[hcromwell]

Went out for anniversary dinner the other night...16 years. Was going ok but then wife made a snipe like she has for months and we got into again. I tried to explain that I love her but i can't take her being rude and mean to me anymore.

Background, last year at this time...she told me that she was miserable for years. Of course my business and in turn our finances went south about same time.

Anyway, did the counseling thing...been trying to get back on track and there have been bumps of course but thought things were going ok.

Anyway, i told her at dinner i love her and still find her attractive...she smiles like a chesire cat and i press her onwhat she is hiding..

She tells me that she never found me all that physically attractive...and that right now not at all...she was attracted to something but its not there anymore..,..although she is trying to connect to it again. I know i'm not brad pitt but i'm not hideous by any means.

first all...any thoughts on what prompted her to be so rude?

We are still climbing back financially but getting better all the time...

Anyway, i''m wanting to bail because i have had it...kissed her ass more than ever past year and in reality did for most of our marriage.

I have kids so i don't want to be selfish but i don't want to live like this either..

I steamed over this for a day and then lost it on her the next day...said crime doesn't fit punishment and if she is unhappy she can leave..

since then she is better...but again...why is she being such an ass?

also she is 40 and i'm convinced some of this is hormones as she is on birth control that gives her a period only every three months...must be screwing up her hormones...

 

[Blanca]

i used to make a lot of snide comments to my H. i was an ass (and still am sometimes) because i hated him and it came out every so often.

but i think its good that you called her on it. she will respect you more if you dont put up with that from her.

 

[Crypsys]

also she is 40 and i'm convinced some of this is hormones as she is on birth control that gives her a period only every three months...must be screwing up her hormones...

Is she on Yaz? That stuff did a number to my wife.

That being said, sounds like there are more issues under the carpet than just that comment. Some people when they are hurt or angry will say things to hurt the other person (pushing their buttons). Sometimes venting negative feelings can be helpful if they are done correctly. Now, if those are used as a tool or weapon to hurt, then thats wrong.

 

[turnera]

Go to marriagebuilders.com and print out the Love Buster questionnaire. Ask her to fill it out. It will tell you what YOU do that she doesn't like. You do the same. Exchange them. Work on not LBing her, and ask her to do the same. See if that improves things.

 

[hcromwell]

thanks all...i mean part of this is that she is probably the way she has always been. In fact, she keeps saying she is no good at marriage. She HATES men in general since her father was an ass. We'll watch a dateline where a guy cheats and kills his wife and she say...men suck. Irony is that when we first went broke last year...it was her running into an emotional affair on facebook...that still f-ing kills me

Now i guess i let her down since i let our business go down(hello, worse recession ever). Still make tons of money...always did...just had too much debt.

her friends says she is a negative person to start with and this is HER friends...

My confidence was down for a long time and she hates that...she likes to think she married a confident, smart guy...so with bad finances and no confidence...guess i really am unatractive to her...

but guess what..that time is over...she barely works.,..did nothing to help us get back on our feet...look for stupid unrealistic jobs instead of working at walmart which pays more than the sub teaching she does

i sent her to college, let her stay at home while kids were young ...i mean lets get real


so I do buy the respect comment blanca mentioned...she got better the few times i called her out on stuff the last year...but that trick will get old

I do love her but i am getting so angry with her now...she makes no effort to fix things..has no self awareness...if she wants out...go...i'm ready ...even though it will kill our kids

good luck with the next guy...when he disappoints her...will she run again?

I'm not a jerk but i have had enough

 

[turnera]

If you have done all that, and not demanded more from her, she has likely lost all respect for you, may even hate you by now, for being weak.

Time to find a pair and start setting rules. You're the head of the household. What have you got to lose?

 

[hcromwell]

exactly...at this point...i'm not getting what i need anyway...on any level...

so let her deal with my atitiude for a while