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I really enjoy going down on her. It is very personal and we connect. She cums every time. She used to love it, but has only allowed it once since having our second kiddo 2 years ago. I express to her that I want to pleasure her that way and that I love the taste/smell and the whole experience is exotic and makes me feel close to her when she can be vulnerable.

I don't bring it up anymore except once in a while when things get hot snd heavy.

Side note--I don't ask or bother her to give me oral--not a bog deal to me to receive... but 69 is awesome.. so there is no pressure to trade off--just me going down on her--just for her pleasure.

Wives and mothers, can you relate? Anything I can say to my love to help her be open to and enjoy oral sex again. I'm thinking maybe it's a body image thing, but she is so beautiful and sexy to me and I tell her that.

Dudes and Dads, are you going through the same thing? Any success helping your lady to be comfortable receiving again?
 

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I really enjoy going down on her. It is very personal and we connect. She cums every time. She used to love it, but has only allowed it once since having our second kiddo 2 years ago. I express to her that I want to pleasure her that way and that I love the taste/smell and the whole experience is exotic and makes me feel close to her when she can be vulnerable.

I don't bring it up anymore except once in a while when things get hot snd heavy.

Side note--I don't ask or bother her to give me oral--not a bog deal to me to receive... but 69 is awesome.. so there is no pressure to trade off--just me going down on her--just for her pleasure.

Wives and mothers, can you relate? Anything I can say to my love to help her be open to and enjoy oral sex again. I'm thinking maybe it's a body image thing, but she is so beautiful and sexy to me and I tell her that.

Dudes and Dads, are you going through the same thing? Any success helping your lady to be comfortable receiving again?
In all likelihood, it's a body image issue for her, but I obviously don't know. You should ask her, TBH.

Anyway, my wife, some four years into our relationship, suddenly told me one day that she didn't like my technique. Despite her orgasming from it. According to her, it was too sloppy (as in, wet). So even if something works, in that regard, it's not always ideal, I learned.

Ironically enough, it took me several years to tell her the exact same thing - that I wasn't a fan of her oral technique, either (despite it working).

I guess in each scenario, it was a case of 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth', lol.

Just a thought. But everybody's different, and likes different things. Both my wife and I were experienced with oral sex before each other. Our respective techniques obviously worked for others, so I guess we just assumed - especially since neither of us said anything to each other.

Long story short - communication is key. Regardless of what her reasoning is, she has one. It's up to both of you to discuss and figure it out. Just don't push her, or create any sort of pressure, which is easier said than done...
 

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It sounds almost entirely "body image" related, at least in my honest opinion!

By the same token, does she seem remotely aversive to performing oral on you or having intercourse together? What are your ages!

If you're not already doing it, compliment her sincerely and endlessly about her looks! If she is not exercising, join her in an exercise regimen as it will do the both of you good!
 

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OP, if your wife had tearing or an episiotomy that required stitching, she may have some scar tissue down there. As anyone with a scar will tell you, the sensations from touching scar tissue can range from non-existent to fairly icky. But even if she didn't, having a baby can change the way your body looks and feels, and how you feel about your body. A whole lot happens down there during a pregnancy, delivery, and afterwards, and much of it is...not all that enticing from a "sexy time" standpoint. She may be hesitant to have you down there when she has negative feelings about her lady bits - whether from remembered pain, scarring, stretching, or just things not feeling like she thinks they 'should' anymore. Or it may just be that, with her changed body, your technique doesn't do it for her anymore and she needs something different but doesn't know how to ask you for it.

The only way to figure out what's really going on is to have a very calm, very low-key, honest conversation with your wife about it. Preferably away from the bedroom.
 

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This is purely selfishness on her part. She wants to take away something very important to you and expects no consequences. She's made it clear oral is not coming back and there's nothing you can say to her to bring it back. What would she do if you took away, deliberately, something important to her...and you made it abundantly clear you expect no consequences?

The only question left is whether or not it's important enough to you to divorce her over, because that's the only way it's coming back.
 

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I too love performing oral on my wife. Personally, I find a very delicious intimacy (so to speak) in this activity. I would never find it more important that, and certainly never a replacement for, PIV, but as an occasional part of a well rounded, varied sex life, it seems rather important to me.

However, my wife can pretty much take it or leave it. Actually leave it more often than not. She is usually reluctant and definitely prefers PIV. Since she is LD and we don't have sex often, she's not one to waste a rare desire for sex on her second choice of activity. On very few occasions she responded well, but overwhelmingly, receiving oral is not her preference.

So I have to ask myself, should this be so important to me if she's not getting anything from it? One way oral is not like PIV--it's not supposed to be symmetrical--it's one giving and one receiving. If the receiver isn't into receiving, why feel so compelled to give? Would you be so adamant about giving the one you love any other kind of gift, knowing they wouldn't like the gift? Isn't gift giving all about trying to find the gift that the receiver appreciates rather than what the giver feels like giving? Otherwise you're strictly giving for your own gratification, which is the opposite of what giving is all about.

I don't think choosing not to receive oral is selfish; at least not in the same sense as not wanting to give oral when you know how much your partner would enjoy receiving it.

That said, I understand your feelings. You say you don't much care if she reciprocates, so it's clear you'er a giver and you get a lot out of the giving and there's a unique and special satisfaction you receive from this giving (and her openly receiving), so it's hard to take when that special gift is refused. At some point, you have to learn do not only respect, but accept, her feelings in this.

I agree with other posters that there are likely some body image issues here (mental), which is also something which must be respected.
Either that or there have been body changes (physical) resulting from childbirth which affect her reaction to various acts. I have three children and sometimes it seems like I've had four different wives as a result!

Love, tenderness, care, and above all patience. In the meantime, do what you can to find satisfaction in giving in other ways you know she will appreciate at this stage of her life. With all these things, she may once again be comfortable enough to enjoy receiving this most intimate of acts.
 

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Dear OP, consider yourself luck for what you have experienced.

You might ask her what has changed (besides the additional child) and/or if she could allow you every once in a while as a special treat.

To say my wife doesn't like me to have oral sex on her is an understatement. She is uncomfortable when I kiss her stomach. She has told me "its dirty", I don't want you to put your head and mouth where I pee," "If you did that you would smell like my dirty soiled panties, and I wouldn't want my head anywhere near your face," "really prefer your penis in me," etc. Then again, she has refused to ever give me a BJ, as that too would be dirty, unclean, perverted and disgusting in her words.

You are raising a fairly common topic.

A few common themes emerged in the descriptions: many of the women who have sex with men and prefer penetration felt that oral sex requires a greater level of vulnerability, and that to receive pleasure without giving it in return is uncomfortable. As Scarcella puts it in her analysis of the responses, 鈥渟traight women are very uncomfortable with the idea of receiving sexual pleasure without giving it at the same time.鈥
Why do so many straight women prefer penetration to oral sex? - Salon.com

Alternately: http://www.craveonline.com/mandatory/1144419-women-really-think-receiving-oral-sex#!

However, at the end of the day, if everything else is great, and she steadfastly refuses to change her views on oral sex, I think you're just going to have to accept that no one can have everything, and make up your mind to concentrate on all the great aspects of your sex life that you do have. You can always practise oral sex in your fantasies!
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ask-the-expert/sexual-health/a1553/my-wife-dislikes-receiving-oral-sex/

Receiving oral sex is an extremely intimate act, and it is not uncommon for a woman to dislike it. Some simply dislike the sensation generally....

Some women have never become sufficiently comfortable with their bodies to enjoy oral sex without worrying about appearance or odour; unfortunately the myths about the female vaginal scent, and incorrect notions of 鈥渘ormality鈥, influence women as well as men.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/25/hate-receving-oral-sex-from-my-boyfriend


Good luck and find and focus on something that you both like, even if it means giving up something that only you now likes.
 

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To say my wife doesn't like me to have oral sex on her is an understatement. She is uncomfortable when I kiss her stomach. She has told me "its dirty", I don't want you to put your head and mouth where I pee," "If you did that you would smell like my dirty soiled panties, and I wouldn't want my head anywhere near your face," "really prefer your penis in me," etc. Then again, she has refused to ever give me a BJ, as that too would be dirty, unclean, perverted and disgusting in her words.
The above is so sad ... where do people get these ideas? Whoever teaches this type of crap to children should be charged with child abuse. So much evil in the world starts with hatred of the self; hatred of ones own body. It has to stop.

All of it is utter crap. :slap:
 

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Surely you can actually ask her why she no longer wants it? If she explains then just leave it, people change, their likes and dislikes change.
 

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If I ever am single again, this will be a deal breaker for me. I too love doing it, and haven't been able to for more than 15 years. I told her the other night I plan on experiencing it again before I die. I prefer it was with her.
So if she wont, then you will cheat?
 

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Well, my ex put a stop to it too, I suspect it was because her boyfriend was there previously, making a deposit. :surprise: glad I didn't push the issue.
My RSXW was extremely good at doing that as well! Except that she came home and engaged in "marital sex" not really wanting me thinking that anything was remotely wrong between us; and just didn't really feel the need to tell!

All rather sickening to think about it now!
 

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The above is so sad ... where do people get these ideas? Whoever teaches this type of crap to children should be charged with child abuse. So much evil in the world starts with hatred of the self; hatred of ones own body. It has to stop.

All of it is utter crap. :slap:
You asked where do people get such ideas.

I blame most of my wife's hang-ups on her Catholic upbringing. She told me she never masturbated as it was a mortal sin and she would need to go confess such things to an middle aged male priest, which she could not have handled and then get from him her penance.

In sex therapy sessions that saved our marriage, my wife told the ST she had never masturbated. I believed her. The ST asked what she did when she had sexual urges. She said she had a husband to take care of those urges when they came up.

I find the following kind of sad as well, but at least you can blame the Middle Ages on it and church officials who had theoretically sworn off sex for themselves.

Sex In The Middle Ages: 10 Titillating Facts You Wanted To Know But Were Afraid to Ask - ODDEE

The Church even dictated how you were supposed to have sex. Anything other than the common 鈥渕issionary position,鈥 for example, was considered unnatural and therefore a sin, according to the Church. The woman on top position, or entering her from the rear (sex a tergo) were not favored because they interfered with the natural order of male-female roles. Anal and oral sex were sins because they could only be practiced for pleasure, not procreation, which for the purists was the only purpose of sex.

Punishments for those using 鈥渄eviant鈥 sexual positions could be very harsh: three years' penance for the woman on top and the same for both oral intercourse and sex a tergo, which was generally seen as the most sinful position ... with the possible exception of anal intercourse.

These were the official ideas of the Church, but some 鈥減rogressive鈥 theologians began to question these ideas. Albertus Magnus named five sexual positions and ranked them from most acceptable to least acceptable: 1) missionary, 2) side-by-side, 3) sitting, 4) standing and 5) a tergo. Magnus said the missionary was the only completely "natural" position; the others were "morally questionable but not mortally sinful. In certain situations, however, (such as extreme obesity), these other positions could be not only acceptable but even practical.
 
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