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So it sounds like you guys are just roommates, so treat her like a roommate. Do your own thing and run into her occasionally on your way in or out. Start living as though you weren't married. Because you're really not.
I too am in my 70's and was in a sex starved marriage. Even room mates can be deeply close friends. Sometimes they can even be friends with occasional benefits. It is very hard to seriously consider leaving someone who you have shared so much for many many decades.

What I decided was to live my own life and work toward healing myself. Then I decided that my marriage would either get fixed or I would end it. Luckily, my wife and I were helped by a great sex therapist and some very good marriage counselors and have worked through that phase of our relationship.

We now focus on the present and the future. We also remember the past that was pleasant. There is no need to dwell on the rough patches.
 

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Perhaps you should ask your WW how she feels about her part in OMs failed marriages since she was the OW during all that time.

I'm not saying she should have sympathy for OM, but she should for the BWs who married OM with the feeling of being his true love.

I would guess however that she does have sympathy and admiration for OM still to this day, I know my WW has never said anything to the discredit of OM1.
 

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OP your wife has done the ****tiest thing a wife could do. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and at your age you should be enjoying your retirement, but due to your wife's past and lies she has turned your life upside down. If a divorce isn't an option for you, how about going away without your wife. Go travelling, go visit countries you've always wanted to go to. You can also book with other people who go alone and make new friends while on holiday. I wouldn't even let your wife know. Pack your stuff and go away for a few weeks or even better months. Send your wife a postcard from every destination haha.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk
 

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FYI, I think you’re right, he should start acting like a single man and get a discreet gf. I realize the sex may be a thing of the past, but my dad is 81 and is really happy to have met a woman he enjoys spending time with. Wedding Nov 5th.
OP, you’re still alive and still able to attract a good woman. Get yourself one.
 

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FYI, I think you’re right, he should start acting like a single man and get a discreet gf. I realize the sex may be a thing of the past, but my dad is 81 and is really happy to have met a woman he enjoys spending time with. Wedding Nov 5th.
OP, you’re still alive and still able to attract a good woman. Get yourself one.
The marriage contract was broken by her over three decades ago. He owes her no fealty or fidelity.

And don't discount age. I walked in on my granddad laying into my grandma once when I was kid, and they were both well into their late 70s. (I'll never get that out of my head) And this was before Viagra.
 

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Discussion Starter · #110 ·
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I don't see how I can continue ... drinking more and more. It's 4AM and I'm drunk again and can't shake the thoughts of wanting the pain of lifelong betrayal to be over. Can't sleep. "Wife" is in happy denial (I need to get over it). There is no reason to continue - it won't get better and pretending is overwelmimg. It's been 2 years. Nothing is pleasurable. I really wish I could end it without hurting my grandchildren. They are my only reason for continuing. What did I do to deserve this? Life sucks!!!
 

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Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I don't see how I can continue ... drinking more and more. It's 4AM and I'm drunk again and can't shake the thoughts of wanting the pain of lifelong betrayal to be over. Can't sleep. "Wife" is in happy denial (I need to get over it). There is no reason to continue - it won't get better and pretending is overwelmimg. It's been 2 years. Nothing is pleasurable. I really wish I could end it without hurting my grandchildren. They are my only reason for continuing. What did I do to deserve this? Life sucks!!!
Find enjoyable activities to throw yourself into and be oblivious to her.
 

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Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I don't see how I can continue ... drinking more and more. It's 4AM and I'm drunk again and can't shake the thoughts of wanting the pain of lifelong betrayal to be over. Can't sleep. "Wife" is in happy denial (I need to get over it). There is no reason to continue - it won't get better and pretending is overwelmimg. It's been 2 years. Nothing is pleasurable. I really wish I could end it without hurting my grandchildren. They are my only reason for continuing. What did I do to deserve this? Life sucks!!!
Your grandchildren will get over it if you get divorced. I've heard people say "I'm staying married for the children" but staying married for the grandchildren is truly a step too far.

You are miserable. Get divorced and get unmiserable, build a new life without your ex. Your grandchildren will be fine.
 

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Your grandchildren will get over it if you get divorced. I've heard people say "I'm staying married for the children" but staying married for the grandchildren is truly a step too far.

You are miserable. Get divorced and get unmiserable, build a new life without your ex. Your grandchildren will be fine.
I can tell you that my grandfather and grandmother divorced before I was born and it was a normal thing. No grandchild was traumatized because of it.
 

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Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I don't see how I can continue ... drinking more and more. It's 4AM and I'm drunk again and can't shake the thoughts of wanting the pain of lifelong betrayal to be over. Can't sleep. "Wife" is in happy denial (I need to get over it). There is no reason to continue - it won't get better and pretending is overwelmimg. It's been 2 years. Nothing is pleasurable. I really wish I could end it without hurting my grandchildren. They are my only reason for continuing. What did I do to deserve this? Life sucks!!!
Her telling you to get over it is just salt in the wound. Hold your head high while you sign the divorce papers.
 

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There is no way in hell to get over a 37 year double life. Thing is, if the rotten contractor really loved her, he’d have had her divorce the OP and married her himself, but OP’s rotten “wife” never even understood that. Or likes the OP’s money and lifestyle enough that she couldn’t part with it.
OP should stop making excuses and divorce her. Hell, it’s not like he could be more unhappy!
 

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FYI, I think you’re right, he should start acting like a single man and get a discreet gf. I realize the sex may be a thing of the past, but my dad is 81 and is really happy to have met a woman he enjoys spending time with. Wedding Nov 5th.
OP, you’re still alive and still able to attract a good woman. Get yourself one.
Oh, to have this sort of mindset!
And, to do it successfully.

Why would you do this?
This, getting a mistress?

For revenge?
To punish her by rubbing the same cheating poop in her face?

For your own mental well being, that healing?

I believe that most (men and woman) are not wired this way, though OP's WW, certainly was!

I suppose if you could not *afford to get a divorce, this might be the next best option.


*Really cannot afford to, or not willing to take that financial hit.
 

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Oh, to have this sort of mindset!
And, to do it successfully.

Why would you do this?
This, getting a mistress?

For revenge?
To punish her by rubbing the same cheating poop in her face?

For your own mental well being, that healing?

I believe that most (men and woman) are not wired this way, though OP's WW, certainly was!

I suppose if you could not *afford to get a divorce, this might be the next best option.


*Really cannot afford to, or not willing to take that financial hit.
Well the alternative is to reward her. With cash abd prizes in divorce. And after a 37 year long back stabbing—- yeah I’d want revenge. But I wouldn’t do what I suggested as a punishment, I wouldn’t rub it in her face—- I’d just go on with my life as if she didn’t exist, which is exactly how I’d really feel.
OP feels he’s ducked and won’t find another woman to love and will be left in a house alone.
So yeah, he needs a monkey branch. I’d say in this case he’s earned one.

But I do agree you’re right, I’m just suggesting a little pragmatism for the OP.
 

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Oh, to have this sort of mindset!
And, to do it successfully.

Why would you do this?
This, getting a mistress?

For revenge?
To punish her by rubbing the same cheating poop in her face?

For your own mental well being, that healing?

I believe that most (men and woman) are not wired this way, though OP's WW, certainly was!

I suppose if you could not *afford to get a divorce, this might be the next best option.


*Really cannot afford to, or not willing to take that financial hit.
The only place OP is still married, is in the eyes of the law. For all practical and moral concerns he had been divorced for many years already.

The legal marriage is simply a legal entity, a registered business. Even that business is bankrupt and exists as a dormant (PTY) Ltd. only.

Nah, I'd say the moment anyone becomes the victim of an adulterous spouse, the vows are broken and the marriage voided. If they don't want to be forced to share all their toys down the middle and pay the betrayer for the privilege, keep the defunct (PTY) Ltd. but open trade on the side as a sole proprietor as long as the new trading partners knows all the facts.

Once the vows are broken, it's open season all around and only the adulterous (by breaking the original vows) carries blame.

Since I consider adultery as a de-facto act of divorce, there is no such thing as a revenge affair or any vows for the betrayed to be bound to. The vows are already broken and by breaking them, the adulterous releases the betrayed from the vows and any moral obligations therein contained.
 
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