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We have been together for 19 years, for the last 11 years she has withdrawn more and more. She never says "I love you". Unless I say it first, I have to always start things if I would like to have sex, and when I ask what is wrong, she says she never thinks about sex, love, our future together, it's only when I start things that she will include herself . I have dropped hints and sent her notes and messages, but she tells me that she never thinks about love, or us being together, never has a desire for romance or sex, it's like I am living with a roommate, and the longer this goes on, the more I believe that we are doomed to fail in our marriage.
I realize that I am more intone with my emotions that she is, but I believe that if you love someone it should be as simple as feeling that love deep your heart that makes you feel warm, and you want to be with them all the time. I think it is pretty simple either you love them or you don't .

So if you have to think or need to be reminded that you love someone the I don't think you really love that person at all .
Sorry for rambling on so much , any advice would be great.
 

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We have been together for 19 years, for the last 11 years she has withdrawn more and more. She never says "I love you". Unless I say it first, I have to always start things if I would like to have sex, and when I ask what is wrong, she says she never thinks about sex, love, our future together, it's only when I start things that she will include herself . I have dropped hints and sent her notes and messages, but she tells me that she never thinks about love, or us being together, never has a desire for romance or sex, it's like I am living with a roommate, and the longer this goes on, the more I believe that we are doomed to fail in our marriage.
I realize that I am more intone with my emotions that she is, but I believe that if you love someone it should be as simple as feeling that love deep your heart that makes you feel warm, and you want to be with them all the time. I think it is pretty simple either you love them or you don't .

So if you have to think or need to be reminded that you love someone the I don't think you really love that person at all .
Sorry for rambling on so much , any advice would be great.
Sorry about this. It gets old doesn't it?

Is she open to marriage counseling?

Have you ruled out falling in love with another man aka cheating?
 

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My wife's personality is very similar to what the OP described. It used to drive me nuts when we were dating because I wasn't sure of exactly what the situation was. I was attributing her 'coldness' to not being into me seriously, but in time I realized it was just her being her.

Nearly 20 years later, not much has changed, but I do now that she loves me and just is not as affectionate as I am in certain ways. (Yeah - even us men like to hug and kiss sometimes.)
 
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