[PaChAn]

Hello everyone

I'm in doubt if my wife is having an emotional affair with a male co-worker.
She texts a lot with him. At one point it contained heart emojis which i saw. I didnt see the context. But i confronted her.
We talked about it, and she told me it's not uncommon for her to use it in text messages.
Anyway. I think that might have stopped.

She still talks a lot with the guy. He's trying to get her to help with online dating. Asking her what to write to his tinder matches. He's apparently very insecure, and doesn't cope well with rejection. He will get sad and emotionally affected if his matches doesn't respond.
He's asked my wife to be sort of his wingwoman, and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support.

I felt that was a line that shouldn't be crossed. I've talked to my wife that i don't like the idea of that, and really questions his motives.
She's accepted that it i don't support that, but also says she is 99% sure that he is not into her, and she is definately not into him romantically.
The issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening. Her reasoning was that it isn't relevant now anyway, as he has made no plans about it yet. But she will do it, if he's actually serious about it.

I've told her i'm not going to demand when she tells him, but made my feelings clear.

Am I being jealous ?

P.S sorry for any errors. I'm not native english

 

[blackclover3]

@PaChAn
your wife is in an emotional affair and she is covering it up by this story
being a wingwoman is her story so she can go out and date him

all cheating scenarios the cheater portrait the picture about the person they cheated with as Not good looking, not into them, not their type, Ewww he is just friend ...
your wife shouldn't be talking to him period other than work and during work.

have you read her conversation with him? the entire thread? is there anything deleted?

"and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support."
they are either already having sex, planning, or your wife is naive and the guy trying to get her drunk

"he issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening. Her reasoning was that it isn't relevant now anyway, as he has made no plans about it yet. But she will do it, if he's actually serious about it."
this is red flag and concerning. that tells me she doesn't like your decision of not allowing her to go out with him and doesn't want to hurt HIS feelings (not your feeling). this also tells me that your wife like that guy and has crush on him.

you are not being jealous - and you need to be more clear - you to let her know no talking to this guy about none work related. if this doesn't happen you will notify HR.

she is taking away from your time with your wife to him. if he feel insecure ....etc then he needs a therapist.

I would check her phone history and dig deeper on deleted messages and other red flags. behavior changes and keep monitoring for long long time.

sorry to let you know, yes your wife is 80% in emotional and possibly physical affair.

and come on, we are guys, we know these games - you should know your wife is playing that game and/or he is playing your wife

 

[Kaliber]

Hello everyone

I'm in doubt if my wife is having an emotional affair with a male co-worker.
She texts a lot with him. At one point it contained heart emojis which i saw. I didnt see the context. But i confronted her.
We talked about it, and she told me it's not uncommon for her to use it in text messages.
Anyway. I think that might have stopped.

She still talks a lot with the guy. He's trying to get her to help with online dating. Asking her what to write to his tinder matches. He's apparently very insecure, and doesn't cope well with rejection. He will get sad and emotionally affected if his matches doesn't respond.
He's asked my wife to be sort of his wingwoman, and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support.

I felt that was a line that shouldn't be crossed. I've talked to my wife that i don't like the idea of that, and really questions his motives.
She's accepted that it i don't support that, but also says she is 99% sure that he is not into her, and she is definately not into him romantically.
The issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening. Her reasoning was that it isn't relevant now anyway, as he has made no plans about it yet. But she will do it, if he's actually serious about it.

I've told her i'm not going to demand when she tells him, but made my feelings clear.

Am I being jealous ?

P.S sorry for any errors. I'm not native english

This whole thing will end bad for you!
First thing first, you need to get hold of the text between them (yes you need to snoop) to understand the depth of their relationship!

 

[D0nnivain]

You are a little jealous but her interactions with this single guy are not good for your marriage. He's clearly on the prowl. If you were invited to whatever bar they're going to so he can pick up women that might be OK, assuming it was cool with you but just her & him, bad plan.

Ask her to invite him to your house for dinner. Then you can sort of stare him down & mark your territory. be civil & gracious but make your actions & body language show you have your eye on him (& her). If she balks at putting you two together, you know you have a problem.

 

[Rob_1]

Jesus, dude and you still have to ask if you're being jealous?

You are setting yourself for failure here. You have to give her an ultimatum: either you're with him or me. If you're with him, here is a copy of the divorce papers. Good luck with your so, called "I'm his wingman". Enough of that **** dude.
You have to be ready to back up your demands, if you don't, then don't actually make them because she'll end up losing whatever respect she has for you, and will know that you're a weak dude.

I would make it crystal clear to her that if this continues is over between you two.

 

[Andy1001]

Let me tell you something about wing women.
I’ve had sex with a lot of them.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

It is already an affair and the poor insecure guy is going to get her panties off as soon as he can. It needs to stop now and it would probably be wise for her to stop working with him.


ETA: Not all jealousy is bad.

 

[Captain Obvious]

This dude wants your wife. Your wife either knows this or is the most naive person in the history of the world.

 

[*Deidre*]

Your wife shouldn’t be a single guy’s “wing woman.”

And this guy doesn’t sound that insecure. He’s clearly found a way to get your wife to respond.

 

[rugswept]

Once your W is involved with the emotional well being of some man, it's an emotional affair. That's the very definition of one.

 

[Marc878]

Your Mr Nice Guy routine won’t get you a thing.
We’re just friends is the biggest lie told here.

 

[Kaliber]

She still talks a lot with the guy. He's trying to get her to help with online dating. Asking her what to write to his tinder matches. He's apparently very insecure, and doesn't cope well with rejection. He will get sad and emotionally affected if his matches doesn't respond.

This is what your wife conveyed to you, you don't know if it %100 true!
BTW (assuming your wife is telling the truth) players do these tricks/shows to lure married women into their net!
Find out what's going on by checking their text, if you find any thing there (or deleted!) you got your answer!

 

[OnTheFly]

ETA: Not all jealousy is bad.

What some call jealousy, is often appropriate mate guarding.

 

[Evinrude58]

Your wife is not only a liar, she thinks you are the most gullible fool in the world. Sadly, she may be right.
So my advice is to go nuclear on your cheating wife. And saying, “honey, could you please stop dating the guy at work?” Is not classified as going nuclear. It’s acting like a weak puppy.

why don’t you pay a visit to the office and go look for the guy? See how whimpy and insecure he is? Or are you actually the insecure one who allows your wife to date other men?
Just asking.

 

[TRy]

“She texts a lot with him. At one point it contained heart emojis.” - That is what an emotional affair looks like.

“He's asked my wife to be sort of his wingwoman, and join him on outings and/or speeddates for emotional support.” - They will dress up, go to where people looking to date go, and be chatting and drink with each other. That is what a date looks like.

“The issue here however is, that she hasn't told him that the idea of her being a wingwoman is not happening.” - The issue here is that she does not want to tell him that she cannot date him any more.

“I've told her i'm not going to demand when she tells him, but made my feelings clear.” - That is what being weak looks like. There are time when you have a right to make demands. Demanding that she tell another man that she cannot date him is one of them.

“Am I being jealous ?” - No, but you are being gaslighted into thinking that you are.

 

[PaChAn]

We've talked a lot.
She said I could read through her entire messagethread with him if I wanted.

She also told me that she planted the idea about having a wingwoman, but suggested two other female co-workers that he apparently also talks a lot with (my wife is not the going out type, and has for example never been drunk). He wanted my wife with him instead of either of the two others.
She promised me that she will not go.

I currently have no reason to believe she is lying. And since she says i can go through her phone to verify (i might get around to that), i could check if she's telling the truth.

She never hides her phone, and if I asked about it, she just answers me what they were talking about.

 

[jlg07]

THis will not lead to anything good. SHE is married -- let one of the OTHER female co-workers help him with Tinder/etc..
She should not be doing this.

 

[SunCMars]

Let me tell you something about wing women.
I’ve had sex with a lot of them.

Yeah but....

None, were winged angels!

 

[Chaotic]

So she has not actually gone out with him to be his "wing woman"? If it looks like that's going to happen, invite yourself along. Get to know this guy. Offer to give him dude help with his online dating profile. You'll know pretty quickly if they're just friends or if there's something else going on, just based on how they react to your presence.

I know people on this board are super suspicious of cross-gender friendships, but I have guy friends at work as well as women friends. If I go out with any of them outside of work, they know my boyfriend is coming too, and they like him and he likes them. One of my guy friends is now better friends with my man than with me.

Note: the heart emojis between friends seem weird to me, but some younger people are pretty free with the emojis.

 

[SunCMars]

We've talked a lot.
She said I could read through her entire messagethread with him if I wanted.

She also told me that she planted the idea about having a wingwoman, but suggested two other female co-workers that he apparently also talks a lot with (my wife is not the going out type, and has for example never been drunk). He wanted my wife with him instead of either of the two others.
She promised me that she will not go.

I currently have no reason to believe she is lying. And since she says i can go through her phone to verify (i might get around to that), i could check if she's telling the truth.

She never hides her phone, and if I asked about it, she just answers me what they were talking about.

What, she said is hopeful.

Hope, itself is frail, some of it a veil..... hiding the unpleasant truth.

Your wife may be innocent at this stage, the faux shy dude, he is not.
He is very clever, his cologne is that veiled deceit.

It is your wife he wants, by hook, by crook, by her crotch.

Um, I smell these potted plots, these things.

She is willingly playing into his hands.
Ja, her phone is clean, her workplace communications, may not be.

Know that.

Beware, the smoke screen.


Nemesis-

Good Luck.