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Discussion Starter #1
Hello all,

Going on 8.5 months into our divorce. We married in June of 2008, so barely 4 years before I served her divorce papers (she knew they were coming for a year before that). No kids. She had a job for 16 years and 'allegedly' got fired the same day that I served her divorce papers.

Now, almost 9 months later, I continue to pay the mortgage to the apt that is under my name. Court forced her to sign a document agreeing to sell the apt (the only asset that we have) 4 months ago, but she never agreed to sign off on a realtor. I have moved out for 7 months now and have to pay the mortgage and the rent to the other place as she was being very violent and seriously would have really hurt me if I didnt move out. No police reports though, i sure messed up there.

Basically, she has not paid once cent all of 2012 of mortgage and claims that she cant find a job (she has a masters degree) and wants me to pay her alimony, her lawyer fees and a bunch of other debts that she put herself under (like laser hair removal that i didn't even know about). She also wants to keep the dog that I bought for myself (which she didn't originally care for, but later fell in love with).

Just wanted to know if anyone has ever been in anything remotely similar to this situation before and what I should expect..my lawyers change their minds every other day about what I should expect.

I never expected to be almost 9 months in without at least some sort of resolution by now as we have nothing to fight over other than the apt (which should just be sold as she cant buy me out and she wont let me buy her out and the dog which I will have to prove that i bought for myself)...

Any suggestions\thoughts\etc would be highly appreciated...thanks and have a good day!
 

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I was in a similar situation. Fortunately all I had to do was tell my spouse I couldn't afford the Internet and cable bill and would need to disconnect them. That made him move in with his mother.
I talked to my lawyer about the paying the mortgage while waiting for spouse to leave. My lawyer didn't seem to think we could negotiate down on that. Here's the problem...the courts want to split everything 50-50 regardless. Try not to go to court but have your lawyer try to appeal using fairness arguments. It might work if your spouse has a sense of decency.
By the same token courts don't like to give alimony. Have your lawyer document your spouses education and work history to show she doesn't deserve it or need it.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for your reply!..

I paid the first 3 months of her cable when I moved out, hoping we could end this amicably, but all she did was just take the 3 months and now has her mom paying her cable\internet bill from what I know. She's 34 yrs old! Tough to stomach that I actually married this person.

So as far as that is concerned, I believe she is either working off the books or getting money from her parents for her day to day stuff (food, going out, cable, etc).

I would love to split 50-50...it's just that she wants like 95-5 if u read what she has asked for....the problem is that while the divorce proceeding continues, someone has to pay the mortgage, and that person is me.

I really dont understand how she could get alimony, but i keep hearing that its up to the judge, they could simply look at a formula and say yeah, i make more $ than her and I have to give her $ for a period of time. That's still up for debate as we havent discussed that in court yet. It's almost 9 months and the only thing we have discussed in court (2 court appearances), is how we can temporarily agree to spend time with the dog and that she agreed on selling the apt, but NOT RIGHT NOW! ...meaning, she agreed to sign in court, a document saying that she's agreeing to sell the apt....but 4 months later, she is saying that she didn't agree to when we can actually put the apt up for sale...that should be the next thing we discuss in court next month.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Of course i've spoken to my lawyer countless times, but they are just as lost...

i get different answers every time...

it's like im always on the defensive when she is the one that is playing dirty..

i just wanted to speak to people other than attorneys that have gone through similar situations...(im also venting a lil).
 

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I guess I'm confused then

If there is a COURT ORDER that the place is to be sold and the assets split, why hasn't your lawyer gone back to the court to have that decree enforced?

If your lawyer is "lost" when it comes to this, it may be time for a new legal team!
 

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I’m on the opposite end, I filed for divorce in August but my lawyer was slow and my husband was just served in November. He has been paying mortgage, car, electric, taxes and such. He makes 3 times the amount I do and he's the one that was having an affair. I would move out tomorrow if the divorce was over and I knew how much I could afford for an apartment. But he is going to fight me for his pension for support and whatever else, I am also asking for my legal fees to paid for. My reasoning, I would not be seeking a divorce if it was not for his sex addiction and anger problems. Saying that though, I’m not asking for a lot. He can have the house, he doesn’t even have to buy me out...He can have most of the furnishings, the yard equipment, I don’t care, I just want to start over. I want to be able to get a small apartment and not worry about paying my bills at the beginning of the month. However he was not even interested in talking to me about it. He was angry he got served, he doesn’t understand why I just wouldn’t let us live as being separated, he says he would still have paid bills and Id be on his insurance. So now we have to go to mediation hopefully he like you is now tired of paying for me living in house that he’s not living in and will be ready negotiate. If not he will be paying for probably a year and I’ll have him constantly stopping by for one reason or another. Not good for either of us.
 

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I don't know how helpful this is but document document document. Buildup your case with proof....when did she quit her job? Show with documents. What are her job skills or education? Get statistics that show what someone with comparable background earns. Keep bank statements showing what you are paying in mortgage.

This sounds like gumshoe stuff but maybe you can do some investigating to find out how shes getting money now. This can count with the judge...if a person seeking alimony has other means of support then aliminy is less likely to be awarded.


I cant judge your attorneys but they need to be working with you to develop a strategy. At least in my opinion they could be looking at fighting claims for the alimony. Most attorneys will tell you honestly they don't know what the judge will say but heck...they gotta be prepared to advocate for you. So this may not be well received but it may be time to look for another legal team or get legal advice from another source .
 

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PS...back with another thought. Is your wife in any way passive aggressive? That is could she be have quit her job at the time she did just to make an alimony claim? Could she be lingering just to make you suffer financially? You are gonna have a hard time proving motive but knowing the motive and being aware of how she ticks can help you and your lawyers prepare better.
 

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On the opposite end doureallycare2. . You need to look into getting your husband to buy your share of the house in the settlement. There's a lot of data showing that women can back down too easily in settlements and not get a fair shake. If you paid into the mortgage and/or helped maintain and improve the home you need to be sharing in the equity. You may be able to work on a deal where what your husband is spending now on the house subtracts from your share but for goodness sakes get a financial analysis. And if you are going to let him keep yard equipment etc get an idea of what this stuff is worth! Stuff can add up!
Do not leave without feeling assured you have an equitable financial settlement. And know the divorce model in your state...is it community property or equitable? That matters a heck of a lot!
 

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Move back in!!
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I was thinking the same thing. Tell her you can't afford two places so you will have to move back in. :D

As far as Alimony the courts consider a persons earning potential when deciding alimony. So just because she doesn't have a job doesn't mean jack if she has a masters degree.

Contrary to what most people think Alimony isn't usually awarded in divorce cases. Most Judges prefer one time lump sum payments and usually alimony is awarded in cases where a spouse dropped out of their career to raise a child.
 

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On the opposite end doureallycare2. . You need to look into getting your husband to buy your share of the house in the settlement. There's a lot of data showing that women can back down too easily in settlements and not get a fair shake. If you paid into the mortgage and/or helped maintain and improve the home you need to be sharing in the equity. !
Not only have I helped maintain and pay for the home. It was my Uncle that sold it to us for a lot less then the value at the time, so my lawyer said it would fall under a legacy law and would not be split 50/50 but probably 75/25 in my favor... my stbx doesn’t even know yet and doesn’t realize how nice I’m trying to be just to get this damn D over with. I’m starting to re-think things though with all his lies.
 

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You say the apartment is under your name.

Why can't you hire a realtor to sell the apartment?

Why wait for her to do it?
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Thanks for all of the replies!

As far as my lawyers, they are fighting for me to get what I deserve, it's just that every motion takes times. I went to court this past week and we spent (and wasted) the entire time talking about how we should let each other see the dog (at least temporarily until the divorce is final)....the apt was barely discussed. So the apt will be discussed, I hope, at next month's court date. Getting a new legal team, I feel like will just prolong what's already going on. It's not that they don't already know all of the facts, it's more that the judge\court just takes forever to get to the important things to get this divorce finalized.....really? an entire day to discuss how to share the dog? what a waste of time...and i wasnt able to talk. I thought we were going into a recess and would go back later in the day to discuss the apt, but that never happened, instead, just got another date to wait on.

As far as the apt, yes, the mortgage is under my name, but we live in a co-op...Which means that the mortgage is under my name, but the apt is under both of our names for the co-op management office. I can't sell without her consent.

Im just really disappointed that this is taking way too long, considering that we have no kids, an apt with barely any equity in it, and she thinks that I can give her alimony\pay her credit cards\debt, etc...plus keep the furniture and other stuff that I still have in the apt.

As far as moving back in, I'd obviously rather not, as it's gotten to the point that I rather not have to talk to her, but this could be a good scare tactic, I would think.

If I stop paying the mortgage, I was told by my lawyers that she could file a motion to have the court look at my financials, see that I can indeed afford to pay for it (at least while the divorce is still going on) and that I'd be forced to pay it, plus waste time on going through all of that....if i count my pennies, I can afford it, I just want to get this over with soon already.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
As far as the question of why I am divorcing her?

We were married 4 years...she started off well, working and paying bills that were for the both of us (mortgage, food, etc). Then she lost her job, I paid majority of bills while she maintained a part time job that she could barely afford to pay her own bills with. The thinking was that she would go back to school, get her masters (which I helped her pay using cash, not signing loans), and she would get a good job, but 3 years later, she just turned lazy, and she talked a good game, but im always of the mindset of actions speak louder than words and i just didnt believe her anymore. And now, 8 months after moving out, she still hasnt gotten a job (or looked for one, as far as I know)....so i decided to cut my losses now before we had a kid or just got further into debt with her....ive never had debt (other than a car or mortgage), and now, with her help, i do....thanks lovely wife!
 

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As far as being on the other side of the spectrum, thanks for your reply. I agree with you on some things, but not others....

I just feel like, if you are an adult, no kids, and you can get a job, why would you want to depend on someone else for financial support? Just cause you are used to the 'lifestyle' and 'dont want to worry about bills on the first of the month'? everyone has to worry about that...you get a roommate, you find a friend\family to live with, until you figure that sort of thing out...i was making about 2.5 more money than my wife was, but I was also paying 90% of the bills, while she stood home watching tv...at this point, I still pay the majority of her bills since the co-op payments pay for her electric\a.c.\heat, etc..the only thing she has to worry about is food\cable\internet....and im the one that is living in a tiny bedroom while she has been living free in a nice apt for the past year...how is that fair?

point is...everyone claims to want to be independent...so go do it! depending on someone else just sucks...if my wife was a multi millionaire, I would still just want to get the hell out...i dont need her for anything, i work hard and if we didnt work out, you need to move on..now if kids are involved, thats different, same as different circumstances as well....but all in all, it should just be, we came in with $5 each, we should just both leave with $5 each....wish it was that simple...
 

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I heard someone say lately that getting a Divorce was a like a long distance marathon, they were speaking more from an emotional level of how long it takes to heal, but I think it could also apply to the legal aspect also. As far as the dog, what’s the big deal, We have two and I believed until recently that they were the apples of both our eyes (he hasn’t done anything with them the last few months). I am more than willing to share custody & vet bills. It makes sense... If I want to travel and can’t take the dogs he can have them and visa versa. Instead of a kennel or getting someone to watch them they always have the other one of us to go to that loves them. Can you have a conversation w/her about that without the lawyer. Try and get her to look beyond the hurt she feels and look more at the benefits of the dog.
 
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