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I am new here and just need to talk.

I am 28 years old and have been married for 4 and a half years. I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter who I love more than anything. But ever since my daughter was born our relationship has totally changed. My wife is a fantastic mother. But it seem's that is all she see's her self as now, a mother and not a wife as well. There is no intimacy, affection or even contact as far as touching anymore. It's feels more like we are just living together now. We would be lucky to have sex once a month and even then it seem's like it is a chore for her.

I comment on how good my wife looks. I tell her she looks great in what she is wearing. I try to hug or touch her in the hope it maybe returned. Nothing really seems to make any difference. I am quite a sexual person but I don't think I am addicted to sex. But my wife seem's to think that is all I think about! Just yesterday I came home for lunch and our daughter was asleep in her bed. My wife had on these long pants which she looked really good in and I told her. I thought I could try something a bit more spur of the moment and suggested we go to the bedroom for a lunch time interlude but she snapped at me that sex was all I ever think about and she had soup to make for tea. The last time we had sex was about 3 and a half weeks ago. I think a sex addict would need or have sex more than once every 3 to 4 weeks!
I feel like my wife is not attracted to me anymore. I can't remember the last time my wife told me I looked good or made a comment to make me feel good about myself let alone touched or hugged me spontanouesly! I mean the family dog gets more affection from my wife than I do.
Before our daughter was born our relationship and sex life was really good. I could barely keep up with my wife! She used to iniate things all the time. We used to laugh and talk all the time. We would sit and cuddle together on the couch every night. Now we would be lucky to sit within 5 feet of each other at night.

I am fit and active, I haven't grown overweight. My hygene standards are the same as when we first met, shower once a day and brush my teeth twice a day. I don't know what has changed?

I don't expect things to go back to the way the were before our daughter was born as kids change relationships but it would be nice to feel as it my wife was still in some way attracted to me. I have tried talking to her but she always gets really defensive because she thinks all of my worries or concerns are really about sex!

Well even if sex is a big part of it, what is wrong with that! Is it so bad that I love my wife, find her attractive and still think about sex with her on regular occassions! I sure wish my wife had the feelings or thought about sex with me like I do her. That would be a nice feeling I bet, to know that your lover still lusts after you!



Is there anyone out there who has a similar experience or currently in the same position with some advise.
 

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Oh my wife had the "mother syndrome" as well...

You just have to keep at it, have you gone on "dates" where it is just you and her?

You have to explain to her privately that you love her and she is a great mother, b ut she is also a Hot sexy woman as well. She may feel not so sexy anymore especially with the "pouch" (our personal term) women get self concious about their appearence, my wife certainly is.

It took some time for my wife to come around, but now she is comfortable in her skin and we have dates and fool around now. But I was persistent with compliments and buying her sexy clothes for special nights out.

One of the turning points was a photo session...I had her be my personal "model"...after some arm twisting she agreed, then it became fun for her, after I told her how hot she was, how turned on I was...She needs to feel sexy again, but she Also needs to feel like a mom.

She often pushed me away back in the day...."But I am a mommy now, Mommies don't do that!".....She came around. ;)

keep trying
 

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Unfortunately this seems to be something most women do to us men and are completely ok with it. I too am in the same boat as your so to speak, with a new wife and new baby and little to no sex life anymore. I have come to grips with the situation for the most part and have simply decided to get it somewhere else until my wife gets her head out her ass at least. If they don't want it doesn't mean you have to go with out.

Good luck guys.
 
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