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Discussion Starter #1
She moved in with him 2 months ago, and we're one week away from our court date, and the two of them went to visit his dying mother for 6 days. For some reason this is really hard for me to take.

Maybe because I feel that the reason he's taking her there is to possibly to tell her that they will be marrying after the divorces are final? I know I'm not completely over her yet, so that prospect does bother me. Makes me think back to vacations we took as a family and now she's gone away with him. Also, the fact that she can leave her daughter for 6 consecutive days angers me (she's never not seen my daughter for anywhere near that long). My daughter hasn't taken it well.

I guess I just shouldn't care. One of those things that are out of my control. It's just one selfish act after another.
 

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after reading your other post I would have to say you will be much better off with out her.
 

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Did she leave you or did you her?
Did she started her seeing the OM previously or after the separation?
Does she know you still have feelings for her?
 

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She moved in with him 2 months ago, and we're one week away from our court date, and the two of them went to visit his dying mother for 6 days. For some reason this is really hard for me to take.

Maybe because I feel that the reason he's taking her there is to possibly to tell her that they will be marrying after the divorces are final? I know I'm not completely over her yet, so that prospect does bother me. Makes me think back to vacations we took as a family and now she's gone away with him. Also, the fact that she can leave her daughter for 6 consecutive days angers me (she's never not seen my daughter for anywhere near that long). My daughter hasn't taken it well.

I guess I just shouldn't care. One of those things that are out of my control. It's just one selfish act after another.
Life will get better main course. For you and your D.

And the odds of her relationship working out long term are very low

Just give it time. Time heals all wounds.

And use this time to better you. Get in shape. Bond with your D like you are the only parent because right now you are!

Find your self worth.

And he next time you are in a relationship just remember you are trading up!!!

:smthumbup:

Never look back, only forward.

Hm64
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
Did she leave you or did you her?
Did she started her seeing the OM previously or after the separation?
Does she know you still have feelings for her?


She left me, actually I convinced her to leave (thank goodness). The two of them worked together for 9 months prior to Dday in May and said she was "in love" with him since March. Since I've done the 180, I don't think she knows whether I have feelings for her or not and I have no intention of telling her.
 

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When my husband was living with the OW I drove myself crazy wondering if they did the same things together. Did she sit on the toilet while he took a bath and talk to him? Did she sit next to him on the couch and watch tv, cuddled up? Did he do the silly little things in front of her that he would do in front of me? It was horrible. I know we are at different stages in our relationships but I applaud you for your strength and know that it will get better for you and your D.
 

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"Did she leave you or did you her?
Did she started her seeing the OM previously or after the separation?
Does she know you still have feelings for her?"


She left me, actually I convinced her to leave (thank goodness). The two of them worked together for 9 months prior to Dday in May and said she was "in love" with him since March. Since I've done the 180, I don't think she knows whether I have feelings for her or not and I have no intention of telling her.
You are going through a life changing event and entering a new phase in your life. I know that you must be feeling very emotional and stressed! Those feelings are normal, considering what you are going through.
Continue with 180. One day you will look back and see that the day she left, was your luckiest day in years!
Good luck and stay strong!
 

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There is no reason to not feel down. That would bother anyone with a heart. My wife left me for another man and she is still with him to this day. They haven't married yet (I even ask her why they haven't) but it has been a sore spot.

What did I do? I became strong and realized that she was weak and had to have someone in her life to be happy. I was determined to be happy without anyone except my/our son.

That is how I got through it in addition to dating a multitude of fantastic women - most didn't workout b/c I was unwilling to settle.

My ex and I even drove to the courthouse together the day of our divorce and had breakfast that morning. She asked about working it out and I said no (this was two days before xmas). She was still with this other guy - at the time I wasn't dating anyone b/c I wanted to be sure the divorce was right.

Bottom line is you are strong and only going to get stronger. You will have memories. They come and go. It is up to you to move on and design your new life. The past doesnt' equal the future.

I will give you a little bit of hope - I have since met the woman that was right for me all along. It gets better my friend.

Take care of your child as well. They are what is important to get through this. This is affecting them and it sounds like it is up to you to be there for your daughter.

Joe
 

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Don’t worry about what she is doing, its not near as bad as you think.

My FWW went on a weeklong vacation to Hawaii with the OM before our first false R then she took him to New Mexico for some family function during our third breakup. She was living with the OM both times yet in the end we still R’d.

Your goal is to convince yourself that you are better off this way and she is doing you a favor by leaving because truth be told she is. Reconciliation won’t be an option until you no longer want to reconcile.

Start dating.
 

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My heighbor is a great guy. A "Nice guy" type. His wife met a younger guy at class and had an A. He was devastaed. But he kicked her out and started working on himself.

He ended up meeting a great woman quickly and they got married within a year of his D. She has moved in. His x looks like sh!t. You can tell she is alone and realizes she let a great guy get away. She will never find one as good as him. And he is doing so well. His new wife is sooo much better looking and cool. He doesn't know about my situation, but he is kinda my hero. Sometimes, we do get what we deserve.
 

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My heighbor is a great guy. A "Nice guy" type. His wife met a younger guy at class and had an A. He was devastaed. But he kicked her out and started working on himself.

He ended up meeting a great woman quickly and they got married within a year of his D. She has moved in. His x looks like sh!t. You can tell she is alone and realizes she let a great guy get away. She will never find one as good as him. And he is doing so well. His new wife is sooo much better looking and cool. He doesn't know about my situation, but he is kinda my hero. Sometimes, we do get what we deserve.
Sounds like my husband and I! :lol: My only complaint is that she still calls to tell him she wants him back.:mad:
 

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OP, going through the divorce process sucks. It helped me to focus on the next phase. Consider this, you are about to be given the opportunity to rebuild your life without a cheating spouse in it. You will find happiness. It does exist post divorce. Stay focused, take care of yourself and your daughter. You can do this and will make it!!

If you want another way to look at it. Her OM just let a cheater into his life. Dumba$$... smile when you think of his future.

Stay strong
WD
 

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Discussion Starter #20
So during this little vacation my STBXW is texting with my daughter and keeping her updated on what she's doing, and of course my daughter relays some info to me. Finally had to tell her I really don't want to know. Felt bad, but everything related to my STBXW, her voice, presence, texts or ANYTHING that is going on in her life makes me anxious and depressed. I know I have PTSD from Dday.

This is why i haven't had any problems with the 180 I guess, really my only option to remain sane.
 
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