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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi. First post so hello, and please be kind!

My wife and I have been together for about 5 years. My sex drive has always been higher than hers. Recently when I tried to initiate sex she said she didn't want to as she wanted to read. She then suggested that I could have sex with her while she read her book. Since that night she hasn't wanted to have sex again but is happy for me to have sex with her while she reads in bed. She's actually happy for me to have sex with her every night as long as she can read her book and doesn't have to join in. It's a little strange but as I want to have sex I go along with it. She says she's very happy for me to carry on and feels the pressure is off from her to participate. She also say's she is happy in our relationship but just isn't interested but understands that I want to have sex and is happy for me to, her words, use her.

I wonder if this is something I should go along with or perhaps this is a sign of other problems. I don't believe there is anyone else or anything like that and I believe her when she says she's happy so perhaps this is ok?

Any advice please?
 

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No offense intended, but have you taken a long hard look at your technique, and if you're meeting her needs sexually? I'd like to think that with most sessions, my partners wouldn't be able to hold a book, much less concentrate enough to read one.

Personally, I wouldn't find it to be ok... Maybe at first, but eventually I'd probably rather DIY rather than having a totally non-interested partner. But if it works for you, I guess it's ok.

C
 

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She's telling you sex isn't effecting her.

That or she simply doesn't have enough time before bed to read and wants help with housework...but I doubt it :)

There are many ways to make her toes curl and scream with pleasure so that reading a book isn't even an option.
 

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What is she reading that she can't be bothered with sex?

The library has to go.

Next time she pulls that stunt tell her you need a wife interested in sex without a book to read. That it offends you.

Refuse sex and mention that you'll find a lover who doesn't read.

If she then starts in with a litany of grievances you'll know where you stand.

If she puts down the book and apologizes even better.

Actually, maybe you ought to grab the book out of her hands and toss it out the window and then take her.

She's daring you to complain about her behavior.
 

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Sorry but I would be super offended if my husband was reading a book while we were having sex. Maybe you should show her how it feels by doing the same? ....Unless you are the one that brings up sex all the time...and she never asks for it. It doesn't sound healthy to me...that's coming from a female perspective. So I say show her how it feels....or talk to her about it.
 

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No no no you find It disturbing or you would not have posted. This cannot be good as a longterm solution for disparate sex drives nor for you or her. Is she affectionate to you are there times that she does not read a book when you have sex? How do you feel afterwards, do you hug hold each other?
My opinion the book has got to go but I don't know how to help you do that and still get the sexual contact you need. I hope someone else chimes in with suggestions.
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She's actually happy for me to have sex with her every night as long as she can read her book and doesn't have to join in.
Nice... I say tell her its anal night and see if she is still content not to join in and still able to read her precious book... :)
 

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Okay. Maybe i'm the odd one out here but I think that maye she gets off on this. I know tht me and my husband have tried a little of everything (efore it stopped) andone of the things was sex while reading a book. I myself found it very stimulating to be doing something else while that was haeneing to me. Maybe you should ask her if this excites her.
 

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Queen Victoria is alleged to said that the way to endure sexual relations with Prince Albert was to "think of England."
 

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All kidding aside, this hits home with me... My wife would rather read a book, play on the computer, clean the windows, go to the dentist, etc... I know I'm not a slouch in bed... She actually told me that I am too into sex and make such a huge production in bed wanting to do too many positions and perform oral sex on her for too long... We used to have a pretty good sex life though I've had better sex lives with partners in my past. I figured it would get better with time. Even though my wife had been with more people than I had it seemed that every time I would do something it was a total shock to her. She said on more than one occasion that no one had ever done that to her before. Simple stuff like alternating between penetration and oral on her while she was having an orgasm, etc... Why wouldn't a guy want to do that !!

Now I fear that due to hormone issues, weight, etc... she has almost totally lost interest in sex.

I fear your wife has lost interest in sex as well... A person that has a sex drive has a hard time understanding a person that doesn't... Like eating... there is over eating and there is anorexia
 

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Boy, I thought I'd seen it all too - I was wrong!

I've put up with a lot of BS this year, but this would be a deal breaker even for me.

I'm surprised that someone is not insulted here.

But, I'm not you guys and if you don't see anything wrong with it and she doesn't - well - all I have to say is different strokes. :)
 

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Hi. First post so hello, and please be kind!

My wife and I have been together for about 5 years. My sex drive has always been higher than hers. Recently when I tried to initiate sex she said she didn't want to as she wanted to read. She then suggested that I could have sex with her while she read her book. Since that night she hasn't wanted to have sex again but is happy for me to have sex with her while she reads in bed. She's actually happy for me to have sex with her every night as long as she can read her book and doesn't have to join in. It's a little strange but as I want to have sex I go along with it. She says she's very happy for me to carry on and feels the pressure is off from her to participate. She also say's she is happy in our relationship but just isn't interested but understands that I want to have sex and is happy for me to, her words, use her.

I wonder if this is something I should go along with or perhaps this is a sign of other problems. I don't believe there is anyone else or anything like that and I believe her when she says she's happy so perhaps this is ok?

Any advice please?
Find your post a little bit familiar, my husband and I have done it many times, but ours is a little bit different, sometimes two of us read in bed before we go to sleep, so he just puts his cok inside of me and does me spoon, and ****s me slowly, you can imagine the picture, we are reading and ****ing, it is actually interesting, it makes our reading more enjoyable. But what we are doing is different, both of us read. :D

If you don't feel bothered and she knows it is important for you to have your needs satisfied, it is still nice of her.

What does she do when she wants sex? How often does she want sex? If you want sex everyday, and she doesn't need it this often, I don't find it a big deal. If she doesn't want sex at all, then something is not right about her in this activity.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
First of all thanks for all the replies, I appreciate people taking the time to write. I'll try to answer some of the points brought up.

No offense taken at all, yup I had thought/do think about technique. Looking back at past relationships there had certainly been no complaints and, without trying to sound c***y/stupid etc, pretty sure all partners enjoyed it - though I guess without going back and giving them a 20 point questionnaire I'll never know for sure!

I don't think she's doing it to be rude or because she doesn't care, in fact very much the opposite. We have a great relationship, open, caring, loving and very affectionate. It's just that she only needs sex perhaps once a month or once every other month. When she does want to she seems to, and certainly says she does, enjoy it very much - it's just she doesn't need much sex to satisfy her.

Talking about it she admits she is turned on by the fact she lies there passively letting me use her but that is enough for her the most of the time. Funny how some other readers thought this, and also do it - different strokes and all that. She is happy for me to enjoy her body, even if she doesn't feel the need to actively "join in", and this is her solution to the mismatched sex drives.

So putting thoughts to paper/screen and then talking things over has proved, and quickly, to be both cathartic and enlightening - who'd have thought it! I'm more than a bit reassured that other people get up to similar things in their relationships as perhaps my main worry was that this was totally dysfunctional.

Loved the one about dropping the bookmark!
 
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