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Discussion Starter · #561 ·
She never used my cards what she used to survive was the last 2 years tax return, our savings that she took when she left and the kids stimulus this year that she didn't split.

She just keeps digging deeper and deeper. And while I don't have alot I do have a house I bought with my mother and my older truck bought with cash.

My bankruptcy will clear my debt already spoke to a lawyer about it.

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Discussion Starter · #562 ·
So... My ex has said she agrees to my custody proposal. She has told her lawyer but they have yet to reach out to mine. Im very surprised she has agreed. I think its a good compromise. 3 days her 4 me with her getting a long 5 day stretch every 5 weeks. It will change anyway. Once her lawyer reaches out this will be done!!! Or if i have mine call hers.

So her health is not improving, Drs do not know what is wrong, but believe its still MS. Spinal tap will most likely be next. She will most likely not be returning to work.

Fun fact for the evening, 5 people in the last 2 months have told me they see us getting back together. Main reason being 3 kids together and our lives will be exceedingly difficult apart vs together. I politely told them to go f*** themselves.

One friend told me she sees her trying attempting to try get back to me based on the way her life is going, health issues and realizing how f***ed she is.. the next day my ex literarily offered to come over and help me sort through clothes and the boxes of toys i currently have in the garage. No I did not take her up on the offer even though I wouldn't mind the help cause I am going a bit crazy given all the things I'm trying to get done.

I did end up asking her about moving south. Her parents want to, I want to and my ex wants to. I figured it would be a good time to bring it up given her health issues and we are in a very expensive state. It would be a family move I suppose but separate. Only complication is her new ex baby daddy. To her credit she was very open to the conversation and pretty forthcoming with information. Her parents and myself would make a small fortune if we sold our houses now as this market is nuts. House down the street just sold for 50k above asking. Its smaller then mine, needs more work then mine did and was listed for $36,000 more then I got mine for!

Yes I know it seems silly to make a move like that but its def the right move long term to get out of this expensive state, especially for my ex who its looking more and more likely is gonna end up on disability retirement from her job.

What a tangled web I am in... fml With a light at the end of the divorce tunnel kinda of showing it does give me a small bit of relief but makes me wonder why it was so easy and what does she have planned... I tend to fear the worst in most situations lately. Should I just be happy or stick to my gut that it isn't gonna be so easy even if the paperwork is signed...?
 

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Sounds like she was basically forced into "agreeing" to the new plan for the kids -- and I think the kids lawyers had a TON to do with that. I'm sure the health issues weigh on her mind also. She has a baby to care for and more kids added on top of her health? Yeah, probably some self-preservation that finally kicked in to make her agree with it. EITHER way, and for whatever reason, it's better for your kids, so put one in the "good" win pile.

As for a move south -- do you have jobs down there for you? Are you ALL going to move to the same town/city/state? Could complicate things in terms of timing (like all having to move at the same time, or being able to move on your OWN schedule) - either way, as long as it's documented and agreed through the lawyers, you should be covered.

Also, if it is YOUR house you will sell, just make sure it's cleat that SHE gets nothing from that.... (IIRC you are in NY, Dutchess? Yeah the housing market is crazy -- house prices have gone up something like 49% in the past year.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #564 ·
Sounds like she was basically forced into "agreeing" to the new plan for the kids -- and I think the kids lawyers had a TON to do with that. I'm sure the health issues weigh on her mind also. She has a baby to care for and more kids added on top of her health? Yeah, probably some self-preservation that finally kicked in to make her agree with it. EITHER way, and for whatever reason, it's better for your kids, so put one in the "good" win pile.

As for a move south -- do you have jobs down there for you? Are you ALL going to move to the same town/city/state? Could complicate things in terms of timing (like all having to move at the same time, or being able to move on your OWN schedule) - either way, as long as it's documented and agreed through the lawyers, you should be covered.

Also, if it is YOUR house you will sell, just make sure it's cleat that SHE gets nothing from that.... (IIRC you are in NY, Dutchess? Yeah the housing market is crazy -- house prices have gone up something like 49% in the past year.)
Yeh im def trying to keep it as a win in my head but again I can't help thinking that something will come but I mean im way better off then she is at the moment either way so im not sure what she can do and we have both discussed it that its best to get this done and given how complicated our lives are we should be able to work together. She has her small moments but everyone does but she has done a complete 180 in terms of her attitude towards me which i am happy about for the simple fact we have kids we need to be able to communicate with one another without fighting. I thing in the end its the best outcome vs fighting over everything.

And sure I could have take her to court and probably get full custody but what does that solve? Nothing at the moment, and if she ends up getting worse it will most likely happen anyway.

Moving would be complicated either way but I think in order for it to work her and I would have to at least move at the same time, Part of me is willing to assist her if needed just to get it done but again the new ex is an issue. Oh I forgot to mention when we had a conversation the other dat for over an hour for some reason it was mostly about the kids but we touched the subject of moving and she said "If it was me that just bought a house I wouldn't put to much into it if I had plans to move in maybe a year or 2" She knows I have some work to do here and some things I wanna do to it. Shes vague on purpose. Idk if its just a game shes playing or shes trying to say it without saying it about moving.
her mom said shes vague with her also. I think shes trying to hold onto whatever she can any secrets or whatever.

No jobs lined up but I also don't have anything here either, haven't worked since i got hurt and im currently trying to figure out what to do so moving or not its gotta happen. She will most likely end up on disability retirement so it won't matter her money will just go further down there.

Yup Dutchess its def crazy around here I got lucky when I got this. jumped on it undertone radar and now the prices are even higher. I got the house after the divorce was filed and its in the paperwork she has no claim so i should be covered. This sounds stupid bit at the end of the day ill help pay for the damn moving truck for her If I have to if it means I get to leave the land of taxes.
When I bought the place taxes were around $8600 right now not even a year later im looking at $9200!!
My dad is in SC and he's got more house, about 2.63 acres more and his taxes are $2300!!
 

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Yes....moving may be a suitable solution. I once thought of moving to the Pittsburgh area and the homes were OMG

lower priced. Then.... LOL I learned of the taxes. Damn!!! I can't recall but I think you settled on your work injury.

If that is so, moving to SC or another Southern state would be a good choice. Much lower cost of living. But if you are

still receiving monthly from injury, I'm pretty sure they re-calculate it when you move out of state. But again, I think you

settled for lump sum. The reason we pushed for full custody was for several reasons but one was your statement

about how miserable they were while at her place.

You are correct.... even WW or WH every now and then can speak with clarity. Says volumes that her parents think

highly of you. You're a man of character.

The only drawback to living in the South is much lower wages. But that ties in with cost of living. Many people from NY

and other states surrounding sell their homes for $750k and move to the burbs of a large city in South. Buy same size home for

$250k. Prices vary of course due to housing market rise. But be wary, everyone was in this same situation 20

years ago. The housing collapse would have been bad but Alan Greenspan came along with the ARM in 2003.

It was like trying to put out a forest fire by urinating on it. Then came 2007-08 and we all recall that.

This is a time for selling..... rent something in SC and wait a few years. Then you can grab a home on the cheap.

My W says the market will hemorrhage within a year. I think 24-30 months. The banks want to get their money

from as many sells as possible. Another bail-out? I have my thoughts.
 
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Discussion Starter · #566 ·
Yes....moving may be a suitable solution. I once thought of moving to the Pittsburgh area and the homes were OMG

lower priced. Then.... LOL I learned of the taxes. Damn!!! I can't recall but I think you settled on your work injury.

If that is so, moving to SC or another Southern state would be a good choice. Much lower cost of living. But if you are

still receiving monthly from injury, I'm pretty sure they re-calculate it when you move out of state. But again, I think you

settled for lump sum. The reason we pushed for full custody was for several reasons but one was your statement

about how miserable they were while at her place.

You are correct.... even WW or WH every now and then can speak with clarity. Says volumes that her parents think

highly of you. You're a man of character.

The only drawback to living in the South is much lower wages. But that ties in with cost of living. Many people from NY

and other states surrounding sell their homes for $750k and move to the burbs of a large city in South. Buy same size home for

$250k. Prices vary of course due to housing market rise. But be wary, everyone was in this same situation 20

years ago. The housing collapse would have been bad but Alan Greenspan came along with the ARM in 2003.

It was like trying to put out a forest fire by urinating on it. Then came 2007-08 and we all recall that.

This is a time for selling..... rent something in SC and wait a few years. Then you can grab a home on the cheap.

My W says the market will hemorrhage within a year. I think 24-30 months. The banks want to get their money

from as many sells as possible. Another bail-out? I have my thoughts.
Yeah the taxes here are killer and I guess were I am is the only town that doesn't go by 100% of the value they use 50% so the rates are higher. Id just like to pay less in taxes and at this point if I sold here id have enough to buy 2 or even 3 houses from what I see! Could rent the other ones out. Just a thought.

I did settle I had no choice, she tried to get half but it didn't work, she said she I wasn't going to a dime of what she had taken yet she owes me $17,600 and agreed to it. Ill never see it but still.

Her dad has never had any issues, in fact if he ever catches me alone for even a few minutes like the other day when I dropped off helmets and scooters he will start up talking to me and he basically talks sh** about his wife without talking doing it if that makes sense. Shes a spender and they don't have it to spend. Her mom is 50/50 but she def blabs a bit more then she should when its just me around her. Shes a drama queen though.

This divorce seems to have an end in sight but Im very curious as to why my ex has done a 180 with her attitude. If it was 80/20 before 80 attitude and 20 nice its now reversed. Makes me wonder if she has a hidden agenda. Half of me wants to ask her why shes being so nice.. Should i?

I do remember everything in 2008 as I just started selling cars (saturn!) but 20 years ago I was in the 7th grade so didn't really pay attention to such things as the stock market or housing market haha

I would love to move though ugh. Id pay him off if thats what was needed.. I wonder if he would do it? I probably should get that thought out of my head. I bet if she agreed to not take anyone money from him he would say yes. He's giving her money every month, Idk how much though.
 

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Once again.... see her mother....see her daughter. Although there will be moments of clarity, they are moments.

Do not trust her. Just be cautious in any dealings with her. Hers is self-serving....at anyone's cost. Beware of rentals.... that's just from my own

experience. I will never do rental property again. Land....yes. To move.... the whole family somewhat has to go with all the kids.

Be aware she will always be a thorn in your side. Are you leaning towards SC or any other states?

You're a lot younger than I thought. Run the situation by your dad in SC. With a home paid for and nice $$$ in the bank

you wouldn't be "under the gun" to beat your brains out working 50-60 hours a week.

There will be another bail-out..... the banks always get what they want. This bail-out along with whatever flu

variant they try to scare the hell out of us with will be the nail in the coffin of the US economy. Then the USA will be the USS.

Chuck's crazy ain't he? Y'know.... I pray I'm wrong.
 
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Discussion Starter · #568 ·
Once again.... see her mother....see her daughter. Although there will be moments of clarity, they are moments.

Do not trust her. Just be cautious in any dealings with her. Hers is self-serving....at anyone's cost. Beware of rentals.... that's just from my own

experience. I will never do rental property again. Land....yes. To move.... the whole family somewhat has to go with all the kids.

Be aware she will always be a thorn in your side. Are you leaning towards SC or any other states?

You're a lot younger than I thought. Run the situation by your dad in SC. With a home paid for and nice $$$ in the bank

you wouldn't be "under the gun" to beat your brains out working 50-60 hours a week.

There will be another bail-out..... the banks always get what they want. This bail-out along with whatever flu

variant they try to scare the hell out of us with will be the nail in the coffin of the US economy. Then the USA will be the USS.

Chuck's crazy ain't he? Y'know.... I pray I'm wrong.
Oh trust me im very cautious of why shes being so nice. Someone told me its probably because she sees how bad her live is ending up so shes gonna try get back with me.

It would def be a big move lots to figure out but I think its worth it. And yes always gonna be a turn in my side and always gonna be there. Guess thats why so many people are telling me we are gonna end up back together smh.

I would do very well to sell now and move there! Id jump the opportunity but it would sure be complicated and id bet anything ill be more responsible for her during the move then id want to be but I guess its worth it idk.

I rented a duplex from my grandfather for 10 years and took care of the rating of the other apartment. I had a pretty good track record of choosing people and making sure I got paid with minimal issues, before I got hurt I was approved to buy a rental property. I stopped the sale which I think was one of my biggest mistakes in life.
 

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Complete no contact is your best option. If you think she’s going to change and be the woman of your dreams I have a bridge for sale.
 

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Discussion Starter · #570 ·
Complete no contact is your best option. If you think she’s going to change and be the woman of your dreams I have a bridge for sale.
Really?! cool how much? :p

Little tough with 3 kids, I'm keeping up the pleasantries until the papers are signed or if some type of moving talk comes into play.

In the end id rather us have a civil relationship then a nasty one. We have 3 children and will need to be able to hold a conversation at least until they are older.

Don't care about her being the woman of my dreams or have any hopes of getting back together and find it quite annoying people keep telling me it will happen.
 

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Really?! cool how much? :p

Little tough with 3 kids, I'm keeping up the pleasantries until the papers are signed or if some type of moving talk comes into play.

In the end id rather us have a civil relationship then a nasty one. We have 3 children and will need to be able to hold a conversation at least until they are older.

Don't care about her being the woman of my dreams or have any hopes of getting back together and find it quite annoying people keep telling me it will happen.
I got you. My sister was a wayward. She never changed! Its good you have no expectations.

I have 3 friends who employ the strict no contact. Just text or email kids only. It cuts out the drama. Makes life simpler. You just keep it civil. Nothing more. They all seem to try the friend thing on their terms only of course.

From what I’ve seen any good deed you try with some it’ll not go unpunished.
 

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Discussion Starter · #572 ·
I got you. My sister was a wayward. She never changed! Its good you have no expectations.

I have 3 friends who employ the strict no contact. Just text or email kids only. It cuts out the drama. Makes life simpler. You just keep it civil. Nothing more. They all seem to try the friend thing on their terms only of course.

From what I’ve seen any good deed you try with some it’ll not go unpunished.
I'm gonna try keep it civil as long as it can last. If I have to cut it down to simple contact I will.

See right now im wondering why such the change so call me curious I wanna see how long it continues for. If it continues forever then awesome but either way I'm good.

I also wanna bring up the topic of moving again so I'd like us to be on good terms for that. If the opportunity is there I wanna take it but in my head I'm always on guard about what will be next.

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You are on guard because of what you’ve seen. Rightfully so. Once a persons character is set it rarely changes except for short periods of time. Usually for something they want but normally reverts back.

Beware!!! Always protect yourself and kids. You have zero control over her or her time with the kids.
 

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Discussion Starter · #574 ·
You are on guard because of what you’ve see. Rightfully so. Once a persons character is set it rarely changes except for short periods of time. Usually for something they want but normally reverts back.

Beware!!! Always protect yourself and kids. You have zero control over her or her time with the kids.
Thats what it is she probably wants something. Guess ill find out soon enough what it is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #575 · (Edited)
Guess ill update on this weeks drama.

Everyone (not me) going to NC for vacation next week. Little nervous about her driving that distance with her medical issues.

My lawyer is on vacation so next week ill reach out and have her contact my exes lawyer since they arnt doing their job.

Baby daddy #3 has completely left the picture, bedsides paying a small amount in support. shes bringing him to court for full custody. He said he would give it to her. Then she said shes gonna petition to be able to move out of state.

So this has been a busy week for me and very stressful, my moms house about 45 min from here which we thought was foreclosed on we thought auctioned off turns out it wasn't and now I gotta deal with it. Fun times, the auction was supposed to be 2 years ago!

Anyway my son spiked a fever and had to go to the dr she offered to take him so I could go to that house today. When I was just about to leave some dude walks in with 2 coffees... I took a quick look and got the f*** out of there.

She is already banging a new guy 6 months after having a baby. I texted her about it because I wanna know why this guy is around my kids already and yes I know she can do that but I'm sure you understand what I mean. She said they just started talking but I called her out on it cause who the f*** gives their address out and lets someone near their kids if they just started hanging out?

It got heated and she tried to call me some names and I hurt her down but I was not polite about it but in the end she went back to being nice but I still jabbed her one more time before the night ended.

I'm not judging or anything but let me describe him to you... scrawny, black wife beater, all kinds of random tats all over him, and a very thick silver necklace. I did not say a word to him.

For anyone trying to picture what I saw just look up Skinny Pete from Breaking Bad. Took me a while to figure who he reminded me of but when I did I def had some fun with that... she was not a fan of my humor on the subject.

Example: she offered to watch the kid while I run to my moms old house in the morning.
Me: is skinny Pete gonna be there?
Her: no smart ass
Me: a few crying laughing emojis lol then she still asked me to get her mom some pasta sauce since its for the kids if I go to sams club... smh

She has 3 baby daddies but she can still do better then him. oh well
oh and she's gonna be moving back in with her moms house, so 3 adults, 4 kids depending on the day. About 1100sqft 300 of which is unheated which is where she's gonna be with the kids in the upstairs with no central heat.
 

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Discussion Starter · #577 ·
You may want to get the new guy checked out if he is around your kids....
Oh believe me I want to. After handing an apartment rental for almost 10 years I've become pretty good at finding out details about people. I just need a name which I will get out of her at some point... She will get tired of me calling him skinny pete quickly im sure.

I'm no model or millionaire or whatever but if you could have seen him your first impression would probably be the same as me... He's no winner

I have the overwhelming urge to call him baby daddy #4 if I run into him again.
 

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Your XW reminds me of @honcho 's. She has really tried with all her power to be a F' up.

Would there be any....any way for you to move and take just your three kids? Or would she be a

complete a-hole and say no? I somewhat already know the answer.

Could you ask for supervised visitation? The thought of her driving nearly 1000 miles on meds with your kids

in the car just makes me cringe. She's probably hoping you would volunteer to drive

and she can bring along skinny pete. I wouldn't put anything past her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #579 ·
Your XW reminds me of @honcho 's. She has really tried with all her power to be a F' up.

Would there be any....any way for you to move and take just your three kids? Or would she be a

complete a-hole and say no? I somewhat already know the answer.

Could you ask for supervised visitation? The thought of her driving nearly 1000 miles on meds with your kids

in the car just makes me cringe. She's probably hoping you would volunteer to drive

and she can bring along skinny pete. I wouldn't put anything past her.
I have no clue what is going through her head right now. First it was someone 20 years older who now abandoned her and his kid... Omg imagine if she went back to work that would be awkward.. ok back on track! now scraping the bottom of the barrel I just don't get it. I told her she must be so desperate for attention that she's willing to take whoever first shot interest.

Yeah the drive to NC I'm concerned about but there's not much I can do about it I dont think? Shes now decided to drive to Virginia beach then stay a night and head to NC.

Right now as it stands she has agreed to what I purposed but im really really having second thoughts. Im gonna run it by my lawyer when shes back from vaca and I need to ge this moving as the creditors are a coming!

I said that to a friend that I bet she wanted me to drive her and for split second I thought about it because of how concerned I am... Jesus should I consider it for the safety of my kids???

Skinny won't be coming her parents haven't even met new baby daddy and her mom is not happy with her TBH so I can only imagine what she would say meeting the new guy wearing a wife beater and a giant tattoo on his neck... which BTW my ex always hated and would make fun of.

Today the kids and went to grab something near her house and my son wanted his stuffed animal so I called and she didn't pick up but we have stopped by before and it wasn't an issue.. Turns out he was just leaving sitting in his car smoking a cigg (gross and another thing she claims to hate) and she was in the shower... I may have apologized when she said she was in the shower by saying "sorry I interrupted your booty call" :D

He flipped his glasses down and sped off in his rusted chevy sonic with a leaking exhaust... I am overwhelmed at how cool he is... "Insert crying laughing emoji here"...
 

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Discussion Starter · #580 ·
I have now discovered who the guy is. Skinny pete.

I have spoke with 2 people who know him and he is bad news drugs addict and been in and out of prison since he was 18.

I was trying to do this the right way I was trying to do this so things could remain civil and the kids wouldn't get in the middle of a war but I cannot do this anymore. I'm done

Yes my son only saw him once but she brings him around her baby which is not my concern but it speaks volumes to me about her as a person and a mother. This is not the girl I married. Yes she cheated yes she didn't communicate and we needed some help but since leaving her choices in life just keep going down hill.

I think the time has come that I have to go for full custody I can't do this anymore. I am very emotional right now but I dont think this choice is made based on emotions. I think it is the right one.

I have told my kids that at anytime they are uncomfortable when with her they can call me and i will come get them. They said she always asks why they wanna call me and sometimes they cant, I am going to figure out how to get them a cheap cellphone so they can always contact me. they see excited about it becasue they wanna be able to send me pictures and stuff.

I am not ok right now in any way shape or form.
 
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