Wife moved directly in with OM

25382 Views 90 Replies 41 Participants Last post by I'mInLoveWithMyHubby, Dec 11, 2012

mwarrenk

Discussion Starter · Nov 13, 2012

Me 30, wife 27, OM 53!!
no kids

My wife of 4.5 years has been, to my complete shock, having an affair for between 2 to 4 months. I confronted her 6 days ago after detecting something was a miss in the last few weeks. She admitted and then left and stayed with OM.
We have met twice and I have explained how important her and the marriage are to me and that I am totally willing to work on the marriage if only she is willing.
She stayed with friends for two days and said she "thought" about it, my inclination is that she knew the answer but thought she was somehow sparing my feeling

Now she is moved out and living with him and just tonight emailed me saying she forgot her apron and scentsy oil burners.(like 30 bucks worth of stuff )and wanted me to get them together for her and leave them on the door step.

Three questions:
1.What does it mean that she moved straight in with him?
2. Is moving in straight away abnormal
3.Is she trying to tear my heart apart asking for a domestic item like an apron or am I reading into it?

Any advice or thoughts welcome
Thank you

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slater

· #2 · Nov 13, 2012

Give her nothing. Bag all of her stuff up in trash bags and put it in the yard. Do the 180.
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Malaise

· #3 · Nov 13, 2012

mwarrenk said:
Me 30, wife 27, OM 53!!
no kids

My wife of 4.5 years has been, to my complete shock, having an affair for between 2 to 4 months. I confronted her 6 days ago after detecting something was a miss in the last few weeks. She admitted and then left and stayed with OM.
We have met twice and I have explained how important her and the marriage are to me and that I am totally willing to work on the marriage if only she is willing.
She stayed with friends for two days and said she "thought" about it, my inclination is that she knew the answer but thought she was somehow sparing my feeling
Now she is moved out and living with him and just tonight emailed me saying she forgot her apron and scentsy oil burners.(like 30 bucks worth of stuff )and wanted me to get them together for her and leave them on the door step.

Three questions:
1.What does it mean that she moved straight in with him?
2. Is moving in straight away abnormal
3.Is she trying to tear my heart apart asking for a domestic item like an apron or am I reading into it?
Any advice or thoughts welcome
Thank you

1) Well, she rather be with him, that for sure. She's checked out of the marriage and thats all you need to know.

2) Nothing about any of this is 'normal'. It never is . 'Normal' is keeping your vows (at least to me).

3) Don't read into this. She just doesn't give a crap about you, she just wants her stuff. Pure indifference to you and your feelings.

Read Slater's post above. Do it.

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warlock07

· #4 · Nov 13, 2012

Who is this guy ? How did she meet him?

Expose her to family and friends...Expose the OM at his work place and his family

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Plan 9 from OS

· #5 · Nov 13, 2012

warlock07 said:
Who is this guy ? How did she meet him?

Expose her to family and friends...Expose the OM at his work place and his family

Agree. Use a scorched earth policy and tell everyone you know about your wife's cheating ways as well as the old guy she's sleeping with. If she thinks it is so right, then she shouldn't mind everyone knowing about it.

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TDSC60

· #6 · Nov 13, 2012

Separate finances. Do not allow her access to your money.

File for divorce and have her served at his house.

Get her off any insurance plans you have. If you have life insurance, change the beneficiary. Do not contact her or accept any contact from her. Send her one message directing her that all contact from now on will be through your lawyer.

Count yourself lucky that you found out the type of woman she is before having children with her.

Forget about her, move on with your life.

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Acabado

· #7 · Nov 13, 2012

It means you get tested for STDs.
It means you go dark on her.
It means you need to lawyer up, to protect your stuff and finances yesterday.
It means you change the locks, you will bother later about the legal consecuences (tell you feared OM stealing your stuff).
It means if lawyer give you permission you get rid of all her stuff. Directly to the garbage can.
It means you find out who OM is and you mess with his life (legaly) all you can, just becuase.
It means you force yourself to move on with your life. Dark on her. Hard 180.
It means in the remote chance they last she will have to save for viagra and adult diapers while you bang younger chicks.

I'm so sorry man.

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the liberal one

· #8 · Nov 13, 2012

track the OM and undermine him in a revenging manner career/family/friends etc by telling everyone you know

if you had a video or some message as evidence you can send it to everyone you know and to everyone OM knows (go nuke)

destroy their reputation thats all (it would be better if you or the OM had kids that will double the damage)

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tom67

· #9 · Nov 13, 2012

warlock07 said:
Who is this guy ? How did she meet him?

Expose her to family and friends...Expose the OM at his work place and his family

Yes expose far and wide

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jim123

· #10 · Nov 13, 2012

File D first and foremost. Do not be plan B.

She sent the email to rub your nose in it by the way.

Do the 180 and no contact. Expose to everyone. Start moving on.

The affair will not last. She will get bored with dad.

You have to get control. Filing D is your best and only chance.

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the liberal one

· #11 · Nov 13, 2012

i wonder that the chances of divorce and infidelity increases if you married young (before 24) thats the problem when i keep looking at those infidelity threads. People please don't marry early, marry after 30 yro. Women or men married before the 30s mark tend to be more immature and don't know their aims of life during their 20s.

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Broken at 20

· #12 · Nov 13, 2012

1. That her head is stuck so far up her ass she can't see 1 cm in front of her. So she can't see how much of a dumbass she'll look like when she takes this guy out shopping and people assume she is his daugther and taking care of him. Or when they go out to dinner and people think it will be a daughter/father out for their birthday.
And that you wree plan B. Second runner up. Second place. The ultimate insult. The ace in the hole.

2.Well, with her head stuck that far up her ass...I am surprised. Most WW that do something like this, take a MUCH longer time as they attempt to string out their BH so they can get as much money out of them as they can, while they have their fun with the AP.
Lucky for you, you won't be getting strung out by her.

3. No. She is wanting her sh!t back.

Instead of giving it to her, how about you cut a giant heart out of it, and THEN give it to her?
Or set it on fire?

And how about you start embarrasing this tramp? Like telling her parents, her friends, everyone. That way, hopefully she'll see how much a fool she is making herself out to be. And if you can still reconcile, it will be before she goes to far.

But first off, I would suggest a 180, a filing for divorce, and then going to strip clubs to have fun. Because I found it very easy to forget about your problems for a little while at a strip club (unless your problem physically follows you to that club, like it did in my case)

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happyman64

· #13 · Nov 13, 2012

Not only that Mwarrenk

But bag up everything of hers and drop it off at the POSOM's place.

Lock up all bank accounts.

Cut off any shared credit cards.

Lock her out of yourhome.

Cancel her cellphone if it is on your account.

Cut her off!

That should let her know how you feel about her decision.

Then go see an attorney so you understand your rights.

The get tested for STD's.

And let her parents know the POSOM is close to their age.

Oh how that will go over with Mom & Dad!!!

Have a great life. Just get rid of the boat anchor first.

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Ovid

· #14 · Nov 13, 2012

happyman64 said:
Not only that Mwarrenk

But bag up everything of hers and drop it off at the POSOM's place.

Lock up all bank accounts.

Cut off any shared credit cards.

Lock her out of yourhome.

Cancel her cellphone if it is on your account.

Cut her off!

That should let her know how you feel about her decision.

Then go see an attorney so you understand your rights.

The get tested for STD's.

And let her parents know the POSOM is close to their age.

Oh how that will go over with Mom & Dad!!!

Have a great life. Just get rid of the boat anchor first.

Do all of this. Be glad you didn't have children with her. Don't take her back. She's not a keeper.
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the liberal one

· #15 · Nov 13, 2012

destroy her and OM since theres no children involved you can do it as you please

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roostr

· #16 · Nov 13, 2012

I was just going to say what Ovid said above my post, at the point where you are at, be thankful there are no children involved. As devistating as this can be for you, at 30 you basically have an entire life ahead of you. I was where you are now in my late 20s, after the split I started living a great life at which point I met my current wife.....Start thinking about yourself, what the others say about doing a 180 seems to be the way to go, Id personally tell her I burned the apron, or that I need it for my new girl who is going to be "cooking me dinner in your kitchen".

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Shaggy

· #17 · Nov 14, 2012

Post the OM on cheaterville.com
End all joint credit cards
Exposé wide and far to freinds and family, both her and his
Cut off access to joint money, stop deposit your pay to joint accounts, stop contributing to your 401k so she can't get half of it.
Hire a shark lawyer to go nuclear on her
If the work together expose her and him at work,

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Malaise

· #18 · Nov 14, 2012

Shaggy said:
Post the OM on cheaterville.com
End all joint credit cards
Exposé wide and far to freinds and family, both her and his
Cut off access to joint money, stop deposit your pay to joint accounts, stop contributing to your 401k so she can't get half of it.
Hire a shark lawyer to go nuclear on her
If the work together expose her and him at work,

:iagree:

At the risk of sounding like a broken record:

Listen to Shaggy !

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Lordhavok

· #19 · Nov 14, 2012

These guys are giving you good advice dude, I know your hurting and all, but listen up, you'll be better off in the long run. Dont take her back! You were second place, dont stand for that. Your still very young and you will find someone who will treat you right, her affair will fall apart on its own, expose this crap and never look back.
Broken at 20 is right, the strip clubs really helped me through my divorce. If thats your thing. Nothing better to take your mind off of a chick than looking and watching 20 other chicks.

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Jellybeans

· #20 · Nov 14, 2012

Firstly, I am so sorry this happened to you.

1.What does it mean that she moved straight in with him?

It means you she has prioritized him over your marriage. It means she is gone.

2. Is moving in straight away abnormal

For a normal person, yes. For a wayward, no. For someone who is committed to their marriage, yes. Which shows, she is not.

3.Is she trying to tear my heart apart asking for a domestic item like an apron or am I reading into it?

Probably not. In her mind, she doesn't has not fully grasped what she has done. She is probably trying to make this as "neat" as possible but there is no "neat" wen a marriage is torn apart. She is also acting so nonchalant about everything because you are playing a part in it by continuing to talk to her and telling her you are willing to take her back.

So stop.

Don't beg. Don't cling. Accept that she is gone and you deserve WAY better. Man up.

If I were you, I'd box up her stuff and put it on your doorstep and send her a voicemail saying "Your stuff is outside. You can come by to get it on Date/Time." Do not speak to her about anything other than legalities at this point. Do not answer her phone calls, texts, nothing. She chose this for both of you. You owe her nothing. She wants out, so you open up the door and let her go.

The absolute WORST THING EVER you can do in this situation is beg her back. She will not respect you if you do that.

You're 30 and have no kids. Good. You will meet someone else. File and let her go.

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