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We had a trip planned this summer for vegas. The date wasn't set in stone but we had the month picked out. Earlier this week she finds out her friends are going to vegas the same month to celebrate one of their birthdays. So our trip becomes 2nd priority now. If it was a best friend I could understand but it's more of a mutual friend that is celebrating her birthday and her best friend is tagging along. We haven't been to Vegas together in about 7 years and the last 2 times we went after that were with our friends. Am I wrong for being mad about this? I agreed to post phone our trip but I really don't want to. I'm scared that if I talk her about it she is going to get mad and think I'm trying to control her.
 

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Your wife thinks her friends are more valuable than you.
Your wife thinks she will have more fun with them than she will with you.
Your wife thinks she will have much more without you there.

Seriously I hope you see that a wife going to Vegas without you isn't going to doing nice wifely things while the right?
 

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You already agreed and you're scared to bring it up to her? It sounds like you two have more problems than just a trip to Vegas.

Look - without a background on your relationship I'd say yes, she is selfish for wanting to cancel the trip with you in favor of going with her friends but, since you've already said "oh alright... go ahead..." you would really need to get some guts to tell her that you're not happy about this situation and that the two of you need to sit down and hash things out. Otherwise that growing resentment is going to leave an increasingly bitter taste in your mouth.
 
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^^^ yep.

Honestly i can not see how one can marry someone who puts their friends needs and values their friends more than the spouse. She is not going their to be a good wife. If i were you id seriously think about her and this marriage and her behavior and weight the actions that set behavior lead to, and think if this is what you want.

Its ridiculous
 

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So she would think that you were trying to control her if you refuse to change the agreed upon plans that were in BEFORE this friends trip was mentioned to her? Something is not right here. Any unusual behavior from your wife recently that has started to gnaw at your instincts? Has she changed or is she changing in front of your eyes?
 

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Wife + girlfriends + Vegas = VERY BAD IDEA.

When a spouse says "you're trying to control me" what they are thinking is "I want to do xxx and I don't care what you think about it." They are focused on their wants, not what's best for the relationship.

You need to tell her you are trying to protect the marriage, and that a trip to Vegas with the girls is detrimental to the marriage.

How well do you know the other women? Are they single? I am guessing that they're partiers.

There are lots of horror stories about spouses taking trips without their spouse. I agree that you have every right to be upset.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
So she would think that you were trying to control her if you refuse to change the agreed upon plans that were in BEFORE this friends trip was mentioned to her? Something is not right here. Any unusual behavior from your wife recently that has started to gnaw at your instincts? Has she changed or is she changing in front of your eyes?
No nothing unusual.
 

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Just go by yourself or see if some of your friends want to go with you .


say hey being as you get to go to vegas with your friends I am going to go with my friends. Maybe well see eachother there.

and don't say another word.
 

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I can see where your feelings would be hurt but a girlfriends trip doesnt necessarily spell trouble and is quite common. You did say that your trip wasnt planned in stone, the trip with her friends was. The trip was postponed, not canceled. By all means speak your mind, tell her how you feel and why. A compromise can be had. I wouldnt jump to the conclusion that she prefers her friends to you or that they are more valuable to her than you... or that she is a no good wife...and ultimately up to no good.
Not all spouses are untrustworthy children that need constant monitoring for fear of the safety of the marriage. Some actually can take a trip and not lose their minds cheating or acting crazy.
 

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^^^ yep.

Honestly i can not see how one can marry someone who puts their friends needs and values their friends more than the spouse. She is not going their to be a good wife. If i were you id seriously think about her and this marriage and her behavior and weight the actions that set behavior lead to, and think if this is what you want.

Its ridiculous
People treat us the way we let them treat us. It's obvious he's a passive-aggressive type who just says "okay honey, do whatever you want" and then goes off pouting and sulking because he doesn't have the guts to show his true thoughts and feelings.

OP, why did you not to talk to your wife about this while this was happening?
 

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Your wife thinks her friends are more valuable than you.
Your wife thinks she will have more fun with them than she will with you.
Your wife thinks she will have much more without you there.

I'd go with this poster. I'm all for giving space , and a little time apart sometimes, but no, I frown at this one.
It doesn't necessary mean that she will really go wild on that trip but even assuming that she won't...it clearly proves that her friends are more important to her than you. You have all the right to be mad. Why would you want to be married to a woman that you play second banana to her friends ? Discuss this with her and let her know how upset you are. :mad:
 

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We had a trip planned this summer for vegas. The date wasn't set in stone but we had the month picked out. Earlier this week she finds out her friends are going to vegas the same month to celebrate one of their birthdays. So our trip becomes 2nd priority now. If it was a best friend I could understand but it's more of a mutual friend that is celebrating her birthday and her best friend is tagging along. We haven't been to Vegas together in about 7 years and the last 2 times we went after that were with our friends. Am I wrong for being mad about this? I agreed to post phone our trip but I really don't want to. I'm scared that if I talk her about it she is going to get mad and think I'm trying to control her.
Tell her the vacation is on with you two.

If she wants to go to Vegas she goes with you.

Hey, why not go with the ladies and c0ckbl0ck for the other poor men who will not stand up to their wives. You will love the male strippers.

Next question.
 

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Ohhh Noooo this would not work in the house of Stonewall!
 

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We had a trip planned this summer for vegas. The date wasn't set in stone but we had the month picked out. Earlier this week she finds out her friends are going to vegas the same month to celebrate one of their birthdays. So our trip becomes 2nd priority now. If it was a best friend I could understand but it's more of a mutual friend that is celebrating her birthday and her best friend is tagging along. We haven't been to Vegas together in about 7 years and the last 2 times we went after that were with our friends. Am I wrong for being mad about this? I agreed to post phone our trip but I really don't want to. I'm scared that if I talk her about it she is going to get mad and think I'm trying to control her.
Extremely disrespectful on your wife's part.

You had a PLANNED vacation month picked out for the two of you & she cancels to go on vacation with her friends?

I am very sorry about this. Please consider counseling to find out why you are scared of your wife & advice on how to assert yourself in your marriage.
 

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Just go by yourself or see if some of your friends want to go with you .


say hey being as you get to go to vegas with your friends I am going to go with my friends. Maybe well see eachother there.

and don't say another word.
But YOU bring the vacation cash. She chose her friends over you.

You get the money. Just cancel the trip altogether. Don't say a word about it...just say you cancelled the tickets and reservations.

And take a trip somewhere else. Spend every penny. And lower the limits on your credit cards.
 
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My wife asked the same thing. She wanted to go with the slvt next door.

Since I can sometimes (SOMETIMES) identify a REALLY BAD IDEA when I hear one, I said no, figuring a fight now would be better than an infidelity later.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because she is cruising for meat. Most of the meat she'll find will have a friend. You are also prettier than her, so she will use you to draw them in and pressure you to 'be nice' so she can hook up. Did you want to be in a situation like this or does this sound at all as an unreasonable fear?"

Now, whether she wanted to be in that position or not, there was no way she could reasonably discount my reasoning.

I softened the blow by saying if she wanted to go out with the Church Lady, that would be fine.

So...outline your arguments NOW, take the time you need to reasonably justify your arguments and give them to her.

Do NOT neglect mentioning the incredible amount of disrespect she is showing by doing this.
 

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Just go by yourself or see if some of your friends want to go with you .


say hey being as you get to go to vegas with your friends I am going to go with my friends. Maybe well see eachother there.

and don't say another word.
I would think about a more exotic location (e.g. Cancun). You can simply tell her that since it doesn't look like your Las Vegas trip is going to work out, that you are looking to take your own vacation while she is away with her friends. This accomplishes three things: 1) it makes her jealous that you're taking a better vacation, 2) it sends her a clear message that if she not going to make you the priority, then your not going to make her the priority, and 3) it makes her have to be a little concerned about your boundaries.

And if she's ever used the "controlling" card on you and she objects to your trip, the here's your opportunity to use it as well.
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My wife asked the same thing. She wanted to go with the slvt next door.

Since I can sometimes (SOMETIMES) identify a REALLY BAD IDEA when I hear one, I said no, figuring a fight now would be better than an infidelity later.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because she is cruising for meat. Most of the meat she'll find will have a friend. You are also prettier than her, so she will use you to draw them in and pressure you to 'be nice' so she can hook up. Did you want to be in a situation like this or does this sound at all as an unreasonable fear?"

Now, whether she wanted to be in that position or not, there was no way she could reasonably discount my reasoning.

I softened the blow by saying if she wanted to go out with the Church Lady, that would be fine.

So...outline your arguments NOW, take the time you need to reasonably justify your arguments and give them to her.

Do NOT neglect mentioning the incredible amount of disrespect she is showing by doing this.
LOL @ "Church Lady" ....sometimes they are worse! :)
 

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My wife asked the same thing. She wanted to go with the slvt next door.

Since I can sometimes (SOMETIMES) identify a REALLY BAD IDEA when I hear one, I said no, figuring a fight now would be better than an infidelity later.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because she is cruising for meat. Most of the meat she'll find will have a friend. You are also prettier than her, so she will use you to draw them in and pressure you to 'be nice' so she can hook up. Did you want to be in a situation like this or does this sound at all as an unreasonable fear?"

Now, whether she wanted to be in that position or not, there was no way she could reasonably discount my reasoning.

I softened the blow by saying if she wanted to go out with the Church Lady, that would be fine.

So...outline your arguments NOW, take the time you need to reasonably justify your arguments and give them to her.

Do NOT neglect mentioning the incredible amount of disrespect she is showing by doing this.
And if she does happen to find herself in a situation as JCD envisioned, I could hear the GFs now:

"We came here to have fun-you're ruining it."
"Don't be such a buzzkill."
"I knew it was a mistake inviting Little Miss Prim and Proper to come along."
"Go on, dance with him-what could it possibly hurt?"
"Hey, he's into you-why can't you have a drink with him?"
"Why are you so scared of having a little fun?"
"Do you do EVERYTHING that your husband ORDERS you to do?"
"I thought they took the "obey" out of marriage vows."
"Your H is trying to control you."
"Go ahead, go with him to his room, we'll cover for you."
"You deserve some excitement."
"Honey, your H ain't here-and your happiness should come first."
"What your H doesn't know won't hurt him-remember, we'll cover for you."
 
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