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I beg to differ. It might be hard for a lot of people, but "impossible", no ma chérie. I'm a living proof of that. At 65 I got a job as the Manager of a QC Micro lab.
I know people here in the UK who were only in their late 50's and early 60's who tried for years to get work. Applied for countless jobs. These were people with a good resume as well. One was my SIL. For women it seems far harder. Even if you do manage to get a job in your mid to late 60's, you are probably not going to be fit enough to do it for long. Which is why people have usually retired by this age.
 

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I’m sorry you’re still protecting her, it’s clear her shame is still yours. How magical it would be if she was left with the scandal. But it’s clear that this has such an effect on your that you’re still worried about what people will think of you. It’s true what they say, victims carry a shame that isn’t theirs. I have a feeling that most of your family know anyway, and know what she’s like, and are probably shaking their heads at you. I suspect many people wouldn’t think too poorly of you if you left her. You’re feeling guilty too, but again, all the guilt should be hers.

I understand victims carrying shame. But not a cheater’s guilt. Since there was, and is No infidelity from your end.
 

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You’ve got what you’ve got. She’s never going to tell you the truth. She doesn’t care about you or your feelings plus she knows you’re not gonna do anything about it.
You can suffer until hell freezes over. It doesn’t bother her at all.
You are correct. Life isn’t fair it’s how you handle that unfairness.
 

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You can suffer until hell freezes over. It doesn’t bother her at all.
Exactly correct. Cheaters ONLY think of themselves. You don't matter. Only her.
It took me a year and a half to figure this out. She didn't care about me, she didn't care about our kids, she didn't care about our family, she didn't care about the horrific example she became.

Do what you want and let her eat your dust.
The first thing which is going to come out of the bag when you try to divorce her is her "physical condition". Second will be her "advanced age". Because of your unfortunate physical ailment, you can't enjoy sex anyway. There's no point in a divorce. Finding someone else won't do you a bit of good. The only thing a divorce is going to do for you is give her more than half your money and continuing support for as long as she lives.

Keep your money, your comfortable life. Make it highly clear to her that you just don't give a rat's ass what she thinks, what she says, what she does. You go and live YOUR life the best you can, enjoy YOUR things, YOUR quests, YOUR ambitions. Give her enough money that she doesn't starve.

this lying woman is a stranger and not the woman I married
No, sir..... I must respectfully disagree. The lying woman is no stranger, she is EXACTLY the woman you married, and have given your faithfulness to for 48 years, which was undeserved in every millisecond of it. She most likely lied to you beginning at the altar of your marriage, and her lying has continued every day since. You married a liar. You remain married to a liar, It continues even now.

her doctor told her to not engage in sex anymore because thinning tissue in her vagina made it dangerous.
Horse$hit. Just another in a long line of lies.
 

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Put yourself first. She’s already done that to you. You are hung up on wanting her to ‘get it’.
You are the one that doesn’t ‘get it’. You are meaningless to her. Laying around drinking being her victim isn’t going to get you a damn thing. There is no magic fix or Disney ending.
Take a nice vacation on your own. Visit family, friends. Do some things you’ve always wanted to do. Just do as you please. Don’t worry about telling or asking her anything. You just go. Live your life.
I would go see an attorney and alter my will. Leave her out of as much as I could.
 

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Some parts of this thread remind me of Cromer's thread, not sure if anyone remembers. He was in the service and had reached retirement, was in a sexless marriage for about ten years and decided he had enough and was ending it. I think he tried to offer her a fair deal in the settlement.

However during the course of ending the marriage it came out that his wife had at least 3 affairs while he had been on deployments. The last one resulted in an STD so she decided to not have sex anymore to avoid spreading the STD and having to reveal her affair.

The OP may want to read that thread.
 

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Life is too short to spend one more day with someone who made a mockery and a farce out of your so called marriage.

mid be telling her to get out today! I wouldn’t care where she went. She can have her affair person worry about supporting her financially!
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
(Yes - I've had my 3 drinks for the night.) I'm back but only to assure people I'm not protecting my wife. I'm protecting my grandchildren - I want them to at least grow up and have a hope that love can be real. This may be a fantasy in modern times, but I can hope. Seriously - think about it - I'm almost 70 and incapable of any future sexual relationship - what would I really gain from leaving? I won't take any more s**t from my wife - she lost all rights to tell me what to do. But my grandchildren only have ME as a male role model. Their own mother (my daughter) is divorced from a verbally abusive husband and is now in the middle of a nasty break-up with her subsequent fiance. If I can endure, they may have an example of what love should be (even if not true in our case). Maybe I'm naive, but again I can only hope. I did not cheat, but still made vows I will honor for MY self esteem. I'll be the best I can be. Other than nighttime alcohol to silence my aching heart, daytime life appears normal to others. My health is not suffering and I'm exercising regularly. Just sad thoughts of what should have been. Thanks for letting me vent and I appreciate honest and thought-out responses.
 

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(Yes - I've had my 3 drinks for the night.) I'm back but only to assure people I'm not protecting my wife. I'm protecting my grandchildren - I want them to at least grow up and have a hope that love can be real. This may be a fantasy in modern times, but I can hope. Seriously - think about it - I'm almost 70 and incapable of any future sexual relationship - what would I really gain from leaving? I won't take any more s**t from my wife - she lost all rights to tell me what to do. But my grandchildren only have ME as a male role model. Their own mother (my daughter) is divorced from a verbally abusive husband and is now in the middle of a nasty break-up with her subsequent fiance. If I can endure, they may have an example of what love should be (even if not true in our case). Maybe I'm naive, but again I can only hope. I did not cheat, but still made vows I will honor for MY self esteem. I'll be the best I can be. Other than nighttime alcohol to silence my aching heart, daytime life appears normal to others. My health is not suffering and I'm exercising regularly. Just sad thoughts of what should have been. Thanks for letting me vent and I appreciate honest and thought-out responses.
Do you feel ok in the morning? I am only 50 and I could not drink every night. I just feel awful after, even if I do not drink much.
 

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(Yes - I've had my 3 drinks for the night.) I'm back but only to assure people I'm not protecting my wife. I'm protecting my grandchildren
What a load of crap statement that is. You are not protecting anyone, you're just hiding your lack of self respect and dignity in the name of insuring that you get to live "comfy" for the rest of your life.
 

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My dad is just about remarried (widowed twice) at 82.
You say you’re in good health. You could still find a woman to love. But hey, I get it. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. I know what I wish I’d do.
msy you have many happy years, perhaps spent making your wife’s spending habits change drastically along with her lifestyle, if you’re gonna waste your tome staying with her sorry tail.
 

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There are few options except endure. Incorrect. There are options.

Your daughter heard the truth from your wife. Truth learned in secret, one never intended to see the light of day is the real truth. Don't doubt what you have learned and suspected. As you have said what reason would your daughter have to lie? She was unaware of the issue between you and your wife.

Your marriage is dead. There will be no recovery. I can appreciate that divorce may not be the best option for you at this stage. That does not mean you cannot carve out a new life for yourself. What do I mean? Cut her out of your life while under the same roof. Move to another room or move her to another room which ever option will put a smile on your face assuming that has not been already done.

Interactions and conversation. Keep it to the bare minimum with her. Conversation, reason, empathy are all wasted avenues on your wayward wife. Rest assured your suffering is your wife's pleasure. It demonstrates to her she has influence over you. Indifference will be your weapon.

If you are like roommates then treat her like one going forward. If she asks you to do something, a chore or favor decline to do so unless you want to do it for yourself or you get some benefit out of it. The grass needs to be cut and you don't feel like doing it because she says so, then tell her to do it herself or tell her to have Pat come over and do it. Might as well get some mileage out of dear old Pat. Any request for this or that tell your wife to ask Pat to do it. Be like a broken record till it drives her mad or away.

Anniversary, her birthday Valentine's day. Just another day. No gifts. No big deal. Should your wife buy you a gift tell her it is unnecessary roommates aren't obligated to buy gifts or to celebrate these days with you. Family gatherings avoid being near her. Be polite but distant. Any other occasions that do not require your presence decline to go with her. Medical appointments are on the menu too. I wouldn't bother to be at her side I would suggest to her that Pat should take her.

Bottom line start living for yourself. Don't destroy yourself for a woman that has proven to be unworthy. Cut her out of your life. Treat her like a stranger. Go out and meet new people.

Indifference is your weapon. Your wife will not stop trying to get a rise out of you. Before you react in anger or turn to drink remember only she benefits from such a reaction from you. Your misery is her fuel. Cut off her supply and spare your health as she is not worth it.

At some point she will confront you about this behavior if you choose this course. Offer no explanations to her. Say nothing and shrug your shoulders. When she picks a fight say you have no idea what she is talking about or say nothing and leave the room. The more you disengage the more she will react and attempt to get a reaction from you. Wear her down instead of yourself. Indifference is your weapon. Use it without mercy.
This is passive aggressive genius.
 

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Discussion Starter · #78 ·
Many thanks to you who have tried to put themselves in my position, tried to understand the complexities of the situation, and offered advice or support. It really helped to feel someone would listen without judging. To those others - why do you attack someone you don't know? For your sake, I hope you never experience what I have been through. Don't forget that this woman may have hurt me deeply, but she is still Mother to my children and we had over 15 years of honest love before the incident started. Yes, I detest what she did - but no, I don't hate her as a flawed person - I hate what she did to me. All of you who think a selfish action of just leaving (VERY GOOD FOR ME in the short run) would benefit the many more people who would be impacted need to think a little deeper! I doubt that I will respond again, but please show a little sympathy and not be so judgemental.
 

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My dad is just about remarried (widowed twice) at 82.
You say you’re in good health. You could still find a woman to love. But hey, I get it. I don’t know what I’d do in your shoes. I know what I wish I’d do.
msy you have many happy years, perhaps spent making your wife’s spending habits change drastically along with her lifestyle, if you’re gonna waste your tome staying with her sorry tail.
My ex hb's father remarried at 81 after his (ex's) mother passed away. She'd been a raging alcoholic for decades and he stuck around because he felt that she had nowhere to go. He was probably right.

He passed away last year at 93. He'd told people that last 12 years were the best years of his life. I still talk to his widow....she's 82 now with breast cancer. She loved him amd misses him every day...says I was the only one in his family who was good to her.

I think he lived as long as he did because he was so happy with wife #2. And I'm pretty sure the relationship wasn't much sexual because the wife told me they both had physical difficulties.

But they were affectionate and loved each other. She took good care of him.

It is absolutely possible.
 

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Okay, something a little different here. You say you are not able to have orgasm. Is this physical or psychological?

I'm quickly closing in on age 77, had treatment (radiation and hormone therapy) for prostate cancer in 2020. I work with dozens of men who have gone through various treatments. The one thing that most men retain despite other damage is the ability to have orgasm. Not the same, especially if they have lost the ability to have ejaculation, but they have orgasm. I am wondering why you don't. Damn, man, I hope you can recover at least that much pleasure.

Are you on ADT (hormone therapy)?

I agree about reducing alcohol. For a while I was drinking before going to bed, but found that it limits REM sleep where we have nocturnal erections to keep healthy. Then THC gummies and leaves from the next door neighbor's plants. But when I stopped using those, I found that they were actually causing problems with sleep. I'm in exercise programs for folks who have had a variety of cancers and that seems to be the best help so far.
 
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