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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello everyone! I am am man, just to clarify. I am new to posting here, but have been reading the site for a while. I am seeing marriages of people I am very close to - all falling apart in similar ways. I've done a lot of research online, and found they all fit the pattern described in the Michelle Langley book. All my friends, who are the husbands - were so confused and devastated. I wanted to know if anyone can give me some advice on how to help one of them.

In this situation, his wife has asked for a trial separation - and has moved out. This marriage was going very well, until a few months ago when the wife started becoming very angry all the time - and complaining that she was never happy. Soon after she asked for the separation and moved out, pretty quickly - and leaving a lot of her personal items behind.

A few more months have passed, and the 2 of them still keep in some contact - but nothing is progressing either way. Very much in limbo! I want to help my very close friend move on. He has no evidence, and refuses to believe his wife has had any type of affair. He seems paralyzed by fear, and is at her mercy. I just want the best from him, but he is so intent on believing she is a saint and thinks she will 'snap out of it' - that I don't know what to do.

I realize this might be strange, asking for advise for somebody else. It's just that this is someone I really care about - and see this going very badly for him, so I was hoping some of you who might have been in a similar situation might be able to shed some light. Thanks!
 

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Hire an PI and give the evidence to your friend.

In short if your friend refuse to look for him self then look for him and make sure you have hard evidence to show him.
 

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If he's waiting for her to change her mind, he's just her Plan B.

He should start the 180, treat her as having left the marriage and start moving on without her.
 

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As long as he's in denial and doesn't acknowledge the reality of his situation, there's really no way you can talk logic into him. But what you can do is gather a bit of evidence and send it his way.
 

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"I need space"

"I need my privacy, you're invading my privacy"

"We need to separate, I need to think"

Is all code word for "let me screw around"

Once they have realized that the OM/OW does not really want them and the BS (betrayed spouse) moves on they will realize a loss, not in all cases.

Tell your buddy/buddies, to ignore their wives, and to focus on themselves and move on, and if they come back they need to realize this "separation" bologna isn't going to fool them and that when/if they come back they need to snap to the rules that are set. Shape up or ship out.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I know what he should do, but don't know how to get through to him. Since she has already left, he can't get evidence easily (computer, phone, clothes ...) - so I am thinking about trying to get some myself. Any ideas?

I was wondering if anyone in a similar situation could reply? Somebody who let wife wife leave, and trusted she's not the 'type' to cheat - and was strung along. What helped you move in the right direction?

Thanks!
 

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In this situation, his wife has asked for a trial separation - and has moved out.
This is so she doesn't have to work as hard to hide her lover(s). She can get her fill of strange tool(s) and then finally decide whether to settle back down by returning to the BH or move on to further slvtdom.

This marriage was going very well, until a few months ago when the wife started becoming very angry all the time - and complaining that she was never happy. Soon after she asked for the separation and moved out, pretty quickly - and leaving a lot of her personal items behind.
Female SOP. She was getting pissed off because BH hadn't noticed she was fvcking around on him, which proves to her the BH is not a worthy male consort. If BH were truly her "soulmate" and "true love" he would have recognized the signs (read her mind) and put her back into line. This is further reinforced by his gamma attitudes throughout. Arguments also give her an excuse to storm off and get her ashes hauled. Either way, he failed the ultimate female sh!t test.

A few more months have passed, and the 2 of them still keep in some contact - but nothing is progressing either way. Very much in limbo! I want to help my very close friend move on. He has no evidence, and refuses to believe his wife has had any type of affair.
Typical modern son of feminism. His natural instincts have been muted by 170 years of propaganda.

He seems paralyzed by fear, and is at her mercy. I just want the best from him, but he is so intent on believing she is a saint and thinks she will 'snap out of it' - that I don't know what to do.
See above response.

I realize this might be strange, asking for advise for somebody else. It's just that this is someone I really care about - and see this going very badly for him, so I was hoping some of you who might have been in a similar situation might be able to shed some light. Thanks!
Every guy likes to play P.I. sometime. Help your friend out and get him some pix with one of her boyfriends. You'll have lots of fun doing it. Investigations are a blast. Don't forget the video.
 

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My wife never left she owned her infidelity and works hard to keep me from kicking her to the curb.

Maybe its best his wife did leave, she is no longer his problem and as a friend support him and take him to wieght room, going running with him and take him out to meet others. Start building his confidence and self esteem.

Maybe it best he moves on thinking she just wasn't right for him. It may be the lesser of two evils.
 

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I know what he should do, but don't know how to get through to him. Since she has already left, he can't get evidence easily (computer, phone, clothes ...) - so I am thinking about trying to get some myself. Any ideas?

I was wondering if anyone in a similar situation could reply? Somebody who let wife wife leave, and trusted she's not the 'type' to cheat - and was strung along. What helped you move in the right direction?

Thanks!
Tag her car with a GPS tracker in a magnetic box stuck to the frame. It's more expensive, but much more effective to get the real time tracker. Otherwise, you can get the USB downloadable type, but you're always several days behind with that one.
 

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"Type to cheat?"

Thats the most laughable sentence I've ever heard of sadly enough,

Most anyone will cheat, just depends on conditions and boundaries of said person.

Not to knock on women, but when they leave a relationship they almost always have some man/woman waiting in the wing.

Shes cheating on him, just need evidence.

If you can't get in her car put a GPS on it and see if shes frequenting a man;s house or a hotel. If you can get in the car, slap a Voice Activated Recorder under her carseat with some velcro to hold it.

I suggested that to friend once who knew what I went through. Got all he needed before the weekend was out. His girl would be yapping with the OM and trashing on her boyfriend to him most anytime she got in the car.


From what I know of your friend, hes defining himself by his marriage so hes gonna be in some heavy denial cause from his viewpoint if he doesn't have his marriage he has nothing. You need to go to his house punch him in the face or gut, either one works.

I'm not joking about that, if he stays in that despondent "please come back to me" attitude hes in for a sh!tstorm whether she comes back or not.

If she doesn't come back he will never move on.

If she does come back and hes acting like that I guarantee he'll be under her heel and she'd still probably continue the affair in some entitled wayward spouse fog.


This may sound extreme, but guess what, its no more extreme than infidelity. That crap you see on lifetime or oxygen channels isn't infidelity. Its wishy-washy affair enabling drivel. Real infidelity leads to depression, abuse, mental illness, suicide, and/or a whole host of other problems.

You need to wake your friend up fast so he can take control of his life before he gets too used to limbo.
 

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In this situation, his wife has asked for a trial separation - and has moved out. This marriage was going very well, until a few months ago when the wife started becoming very angry all the time - and complaining that she was never happy. Soon after she asked for the separation and moved out, pretty quickly - and leaving a lot of her personal items behind.
She's cheating on him. Women in long term marriages where things are going "very well" do not just up and leave for no reason. Especially without trying to work on things. Suddenly being angry and never "being happy" without identifying to him what HE may be doing wrong, and wanting a "trial separation" is nothing more than code speak for "I want to try another d!ck, but I'm going to keep you on the back burner in case Mr. Wonderful doesn't work out".

If she's not trying to work on whatever issues really exist in the marriage (or whatever issues she manufactured in her head), well, women just don't do that. They don't just "walk away" without trying to work on things.

She's pulling this whole "I need space" thing, and I think he has but one option. Give her more "space" than she ever dreamed of. Hit her with divorce papers. No warning, no threatening, just have her served.

This advice, of course, is assuming we have the whole story, and he hasn't done something terrible to warrant her moving out on him (affair, abuse, long term emotional neglect of her, etc).
 

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I tend to disagree here. How many times have well meaning friends gone and done just that only to get into a fist fight and end up being the bad guy for "trying to cause a rift" between the man and his wife.

The thing is, you'll have to accept that this situation will play out on its own accord. But you can keep passing whatever evidence you find and all the rest of the literature associated with infidelity and all the "man up references" .
 

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Forget about him seeing the light right now.
Mach had it. She got tried of sneaking around, and wanted some all nighters.

What you do is round up the gang, and take turns watching her. Or hire a PI. Here is maybe a way to at least get him to start to doubt her. If she is still on his phone plan, the next time you get together, get him to pull up the minutes and data usage. Look for numbers that she call or call her a lot, especially late nights. Check the txts sent and received. Tell him to do it to make you feel better.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
This is the whole story, I know them both very well - he hasn't done anything to her. I was hoping to get him to take a stand and either move on or force her to make a decision, but it isn't working. From all that I've read, and from all of your help - I cannot believe she isn't cheating (or at least did at some point, which led to her anger and wanting a separation).

Now - I think I'm going to have to get him evidence, to force him to face reality. I don't think I can do it myself, because she knows me too well - and I don't know if I'm sneaky enough. Also, since she's moved out - I don't have access to her things (car, computer, phone ...)

To try to confront her about cheating, without evidence, I don't think is a good idea. She'll totally fly off the handle! Has anybody confronted their wife about cheating, without any real evidence - and she admitted to it? Also, anybody have any experience with hiring a PI, or how else I might be able to get some evidence without being recognized?

Thanks again everyone!
 
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