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I have been married for 4 years. I've always known that my wife was abused as a child, physically, emotionally, sexually. She was raised in poverty and spent time in woman's shelters when her mother was in between relationships.

When we met, I was convinced that she was my soul mate, I have never felt so energized by someone in my life. I imagine that what I felt when I was with her was like being on cocaine. That high was so intense that I became addicted at once.

However, even a month into our relationships she showed signs of great fear of abandonment and low self esteem. At the time she was completing a masters degree and was having problems with her mother (a long story in and of itself) and so I presumed those fears were stress related.

We married 13 months after we began dating. That first year was mostly wonderful but peppered with stresses. She had (has) a fiery temper and it flared from time to time, but nothing that could not be quelled by some kind words and loving attention.

By the time we were getting ready to get married, our relationship changed. Her angry outbursts became more pronounced, more frequent and less reasonable. She became inconsolable at the slightest offense. It came to the point that if I raised my eyebrow in a certain way she would fly off the handle, upset, angry, sad. "Why can't you just love me" she would say. No matter what I said, nothing could console her.

At the same time, her relationship with my mother was deteriorating (I understand that wife/mother relationships are often difficult, this is my second marriage, I lived common law with a woman for 7 years). My mother can be difficult at times. Controlling, matriarchal, domineering. However, my W has cast my mother entirely as: "*****," "controlling," "misbehaving," "C***," . It has now come to the point that if I say to my W that I spoke to my mother, she becomes immediately tense and demands to know verbatim what we talked about. In the last week this has become case with my sister as well. Also, my best man, has been painted as being bad and has effectively been cut out of our lives.

When we argue, W will take mine our entire history for instances where I've done or said something she considers an offense. Usually removing these instances from their original context and using them to "prove" that I am "always" doing this, or "always" doing that. Often she will misquote me or paraphrase me in such a way as to change the meaning of my words subtly.

Other times, she will imagine me leaving her in the future or doing something that I don't really have a clue what it is, and this will cause her to fly into a rage.

I'm generally a very calm and patient person and was able to navigate peace between us for much of our first years. Now I am increasingly frustrated by the circularity of our discussions and fights. Nothing I can say or do is able to satisfy her or put her at ease and I have been nearing the end of my rope.

There are of course many legitimate reasons for my w to get angry from time to time, and even to build resentments against myself, my friends and my family about certain things. I began to come to terms with my drinking problem well before she and I met but it was not until 2 years ago that I found the strength to become sober and I have not had a drink since december 2010.

I am very introverted and I drank to medicate my social anxieties. Being introverted, I always thought that I was doing something wrong and that I had few friends because I wasn't extroverted enough. As it turns out, I have always had many friends, people have always liked and even admired me, I just like to be by myself. Coming to terms with that has been a long process.

I thought that my quitting alcohol would help to mend our relationship. It did for a while, but I realize now that my behaviour is not really causing her unhappiness, that it is coming from within her. She is loathe to shine a light on herself (she's only ever once sincerely apologized to me about anything and that caused her to be seriously depressed for several days or weeks).

After reading some posts on this site, particularly responses by Uptown and Pidge70, I most clearly am able to identify strong, even profound BPD traits in my W.

I wonder now if it is too late to save our marriage. W has now turned on my family. Claiming that they are racist and are trying to get in between her and I (W is Metis, I am white). My family is not racist--certainly not overtly. Though where we are from there is a persistent undercurrent of racism against Aboriginal people and I have to accept that its possible my family may have picked up certain prejudices.

However, W has cherry picked certain instances when my Mother has used insensitive language and used them to validate her anger wholescale.The 8 or 10 instances that my wife complains about might easily be explained as a misunderstanding or poor communication or as being taken away from context. W now wants to excommunicate herself from my family, just as she's done from almost her entire family and most every friend she's ever had.


I've just written so much, and I've barely scratched the surface of our problem.
I'm at my wits end.
 

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wow, very sorry for your stress. If you love her, get the both of you into counseling immediately. If she can get a diagnosis, and help im sure it can only help, and if there is nothing wrong with her then you know what you need to do from there. Sounds like you both would benefit from individual counseling as well as couples. Best of luck:)
 

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IThink, welcome to the TAM forum. I'm sorry to hear that you are living with a woman who appears to be so similar to my BPDer exW.
I have been married for 4 years. I've always known that my wife was abused as a child, physically, emotionally, sexually.
As you likely know by now, BPD is strongly associated with childhood abuse, particularly sexual abuse. Like your W, my exW had been emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by her parents (her father, actually) in childhood. Most abused children do not develop BPD but the abuse greatly raises the risk of doing so.
When we met, I was convinced that she was my soul mate, I have never felt so energized by someone in my life.... That high was so intense that I became addicted at once.
Meeting my exW was exactly like that. Unless people have experienced it themselves, it is hard to explain to them why such toxic relationships filled with abuse are so addictive. They cannot imagine how wonderful BPDers are while they are splitting us white. I therefore encourage them to see a Marilyn Monroe movie. Marilyn is widely believed to have been a BPDer even though she has been the world's most beloved film actress.
W now wants to excommunicate herself from my family, just as she's done from almost her entire family and most every friend she's ever had..... Also, my best man, has been ... been cut out of our lives.
Yep, my exW did the same. She always had an excuse for not going with me to visit my family and she absolutely hated my adult foster son. Moreover, when her five children started to love me, she became jealous of those relationships too. She perceived all of it to be a threat.
When we argue, W will take mine our entire history for instances where I've done or said something she considers an offense.
A BPDer is so desperate for validation of her false self image as "The Victim," that she will gleefully keep a list of every infraction (real or imagined). The infractions are remembered and guarded as though they are precious trophies and awards that one brings out and shows to guests. They "validate" that she is whom she thinks she is.
Often she will misquote me or paraphrase me in such a way as to change the meaning of my words subtly.
Sometimes a BPDer will do that deliberately. Mostly, however, it is done subconsciously to protect her fragile ego from seeing too much of reality. This process, called "projection," is relied on heavily for ego defense.
Nothing I can say or do is able to satisfy her or put her at ease and I have been nearing the end of my rope.
As I've said in other threads, it is like trying to fill up the Grand Canyon with a squirt gun.
After reading some posts on this site, particularly responses by Uptown and Pidge70, I most clearly am able to identify strong, even profound BPD traits in my W.
You will find lots of "Nons" like me at BPDfamily. Pidge, however, is a rare jewel. In my private life, I've met numerous BPDers but have never knowingly met one who is self aware like Pidge. In addition to the self awareness, Pidge also has had the ego strength to persist with treatments that taught her how to better manage her emotions. Hence, any communications you have here with Pidge may be your only opportunity to talk about these issues with a self aware, treated BPDer. If you've been living with a BPDer for four years, you will be delighted to speak -- at long last -- with a BPDer who can see the elephant in the room.
I wonder now if it is too late to save our marriage.
As an initial matter, I strongly recommend you NOT tell your W about your suspicions. If she is a BPDer, she almost certainly will project the accusation right back onto you, believing YOU to be the BPDer. Instead, as BeesKnees suggests, simply encourage her to see a good psychologist (not a MC) and let the psych decide what to tell her.

As to whether your marriage can be saved, that is possible but very unlikely if she is a high functioning BPDer. The problem, of course, is that it takes TWO willing spouses to save a marriage and it is highly unlikely a HF BPDer will stay in therapy long enough to make a difference. To pull it off, she needs sufficient self awareness to see she has a problem and sufficient ego strength to tolerate several years of often-painful therapy.

A therapist who has treated many BPD couples says that BPD relationships typically last either 18 months or 15 years. They last 18 months, he explains, when the Non has strong personal boundaries. In that case, the Non enjoys the 6 month honeymoon period of mirroring and then is willing to spend up to a year trying to reestablish the honeymoon conditions. Then he bails.

The relationship lasts 15 years, he explains, when the Non has strong codependency traits and thus has low personal boundaries. Such a Non typically never bails. Instead, the BPDer leaves him because, as the years go by, she becomes increasingly resentful of his inability to make her happy or fix her. Also, she may become increasingly fearful of abandonment as she sees her body aging. This explanation struck a strong chord with me because my relationship lasted 15 years, at which time my wife had me arrested on a trumped up charge and filed a restraining order barring me from my own home for a year and a half (when the divorce was finalized).

Second, if you think you may stay with her a while, I suggest you get Stop Walking on Eggshells, the best-selling BPD book targeted to spouses like you. Or, if you are decided to get a divorce instead, get Splitting: Protecting Yourself when Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist. Both books are written by the same author.

Third, I suggest you start participating (or at least lurking) at BPDfamily.com -- the largest and most active BPD forum I've found that is devoted fully to the spouses and family members of BPDers. It offers eight separate message boards on various BPD issues. The ones that likely will be most helpful to you are the "Staying" board and "Leaving" board."

Fourth, while you are at BPDfamily.com, I suggest you read the excellent articles in their resources section. My favorite is "Surviving a Breakup with Someone with BPD" at T9 Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - Columbia University, New York. And, if you have not already done so, I suggest you read my brief overview of BPD traits in Maybe's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522.

Fifth, I suggest you see a clinical psychologist -- for a visit or two by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you are dealing with -- and how likely it is she may pass it on to your son. As I've explained in many other threads, your best chance of getting a candid opinion regarding a possible BPD diagnosis is to NOT have the BPDer along. Therapists are loath to tell high functioning BPDers the name of the disorder.

Finally, please don't forget those of us on this TAM forum. We want to keep trying to answer your questions and providing emotional support as long as you find our shared experiences helpful. Moreover, you likely will be helping numerous other members and lurkers by sharing your own experiences. Take care, IThink.
 

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Y'know, your wife sounds like a difficult woman to live with.

The question is not whether or not your marriage can be saved. Of course it can be. Give in constantly and suffer a lot. Give up everything that makes life worth living. She'll probably stay - at least until you break under the strain.

The question is whether or not you choose to stay in a marriage with someone who's mentally ill and what sort of compromises will be necessary to stay. That's a decision you need to make for yourself.

Stuff to consider:
(a) The sane response to being in a R/S with a BPD is to leave. So, if you're considering staying, please see a therapist for yourself - at the very least for support. This is generally considered a wise practice for therapists seeing BPDs, so you'd be well-advised to do the same. They are very toxic people.
(b) BPD is not particularly responsive to medication, so don't hope for a quick fix. Therapy takes a few years to work - and don't expect miracles.
(c) narcissistic personality disorder is commonly co-morbid with BPD (~30%). NPD is not particularly responsive to drugs or therapy. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists is one of the better books available. If your wife is significantly NPD, you have a harder row to hoe. If your wife is all about 'hurt feelings', then BPD is more reasonable. If your wife is not easily hurt, but will go berserk over perceived insults to her perfection, you might be looking at NPD.

...overall, if you're looking at BPD, it is reasonable to visit BPDFamily and think things through. If you're looking at NPD, there are a couple of regulars there married to NPDs. Based on their experience, you're looking at a literal lifetime of misery if you stay. It really isn't worth it. Oh, and don't have kids with an NPD, they're genuinely impaired and very likely to abuse children. BPDs are just bad parents.

--Argyle
 

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BPD is a terrible disorder, my wife was diagnosed with it and went through some counseling (6months but wasnt enough). For the past 11 years it has been so hard and everything has been my fault. She said she felt unloved but constantly did loving things for her. 6 days out of 7 we were very happy but on the 7th any small thing would cause war. I constantly did loving things for her and always was there to help her in need but was always told she felt unloved. It is very confusing and hurtful. We have separated a few times only for a couple of weeks but always would get back together and would be fine at start but then things would go back to normal. She used facebook a lot to make friends as she finds it hard in person and went searching for something she thought she was missing. She ended up in contact with her ex of years gone past and had an affair, of course during that who time of conversations online i was the one being accused of having an affair.
Now after 11 years she left again and taken 2 of my 3 children. Everything had been going well for the past year and we were considering moving together but she came home one day after being at her friends and told me she was moving and i wasnt.
She moved and we were friendly on phone and for weeks wanted to get back and then literally the next day said we were over for good and would NEVER be getting back together. The day after that told me she had a date in a few days and i should just get on with my life, that i could never make her happy. She always believed in our relationship that everything was terrible and saw everything in black and white. We had a lot more good times than bad and its hard to take when someone tells you this. After 11 years i think this is it, i dont think my heart can take much more of this pain and think i should let her go. She prob will start a great relationship with this new person and will be great for a while but her unhappiness inside will always shine through. I have no doubt in a few months she will try and come back and it will literally happen overnight but think enough is enough for me.

Good luck with whatever happens
 

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Y'know, your wife sounds like a difficult woman to live with.

The question is not whether or not your marriage can be saved. Of course it can be. Give in constantly and suffer a lot. Give up everything that makes life worth living. She'll probably stay - at least until you break under the strain.

The question is whether or not you choose to stay in a marriage with someone who's mentally ill and what sort of compromises will be necessary to stay. That's a decision you need to make for yourself.

Stuff to consider:
(a) The sane response to being in a R/S with a BPD is to leave. So, if you're considering staying, please see a therapist for yourself - at the very least for support. This is generally considered a wise practice for therapists seeing BPDs, so you'd be well-advised to do the same. They are very toxic people.
(b) BPD is not particularly responsive to medication, so don't hope for a quick fix. Therapy takes a few years to work - and don't expect miracles.
(c) narcissistic personality disorder is commonly co-morbid with BPD (~30%). NPD is not particularly responsive to drugs or therapy. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists is one of the better books available. If your wife is significantly NPD, you have a harder row to hoe. If your wife is all about 'hurt feelings', then BPD is more reasonable. If your wife is not easily hurt, but will go berserk over perceived insults to her perfection, you might be looking at NPD.

...overall, if you're looking at BPD, it is reasonable to visit BPDFamily and think things through. If you're looking at NPD, there are a couple of regulars there married to NPDs. Based on their experience, you're looking at a literal lifetime of misery if you stay. It really isn't worth it. Oh, and don't have kids with an NPD, they're genuinely impaired and very likely to abuse children. BPDs are just bad parents.

--Argyle
I find the last part of your last paragraph offensive and sad. Sorry but my sister has BPD and she isn't a bad parent. She's actually a great parent! :eek:(
 

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Hi Sophie,

I am sorry that I offended you. I am also willing to believe that there are some BPDs who are excellent parents. I am glad that your sister falls into that category.
My opinion was mostly shaped both by my own experiences with my wife and by reading many accounts of children raised by BPDs on BPDFamily. They have a rather active subforum devoted to children dealing with mental illness, PTSD, and other issues related to terrible parenting by BPDs. Many of those children, as adults, have clearly been permanently crippled by their upbringing. Based on my research, it seems unlikely that those children are unusual.
I should have said that, as far as I can tell, most BPDs are bad parents* and that having children with an NPD is usually a mistake. Generalizing to all BPDs and NPDs was not fair.

--Argyle
*I will be fair. Most BPDs seem to be fairly average parents until age 3. Parenting issues tend to increase exponentially as the children age and individuate themselves from the mother. The problem is that splitting a child either black or white is terribly harmful to the child - and very likely to occur once the BPD sees the child as a separate individual. Some children cope by not individuating, but that isn't optimal either. The constant abandonment and emotional meltdown's don't help much either. Self-aware BPDs may be able to compensate, but I tend to think of them as 'BPD tendencies' instead of full-blown BPD.
NPDs, OTOH, eh, seem to be recognizable mostly through horrific domestic violence and systematic abuse - both of spouses and children. Lucky spouses seem to experience mostly neglect.
Still, overall, given either a diagnosis of BPD or NPD for one partner, barring other significant issues (eg, drug abuse), I'd be inclined to recommend sole custody to the non-mentally-ill parent and supervised visitation to the BPD/NPD. There are exceptions, but, they aren't worth the risk. I know at least one woman who stays primarily because her NPD husband has made it reasonably clear that, if she leaves, he will get partial custody and abuse their children to hurt her.
 

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Hi Sophie,

I am sorry that I offended you. I am also willing to believe that there are some BPDs who are excellent parents. I am glad that your sister falls into that category.
My opinion was mostly shaped both by my own experiences with my wife and by reading many accounts of children raised by BPDs on BPDFamily. They have a rather active subforum devoted to children dealing with mental illness, PTSD, and other issues related to terrible parenting by BPDs. Many of those children, as adults, have clearly been permanently crippled by their upbringing. Based on my research, it seems unlikely that those children are unusual.
I should have said that, as far as I can tell, most BPDs are bad parents* and that having children with an NPD is usually a mistake. Generalizing to all BPDs and NPDs was not fair.

--Argyle
*I will be fair. Most BPDs seem to be fairly average parents until age 3. Parenting issues tend to increase exponentially as the children age and individuate themselves from the mother. The problem is that splitting a child either black or white is terribly harmful to the child - and very likely to occur once the BPD sees the child as a separate individual. Some children cope by not individuating, but that isn't optimal either. The constant abandonment and emotional meltdown's don't help much either. Self-aware BPDs may be able to compensate, but I tend to think of them as 'BPD tendencies' instead of full-blown BPD.
NPDs, OTOH, eh, seem to be recognizable mostly through horrific domestic violence and systematic abuse - both of spouses and children. Lucky spouses seem to experience mostly neglect.
Still, overall, given either a diagnosis of BPD or NPD for one partner, barring other significant issues (eg, drug abuse), I'd be inclined to recommend sole custody to the non-mentally-ill parent and supervised visitation to the BPD/NPD. There are exceptions, but, they aren't worth the risk. I know at least one woman who stays primarily because her NPD husband has made it reasonably clear that, if she leaves, he will get partial custody and abuse their children to hurt her.
Wow. Just wow. I'm sorry but I totally disagree with you. I'm 33, a sex abuse victim who suffers from depression (under treatment) and am soon going to be seeing a psychologist to be tested for BPD and Autism as my youngest daughter has Autism and as I said, my sister has BPD and I have done the online test for it and got 8/9. I've also scored on autism tests with a high degree of autistic traits. I have two girls ages 8 and 6. I grew up in a dysfunctional home... my mother suffered with depression and my father was abusive verbally calling me dumb and stupid etc. You say that BPDers usually damage their children and shouldn't have custody of them. Well there are parents out there that don't have mental illness and are still abusive to their kids (like my father - he was a police officer for years and it was a very stressful job). I was molested by my best friends father. How about we just keep kids away from ALL adults? What gets me even more upset is that it's mental illness. We can't control it. I didn't ask to be molested. I suffer from depression and most probably BPD because of that, and because of my home environment. None of that was my fault. Yet you think we should be punished further by not having custody of our own flesh and blood? I would die if my kids were taken off me. I would kill myself. I am actually glad/grateful for everything I've been through because while I have mental illness it has made me a better person... I'm caring and compassionate, non judgemental and loving and I don't intentionally hurt people. I'm understanding about mental illness and a really good friend. I know many people that don't have mental illness yet they are not nice people... they are judgemental, selfish and have no compassion/sympathy and one of them would be my sisters ex (father of her child who left because he wasn't earning a regular steady income and she asked him to find a new job that paid regularly and he wouldn't because he likes his job so that was more important to him than providing for his family obviously). I could go on about him but won't. I do have to say she is a better parent than he is. When he takes care of him, he doesn't pay attention to him and is too busy doing his thing. When she is sick or can't take care of him for whatever reason he doesn't want to take care of him and usually says no unless she won't leave him alone. For example... she came over here one day so I could take care of him because his father wouldn't and she was so crook and he only wanted her because she's mummy and I had to get on the phone after my sister had already spoken to his father and I had to tell him he needed to come get his son. My sister will put aside everything for her son. She is a great mother.
Finally, I am wondering whether I want to be labelled with BPD when there seem to be so many people that think we are horrible people. Also, we are people not labels. We're not BPDers. We are people with BPD. Just like kids are not autistic... they have autism. Mental illness does not define us. We are still people with feelings. And we can't help the way we are. I think we've been punished enough in life.....
This will be my last post here. This last one was probably a complete waste of my time. But anyway... I had to say it.

It is sad in this day and age that so many people are still ignorant about mental illness. We are not monsters. Everyone makes mistakes/hurts others and everyone deserves forgiveness IMO I've forgiven my parents and the man that molested me. I'm not crippled either. I can still hold down a job and do everything everyone else can. Anyway.... I'll leave it at that.
 

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For the record...BPD is NOT a mental illness, it IS a personality disorder. I also am a BPD'er with custody of my children.
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While the situation sounds very stressful, be very careful about using diagnoses like BPD. Once we put a label on someone, we will always see them through that label, which will always make things worse. The reality of marriage is we create each other and even unconsciously shape each other. Before trying to diagnose your partner, get some good couple therapy by a skilled marital therapist.
DrDavidCOlsen, author, "The Couple's Survival Workbook"
 

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BPDSpouse, you are in the same exact situation as myself. You've described my own wife to a T. Our marriage has lasted 18 months exactly, just like Uptown said. However, the reasons were the same as what he mentioned in the 15 years section.

"The relationship lasts 15 years, he explains, when the Non has strong codependency traits and thus has low personal boundaries. Such a Non typically never bails. Instead, the BPDer leaves him because, as the years go by, she becomes increasingly resentful of his inability to make her happy or fix her. Also, she may become increasingly fearful of abandonment as she sees her body aging."

That exactly describes our situation, ecxept it's 18 months instead of 15 years. Wow, being on this sight has completely opened my eyes! Thank you so much Uptown for sharing this information and helping me, and hopefully others in our situation, that we are not as horrible as we have been painted out to be.
 

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Very insightful thoughts here, and I have been gaining solid perspective for the last 2 weeks from this board. Similar situation with my W of 20 years, and I'm finally understanding the bigger picture of our own struggles.

Having been in the field of inpatient psychology for 7-8 years, and in graduate course work for substance abuse counseling, the first hand accounts of Non BPDers is very helpful.....
 

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For the record...BPD is NOT a mental illness, it IS a personality disorder. I also am a BPD'er with custody of my children.
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BPD is confusing to the general public. Plus, each person who has BPD is unique. I show more of the symptoms of the "quiet borderline" and my rages are internal.
 

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BPD is confusing to the general public. Plus, each person who has BPD is unique. I show more of the symptoms of the "quiet borderline" and my rages are internal.
It seems that you have a healthy sense of self awareness, which speaks to recovery. My wife does not admit that her anger outbursts, which occur almost daily now and are more volatile too, are escalating and possibly dangerous. Even though she admits that she doesn't like the feelings she has after being angry, she continues to behave in very unpredictable ways. Telling her that I must remain in the home because I don't know how she may react towards the kids only seems to have broken her heart.
 

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It seems that you have a healthy sense of self awareness, which speaks to recovery. My wife does not admit that her anger outbursts, which occur almost daily now and are more volatile too, are escalating and possibly dangerous. Even though she admits that she doesn't like the feelings she has after being angry, she continues to behave in very unpredictable ways. Telling her that I must remain in the home because I don't know how she may react towards the kids only seems to have broken her heart.
If she is a danger to herself or others she needs to be hospitalized. Period. You cannot guard your children 24/7.

(I was never a danger to others - only to myself.)
 

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BPD is confusing to the general public. Plus, each person who has BPD is unique. I show more of the symptoms of the "quiet borderline" and my rages are internal.
Correct me if I'm wrong but, you have NOT been formally diagnised with BPD. This is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about in my own thread. People diagnosing themselves.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but, you have NOT been formally diagnised with BPD. This is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about in my own thread. People diagnosing themselves.
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True enough. But I was in the social work field for five years and my job function was to see 8-10 patients a day for individual counseling. Also, I discussed my issues with my psychiatrist and he agreed I have BPD traits. So perhaps I don't qualify as having the full diagnosis but I suffer enough that my symptoms ruin my life. Here is some of what I feel daily:

1. Impairments in Identity:

Markedly impoverished, poorly developed, or unstable self-image, often associated with excessive self-criticism; chronic feelings of emptiness; dissociative states under stress.

2. Impairments in Intimacy:

Intense, unstable, and conflicted close relationships, marked by mistrust, neediness, and anxious preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment; close relationships often viewed in extremes of idealization and devaluation and alternating between over involvement and withdrawal.


3. Emotional lability:

Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes; emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and/or out of proportion to events and circumstances.

4. Suicidal or Self-injurious Behaviors:

Recurrent suicidal attempts, gestures, threats, or self-injurious behaviors are the hallmark of the borderline patient. The criterion is so prototypical of persons with BPD that the diagnosis rightly comes to mind whenever recurrent self-destructive behaviors are encountered. Self-destructive acts often start in early adolescence and are usually precipitated by threats of separation or rejection or by expectations that the BPD patient assume unwanted responsibilities. The presence of this pattern assists the diagnosis of concurrent BPD in patients whose presenting symptoms are depression or anxiety.


(It's explained in much more detail on my blog.)

“You know you
 
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