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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have two children the youngest has just turned one, the eldest is three years. My wife who works full time has saved for the ‘honeymoon’ that we didn’t have when we first got married. She has saved this money without my knowledge or consent.

My parents objected to her and didn’t want me to get married to her. My parents gave her death threats. Our wedding which my wife organized was cancelled three times. In the end we had to get married in the Registry office. As a result she refuses to have anything to do with them and there have been a lot of fights over this. All of the problems in my marriage are as a result of the influence of my parents. My wife is so ashamed of me she won’t take my name. She doesn’t even tell people she’s married. When people gave us wedding presents she gave them straight back.

She has booked airfares and a hotel to Fiji. She wanted to have a vow renewal on the beach, a holiday for us all fluffy and romantic. I don’t want to go as I know this trip will offend my parents. I need to be here when they ring for help. For christmas this year my wife gave me a cut lunch, so I would be ready when they rang and then went out with the kids. We could also use to money to pay a bill and help my parents out. We had a lot of fights because of this trip and in the end I said I won’t go, I just won’t get on the plane.

She has stopped any mention of the trip so I thought she had cancelled because this is how she acted when the wedding was cancelled. She can’t get her money back, she told me because I asked for the money when it was refunded to pay a bill. That was the last I heard of it. She hasn’t actually spoken to me for at least the last eight weeks. She won’t even start a fight with me, which is highly unusual because we normally have a fight once a week about the wedding. If I ask her for sex she is now telling me no ‘’because my parents will get offended’’ or “go and sleep with your mother.”

Last night I found out from her boss she is still going. Her boss is concerned about her recent weight loss and the number of days she has taken off work. She has done this without my knowledge. She has been stockpiling TV dinners and pet food in the panty and fridge for me and the dog and cat. According to her boss She can’t get her money back so is taking the kids anyway; she’s not having a repeat of the wedding she has cancelled. She has made arrangements to take her mother in my place. The resort has made arrangements for a proxy to stand in for me, so the vow renewal is still taking place – without me.

I am devastated. How do I stop her?
 

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Why would you stop her? Pack your bag and go on the trip with your wife. She has give you two beautiful children. You have to choose her over your parents. Your parents threatened to kill her.

Go have a beautiful vacation with your wife and children.
 

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Doesn't sound like you participated in the wedding planning. You didn't confront your parents and direct them to accept and respect your wife or piss off. You didn't save a nickle for the honeymoon and you refused to go. Your idea was to give the money to the people who threatened your wife with death. If you aren't ready to crawl off your mother's breast, you really aren't husband material. I wouldn't normally suggest anyone be disrespectful of their parents, but when people get married, their priorities are supposed to change. They become one flesh. Your parents can't disrespect your wife without disrespecting you. She's the wife you chose and the mother of your children. I don't blame your wife for being upset. You haven't stood up for her. You haven't protected her or defended her. You expressed no interest in this romantic trip which was obviously very important to her. In short, you have the title of "husband" but you haven't been acting like one. No wonder she saved the money in secret. She probably knew you would hand it over to your parents. I love my parents but I'm married to my wife. She's the one I will grow old with. Her's is probably the last face I'll see before I die. Nothing gets between that, not kids, not parents, not job, not friends. When you're 80, your parents probably won't be around. If you wise up, maybe your wife will be. If you heard the world would end in 30 minutes, would you run home to your parents or to your wife?
 

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fordranger,

Where are you?

Have you told you wife that you have been a fool and that you will go on this wonderful, romantic holiday that she has put together for the two of you?

Have you told your parents that you are going? That you love your wife and that they must show her respect from here on out if they want to see you and their grandchildren?

That's how a man handles this sort of situation.

So let us know what you have decided.
 

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I understand that sometimes parents don't like the spouse of their children. But you should at least ask them to show respect for the woman that you decided to spend the rest of your life with and have children with. If your parents respect you they should also respect your choices. And go with your wife on the trip. It might help you become closer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I can't leave my Italian parents. I am the eldest son and they need me to help run the farm. My wife knows this. thats why I couldn't be there when our first child was born. I only agreed to go on the holiday to stop her yelling at me, in the middle of last year after our second child was born. I don't understand why the wedding or the honeymoon is important to her. she wanted a registry office wedding to begin with. I made her organise and pay for a big deal to impress my parents which didn't work. Its not my fault it had to be cancelled. honestly it wouldn't matter who I brought home nobody would be good enough for me, in the eyes of my parents.

why can't she just let the matter drop? she knows I can't do anything that will offend my parents and that's exactly what this 'vow renewal' is doing. we are married already - yes it was an awful day but can't we just move on? my parents have already suffered enough by not getting to see their grandchildren. I am sick to death of being yelled at over something beyond my control. I had an awful wedding, I don't want to have another awful day........she knows I have to help my brother pay his business debts, yet she is making more trouble in the marriage by selfishly going overseas. how do I bring her back? i need her to help me rake the hay for baling next week or we will lose the crop.
 

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Youve chosen to betray your wife and children by putting your parensts be before them.

This is wrong, your parents are your family snd parents, they are adults an are responsible for themselves. They are not your pride guards.

Your wife should and is in her rights to diviorce you. You have abandoned being her husband, and the father to your kids, to be the servant to your parents.
 

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This is unbelievable. Almost troll-like. I'd rather think you're a forum troll than to believe what I've just read. If you are for real, you don't deserve your wife. If you REALLY want to please your parents, you should divorce your wife. Then you, your wife, and your parents can all be happy.
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
But why is this so important to her? Sure I watch her cry when she sees a wedding and then asks me to do ours again. I don't understand why we have to do anything all frilly and romantic when we are legally married.

Nothing in her opinion that I do is right. Its like when she was in the hospital with her new born and she asked me where her flowers where and why I didn't buy her any, and then went all hysterical because I had to buy flowers for my mum to apologize for having a baby without my parents knowing, but I still didn't get any for her.

Just because I didn't buy her flowers how does that make me the worse person in the world?

she buys her own flowers when she has a baby now. Doesn't trust me to do it.
 

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Again, you are unbelievable. Unless you are 12 years old and just making this up, there is no way an adult in his right mind could question why his wife would be mad at him for not being there for the birth of their child, then buying flowers for his MOM, not his wife, to APOLOGIZE for his wife having a baby.
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I really don't know what I have to do....

Its like the wedding when she cancelled it. she didn't tell me for three weeks it had been cancelled. I only found out when I told her two weeks before the date I didn't have my suit ready and she told me not to bother.

The priest cancelled when I wouldn't go and see him to finalize my paper work. she lost a lot of money because of the cancellation and blames me as a result.

I only guessed something was wrong when she started moving her furniture back to her mums house.

I gather her mother pushed her into marrying me. She abused me the whole day - I though people where supposed to be happy on their wedding day - and before you ask no she wasn't pregnant that happened six months into the marriage.

I have always put my parents first the truth is I have no idea how to be a husband. I think I am doing the right thing and then she just explodes into these rages that last for hours. If she would stop the rage and sit and calmly talk then maybe we could resolve things.

she just abuses me all the time.......
 

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What kind of man allows other people to threaten his wife, regardless of who they are? And then wants to maintain contact? Disgraceful.
 

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This can't be for real. If by some crazy chance it is, you should do your wife a huge favor and divorce her. Set her free. She deserves someone who will love her and put her and the children above anyone else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
my parents are from Spigno, Italy near Monti Casino. still have family there. I can speak Italian if you speak slow enough to me, I can't write it.

Wife is Australian. my parents don't consider her good enough because she is Australian. She has tried to be nice to them but she doesn't do drama, particularly after all the crap that went on with the wedding.

My Italian family actually sent presents out to us for our first wedding but my parents refuse to give them to us. This happened with the engagement presents as well. My mum is convinced my wife is going to sell them on e-bay. Wife is now saying it doesn't matter its just one last job she now does not have to do has to do sending them back after we divorce.

my wife posted on face book that she considers what I have done to be a hugh betrayal and that she will not consider having me back. She is now pregnant again which was her plan, and she will be filing for divorce when she returns. That trip was my last chance and I blue it. mum and dad are walking around saying "we told you so, we told you that she was an Australian **** and that she would just take your money".

I just want to crawl up into a ball and die. who is going to rake the hay with me now? I am going to have to do all the baling by myself because no one apart from my wife can drive the other tractor.....
 
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