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So tonight she asked me if she could come in and get some papers out of the closet to which refused. Im just gonna get them and give them to her, Not that Im trying to keep her out but our daughter doesn't feel good and didn't want her to get steam when she saw her because she of course doesn't understand whats going on.

Anyway she made the comment that she has to get all her stuff out so I said "I guess therapy is off the table then" Just to see what she would say. She said she will go for herself, which still hasn't happened of course and its been 4 months but anyway a short while after that she said something that really pissed me off so I kinda went of on her a bit which is something I really advent done this whole time. It was mild but still.

I ended up moving to the conversation of Mediation since I was looking into it just to get this done. She doesn't wanna work with me why am I gonna bother trying to hold on but that conversation didn't end well. And of course I know she doesn't wanna give me any of the savings and I'm sure isn't gonna wanna give me any of the tax return since she makes alot more then me.. and I'm not sure how taxes would wrk since once divorced I wont be filing returns until Im off Workers comp and working again. Then there's the debt. I don't think mediation is gonna work.

I'm mixed between wondering why I love her so much and want to work it out when she's gotten so cold after leaving to why am I stalling and just get it over with.

Just venting my current frustrations.
Nothing wrong with caring. At least you have morals.
 

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Discussion Starter #262
I'm trying my best that's for sure and as I said she's making it easy do to. To move on from here anyway everything else in my life is a mess.
I took an offer to settle my comp cased after 7 years almost Im nervous.

I was checking the amazon accounts browsing history for something I looked at the other day and saw 2 things looked at today.... by her cause it wasn't me........... Pregnancy tests!
 

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I am still working on a head injury which sometimes makes it difficult for me to remember things and I have a habit of saying things to my wife that while I don't see as wrong or with intent to hurt but she doesn't like and causes her pain. Due to the fact I sometimes forget and she doesn't talk to me it has become a problem. every couple of months she would come at me with a bunch of things i have said or done that is causing her pain and unhappiness but I don't remember half of it and its a tough situation all around. But since the hidden relationship came out I've been trying to be more vocal with her and to a degree her with me.
I have been meaning to mention this for some time.

I have suffered the effects of TBI, traumatic brain injury , while serving in the military, and after suffering injuries in car wrecks and falls!
It is not a fun situation.....

Believe me!

I have since recovered.
Uh, as far as I know?

Huh, what?
.............................................................

I had a high school friend who wrecked his car at ninety miles an hour. He hit a stone wall at an angle, veered off of it and then hit a tree.
The tree invited itself into the car and poked him 'God awful hard' in the head.

He was in a coma and he was, afterwards, never the same.

He went from being a straight 'A' student to being hot tempered, having a short attention span. He struggled just to get 'C's'

He remembered very little of the accident.

Jeez, the things that would come out of his mouth. It was as if he had no control of his mind.

Years later, he did get much better.

However, I remembered all of the accident. I ended up in the back seat!
We both had committed under-age drinking.

The car was a 1957 Buick, it was built like a tank. There were no seat belts used back then.
Anyway, I walked away from the wreck, he did not.

I assume you are aware of some of the published side effects.

Others reading this may not be.

..................................

Mild traumatic brain injury
The signs and symptoms of mild traumatic brain injury may include:

Physical symptoms

  • Loss of consciousness for a few seconds to a few minutes
  • No loss of consciousness, but a state of being dazed, confused or disoriented
  • Headache
  • Nausea or vomiting
  • Fatigue or drowsiness
  • Problems with speech
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sleeping more than usual
  • Dizziness or loss of balance
Sensory symptoms

  • Sensory problems, such as blurred vision, ringing in the ears, a bad taste in the mouth or changes in the ability to smell
  • Sensitivity to light or sound
Cognitive or mental symptoms

  • Memory or concentration problems
  • Mood changes or mood swings
  • Feeling depressed or anxious
Moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries
Moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries can include any of the signs and symptoms of mild injury, as well as these symptoms that may appear within the first hours to days after a head injury:

Physical symptoms

  • Loss of consciousness from several minutes to hours
  • Persistent headache or headache that worsens
  • Repeated vomiting or nausea
  • Convulsions or seizures
  • Dilation of one or both pupils of the eyes
  • Clear fluids draining from the nose or ears
  • Inability to awaken from sleep
  • Weakness or numbness in fingers and toes
  • Loss of coordination
Cognitive or mental symptoms

  • Profound confusion
  • Agitation, combativeness or other unusual behavior
  • Slurred speech
  • Coma and other disorders of consciousness
 

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Discussion Starter #264
I have been meaning to mention this for some time.

I have suffered the effects of TBI, traumatic brain injury , while serving in the military, and after suffering injuries in car wrecks and falls!
It is not a fun situation.....

Believe me!

I have since recovered.
Uh, as far as I know?

Huh, what?
.............................................................

I had a high school friend who wrecked his car at ninety miles an hour. He hit a stone wall at an angle, veered off of it and then hit a tree.
The tree invited itself into the car and poked him 'God awful hard' in the head.

He was in a coma and he was, afterwards, never the same.

He went from being a straight 'A' student to being hot tempered, having a short attention span. He struggled just to get 'C's'

He remembered very little of the accident.

Jeez, the things that would come out of his mouth. It was as if he had no control of his mind.

Years later, he did get much better.

However, I remembered all of the accident. I ended up in the back seat!
We both had committed under-age drinking.

The car was a 1957 Buick, it was built like a tank. There were no seat belts used back then.
Anyway, I walked away from the wreck, he did not.

I assume you are aware of some of the published side effects.

Others reading this may not be.

..................................

Mild traumatic brain injury
The signs and symptoms of mild traumatic brain injury may include:

Physical symptoms

  • Loss of consciousness for a few seconds to a few minutes
  • No loss of consciousness, but a state of being dazed, confused or disoriented
  • Headache
  • Nausea or vomiting
  • Fatigue or drowsiness
  • Problems with speech
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sleeping more than usual
  • Dizziness or loss of balance
Sensory symptoms

  • Sensory problems, such as blurred vision, ringing in the ears, a bad taste in the mouth or changes in the ability to smell
  • Sensitivity to light or sound
Cognitive or mental symptoms

  • Memory or concentration problems
  • Mood changes or mood swings
  • Feeling depressed or anxious
Moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries
Moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries can include any of the signs and symptoms of mild injury, as well as these symptoms that may appear within the first hours to days after a head injury:

Physical symptoms

  • Loss of consciousness from several minutes to hours
  • Persistent headache or headache that worsens
  • Repeated vomiting or nausea
  • Convulsions or seizures
  • Dilation of one or both pupils of the eyes
  • Clear fluids draining from the nose or ears
  • Inability to awaken from sleep
  • Weakness or numbness in fingers and toes
  • Loss of coordination
Cognitive or mental symptoms

  • Profound confusion
  • Agitation, combativeness or other unusual behavior
  • Slurred speech
  • Coma and other disorders of consciousness
I have had most of those symptoms at one point or another and still have a lot of them on a daily basis. All of the symptoms under the mild TBI section anyway. I have had weakness and numbness in my fingers but I think that has to do more with the 3 herniated discs. It sucks, sorry you have to deal with it aswell. I never had a headache in my life before I hit my head, I could do without them that's for sure. and add on the neck injury and everything else I'm going through its not a fun time.

For example just today when I got up I went to stretch and my neck froze up as I was doing it and now I can't move. Happens every now and again. Def makes me nervous about settling my comp case but I have no choice. Divorce is fun.. life is fun
 

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Discussion Starter #265
So both my car and my exes are from 2018, I did get a replacement car that cheaper and was gonna sell mine. The covid19 crap has put a hold on it. It has low miles and right now I found out I can sell it and just have to put out $1700, so I do expect it to go back to its regional number soon. At the original number I would walk away with about 1k plus be able to sell the all the accessories that Ive already taken off.

My exes car on the other hand was 5k in the hole before the virus because she has racked the miles up on it. Now its even more... she said the other day that she wants to take mine and park hers at my house because she cannot stand having the 3 kids next to each other, then sell hers at some point which would require money put out, Alot of money.

I just put new tires on mine plus took stuff off it to sell and she wants them put back on.

I gave a little resistance to the idea and she said she's just gonna take them both and sell them because I have another car already. Not gonna let that happen. I have a few ideas on how to make this work and I have no issue giving her the car but I excepted to come out of it with a little cash in my pocket plus I don't want any of the money being put out for her car coming from my pocket or the tax return that is currently being held in a high interest account.

Certainly has annoyed me with this request, she said besides the kids being annoying during car rides she has there things that are issues in her life right now and she's trying to solve one of them... Sounds to me like someone is having issues with her choice of leaving me and the choices shes made since then, maybe I'm wrong
 

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@iaschneider5

You have an attorney. She has an attorney. NONE of this should be going from her as a demand to you. When she demands stuff like this, just say "My attorney will let you know our position."

You see, at this point you two are DIVORCING. That means what is hers is hers, and what is yours is yours. She can't just demand that you give her squat. In fact, most divorce papers are a Divorce and Summons...The Summons is a form of restraining order that tells the Respondent (the person receiving the divorce papers) that they are prohibited from selling any marital assets. Thus, if either one of you trade assets or sell assets you are dissipating marital assets and violating a court order.

I would STRONGLY recommend just telling her "My attorney will let you (or your attorney) know our position" and everyone just keep what they currently have.

I don't care if she does get mad. I don't care if she makes threats. A judge has said you can't disspate marital assets. If she wants to do ANYTHING to the marital assets, she has to get court permission first, and that means her attorney petitions, a JUDGE reviews (not you), the judge tells your attorney (and hers) the decision, and then YOUR ATTORNEY would instruct you how to proceed.

Seriously, brother, you two are a long way down the divorce road. You have got to begin to detach from her. She is no longer your spouse. Another part of the restraining order of divorce papers is a directive to let the other party live in peace (essentially, end all contact). You can have your attorney make a formal request that she stop speaking, writing, emailing, texting, calling and in all other ways, stop contacting you in any form. Further, if she continues to do so after the attorney notifies her and her attorney, a more forceful Protective Order could be filed!

So please, begin the disentangling. Before you do ANYTHING always run it past your lawyer. SHE is not the boss of this anymore!
 

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So both my car and my exes are from 2018, I did get a replacement car that cheaper and was gonna sell mine. The covid19 crap has put a hold on it. It has low miles and right now I found out I can sell it and just have to put out $1700, so I do expect it to go back to its regional number soon. At the original number I would walk away with about 1k plus be able to sell the all the accessories that Ive already taken off.

My exes car on the other hand was 5k in the hole before the virus because she has racked the miles up on it. Now its even more... she said the other day that she wants to take mine and park hers at my house because she cannot stand having the 3 kids next to each other, then sell hers at some point which would require money put out, Alot of money.

I just put new tires on mine plus took stuff off it to sell and she wants them put back on.

I gave a little resistance to the idea and she said she's just gonna take them both and sell them because I have another car already. Not gonna let that happen. I have a few ideas on how to make this work and I have no issue giving her the car but I excepted to come out of it with a little cash in my pocket plus I don't want any of the money being put out for her car coming from my pocket or the tax return that is currently being held in a high interest account.

Certainly has annoyed me with this request, she said besides the kids being annoying during car rides she has there things that are issues in her life right now and she's trying to solve one of them... Sounds to me like someone is having issues with her choice of leaving me and the choices shes made since then, maybe I'm wrong
Talk to your attorney. Let him/her handle it. While the children need to be safe when they are in her car, they need to be safe in your car too.

She cannot just take both cars, not with out it all being figured into the divorce settlement.
 

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Discussion Starter #269
See when she has a question about the kids she just comes out and asks it, Its when she says "I have a question" I know its gonna be interesting. I indulged her but I didn't answer. I will ending an email to my lawyer about it but first I was trying to figure out how I could lt this benefit me. Not necessarily to get anything over on her but just so I don't get screwed in the end.

No contact at all seems easy but when there is 3 kids involved that's easier said then done. I keep anything from me as civil as possible and from her its either civilish or nasty (although she says I'm the nasty one, my therapist disagrees) She also does like to complain about how the kids are misbehaving a lot and dont listen to her which sucks for her I guess. I will note she informed me that my one son refuses to do school work with her and in one case kicked her to which I said thats something we both need to have a talk with him about it.

I do end up getting stuck with most of the school work for example I got them caught up and she said she would try get them to do it when they came back had 18 assignments each to be done and trying to get that many done within a few days is torture but I'm trying to make sure they done get behind.

Anyway I also cannot afford to have my lawyer handle every conversation, I was told by her that everything that get said will come back at whoever said it, So when she refuses to let me take our son to the dr thats something that will bite her in the end.

In terms of her taking my car again it could benefit me in the end and her complaint really isn't about the kids not being safe its the the boys fight when sitting 3 across and ends up making my daughter scream at them and also that she doesn't have enough room for other stuff in the trunk.

While I understand whats she's saying and im sure she's not wrong about them fighting and it being annoying but she made this choice and knew what she drove, we bought it for her to get to work safely and have enough room to be able to have the kids in the car if needed. My car was the one meant for more room and I have since gotten a new car to replace it and I can only fit the kids 3 across.

My plan was to sell mine once I had the other one ready but the virus it and slowed everything down, my lawyer didn't seem to have an issue with me selling it when I told her I had too.

Just in case anyone cares to look it up I have a 8 passenger 2018 Honda pilot and I replaced it with a 5 passenger 2004 Toyota 4runner and my "wife" drives a Hyundai Tuscon which is also 5 passenger. For the exception of the trunk on the Toyota being a bit bigger it and the Tucson fit the same amount of people with about the same amount of room for everyone. Dont see me complaining!

I think she just wants to take my pilot on my insurance and park her car here so she can say I'm responsible for it since that car requires more money put out to get rid of it.
 

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Don't let her pull ANY crap with her car or yours. SHE is not your problem anymore. If she doesn't LIKE that they fight because they are in a 5 -seater -- TOO BAD.
YOU will have to deal with it in the 4runner, NO? SO she can deal with it in her car.

At this point, I wouldn't give her ANYTHING unless it is mandated by the divorce. Being a "nice" guy here isn't going to benefit you at all...
 

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See when she has a question about the kids she just comes out and asks it, Its when she says "I have a question" I know its gonna be interesting. I indulged her but I didn't answer. I will ending an email to my lawyer about it but first I was trying to figure out how I could lt this benefit me. Not necessarily to get anything over on her but just so I don't get screwed in the end.

No contact at all seems easy but when there is 3 kids involved that's easier said then done. I keep anything from me as civil as possible and from her its either civilish or nasty (although she says I'm the nasty one, my therapist disagrees) She also does like to complain about how the kids are misbehaving a lot and dont listen to her which sucks for her I guess. I will note she informed me that my one son refuses to do school work with her and in one case kicked her to which I said thats something we both need to have a talk with him about it.

I do end up getting stuck with most of the school work for example I got them caught up and she said she would try get them to do it when they came back had 18 assignments each to be done and trying to get that many done within a few days is torture but I'm trying to make sure they done get behind.

Anyway I also cannot afford to have my lawyer handle every conversation, I was told by her that everything that get said will come back at whoever said it, So when she refuses to let me take our son to the dr thats something that will bite her in the end.

In terms of her taking my car again it could benefit me in the end and her complaint really isn't about the kids not being safe its the the boys fight when sitting 3 across and ends up making my daughter scream at them and also that she doesn't have enough room for other stuff in the trunk.

While I understand whats she's saying and im sure she's not wrong about them fighting and it being annoying but she made this choice and knew what she drove, we bought it for her to get to work safely and have enough room to be able to have the kids in the car if needed. My car was the one meant for more room and I have since gotten a new car to replace it and I can only fit the kids 3 across.

My plan was to sell mine once I had the other one ready but the virus it and slowed everything down, my lawyer didn't seem to have an issue with me selling it when I told her I had too.

Just in case anyone cares to look it up I have a 8 passenger 2018 Honda pilot and I replaced it with a 5 passenger 2004 Toyota 4runner and my "wife" drives a Hyundai Tuscon which is also 5 passenger. For the exception of the trunk on the Toyota being a bit bigger it and the Tucson fit the same amount of people with about the same amount of room for everyone. Dont see me complaining!

I think she just wants to take my pilot on my insurance and park her car here so she can say I'm responsible for it since that car requires more money put out to get rid of it.
If she wants the Pilot, Quote her full NADA retail book, payable COD.
Otherwise, Hell No!
 

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Discussion Starter #272
Don't let her pull ANY crap with her car or yours. SHE is not your problem anymore. If she doesn't LIKE that they fight because they are in a 5 -seater -- TOO BAD.
YOU will have to deal with it in the 4runner, NO? SO she can deal with it in her car.

At this point, I wouldn't give her ANYTHING unless it is mandated by the divorce. Being a "nice" guy here isn't going to benefit you at all...
Oh I'm being nice but only to a point. Im nice in text maybe a little sarcastic but I leave the nasty **** to her, she is still being herself asking for things without asking for example when she would want something she would just say she needs it like a drink or something knowing I would go get it for her, I would playfully call her out on it she would smile i would smile and it was all in cute fun. Now its just annoying and I say that to her aswell.

Example the other day she asked me if she should just take her car somewhere to get her oil changed... I sent a rolling eyes emoji said ill let her know. let her stew for a day and then said I would do it. Why you might ask? Because when I buy oil for my cars I stock up when mobil one has a sale plus the parts stores so I get oil and filter for half price. I have bunch for her car and mine and I'm charging her full price. I'll make $17 on the deal which isn't much but its better then nothing and the slight satisfaction that im getting money from her. Only take less then 30 minutes of my life.
she thinks she's just getting me to help when really im just making some cash for something that I already have. When I run out of oil I will stop.

I can tell she's is struggling right now, I think the reality of living on her own and the choices she has made since then are becoming an issue. Like the very expensive apartment which takes more then half her monthly income.


If she wants the Pilot, Quote her full NADA retail book, payable COD.
Otherwise, Hell No!
I thought about that!
Right now one of my ideas was she takes it but refinances her car and I have no responsibility for it and are sure the only owed does not come out of the tax return. She can do a voluntary repo and take the hit. Both cars are in both are names and same with the loans. In terms of getting any money for it either gets worked in the negotiation for the tax money or I just cut my losses on it. It would be better then having to put any money out myself since I don't have nay at the moment.
 

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Discussion Starter #273
Interesting thing happened the other day I guess ill mention. I have been usually cold and quiet when she's around to the point she's notices cause she's gives me attitudes about it.

Anyway the other day I was in a good mood and I had asked her to bring some shorts for our oldest since she has them all and all I have is old smaller pairs since he's growing like a weed. She nicely told me before that I can buy my own... she did end up bringing me 2 pairs that I promised to return to her tomorrow. In that 30 sec exchange I ended up making her smile/laugh by what I said. Wasn't intentional and I could see she was trying to hold it back but couldn't. I dont think anything of it just first time I've seen her smile around me since she's left so was taken back for a min when it happened.
 
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