attraction for you.

The whole thing may be some kind of test for you anyway.

Dont bother asking her why she does this...she does not know...its primal....however it is HER FAULT in that her higher brain should know better and cut this off.

Since she wont do it...be the man and YOU do it.

Demand it.
Damn you're hardcore. I like it.
 

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jfv,

That was a bad couple of days...months ago...but I still feel glad that I did it. She did not have to leave...its her house too.

That was the first time I got really got her attention and gained control of the situation in our lives.

It was harsh and she both hates me for that and loves me for that. Very bad boy behavior. She hates the fact that she allowed me to do that...and she is very attracted to me because I was able to stand up for myself.

My wife is very alpha herself...successful business person, lots of employees, etc...and sometimes it takes a lot of drama to get through to her....that was in the past anyway...I hope that has changed.

I have tried to teach her that its best and to demand from her that if she would just give me 51% authority over our lives and listen to me when deal breakers come up we would have a happier life.

I think she is on board, but she has a very hard time admitting that a man might know better than her...

She used to turn me down for sex constantly....to the point where I would never even try on nights where she had work the next day...let alone the morning of a work day (still working on that one).

Otherwise...she has sex as much as I like now, but I wish I could say she always liked it.

not true...she has incredible hangups about sex and extreme difficulty with o's and relaxation..

.....more like she knows she needs to "submit" to me or face consequences that include my leaving her and finding a better woman. Not idea and Im working on this part now that our lives are calming down a little.

Still it generally sucks to have a LD wife for whatever the reasons might be.....my being mr nice guy is not one of them. Im sure I have been not attractive in many other ways though.....

Still it really sucks feeling that all of this is "on me"...in other words if I want a better sex life I have to do all the work as she would be just fine with sex a couple times a month.
 
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