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What the hell is wrong with your? Seriously?

You cheat than you ask your wife to cheat, then you turn the table and say no?

Whenever it comes to sharing your partner you have to be REALLY detailed and set some boundaries, it seems like "pictures" was the boundary but it was kind of nonsense...wasn't it?

Even if you do everything perfect, most relationships fail in time......

You stacked the cards against yourself and your relationship.

When you cheat, it's probably in your best interest to end relationship (even if your wife stays). Let's face it, she would've probably had that guy regardless if you approved or not....after all, you cheated, why shouldn't she?

You see how that works?

No advice for you sir other than good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It looks like I have the wrong forum.

While I am not looking for justification - I was hoping to have a little constructive advise.

I wish you well.
 

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What the hell is wrong with your? Seriously?

You cheat than you ask your wife to cheat, then you turn the table and say no?

Whenever it comes to sharing your partner you have to be REALLY detailed and set some boundaries, it seems like "pictures" was the boundary but it was kind of nonsense...wasn't it?

Even if you do everything perfect, most relationships fail in time......

You stacked the cards against yourself and your relationship.

No advice for you sir other than good luck.
:iagree:

You sent some mixed messages to your wife. You sent her ALONE to have sex with another man. Now you're mad you didn't get any pictures? :slap:

I've got nothing for you, like DoF.
 

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First of all, I would bet money that she and her young gym-buddy have been having sex for awhile. She's been hanging around this group for two years and since you already cheated three years ago, she's more likely to cross that boundary. That's just my guess.

Yes, you gave her the green light. She digs this guy, so why does she want you around? And she doesn't care about your pics. In fact, because you're encouraging her to flirt and have sex with another guy, she's lost respect for you. Maybe not consciously, but she feels it. It's how women are biologically wired. A man is supposed to protect his wife and marriage. Women are attracted to a man who doesn't tolerate other men involved with his wife. You failed that one miserably.

I don't know how you're going to get your marriage back on track, but if you continue to let her work out at the same club with him and the other friends, your marriage is over.

I speak from experience as to the 'wife-working-out-at-the-gym' thing. She's a target for the young workout warriors. You're a fool to let her go there by herself, let alone socialize with them.
 

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First of all, I would bet money that she and her young gym-buddy have been having sex for awhile. She's been hanging around this group for two years and since you already cheated three years ago, she's more likely to cross that boundary. That's just my guess.
Agreed

Yes, you gave her the green light. She digs this guy, so why does she want you around? And she doesn't care about your pics. In fact, because you're encouraging her to flirt and have sex with another guy, she's lost respect for you. Maybe not consciously, but she feels it. It's how women are biologically wired. A man is supposed to protect his wife and marriage. Women are attracted to a man who doesn't tolerate other men involved with his wife. You failed that one miserably.

I don't know how you're going to get your marriage back on track, but if you continue to let her work out at the same club with him and the other friends, your marriage is over.

I speak from experience as to the 'wife-working-out-at-the-gym' thing. She's a target for the young workout warriors. You're a fool to let her go there by herself, let alone socialize with them.
x2

Agreed
 

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It looks like I have the wrong forum.

While I am not looking for justification - I was hoping to have a little constructive advise.

I wish you well.
Constructive?

or Enabling advice?

There is a HUGE difference.
 
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It looks like I have the wrong forum.

While I am not looking for justification - I was hoping to have a little constructive advise.

I wish you well.
Stick around. You'll get plenty of advice. But most will be harsh. But I think you'll find that's what you'll need.

Fantasies are usually much different than reality. Life isn't a big porn film. I know, some couples get into this stuff and I guess it works out for them. But for the vast majority, human nature enters the picture and ruins the erotic fantasy you had.

I think your wife is more deeply involved with the guy than you realize. In order to find out exactly where she is with him, look at the phone records and texts and emails going back many months. Just so you know the extent of what you're up against.
 

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Stick around. You'll get plenty of advice. But most will be harsh. But I think you'll find that's what you'll need.

Fantasies are usually much different than reality. Life isn't a big porn film. I know, some couples get into this stuff and I guess it works out for them. But for the vast majority, human nature enters the picture and ruins the erotic fantasy you had.

I think your wife is more deeply involved with the guy than you realize. In order to find out exactly where she is with him, look at the phone records and texts and emails going back many months. Just so you know the extent of what you're up against.
And before you do so, ask yourself "am I willing to continue relationship with this person"?

Cause the more you dig, the more you will find.

Answer that question now, cause frankly, if you are not willing to stay......start the divorce (and to be honest with you, your wife should've started that when you cheated).
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Not enabling.... I asked two simple questions. I can see I asked the wrong forum. I know that lifestyle is outside the normal thought process. I apologize for bringing it up here.

I should point out one thing - my wife agreed to let me know and have me involved. I don't feel bad about what she did (the act) but about how she went about doing it (lying to me about when she did it and not having me involved).

I don't think she ever did it before - I read all the texts and they both sounded like it was their first time.

Thanks.
 

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Not enabling.... I asked two simple questions. I can see I asked the wrong forum. I know that lifestyle is outside the normal thought process. I apologize for bringing it up here.

I should point out one thing - my wife agreed to let me know and have me involved. I don't feel bad about what she did (the act) but about how she went about doing it (lying to me about when she did it and not having me involved).

I don't think she ever did it before - I read all the texts and they both sounded like it was their first time.

Thanks.
Well, if you want to continue with this, except to have your wife agree to have you there and involved, you're not going to get much support for that lifestyle on this forum.

But you will get good advice on how bringing others into your bedroom will erode your marriage. You can listen or not. Your choice.
 

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Sooo... asking your wife to bed another man is somehow ok

but her lying to you is not?

I would love to hear the logic thread behind that perspective.
 

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Elvis has left the building. He just deleted his opening post. Too bad, because now he's going to be concentrating on how he can get his wife to include him in her sexual escapades. Obviously she and her new boyfriend don't want him around. And why would they?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks, Cubby. I think there is much to learn here, but what I was trying to do - that lifestyle - is beyond the thought process of most of the responding people.

I think I am going to get doom and gloom. I checked texts and phone records - nothing to or from the guy going back 4 months. Only after he sent her the first text.
 

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I don't agree with the lifestyle but have studied it

All involved would say you have to have an extremely healthy relationship before going into an open marriage or swinging lifestyle.

Your marriage is the classic example of a bad choice for "sharing".

You are a cheater and now your wife is as well for not respecting your boundaries.

My advice would be to pick up the pieces, if you can, get lots of counseling and start over building a monogamous marriage.

A successful swinging couple would not offer you much different advice.
 

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Once a cheater, always a cheater. Right?
No, not necessarily. But because you cheated, it makes it a lot easier for her to justify in her mind what she's doing. Plus you urged her in that direction.

When a couple has remained faithful and monogamous, it's a huge stop for one of them to cheat. However, it's a small step to take for your wife in the situation she was in. Your story isn't surprising at all. In fact it's predictable.
 
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