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Discussion Starter · #61 ·
I dont think I am getting anywhere in this situation. My wife tonight tells me that I am giving her my daughter to raise for 3 years and not letting her raise her how she wants.

I am like, whoa whoa whoa, no one is giving my daughter to you. WE will be raising her for 3 years and making decisions and rules together.

She responds with no, that it would be a slap in the face to her older sons if they see someone in this house raised differently than they were. And I say, of course they would be raised differently as I was not their dad!

And before people ask. I do all my daughters laundry from beginning to end. All her school work, pack her lunch, and 95% of travel for extracurricular activities. Like, I know it's going to be more on my wife, and those percentages will change more and she will have to be more involved. But that's a far cry from "giving my daughter" to her for 3 years.

We seem to be at an impasse. And it seems so ****ing stupid to me. I suggested a counselor or at least let's have a conversation with us and a member of her family to get their input. Someone neutral or even sympathetic to her to tell her I am not being unreasonable.
 

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You already have a feeling something isn't right.

Listen to your gut!!

Your family situation sounds like a Cinderella story! I hope there's a happy ending for your daughter.
 

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Discussion Starter · #63 ·
Just an update...so our lives improved quite a bit about 4 months ago when I started working from home, giving more time to her and the family.

However, about 8 weeks ago she returned to the office after working at home most of the time, and things are now worse than ever.

Just last night, we had my daughter here, just the 3 of us. It was her last night here before going back to her mom's for a vacation for 9 nights. This will be the longest I've been away from her. So I tell my wife, why don't the 3 of us find a movie or show to watch together?

She was mad from the beginning. She didn't understand why we had her a Wednesday. Wanted me to give that to her mom (which would mean 10 nights apart). Then wanted me to, I guess, just send her to her room to play alone so that we could have time just the 2 of us. I told her I wanted to spend that time with my daughter since I wouldn't see her for so long.

I feel like I am fighting the same battle over and over. I feel like she is going to be angry and fight if she isn't my sole focus. I have no idea what to do or if this is even fixable.

I think it's about to get a ton worse in August when my daughter plays travel sports and we have her 100% of the time. My wife has already said she wasn't willing to travel over night even for fun tournament locations (just once or twice a year, nothing crazy). That coupled with practice 3 times a week and games...should be fun.
 

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And — big surprise — your wife still wants 100% of your time and energy and attention. Life’s going to be tough when it’s time for your ex to move out of the country and your wife’s in charge of your daughter.
 

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She didn't understand why we had her a Wednesday. Wanted me to give that to her mom (which would mean 10 nights apart). Then wanted me to, I guess, just send her to her room to play alone so that we could have time just the 2 of us. I told her I wanted to spend that time with my daughter since I wouldn't see her for so long.

I feel like I am fighting the same battle over and over. I feel like she is going to be angry and fight if she isn't my sole focus. I have no idea what to do or if this is even fixable.
Your wife is being effing ridiculous. WTAF is wrong with her??? This does not bode well for your daughter.

If I were you, I'd be making arrangements so that you will be the one to do everything for your daughter, including all transport and travel, while she's with you, because your wife will make sure you hear about how inconvenient it is for her if she does it, on the daily.

That poor little girl :(
 

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@SDAH, what exactly are you looking for as far as advice or feedback?
 

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Discussion Starter · #68 ·
@SDAH, what exactly are you looking for as far as advice or feedback?
I dont know. I guess to make sure I'm not being crazy. She doubled down the last day telling me that should have let my ex have her for 10 days instead of 9 so we could have time just ourselves (nevermind my 16 yr old). I was like, no, not when I am without her that long. She countered with we are about to have her 3 years.

She just keeps telling me over and over that I don't love her like she thought, I don't put her first, etc. I respond that putting you first doesn't mean solely, that I still have to have time for others including just me.

I even had to run to the store for my daughter today to get her something for dance. I was told, your ex has her, why doesn't she get it. I respond with, it would take her an hour, it takes me 25 mins (Due to our closeness to the dance store). She tells me I care more about my ex than her and why am I doing favors for my ex. And I am pulling out my hair saying, it's for my daughter, not my ex. It's literally everything.
 

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So my wife, new marriage, is very jealous of daughter. We have been married almost a year.
Admit your mistake and divorce. She is going to make your life and your daughter's life hell. Please don't put your daughter through that. Your daughter may struggle with feelings of abandonment from her mother - she doesn't need crap from a step-mother.
 

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It's hard to understand why she married man with an ex and a child when she is almost paranoid with jealousy over that child. It's hard to understand why you married such a jealous and immature woman when you have a child who depends on you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
It's hard to understand why she married man with an ex and a child when she is almost paranoid with jealousy over that child. It's hard to understand why you married such a jealous and immature woman when you have a child who depends on you.
I mean, obviously, I never saw this coming. She works at a school and is the type that hugs all the kids and all the parents and kids love her. She was even was telling me one time about how excited her and this kid were to see each other after a while and how cute the 5 year old girl was. I was like, you live with a pretty cute girl all the time that never gets that.

When my daughter left yesterday she ran to hug her brother. The she told my wife bye, I am leaving for 9 days. My wife just kinda halfway staring at the TV says bye. No I'll miss you, or anything of common courtesy. She never hugs her or shows her any real love. That's my biggest concern. I want expose her to that the next 3 years. I hope it gets better. But a lot of people told me that they wouldn't expect someone in their 40s to change so fundamentally.
 

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Your wife is a mean, self-centered witch (with a b). Your daughter needs more than your hope.
 

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I dont know. I guess to make sure I'm not being crazy. She doubled down the last day telling me that should have let my ex have her for 10 days instead of 9 so we could have time just ourselves (nevermind my 16 yr old). I was like, no, not when I am without her that long. She countered with we are about to have her 3 years.

She just keeps telling me over and over that I don't love her like she thought, I don't put her first, etc. I respond that putting you first doesn't mean solely, that I still have to have time for others including just me.

I even had to run to the store for my daughter today to get her something for dance. I was told, your ex has her, why doesn't she get it. I respond with, it would take her an hour, it takes me 25 mins (Due to our closeness to the dance store). She tells me I care more about my ex than her and why am I doing favors for my ex. And I am pulling out my hair saying, it's for my daughter, not my ex. It's literally everything.
Man, this is just pure controlling behavior. You wife is using your love for her and her perceived lack thereof as a tool to control you and your emotions along with the relationship you have with your daughter.

You cant just hope this one away. Dollars to donuts, this does NOT get better. This woman sees your daughter as a rival in your home. That won't change until she's grown and out of the house. You willing to lose the love and respect of your daughter for this woman?

Ask me how I know.
 
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