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I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one, opposite sex friends add nothing to a marriage. And single opposite friends are a ticking time bomb. Your wife may be innocent and may be trying to genuinely help but as my hubby once said - there only one reason a guy texts a woman. It's like the male version of a damsel in distress, and damsels do nothing but hurt marriages.
 

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If your partner starts acting like it's not normal, then there's a problem.

What kind of connection does she have with this man, how long have they known each other?

What do they share enough to interfere with the man's private life and relationships?

How will you keep track of their time at work or when they travel?

In any case, it's not right for a married woman to pretend to be a man's sidekick to plan outings and bar meetings together.

If there is no problem on your part, we should not be rude.

I hope you're right about not being manipulated.
 

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Hello everyone

I'm in doubt if my wife is having an emotional affair with a male co-worker.
She texts a lot with him. At one point it contained heart emojis which i saw. I didnt see the context. But i confronted her.
We talked about it, and she told me it's not uncommon for her to use it in text messages.
Anyway. I think that might have stopped.

She still talks a lot with the guy. He's trying to get her to help with online dating. Asking her what to write to his tinder matches. He's apparently very insecure, and doesn't cope well with rejection. He will get sad and emotionally affected if his matches doesn't respond.
He's asked my wife to be sort of his wingwoman, and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support.

I felt that was a line that shouldn't be crossed. I've talked to my wife that i don't like the idea of that, and really questions his motives.
She's accepted that it i don't support that, but also says she is 99% sure that he is not into her, and she is definately not into him romantically.
The issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening. Her reasoning was that it isn't relevant now anyway, as he has made no plans about it yet. But she will do it, if he's actually serious about it.

I've told her i'm not going to demand when she tells him, but made my feelings clear.

Am I being jealous ?

P.S sorry for any errors. I'm not native english
This man is a dog sniffing around your lawn, he must be shut down. It is worrisome that your wife does not have the ingrained boundaries to have shut him down from the word go. You should definitely have a discussion with her about where your boundaries are and what you expect her boundaries to be and do not accept her pushing the boundaries even an inch after.
 

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@PaChAn

I think you have some chance of shutting this down if you meet this man. If your wife is really not interested in him she needs to do a better job of drawing & keeping boundaries but she's probably flattered by the attention which is a slippery slope . Right now you are an idea / concept to the guy. He needs to see that you are man ho loves his wife. Meet him Be gracious but make it clear that she's taken.
 

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All communication is via facebook.
Maybe, but you do not know this.
She may be using some other application, some hidden email account.

What you do know is that they are very likely communicating by VOE, that ancient , voice-over-eardrum means to transmit/receive words.

They likely talk at work, maybe a lot at lunch time?

This talk is difficult to track and to learn about.

Be careful you are not being played like a honky-tonk piano.

This is still conjecture, how-so-ever, something, that nagging doubt, brought you to this blog, TAM.

Correct?

Eyes open, mouth shut.
Be that detective.
 

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She said I could read through her entire messagethread with him if I wanted.
Does that include the ones with the heart emojis that you reported? Does that include the ones she may have deleted? Take her up on this immediately. If there were inappropriate texts, it would be unlikely that she did not delete them, but if you act fast, you may catch something.

She also told me that she planted the idea about having a wingwoman, but suggested two other female co-workers that he apparently also talks a lot with (my wife is not the going out type, and has for example never been drunk). He wanted my wife with him instead of either of the two others.
She promised me that she will not go.
He wants your wife to go out with him at night and not the 2 other women for a reason. Also, although she still is promising not to go, has she made this clear to him? If not why not? A married woman making it clear that she does not go out with other men is not too much for you to ask.

since she says i can go through her phone to verify (i might get around to that), i could check if she's telling the truth.
Since she could have easily deleted the inappropriate comments already, you cannot check to see if she it telling the truth.

The issue is not just what she has done. The issue is also what she has not done so that you do not feel entirely comfortable with the situation with this other man.
 

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Hello everyone

I'm in doubt if my wife is having an emotional affair with a male co-worker.
She texts a lot with him. At one point it contained heart emojis which i saw. I didnt see the context. But i confronted her.
We talked about it, and she told me it's not uncommon for her to use it in text messages.
Anyway. I think that might have stopped.

She still talks a lot with the guy. He's trying to get her to help with online dating. Asking her what to write to his tinder matches. He's apparently very insecure, and doesn't cope well with rejection. He will get sad and emotionally affected if his matches doesn't respond.
He's asked my wife to be sort of his wingwoman, and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support.

I felt that was a line that shouldn't be crossed. I've talked to my wife that i don't like the idea of that, and really questions his motives.
She's accepted that it i don't support that, but also says she is 99% sure that he is not into her, and she is definately not into him romantically.
The issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening. Her reasoning was that it isn't relevant now anyway, as he has made no plans about it yet. But she will do it, if he's actually serious about it.

I've told her i'm not going to demand when she tells him, but made my feelings clear.

Am I being jealous ?

P.S sorry for any errors. I'm not native english
Hell no. Your wife has crossed a boundary she should not have crossed. Eyes open..mouth shut! Get your evidence...bust her ass.
 

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We've talked a lot.
She said I could read through her entire messagethread with him if I wanted.

She also told me that she planted the idea about having a wingwoman, but suggested two other female co-workers that he apparently also talks a lot with (my wife is not the going out type, and has for example never been drunk). He wanted my wife with him instead of either of the two others.
She promised me that she will not go.

I currently have no reason to believe she is lying. And since she says i can go through her phone to verify (i might get around to that), i could check if she's telling the truth.

She never hides her phone, and if I asked about it, she just answers me what they were talking about.
Oh my! You have blinders on
 
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Keep doing what you are doing....displaying extreme weakness, and your wife will be doing the horizontal mambo dance with this guy. Wingman,,,,damn that’s a clever one.
 

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Being the southern gentleman/asshole I am, this man and I would be having a little chat letting him know he is getting ready to have his ass kicked up between his shoulder blades.
But, that is just me.
 

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OP, do not try to take everyone’s advice. Take only what speaks to you. If some seem harsh, most have your best interest at heart, and they are only trying to wake your dormant mate guarding instincts up; common problem with some in what they think is a safe long term relationship.
 

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The southern gentleman response to a guy coworker texting one’s wife after hours, asking her to go out with him and be his “wingman” and making it clear she’s the only woman worthy of wingman status:

yeah. It’s not a pleasant conversation and a courteous request made not to ask the wife on dates.
It’s a command made in a harsh tone while wiping red stuff off knuckles. But few southern gentlemen exist these days. They are being zoned out and replaced with skinny-jeans and man-buns.
 

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Hello everyone

I'm in doubt if my wife is having an emotional affair with a male co-worker.
She texts a lot with him. At one point it contained heart emojis which i saw. I didnt see the context. But i confronted her.
We talked about it, and she told me it's not uncommon for her to use it in text messages.
Anyway. I think that might have stopped.

She still talks a lot with the guy. He's trying to get her to help with online dating. Asking her what to write to his tinder matches. He's apparently very insecure, and doesn't cope well with rejection. He will get sad and emotionally affected if his matches doesn't respond.
He's asked my wife to be sort of his wingwoman, and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support.

I felt that was a line that shouldn't be crossed. I've talked to my wife that i don't like the idea of that, and really questions his motives.
She's accepted that it i don't support that, but also says she is 99% sure that he is not into her, and she is definately not into him romantically.
The issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening. Her reasoning was that it isn't relevant now anyway, as he has made no plans about it yet. But she will do it, if he's actually serious about it.

I've told her i'm not going to demand when she tells him, but made my feelings clear.

Am I being jealous ?

P.S sorry for any errors. I'm not native english
All the advice you have been given is probably spot on, but something in your writing makes me suspect your wife is bored and gets an emotional high from this, not necessarily in a cheating way, but much like the TAM members get from certain posts.
 

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How old is this guy? Is he in high school? Does he not have friends and parents?

Your wife's relationship with this man is way out of bounds because it's too personal.

They are no longer just coworkers. The coworker status was contaminated by discussing his love life and giving him dating advice plus pointers on how best to pick up women on Tinder.

There is no reason for your wife to be involved in his love life. Particularly since he asked her on a date. Yes, going out with him as a wingman is code for him being interested in dating your wife.

Maybe the guy is delusional to think she's interested - but he does. Now she needs to shut him down and go zero contact outside of work. No more personal advice at any time.

Finally, the texts are not the entire conversation. What you miss is the face to face exchange at work, coffee break, and over lunch. The smiles, eye contact, laughter, and flirty suggestive language that's intentionally omitted from texts.
 

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Tell her to end the “friendship”!
if she defends the “friendship” then tell her to leave immediately - as if she is willing to be supportive to him over your marriage - it’s over anyway!
Hard line in the sand - she knows she shouldn’t be communicating with him if it makes you uncomfortable.

he’s not a friend of the marriage. Trust your gut!
 
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