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I've been married about 6 years with 5 children; 4 between my wife and I and 1 step-daughter. (9yrs, 4yrs, 2yrs, 1yr, 3 months) We have 4 children at 4 yrs and under. I run a pharmacy and am starting the process of opening another one. I've been setting aside a lot of cash to assist in remodel expenses and so forth. I did make it very clear to my wife previously that this cash kept in the house could not be used and was for the business only. There was no misunderstanding.

I don't usually keep a running count of my total savings but I noticed recently that the stack looked deflated. When I counted it I notice I was missing about 10k. I confronted my wife and found out not only had she spent the cash but also spent down about 10k in the checking account as well... mostly on purses and some clothes through ebay. Let me say, I have never been so angry at my wife before. She apologized profusely but I didn't want her apology. I needed to know why she did this to me and she said she didn't know but she has been a little depressed and she shops to make her feel better. I told her I would have rather she cheated than to put me in this position. I needed the money as I have some front-end expenses to take care of soon on this new business. I tore through the closet, the bedroom, and the garage and made a huge pile of high-end purses (about 150 in total). I couldn't believe it! I demanded she sell every single purse and pay back all 20k ASAP. She promised to pay me back and started consigning them.

My wife is a gentle, kind, and loving partner. She has never betrayed my trust in this way before. During this long process of reselling all these purses, I am having trouble truly forgiving her. I feel so angry and hurt that she would do this. I try to understand and give her leeway since she has gone through all these pregnancies back to back. It's not that I don't support her and help her with our children. She has access to the 100+K/year in the bank as well as an additional 1k per week for additional expenses. I hired a full time baby sitter to help her with the children. There's no doubt she had some baby blues after this last birth. On top of all the pregnancies, she just had a tubal ligation and an overgrown ovary w/benign cyst removed.

I don't want to be the kind of husband that keeps bringing up an issue because I am hurt. I just can't seem to get over this. I just can't believe I can't trust my wife with saved money.
 

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Since your wife can't be trusted with money, why are you keeping cash around? That's not a safe practice. My estranged husband had a spending problem also. We owned our own pharmacy and I tried to keep finances in order. We earned more than $300K annually (after taxes) and even that wasn't enough. In the end we lost everything. By all means put your business money in a business account that she can't touch. Your wife also needs counseling.
 

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I have to second that comment. Why on Earth are you leaving your savings lying around in cash?

Put all of it in a separate account under your name only, or better yet, a separate business account.

Your wife is suffering from depression, and needs some help with that. Hopefully she's already figured out that buying 150 purses doesn't cure depression.
 

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If your wife is truly remorseful, you need to forgive her. She is financially irresponsible, but that doesn't even come close to the same thing as cheating. You need to control all finances. Since she's a stay at home mom, that is great. She should put all household expenses on the credit card so you can see exactly where she spends her money. Almost everything can be paid by cc - gas , groceries, etc, and give her a reasonable amount of cash for miscellaneous things, like ice cream for the kids, haircuts, etc. She lost control, but you need to forgive her and be the responsible one for finances.
 

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I am sorry that you feel hurt, and betrayed by your wife's actions. I feel from reading that, that she is feeling depressed and maybe alone. She may have help with the children, but is she doing things for herself other than the shopping? Going out with friends? Having some alone time? Getting counseling for her depression or anxiety?

Some women tend to feel alone, even with a house of children. They need "adult" time and interaction. Grown up conversation, time away from the house. These things help them keep grounded with who they are on the inside besides just "So so's mom". I hope that together, you two can find a solution to this issue, and with that you will learn it was a mistake, and be able to rebuild trust.
 

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Yeah, I'll be the next person to ask - why would you keep that amount of cash in your house? Regardless of whether or not your wife is financially responsible or not, that's just begging to get robbed. And depending on your homeowners/renters insurance, cash of that amount is likely not covered.

And - why would you not put that money into an account to earn interest why you saved it up? Why are you keeping the money in cash - is it a tax dodge of some kind?

1k per week for additional expenses. I hired a full time baby sitter to help her with the children.
Is this post even for real? You make six figures a year, she's a SAHM with a full time sitter and she has $1k a -week- in spending money? Again - where you live and what do you do for a living? And - is your company hiring?
 

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If your wife is truly remorseful, you need to forgive her. She is financially irresponsible, but that doesn't even come close to the same thing as cheating. You need to control all finances. Since she's a stay at home mom, that is great. She should put all household expenses on the credit card so you can see exactly where she spends her money. Almost everything can be paid by cc - gas , groceries, etc, and give her a reasonable amount of cash for miscellaneous things, like ice cream for the kids, haircuts, etc. She lost control, but you need to forgive her and be the responsible one for finances.
I like this.

As far as getting a credit card for her - make it an AMEX. I believe some need to be paid in full each month, and they produce a nice summary at the end of the year.
 

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Instead of looking at this as a betrayal by your wife, maybe you should look at it as a cry for help? She was broken and now you can help get her back on a healthy path. Perhaps that would help take the sting out of it for you. She needs counseling and you need to control the money until she can demonstrate that she is responsible with it.
 

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Where was she going to show off all those purses if she stays at home with the kids AND has a baby sitter.
Why did she need to dip into 20K if she gets 1k each week for spending money?
HOLY COW! I can see why you are about to explode.
No cash around the house. You now take over all finances.
Why does she need the nanny if she is a SAHM. This is an expense that needs to go as she is now paying you back. Further she needs to go on a real budget. No more purses.
I like purses as much as the next girl, but it is too much of a hassle for me to change them out each day. I usually use mine each season and then buy a new one as the season changes. I have a couple of clutches for date nights that I use - but that is about as much change as I am going to handle.
 

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JMHO


time to move on! she is untrustable!

seems like she had it pretty damn good. and she took it all for granted.

she dosn't respect,or love you.

in my mind someone who can steal from the one they say they love is broken. its a huge charachter flaw and I would doubt she is ever going to change!
 
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